Sam2020 Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 So I went on a date (OLD) last week. Although the guy was fairly good looking, we have nothing in common, I found him boring and he was totally not my type at all. We said goodbye, he kissed me on my cheek. The next morning I sent a follow up thank you as I would normally do with any other person. He messages me back, blah, blah, blah... In the mean time, I check on my meetup groups to see if there's something I'm interested in. I find something and find that the guy is also in that meetup group (he had signed up over a month before) and signed up for the event I'm interested in. I do NOT join the event as I think he could be interested in one of the gals who is already signed up and don't wanna cramp his style so to speak. So I reply to his message that I saw that he had was in the same group and that it's a great group of people. Send message. I began thinking about it (should have done that before sending the message) and realize that it may seem stalker-ish. One of my guy friends laughed and said yeah, it could come off as stalker-ish. Well the guy didn't respond to my last message. But now I'm mad at myself and wonder how I should handle myself when/if we go to the same meetup. I'm kind of embarrassed. Any suggestions, advice?
Foxhall Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 Well your not joining the event but you sent a message saying that they are a great group of people, I would interpret this as "well you are not interested in me but that there may be someone of interest in the group" so I think you have got the right message across.
Beendaredonedat Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 I'm not sure why you think it was stalkerish? It's not like you were looking through the internet with the intent of finding something out about him or to see what he was up to...you are in the same group so it is natural for you to mention such a thing. So just act as if nothing is out of the ordinary and if he should jest by saying "are you stalking me" you simply say, "of course not silly... I saw you when I was checking out what activity I can do next." Said with a grin of course. Anyway, no need, in my opinion to feel anything but indifference to it all.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 I'm not sure why you think it was stalkerish? I totally understand why she's asking this. Let's look at it another way. The man in this situation (her one-time date) sees that she has joined the Meetup he's already a member of. He comes here and posts, "I had a date with a girl last night for the first time.....then she joined the same Meetup as me....does that mean she's interested in me?? Or...a stalker??" lol Without knowing more about the Meetup, your geographical location, and how HE felt about YOU it is really impossible to say how you joining the Meetup might be perceived, OP. But I get why you'd be "worried" about it.
Beendaredonedat Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 I totally understand why she's asking this. Let's look at it another way. The man in this situation (her one-time date) sees that she has joined the Meetup he's already a member of. He comes here and posts, "I had a date with a girl last night for the first time.....then she joined the same Meetup me....does that mean she's interested in me?? Or...a stalker??" lol I see what you're saying but caution the Op not to assume negatively. besides, what does it really matter what he thinks. She doesn't want to see him again so if he thinks weirdly of her, it shouldn't matter. We can't please all of the people all of the time so no positive reason to fret over an assumption he MAY make. Without knowing more about the Meetup, your geographical location, and how HE felt about YOU it is really impossible to say how you joining the Meetup might be perceived, OP. But I get why you'd be "worried" about it.I don't. I can see why she might think he may think she was stalking him however:... its just a waste to dwell on a negative assumption.
BC1980 Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 The way you explain it doesn't make it stalkerish, but I do see how he could take it that way. He doesn't know that you just randomly ran across the information.
preraph Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 If you were already on the meetup group, that information will likely be available for him to see if he's concerned about it. But yes, if you joined because he was on there, that's stalkerish unless he told you about it to begin with.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 I see what you're saying but caution the Op not to assume negatively. besides, what does it really matter what he thinks. She doesn't want to see him again so if he thinks weirdly of her, it shouldn't matter. We can't please all of the people all of the time so no positive reason to fret over an assumption he MAY make. I don't. I can see why she might think he may think she was stalking him however:... its just a waste to dwell on a negative assumption. I agree, but only to an extent. We see posts all the time here from people assuming person A meant X because they did Y. 1
Beendaredonedat Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 Yes we do, but still, there is no need for the op to fret about what I guy she doesn't want to date again, thinks. It's just a waste of good energy. 2
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 Find a different meet up to go to and block delete this guy...there problem solved.
emeraldgreen Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 He's boring and not your type. Screw what he thinks. 1
Flame Aura Posted July 6, 2019 Posted July 6, 2019 No not stalkerish but I really don't understand why you are even contacting him when you have already decided you don't like him.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 No not stalkerish but I really don't understand why you are even contacting him when you have already decided you don't like him. She worded it a little weird, but I thought she meant he messaged her after seeing that she joined the Meetup group.....
Flame Aura Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 She worded it a little weird, but I thought she meant he messaged her after seeing that she joined the Meetup group..... Nope she messaged him after seeing he is in that group already.
Lotsgoingon Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 I don't see anything remotely stalking-like in your message to this guy. It was more like a traffic cop ... directing cars through red flights and around massive holes in the road. I actually think that was brilliant to contact him up front about the meetup group. Most people would simply avoid the group without contacting the other person. I think your method is superior, shows quite a bit of social skill and confidence. Have you no idea why this could be considered stalking. In fact, I think I've had friends warn me ... and maybe even a former love interest warn me ... "hey, I'm going to be at this meeting. Just wanted to let you know." I found that helpful. Anyway, good luck. Like your style.
b1a6 Posted July 7, 2019 Posted July 7, 2019 Lol, I don't think that stalker-ish, I would have done the same thing. It makes it less weird if you happened to show up in person at that group. This reminds me of a funny story. A couple years ago, I was in a meetup group while living abroad and we had a group chat. This was a group of people I had never met in real life before. Some guy, who I have never seen nor spoken to before, said something like "Hey (my name) I found you!" I was like "What do you mean you found me?" He said he had seen me on this penpal site I signed up for ages ago. I found it really creepy and it was awkward as hell because he announced it in the group chat. :confused:
Author Sam2020 Posted July 7, 2019 Author Posted July 7, 2019 No not stalkerish but I really don't understand why you are even contacting him when you have already decided you don't like him. It was simply a gesture to acknowledge my appreciation of him driving to my area. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't see anything remotely stalking-like in your message to this guy. It was more like a traffic cop ... directing cars through red flights and around massive holes in the road. I actually think that was brilliant to contact him up front about the meetup group. Most people would simply avoid the group without contacting the other person. I think your method is superior, shows quite a bit of social skill and confidence. Have you no idea why this could be considered stalking. In fact, I think I've had friends warn me ... and maybe even a former love interest warn me ... "hey, I'm going to be at this meeting. Just wanted to let you know." I found that helpful. Anyway, good luck. Like your style. Thanks, I really appreciate that! 1
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