Am I being too desperate to settle?

[Livingindark]

I lost my husband of 28 years to illness several years ago. I haven't been able to find any peace since then despite a lot of effort on my part. I believe my children are in a better place but still see grief in their lives and it really hurts.

 

I found a man years ago to be part of my life. I know on paper he wasn't the best one for me (not as educated or financially settled) but he makes me feel loved again.

 

One of my adult children simply will not and I repeat not accept him at all. She sees him as an opportunist (I can give him a financially more comfortable life if we live together etc.) and not knowing "his place". I was seeing someone else more compatible (on paper) and she was ok with him but always downplays my relationships - you just need a companion per her.

 

She says she can't believe I even dated the guy who doesn't have much and tries to take advantage. There is a side of him sort of like that but he is really good to me and doesn't demand anything from me in terms of money but he can be pushy to get his way.

 

I know she is trying to protect me and is still dealing with the grief of losing her dad but this makes me lie to her and I can't do it anymore.

 

I know the man I'm still seeing isn't perfect and I can't make her change her mind and believe me I'm always on the edge of breaking it off with him but it needs to be my decision.

 

What do I say to her (she lives far away)? I want to be understanding but need to be firm b/c I don't want her constantly finding fault with any partner of mine and I don't want to alienate her since she is my only daughter and want to be understanding of the circumstances but it's been over 7 years.

[Happy Lemming]

I know on paper he wasn't the best one for me (not as educated or financially settled)...

 

As far as dating, (in my experience) water seeks its own level.

 

You are an adult, you don't need your daughter's approval. Date whoever you like. Live with whoever you like. Do what makes you happy. Your living arrangements will not affect your adult daughter's life... as you pointed out -- she lives far away.

 

As far as finding fault with your boyfriend... tell her if she doesn't have something nice to say, don't say anything. Surely there are other subjects you can discuss with your daughter, not pertaining to this gentleman or your dating life.

[smackie9]

Stop feeding the bears.....