Confuzzled7 Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 (edited) I'll get straight to the point. I met a girl at work, we hit it off quickly in terms of how well we get along as people and colleagues. I asked her out to drink/ice cream, she said yes. I messaged her via facebook because i did not have her number or anything else, so FB was the only option, and she was not at work very often (she works part time). Anyway, she responded with a voice message on FB saying she'd like to have a drink sometimes. Yeah, voice message, I was surprised too. Some days later, I saw her at work again and that day, we both finished work at the same time. We were about to go home and it started raining - she didn't have an umbrella. So I offered to see her to the bus station. She said she'd rather go my way and take another bus that can also take her home. I agreed, and we both went the same way. I naturally held the umbrella over her head, and to my surprise, she grabbed me under the arm. And that's how we walked all the way to the bus station where we parted ways. It was great, pretty romantic. I did not comment anything on her holding me by the hand, I just kind of played it cool and went along with it. I didn't mind in any case Few days later, we had that ice cream finally. We had a good time. When we parted again and she had to go home, she gave me a hug. So we just hugged briefly and she had to run to catch the bus. That day, some hours later, i asked if she wanted to go to a restaurant next time to have a meal. She said yes, but she had exams coming up so we said we'd arrange something when she had time. Since I didn't want to break contact, I sent her a few texts every now and then asking how her exams are going etc, nothing over the top, I just send a text every 3-4 days or so asking how she's doing because I don't wanna bother her when she has other things to focus on. The problem now is that she takes 2-4 days to respond while she typically gets a text from me within several hours after she responds. So basically when I sent her a text asking how studying is working out for her, she replied within 3-4 days. I replied within something like 5-6 hours as I didn't wanna make it look like I'm just waiting for her to text me (and indeed I'm not, as I do work and study a lot at the same time). So yeah, that was like 2 and a half weeks ago, and we have yet to arrange that restaurant thing. Not that I'm complaining because I know she had a few tough exams, and she was probably at home as well (she studies in my city, but goes often home to a smaller city where here parents are). So, I sent her a text telling her to tell me when she's available to celebrate (she passed her exams) and have that meal. She responded 3 days later telling me she passed 1 exam but she isn't feeling bad about it, and said she'll see me at work next week. She didn't say anything about the restaurant thing. I take it we'll discuss it at work. I didn't respond to her last text and I'm thinking I'll probably take a couple of days to respond as I really don't wanna seem the eager one anymore (she texts ever 2-3 days, while i text back withing hours, which again makes me seem more eager, and that's not good). So yeah, at some point I'm thinking she's definitely interested, and sometimes I'm thinking she's not and maybe she's just flirting for fun or something. Or maybe changed her mind. Or just playing hard to get. So, any advice? Is she interested or not? Playing games for fun? Or playing hard to get? or just really busy? Advice from women would be most welcome by the way, as I'm sure women can tell better than guys Of course, that doesn't mean guys can't help out either! Thanks. Edited July 5, 2019 by Confuzzled7
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 If exams are going on now, chill. If she is done with exams, you are not a priority for her, sorry.
Author Confuzzled7 Posted July 5, 2019 Author Posted July 5, 2019 If exams are going on now, chill. If she is done with exams, you are not a priority for her, sorry. Exams finished a couple of days ago, but I believe she's not in town right now. She will probably be in town next week when she's at work. Edit: That was a fast reply xD
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 If she's away, that is your answer. When she gets back, try to schedule a date. If that doesn't work out easily then give up
Author Confuzzled7 Posted July 5, 2019 Author Posted July 5, 2019 If she's away, that is your answer. When she gets back, try to schedule a date. If that doesn't work out easily then give up I was planning on that, yeah. Well I guess I'm just kind of second guessing if she's playing with me or she's serious xD But yeah, i'll know next week I guess.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 She sounds lukewarm. I can appreciate that she was busy studying. I can only speak for myself, but I have never taken days to reply to a guy I really liked, even if I was tied up with something, nor dodged his suggestion we meet for dinner. I would see what the situation is when she's back, but I am not sure I would bank on that dinner happening.
Author Confuzzled7 Posted July 5, 2019 Author Posted July 5, 2019 (edited) She sounds lukewarm. I can appreciate that she was busy studying. I can only speak for myself, but I have never taken days to reply to a guy I really liked, even if I was tied up with something, nor dodged his suggestion we meet for dinner. I would see what the situation is when she's back, but I am not sure I would bank on that dinner happening. That's why I'm here posting. She's out of town right now, so I guess I'll have to see at work. But you see, here's my problem with interpreting this whole thing. Before this girl, I went out with another girl. Asked her out for a drink, she says yes. I arrange a date and she says ok, but then cancels the date the day before, saying something came up and she'll have time next week. So ok, I message her next week on Monday as she said she'd be available then. She doesn't respond for a week. After a week, she texts back and says she's out of town. Quite frankly, I never thought she'd text me. Wee then see each other at work one day (this is also a girl from work), and she asks if I'm up for a drink. Strange but i say ok...anyway we had ice cream...when we went home I saw her to the bus station...she was brushing up against me and giving me signals that I should do something, but I never did anything because I felt like an idiot waiting for that text reply. Anyway, I thought she was rude so nothing happened. I could see she was pretty disappointed that I didn't make a move, but quite frankly I thought she was disrespectful as far as communication goes, so decided to not do anything. I went out with her because I didn't want to seem like a jerk after having asked her out. Perhaps it was the wrong decision, but I didn't want tension at work. The point is, the last girl I dated was 100% interested and still took a week to reply. The current girl takes anywhere from 2-4 days to reply but she actually replies on a regular basis to my texts so yeah... This is what makes it hard to discern for me. Because both girls who are interested and those who are not interested basically play the very same games. A third girl I asked out was not interested but played the same games - not responding for a week literally, or taking several days to reply to a text. Hence why I'm here. Because it's impossible to tell, and quite frankly a direct answer would help me to either pick up the pace if needed, or just move on. Rejection isn't a big deal for me, I just wanna know if I should move on really. Thanks for the replies so far guys and girls. Edited July 5, 2019 by Confuzzled7
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 If I may be honest, I don't see where the previous girl was 100% interested either. You two didn't get far enough for you to really assess that. I realize she finally texted you back a week later and she was into it in the moment, but, you have no way of knowing if she was simply a bit bored or lonely or horny and decided to get in touch. You don't know if you were a back-up option when her first choice wasn't available. As I said before, I can honestly say I have never waited more than a day to reply to a guy I was interested in. I wouldn't have wanted to risk his interest drifting. If someone is waiting a week to get back to you, they're not that into you, dude. It's not impossible to tell when someone is into you. You will know. Thus far, you seem to be misunderstanding the signs that they're not.
Author Confuzzled7 Posted July 5, 2019 Author Posted July 5, 2019 If I may be honest, I don't see where the previous girl was 100% interested either. You two didn't get far enough for you to really assess that. I realize she finally texted you back a week later and she was into it in the moment, but, you have no way of knowing if she was simply a bit bored or lonely or horny and decided to get in touch. You don't know if you were a back-up option when her first choice wasn't available. As I said before, I can honestly say I have never waited more than a day to reply to a guy I was interested in. I wouldn't have wanted to risk his interest drifting. If someone is waiting a week to get back to you, they're not that into you, dude. It's not impossible to tell when someone is into you. You will know. Thus far, you seem to be misunderstanding the signs that they're not. It's not necessary to get too much into this discussion, but the previous girl has been flirting with me openly for almost a year. I was in a relationship during half that time and thus did not make a move. She continued to flirt with me almost every time she saw me at work. She always initiated physical contact, tried to touch me, sat next to me, asked me if I liked her new haircut...come on, these are telltale signs. The current girl and the subject of this post has done the very same, more or less, and has been physically even ore deliberate. Always touching me, holding my arm while we walked to the bus station, initiating conversation with me all the time at work, hugging me as we parted ways...I know for a fact that girls who didn't like me didn't do any of these things. That said...I understand what you are trying to say also, and I agree. However, I can only say that the signals are very mixed, and I'm having trouble discerning what's going on. Of course, I am also aware they may just be playing games. If so, then the first girl has been playing hers for almost a year so...yeah. Kind of weird huh? And of course I know you might be right here, and I'm taking that into account. Thanks for the talk so far, appreciate the help
Flame Aura Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 2/3 or 3/4 days to reply? Yea ok... that's just weird, she's most likely not interested. But off course it's a woman so could be anything! Really your only play here is find out when she is back in your city, and ask her out on a specific day when you know she's around. She's already avoided your half assed 'let me know' comment (don't ever do that again), if she avoids a straight up answer to meeting up and/or doesn't give an alternative day then you know what to do.
Author Confuzzled7 Posted July 6, 2019 Author Posted July 6, 2019 2/3 or 3/4 days to reply? Yea ok... that's just weird, she's most likely not interested. But off course it's a woman so could be anything! Really your only play here is find out when she is back in your city, and ask her out on a specific day when you know she's around. She's already avoided your half assed 'let me know' comment (don't ever do that again), if she avoids a straight up answer to meeting up and/or doesn't give an alternative day then you know what to do. Yeah well, that's true. I'll ask her directly once she's back and that'll be that. She actually does give specific dates on stuff, such as letting me know when she's not in town, or letting me know when she was having her exams, or just letting me know when she's back at work (like in her last text). So if she's interested I guess she's waiting for me to make a move once we see each other at work. Well ok, guess that clears up some things.
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