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I'm dating a girl who is nearly perfect but...

AceTheBrain22

By AceTheBrain22
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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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He stated on another post that he was balding at 24 years old which is why he started going to the gym and became muscular, fit and ultimately, the perfect man on this planet.

 

Ahh, I missed that. I wonder if his gf urge him to one of those hair regrow things.

SophieG Established Member

SophieG

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My girl is pretty much perfection in every way with the exception of this issue. I just hope this grows on her more and more as time goes.

 

Yeah yeah I got it! She’s nearly perfect but not enough for your taste, so you’re trying to change the one little aspect that isn’t perfection in order for her to be your ideal woman. Classy, really classy bro.

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AceTheBrain22 Member

AceTheBrain22

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Yeah yeah I got it! She’s nearly perfect but not enough for your taste, so you’re trying to change the one little aspect that isn’t perfection in order for her to be your ideal woman. Classy, really classy bro.

 

 

why is it a bad thing that I encourage her to be a better version of herself?

 

 

She saw that picture of herself yesterday - the one I posted - and was sooooooooooooo happy how good she looked. You don't think she will be supremely happy if she looks like a Brazilian fitness model in a year?

Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

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I think you should be with someone who is like you if your differences bothering you so much.

 

Yes, she might get obese, you might get obese, your gym rat future friend might get obese.

 

It's all about choices and sometimes luck, for example, getting involved in an accident or getting sick, or having a major setback in your life along the road might make you obese for lack of walking.

 

But for me, I have been slightly overweight/ slightly fit for the last 20 years of my life, never slim, never fat. So she might maintain that as well. There are many people like me, who never get fat and never get slim. We are always trying lol. We are always in the grey zone! The last thing we need is someone like you who make us feel bad about our small victories and destroy our progress. I am happy I lost 0.3 pounds after walking 20k steps for the last week. Screw my slow metabolism but yeah the last thing I need in my life is a guy like you lol.

 

But that is beside the point, right?

 

 

This perfect girl does not float your boat, please leave her be!

 

She might get slim one day but it should be her choice, not you forcing her to have your babies and then run a mile to please your magesty!

SophieG Established Member

SophieG

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why is it a bad thing that I encourage her to be a better version of herself?

 

 

She saw that picture of herself yesterday - the one I posted - and was sooooooooooooo happy how good she looked. You don't think she will be supremely happy if she looks like a Brazilian fitness model in a year?

 

I have noooo idea how to get the point across! Let’s say, I was tired of being overweight and I asked my boyfriend for help. I mean he’s been training for 12 years and has biceps as big as my head, so he must know what he’s doing.

He wants what’s best for me, so he says yes and we train together. I get results and I’m super happy. A couple of months in, I hit a rough patch, don’t feel like training. He tries to motivate me, but I don’t want to. My boyfriend would tell me that it’s okay, he loves me no matter what and only wants me to be happy. YOU would see it as a problem you need to fix because she is letting herself go and YOU can’t let that happen because YOU don’t want a girlfriend who has a few extra pounds.

 

That is a MASSIVE difference. My boyfriend wouldn’t have an agenda or wouldn’t be trying to fix me. You are towards her. If you can’t see how those 2 endings differ, you have a problem

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Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

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why is it a bad thing that I encourage her to be a better version of herself?

 

 

She saw that picture of herself yesterday - the one I posted - and was sooooooooooooo happy how good she looked. You don't think she will be supremely happy if she looks like a Brazilian fitness model in a year?

 

There is nothing wrong with that, but you are acting like her personal trainer not her bf.

 

I always tell people if your partner is fat or overweight, go with them for walk, run, or the gym; eat together somewhat healthy food, make it a healthy habit instead of degrading them or making them feel bad about themselves and you are doing this, you are doing the correct thing to take her with you to the gym, the problem lies in your inner thoughts.

You are not willing to accept her if she gets fat along the run.

 

and I really think you really don't love her because you are willing to exchange her with a gym rat.

 

So, why bother be in this relationship, her mind has not even fully developed yet, she'll change as the time comes, you better be with someone like you.

Cersei Established Member

Cersei

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To the OP:

If your initial post is indeed real (I have my doubts) then you have nothing to worry about. She will wisen up and see you for the true you. She won't stick around with a man who thinks so highly of himself. Don't worry about her weight because if she is the great woman that you claim she is, she won't stick around long.

 

Also, why would you post her picture? That is just rude and a violation of her privacy.

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AceTheBrain22 Member

AceTheBrain22

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I think you should be with someone who is like you if your differences bothering you so much.

 

Yes, she might get obese, you might get obese, your gym rat future friend might get obese.

 

It's all about choices and sometimes luck, for example, getting involved in an accident or getting sick, or having a major setback in your life along the road might make you obese for lack of walking.

 

But for me, I have been slightly overweight/ slightly fit for the last 20 years of my life, never slim, never fat. So she might maintain that as well. There are many people like me, who never get fat and never get slim. We are always trying lol. We are always in the grey zone! The last thing we need is someone like you who make us feel bad about our small victories and destroy our progress. I am happy I lost 0.3 pounds after walking 20k steps for the last week. Screw my slow metabolism but yeah the last thing I need in my life is a guy like you lol.

 

But that is beside the point, right?

 

 

This perfect girl does not float your boat, please leave her be!

 

She might get slim one day but it should be her choice, not you forcing her to have your babies and then run a mile to please your magesty!

 

 

are you working out bodybuilding style with challenging weights? If not, you're not working out correctly if you want to be in great shape. Cardio is mostly garbage if you want to have a nice body. Having a great body = working out bodybuilding style with heavy weights and eating a decent diet that's high in protein, veggies and important nutrients

 

I'm not saying you can't be in shape with mostly cardio but it's incredibly inefficient and takes much much longer. When you work out bodybuilding style, you gain muscle and lose fat at the same time. It's 100 times more efficient than cardio and it's not nearly as difficult as you guys think it is. Working out 4 times a week with extreme intensity and good quality form (slow and controlled) will get you unbelievable results.

 

oh and I'm not interested in my girl being thin, I have zero interest in that nonsense. I want my girl to look feminine, curvy, thick but still toned

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Also, why would you post her picture? That is just rude and a violation of her privacy.

 

But notice, no pic of himself ;).

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SophieG Established Member

SophieG

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But notice, no pic of himself ;).

 

He doesn’t need our approval, he knows he’s all that!

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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But notice, no pic of himself ;).

 

I noticed that as well. Apparently he’s the one who hates his looks. Talk about projection :laugh:

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You don't understand. She cares sooooooooo much about how she looks (her face is beautiful)

 

 

Why wouldn't she want to put in the same effort to keep her body looking good long term as she does her face?

 

 

It's not like I'm dating an ugly girl who doesn't care about her looks

 

It is what it is. She didn't care about it being to your standard before on her own steam, so she is no doubt put off by this coercion by you now and at some point, probably the point when she's busting her butt to clean and take care of a baby and put a hot meal on the table, she is going to fly at you about it. And yes, having a baby makes a woman thicken and slacken. Women have more fat pockets than me and gain weight easier and lose weight harder.

 

Sounds like she was happy with herself as is. She's going to shut this down at some point. She's not a gym rat and never will be. Before long, the only thing she'll focus on is children.

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AceTheBrain22 Member

AceTheBrain22

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Sounds like she was happy with herself as is. She's going to shut this down at some point. She's not a gym rat and never will be. Before long, the only thing she'll focus on is children.

 

 

you're smoking crack. She hated her body before meeting me and I think she still does

 

 

here's a question for you guys. Let's say she looks fantastic for next 7 years, has kids and gains say 30 LBs- won't she want to get back to her pre kids body ASAP?

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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I still need to read the replies but my quick answer is that: since she is 21, she is likely to change a lot in the next several years. Regarding fitness and healthy eating specifically, it could truthfully go either way, 50/50 chance. She could get more healthy and adopt a similar lifestyle to yours or she could still be reluctant and need quite a lot of motivation. Ultimately it's her choice to make and will be a source of friction if you don't let her make it. Also I suppose she could even be trying to lose baby weight but not be too successful at it.

 

I guess I would say to you, OP, is that you probably both need more time to see if how your "life" aligns. I also think if you are making this one of your main factors with this girl, you'd probably be better off with a woman closer to your own age who lives this healthier lifestyle on her own already & has chosen to commit to it with or without you. If you are placing bets, this type of girl will likely be placing a higher priority on the same things you are than your current girlfriend. Of course, there are still no guarantees once she has had a baby or as life changes but it's more likely that a person already dedicated in this way would continue.

 

I think the reality is your current gf would change both physically AND mentally. Right now she is probably ok with your influence because she might not have had many boyfriends but she will probably grow and change and likely might outgrow allowing you to influence her life choices; in fact, she might even resent it and rebel against it as a signal that she is growing. I think that is a very likely scenario.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Where's your pic, OP?

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AceTheBrain22 Member

AceTheBrain22

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I still need to read the replies but my quick answer is that: since she is 21, she is likely to change a lot in the next several years. Regarding fitness and healthy eating specifically, it could truthfully go either way, 50/50 chance. She could get more healthy and adopt a similar lifestyle to yours or she could still be reluctant and need quite a lot of motivation. Ultimately it's her choice to make and will be a source of friction if you don't let her make it. Also I suppose she could even be trying to lose baby weight but not be too successful at it.

 

I guess I would say to you, OP, is that you probably both need more time to see if how your "life" aligns. I also think if you are making this one of your main factors with this girl, you'd probably be better off with a woman closer to your own age who lives this healthier lifestyle on her own already & has chosen to commit to it with or without you. If you are placing bets, this type of girl will likely be placing a higher priority on the same things you are than your current girlfriend. Of course, there are still no guarantees once she has had a baby or as life changes but it's more likely that a person already dedicated in this way would continue.

 

I think the reality is your current gf would change both physically AND mentally. Right now she is probably ok with your influence because she might not have had many boyfriends but she will probably grow and change and likely might outgrow allowing you to influence her life choices; in fact, she might even resent it and rebel against it as a signal that she is growing. I think that is a very likely scenario.

 

 

good post

 

 

One thing in my favor is that she does care a ton about her looks. I want her to see huge results for about a year or so of working out and for her to have the perfect body she wants. Once she gets there, I think she will be more open to adopting the lifestyle

 

 

just so you guys know, and I'm not bull****ting you, she sent me a picture of a beautiful and very thick fitness model as her goal for her figure before we started working out

SophieG Established Member

SophieG

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just so you guys know, and I'm not bull****ting you, she sent me a picture of a beautiful and very thick fitness model as her goal for her figure before we started working out

 

Again, again, again and again... the problem is not you helping her be in better shape, it’s the fact that you are doing it for your own benefits (so she’ll become your ideal woman) and not for her own. If tomorrow she woke and up said : you know what, I like my body the way it is, YOU wouldn’t be okay with it. That’s the heart of the problem... it is all about you and what YOU want her to be.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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you're smoking crack. She hated her body before meeting me and I think she still does

 

 

here's a question for you guys. Let's say she looks fantastic for next 7 years, has kids and gains say 30 LBs- won't she want to get back to her pre kids body ASAP?

 

Not enough to change it herself, obviously. She hates that YOU hate it.

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AceTheBrain22 Member

AceTheBrain22

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Not enough to change it herself, obviously. She hates that YOU hate it.

 

 

She asked me to train her when we first started dating. I never told her that she looks bad

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