Boyfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week I’m so upset with myself

[NolanTyle]

.....What was your friendship like with this woman prior to this?

 

She has known my bf longer and she’s pretty cool. We talk a lot she talks to my bf a lot too. We don’t really hang out i only talk to her when I’m with my bf

Edited July 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

I’m scared he’ll tell me to leave ?? Is there something else I could do to show him I’m sorry ? , i don’t think food would make him feel bettter

 

Then get something else, not food, but at this point he is basically gone. Going over there may make it definitive but not talking for a week, you need to consider that he is taking the lame way out & ghosting you so really you have nothing to lose by going over there.

 

She told him what you talked about because she viewed the conversation as you being disloyal to her friend.

[NolanTyle]

Then get something else, not food, but at this point he is basically gone. Going over there may make it definitive but not talking for a week, you need to consider that he is taking the lame way out & ghosting you so really you have nothing to lose by going over there.

 

She told him what you talked about because she viewed the conversation as you being disloyal to her friend.

 

The more i see you guys post the more i feel terrible. I’m so stupid

[kendahke]

 

Is there something else I could do to show him I’m sorry ? , i don’t think food would make him feel bettter

 

No. Only time is going to work right now.

 

Sometimes the damage is so bad that feminine wiles won't work--it just infuriates the wronged party because what it looks like is that you're more concerned about you not losing than you are in the colossal amount of damage your behavior did with regards to them feeling safe with you.

 

There are some things that "I'm sorry" ain't gonna touch. Embarrassing a grown man to his vindictive friend because he's not financially performing up to your expectations classifies as one of those things.

[d0nnivain]

The more i see you guys post the more i feel terrible. I’m so stupid

 

You are not stupid. Your heart was in the right place. You just made a bad choice.

 

If you can get him to listen once he sees how sincerely sorry you are you should be able to get him to understand that you were trying to help.

 

If he's so closed off that he's not willing to listen, you know you are dealing with somebody is both financially & emotionally immature. At that point this changes to you having dodged a bullet.

[NolanTyle]

....There are some things that "I'm sorry" ain't gonna touch. Embarrassing a grown man to his vindictive friend because he's not financially performing up to your expectations classifies as one of those things.

 

Okay one poster was telling me to just try to show him I’m sorry I’m not sure which to do. I don’t want to over step my boundaries

Edited July 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[kendahke]

Go on and try--just be ready to have your backside handed back to you when you do.

[NolanTyle]

Understood....

Edited July 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LoverOfDance]

Lol, this man owes you $350, has asked you to take out a loan for him in the past (almost putting you in debt), doesn't seem to have a lot of trust in you and you are considering going to beg him for forgiveness for trying once again to help him.

 

Op, open your eyes. If everything you've said is true, you need to be running away from this man and this so called close friend of his, smh.

[NolanTyle]

Lol, this man owes you $350, has asked you to take out a loan for him in the past (almost putting you in debt), doesn't seem to have a lot of trust in you and you are considering going to beg him for forgiveness for trying once again to help him.

 

Op, open your eyes. If everything you've said is true, you need to be running away from this man and this so called close friend of his, smh.

 

Right !!! Right!

[Lotsgoingon]

You have nothing to apologize for. You were trying to help him and you've been helping him. Sure, you crossed a line (and that wasn't smart) but in the context of this relationship, you have nothing to apologize for.

 

The person who needs an apology is you. You are really mistreating yourself here. You're going out of your way to help him ... and then he attacks you and trusts his buddy over you? He betrayed you by taking his buddy's words without checking with you first. Can you see that?

 

To back up, it's not your job to help him clean up his finances.

 

You are FANTASIZING, dreaming, doing the kid-like make believe ... in thinking that you can intervene to fix his situation. He has to fix his situation. HE should be asking other people for tips. He should be discussing his situation with people who can give him guidance--but it has to be HIS initiative.

 

You are treating your bf like a little kid. That's what mothers do ... go talk to the teacher without telling the kid, go secretly talk to the kids' friends to ask them to treat the kid better. But mothers (and fathers) are responsible for raising the kid.

 

If he truly believes you said what Sharon claims you said, he should break up with you. So both of you are confused here.

 

Pull back ... Don't dare apologize! He's acting like a lost kid, and you treated him like a lost kid. Quit trying to raise him. He needs to raise himself.

[LoverOfDance]

Lol, ppl on this site give strange advice sometimes.

 

Op, i know you're in love but please keep your eyes open. Don't let this man put you in debt. Honestly, i also think you should move on. Let him figure his life out. Your bf and his friend seem like a lot of drama. Please move on.

[NolanTyle]

You have nothing to apologize for. You were trying to help him and you've been helping him. Sure, you crossed a line (and that wasn't smart) but in the context of this relationship, you have nothing to apologize for.

 

The person who needs an apology is you. You are really mistreating yourself here. You're going out of your way to help him ... and then he attacks you and trusts his buddy over you? He betrayed you by taking his buddy's words without checking with you first. Can you see that?

 

To back up, it's not your job to help him clean up his finances.

 

You are FANTASIZING, dreaming, doing the kid-like make believe ... in thinking that you can intervene to fix his situation. He has to fix his situation. HE should be asking other people for tips. He should be discussing his situation with people who can give him guidance--but it has to be HIS initiative.

 

You are treating your bf like a little kid. That's what mothers do ... go talk to the teacher without telling the kid, go secretly talk to the kids' friends to ask them to treat the kid better. But mothers (and fathers) are responsible for raising the kid.

 

If he truly believes you said what Sharon claims you said, he should break up with you. So both of you are confused here.

 

Pull back ... Don't dare apologize! He's acting like a lost kid, and you treated him like a lost kid. Quit trying to raise him. He needs to raise himself.

 

I know I’ve been helping him but that doesn’t matter apparently. I didn’t mean to air his dirty laundry it was intended for malicious usage

[Curiousroxy86]

Hmmm what would I do if I was in this situation...

 

I personally would cut homegirl out of my life with her lying behind. Dont need friends like that.

 

and after me and boyfriend had that talk where I apologize for even saying anything about his situation to another person and explained what actually happened that I wanted to help then I would give him space. He has to choose for himself whether or not he believe me, forgive, and want to work at this relationship.

 

If he comes back around and we are good then I will stop trying to help with his financial situation unless he ask me to help. Instead I would just be there for him...to a certain extent lol. I would be there as long as he shows that he is trying to proactively change his situation. If he is not being proactive on his own and just mooching and being lazy? no ma’am I would not be/stay with a boyfriend like that. As long as that’s not going on then I would be there.

 

On the other hand if after giving space and it’s been a week or more and he still very distant honestly I would just breakup. What I am not going to do is beat myself up and beg him to want to come back and work on our relationship after I sincerely tried to help his behind. If he truly believe that I said those things after I apologized and explained or if he feels that emasculated to the point that he don’t want to work at the relationship or be around me for for a prolonged period time? Then nah we just need to call it quits.

 

Op I recommend you do the same

[NolanTyle]

Hmmm what would I do if I was in this situation...

 

I personally would cut homegirl out of my life with her lying behind. Dont need friends like that.

 

and after me and boyfriend had that talk where I apologize for even saying anything about his situation to another person and explained what actually happened that I wanted to help then I would give him space. He has to choose for himself whether or not he believe me, forgive, and want to work at this relationship.

 

If he comes back around and we are good then I will stop trying to help with his financial situation unless he ask me to help. Instead I would just be there for him...to a certain extent lol. I would be there as long as he shows that he is trying to proactively change his situation. If he is not being proactive on his own and just mooching and being lazy? no ma’am I would not be/stay with a boyfriend like that. As long as that’s not going on then I would be there.

 

On the other hand if after giving space and it’s been a week or more and he still very distant honestly I would just breakup. What I am not going to do is beat myself up and beg him to want to come back and work on our relationship after I sincerely tried to help his behind. If he truly believe that I said those things after I apologized and explained or if he feels that emasculated to the point that he don’t want to work at the relationship or be around me for for a prolonged period time? Then nah we just need to call it quits.

 

Op I recommend you do the same

 

The crazy thing about the whole situation is he was once enemies with the woman who told him. He didn’t like her because of something and now all of a sudden they are beat friends

[NolanTyle]

I don’t think he’s mad at me per say i think he’s mad at his situation and he’s not doing anything about it so he’s taking it out on me

[basil67]

As an aside from the other advice, do you recognise that neither you or she would ever be capable of motivating him anyway? Motivation needs to come from inside ourselves.

 

I realise the reason you did this was from a caring perspective, but it crossed the line into trying to mother him. A life's lessons is that one actually has very little influence over how someone else lives their life.

[basil67]

Sorry Nolan, I think he truly is mad at you. I know your heart was in the right place, but it was a huge breach of trust.

[NolanTyle]

Sorry Nolan, I think he truly is mad at you. I know your heart was in the right place, but it was a huge breach of trust.

 

I’m not trying to be his mother my boyfriend asks for money he asked me to take a loan out he asked me to take a loan out so he wouldn’t have to sell his game he asks for things and i have an issue with saying no I’ve gotten used to getting him things

[Flame Aura]

I’m not trying to be his mother my boyfriend asks for money he asked me to take a loan out he asked me to take a loan out so he wouldn’t have to sell his game he asks for things and i have an issue with saying no I’ve gotten used to getting him things

You are not trying to be his mother but that's exactly how you are acting, just re read your post...

 

 

Stop giving him everything he asks. He sounds like a complete embarrassment to be honest, asking a girlfriend to take out a loan for him because he didn't want to sell a game? How selfish is that.

 

 

Why are you even still with him. Find a man because he is still a boy.

[basil67]

I’m not trying to be his mother my boyfriend asks for money he asked me to take a loan out he asked me to take a loan out so he wouldn’t have to sell his game he asks for things and i have an issue with saying no I’ve gotten used to getting him things

 

Thing is, this is pretty much how a mother spoils a child. And spending time trying to motivate him also also mothering behaviour.

 

The best way to learn - for either adult or child - is consequences for behaviour. Having to sell a game is exactly the kind of consequence he should receive for being unmotivated. And he should receive zero sympathy for having to do it.

[NolanTyle]

You are not trying to be his mother but that's exactly how you are acting, just re read your post...

 

 

Stop giving him everything he asks. He sounds like a complete embarrassment to be honest, asking a girlfriend to take out a loan for him because he didn't want to sell a game? How selfish is that.

 

 

Why are you even still with him. Find a man because he is still a boy.

 

I know it’s like i love him but at the same time i feel like i need to leave him I’ve helped him so much these last few months and i get ignored

[Curiousroxy86]

The crazy thing about the whole situation is he was once enemies with the woman who told him. He didn’t like her because of something and now all of a sudden they are beat friends

 

Wtf best friends? Naaaaaaah. Get out of there op. You don’t need this at all

[NolanTyle]

Thing is, this is pretty much how a mother spoils a child. And spending time trying to motivate him also also mothering behaviour.

 

The best way to learn - for either adult or child - is consequences for behaviour. Having to sell a game is exactly the kind of consequence he should receive for being unmotivated. And he should receive zero sympathy for having to do it.

 

Instead of trying to prevent hisself from selling his game he asked me for a loan all morning last month. But it didn’t get approved Thank goodness

[preraph]

You're just enabling him to remain a child, just like his mother apparently did. If he's that broke and unemployed, why is he even playing any games? He should be job hunting or going to school or out trying to get odd jobs from neighbors. Oh, he'll be back, don't worry, because he's found his second mom, but it won't be fun and he'll be resentful in general. You need to seize this golden opportunity to make this breakup his idea and just block him and be done with it.