Springsummer Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Got matched with this guy. he put out a quote in his profile saying few people living and most just existing. I am a kind of person who often wondering the meaning of life, so it really got interested. so I msged him saying some sport make me really alive. he says that's adrenaline rush, and he feels living anytime and anywhere, it's a state of the mind and living in present. I was really at awe and didn't know what to day. so a week later, I replied saying it's such a ultimate philosophical and spiritual topic and knowing and doing are two different things, and I can't stop being bother by people and things. and I asked him what's his definition of living and said either he has achieved sainthood or has a smooth life. A few days later, he unmatched me. it's just so bad as I really like philosophical and smart people. so, my question is: It's my fault(really bad at communication)? or this person is just unforgiving and judgmental? Jesus...dating is like looking for a job. so much things need to work on and pay attention. Life is not easy to me. See, he is making me regret what I said already. so I can't really live in the present. and I am bothered by his action... So I do have a reason to say what I said after all...either he is a saint or life is too smooth for him.
Beendaredonedat Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 You don't even know this guy who seems rather fake in his esoteric BS. Don't sweat the small stuff... and the short interaction you had with him is defo "the small stuff." Online dating is superficial so take the attitude that nothing matters unless you actually meet, things work out in real life and you form a REAL relationship from that meet. All the rest is just fluff. 2
smackie9 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 You are making this too complicated for yourself....it's obvious he matched with someone else....the moral of the story is, not everyone is going to be attracted to you or be interested in you...that is just the way life is. 2
Author Springsummer Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 You don't even know this guy who seems rather fake in his esoteric BS. Don't sweat the small stuff... and the short interaction you had with him is defo "the small stuff." Online dating is superficial so take the attitude that nothing matters unless you actually meet, things work out in real life and you form a REAL relationship from that meet. All the rest is just fluff. lol...so you think he is a fake and BS? that makes me feel so much better now. I thought he really has achieved enlightenment or nirvana or something. Thank you for the insights! It seems things generally don't really worked out for me, so when something went wrong, I almost always assume it was my fault.
Author Springsummer Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 You are making this too complicated for yourself....it's obvious he matched with someone else....the moral of the story is, not everyone is going to be attracted to you or be interested in you...that is just the way life is. Guess it's true that if he is really interested he will overlook whatever mistakes I made. but doubt it's because he matched with someone else though, because I had seem him online at least last year. Thank you for reminding me the fact.
smackie9 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 (edited) Guess it's true that if he is really interested he will overlook whatever mistakes I made. but doubt it's because he matched with someone else though, because I had seem him online at least last year. Thank you for reminding me the fact. You are putting too much emphasis on being matched. Remember you are matched up by a computer program, with the use of having simple things in common...the rest is up to nature. You didn't do anything wrong.....it just turns out he wasn't interested, most likely he didn't find you attractive or he's very picky and you didn't tick off all his boxes.....these sites and the majority of people on them are superficial. Human nature...looks come first. I doubt very highly he's looking for a intellectual friend, that's why he wasn't going to waste anymore of anyone's time. Plus you have to take things like this with a grain of salt....it's possible he's just too full of himself and thinks no one can be as philosophical like him. IMO you can do better than him, and you are wasting your time fretting over the rejection. Obviously you have a lot to offer but to the right guy...and he wasn't it. I bet money on it if you were this gorgeous honey and told him you were into puppies and walks on the beach, he would be all over it. Edited July 7, 2019 by smackie9 1
MaleIntuition Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 You shouldn’t be impressed so easily OP; his comment and quote was pretty lame. 3
Shining One Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 As other's have said, don't be so easily impressed by someone you haven't even met yet. On top of that, waiting a week to reply to a message isn't a good strategy. I would take it as a sign of disinterest on her part.
Foxhall Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 It sounds like he did not really fancy a wholly "spiritual and philosophical" conversation when it came to the crunch, He might just have a few code lines that generate interest but no real substance behind it - lol one needs to be a bluffer I said on a different thread! My current dating interest - a Malaysian lady, is bringing me into this more spiritual realm and I do enjoy those type of conversations actually, it is interesting to meet people who think outside of the box so to speak, I am sure you will find guys who will be happy to go there with you, whether you will find them on an online dating site is questionable, these type of guys may be - beekeepers,writers, musicians, perhaps watch out for mindfulness meetups, keep an eye out for clubs of a more cultural nature, might lead you in the right direction. 1
greymatter Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 OP, is English your native language? To answer your question, I would have unmatched you based on your (in)ability to express yourself intelligently, if your OP is representative of the message you sent him. 1
basil67 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 I agree with everyone that he could well have been full of bulldust. However, you did do a couple of things wrong which you could learn from: 1. don't take a week to respond to a text. (Would you be interested in a man who did the same to you?) 2. Avoid telling people your faults. That "you can't stop being bothered by people and things" is going to send most people running for the hills. Especially someone who values a smooth life. Yes, our flaws will all come out eventually, but best not to advertise them.
Author Springsummer Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 OP, is English your native language? To answer your question, I would have unmatched you based on your (in)ability to express yourself intelligently, if your OP is representative of the message you sent him. English is my third language. I only moved to an English country after high-school. If judging the size of one's brain by the language one speaks, civilization and culture learned and experienced, well, I guess, mine is at least twice as big as yours, assuming you have never learned another totally unrelated language. Granted, my op has some grammatical mistakes and require refinement, but I don't think it is to the point of intelligible. That's way too harsh, I think.
Author Springsummer Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 You shouldn’t be impressed so easily OP; his comment and quote was pretty lame. oh, no, at the contrary, I think they are very philosophical and spiritual. I dig those kind of things. but, yes, like other say, he might be just a smartass and bluffer.
Author Springsummer Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 I agree with everyone that he could well have been full of bulldust. However, you did do a couple of things wrong which you could learn from: 1. don't take a week to respond to a text. (Would you be interested in a man who did the same to you?) 2. Avoid telling people your faults. That "you can't stop being bothered by people and things" is going to send most people running for the hills. Especially someone who values a smooth life. Yes, our flaws will all come out eventually, but best not to advertise them. I guess. I avoid when I don't know what to do. and I was just trying to be honest. like, seriously, how many people can really never be bothered by other people? it's a matter of degree. he didn't give me the benefit of a doubt. oh, well, like someone here said, I dodged a bullet. I don't want someone who is too judgmental and critical of me.
chillii Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 (edited) l actually liked your reply , so there, l would've been keen to talk to you more. But as for him , l'd actually think the opposite, there's a lotta guys runnin round thinkin they're a cut above , even see it through forums all the time, but l've noticed right through life those people often turn out at the end of the day fulla more crap than anyone, talkin the talk but couldn't walk the walk if they tried. Not many of them are the real deal. As for his line, well that's a no brainer, that's life for many people, you could even say that's average life, no great powers of observation in that one. Edited July 7, 2019 by chillii 1
basil67 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 I guess. I avoid when I don't know what to do. and I was just trying to be honest. like, seriously, how many people can really never be bothered by other people? it's a matter of degree. he didn't give me the benefit of a doubt. Yes, most of us do get bothered by other people from time to time. But not so often as to mention it in the opening words of getting to know a potential date. Would you also lead with your flaws in a job interview? It's the same thing really.
Author Springsummer Posted July 8, 2019 Author Posted July 8, 2019 (edited) l actually liked your reply , so there, l would've been keen to talk to you more. But as for him , l'd actually think the opposite, there's a lotta guys runnin round thinkin they're a cut above , even see it through forums all the time, but l've noticed right through life those people often turn out at the end of the day fulla more crap than anyone, talkin the talk but couldn't walk the walk if they tried. Not many of them are the real deal. As for his line, well that's a no brainer, that's life for many people, you could even say that's average life, no great powers of observation in that one. Just googled. I am not the only one who question the definition of living. https://www.quora.com/What-did-Oscar-Wilde-mean-when-he-said-To-live-is-the-rarest-thing-in-the-world-Most-people-exist-that-is-all too bad, I actually have a lot of questions about this topic...very interesting to me! what? got unmatched? damn! what the hell. no chance to talk to him about it? the guy just a bluffer. Edited July 8, 2019 by Springsummer
Author Springsummer Posted July 8, 2019 Author Posted July 8, 2019 Yes, most of us do get bothered by other people from time to time. But not so often as to mention it in the opening words of getting to know a potential date. Would you also lead with your flaws in a job interview? It's the same thing really. Didn't know it was a 'job interview'. Just thought I was going into a deep philosophical discussion so need to be honest with how I feel
basil67 Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 It's not a job interview - it's LIKE a job interview. Lead with your positive qualities in both cases. I would also think that a deep philosophical discussion would come AFTER you've had a few more basic 'getting to know you' conversations. And not over text.
chillii Posted July 8, 2019 Posted July 8, 2019 Just googled. I am not the only one who question the definition of living. https://www.quora.com/What-did-Oscar-Wilde-mean-when-he-said-To-live-is-the-rarest-thing-in-the-world-Most-people-exist-that-is-all too bad, I actually have a lot of questions about this topic...very interesting to me! what? got unmatched? damn! what the hell. no chance to talk to him about it? the guy just a bluffer. Yep, full of it as l thought,,, you dodged one
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