Fensun90 Posted April 22, 2019 Posted April 22, 2019 Hi. Ill make it quick. I matched a girl on tinder last week (I think) and she seems like a real down to earth girl and real cute! She is a few years younger than me. About 26 and Im 28. Anyways. We've been talking on tinder and added her on snapchat. She lives about 2 hours away from me. (I live more closer to the city, she seems to live more out on the country. I was a little sceptical considering its a chore getting there because of driving over mountains, expensive ferrys etc. About a 80km drive. She seemed to think its not too bad. She seems interested but last days gone a little cold. I want to make a first date now and stop anymore chitchat over phone. But I dont know what to propose. I dont mind going down there but I have no idea what places to take her to. There is probably not a single thing to do there :laugh: But I feel the its a lot more pressuring to make her come all the way up here. For me, it dosent really matter. Id be okay going for a hike with her dogs for a first date to get to know her. Any input my friends?
elaine567 Posted April 22, 2019 Posted April 22, 2019 She seems interested but last days gone a little cold. She is losing or has lost interest The logistics do not make sense for you or her in reality. 80km drive over mountains and ferries is no fun, and for what? How could you keep that going long term? She probably realises that.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted April 22, 2019 Posted April 22, 2019 Agree, that's too far for most people to want an actual relationship unless one of you is planning to move. She may be realizing this even if she liked chatting with you. If you still do want to pursue a date, definitely go to her. Don't use "nothing to do" as an excuse. I'm sure there's somewhere to get a bite to eat around her somewhere.
Author Fensun90 Posted April 22, 2019 Author Posted April 22, 2019 True. She may be realizing its a bit far. Maybe I overexagurated about going "cold" She is still reaching out to me, but just not as much. I will try seal a date, and I will go down to her. I aint got nothing to lose anyway. If she is hesitant I will just dont ask anymore. I have no idea if she wants to move. I would maybe guess she would be up to moving.. Most people move away from there. There is really not much going on and only 2000 people living there.. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2019 Posted April 22, 2019 Midway sounds like the best compromise. No I don't think you are obligated to drive 2 hours to her nor is she obligated to come to you. It'd be one thing if she already had plans to be in the city, by you.
Author Fensun90 Posted April 22, 2019 Author Posted April 22, 2019 Midway was not stupid suggestion really! There is a midsize town just in the middle of me and her. I didnt even think about this. 2
Author Fensun90 Posted April 22, 2019 Author Posted April 22, 2019 Hi. I talked to her and she said she'd actually be in the area in about two weeks and we could do something then. I said that sounded great and Id contact her a bit closer the date to set plans. She agreed. Then a few hours later she suddenly texted again that we could do something sooner and asked if I didnt mind coming down to her. So imo shes still interested. I said I dont mind coming down there and I feel I am taking pressure off her since she is in her known enviroment.
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2019 Posted April 22, 2019 Suggest the middle thing & if it goes well you know you will able to see her again when she's in your area. Stop overthinking this & apply some common sense. 1
Author Fensun90 Posted April 22, 2019 Author Posted April 22, 2019 Suggest the middle thing & if it goes well you know you will able to see her again when she's in your area. Stop overthinking this & apply some common sense. Haha! Yeah I know. I am the prince, king and president of overthinking/overanalyzing. I am working on it though. 1
Author Fensun90 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 Hello. I am a real master at screwing things up with girls or a tleast in the past. I now met a girl through tinder. We spoke alot on snapchat. Maybe too much to be honest. But she lives far away. 2 hours drive. But finally we met up on saturday. We agreed that I could come down there. (I dont mind driving) So I met her at her house and she was looking sooo good! I dont consider myself a goodlookin guy, so it was a bit of a surprise. We went for a nice walk in the hills for an hour and she was doing about 80% talking. The convos were effortless. We went back to her place. Sat outside in the sun talking before wen went to the couch. We had a great connection. I think we talked for about 8 hours straight and this for me is not normal since I am a bit shy before I get to know someone. I did **** up a little bit, she came close and snugged up to me and didnt go for the kiss! Yes I know this was stupid After awhile she moved a bit away from me. However towards the end of the night I did go for the kiss. And we made out a little while on the couch. She seems a bit shy even though she is talkative. When I left we kissed some more. She said she wants us to meet up again. I also got a few text from here driving home where she thanked me for coming down there etc. So.. This is 2 days ago. She has been reaching out everyday by snapchat. Sending pictures of herself etc. But a few things.. I feel maybe I was a bit weak not escalating towards sex that day? I dont mind taking it sloe. I feel like rushing sex has destroyed for me in the past.. But dont want to come across as real beta. Also I want to ask her for another date.. Maybe ask her to come up to my town this time? I feel its a bit overeager to go down there once again or what u guys think? I do really like her so far and our chemistry is better than anyone else Ive had first dates with so far.
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 It all sounds fine except for you freaking out & thinking something was bad. Stop that. Carry on with her. It's all good. You can only hurt things if you look for problems where none exist. Set up another date & have fun.
Flame Aura Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 You are worrying over nothing. 2 hours is really not that far away. Set up another date, if she wants to come visit you fine, if not go visit her again.
Foxhall Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 better to be the gentleman, not push for sex too early,(well unless thats all your after) eight hours straight talking on a first date, lol dont think Ive ever managed that or on any date, anyway good stuff, strike when iron is hot follow up with another date in the next few days, no harm check out some event mix it up a bit, all the talking might get boring too.
Author Fensun90 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 Yeah probably me overthinking this like I always do I have a tendency to get to easily attached. I know 8 hours was really long! Time flew. We were both really surprised when we noticed what time it was! I think I will reach out to her tomorrow and ask her to go bowling or something this weekend!
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 In my opinion I think you should ask her out, go see her again, have a great date, be affectionate towards her and see if she return your affections I also think you shouldn’t come onto her sexually until you ask her to be your exclusive girlfriend just in case she is the type to want exclusivity after sex. If you can’t wait use a condom of course but me personally a man who displays patience and not try to have sex quickly makes me want to jump his bones more lol. Of course if she tries to jump your bones have a good time but wrap it up. Also have a conversation about how she feels about the distance. 2 hours away is too far for me. So see if she even accepts it fully. She may be okay with you coming to her everytime. She may not want to drive 2 hours to see you though so find out how she feels about that. If she is okay with the distance then ask her to come your way. If she is not okay with seeing you because you are too far then you have a decision to make. You either accept coming to her everytime or you let her go and find a girl who is willing to come to you sometimes. The big thing op for men is to initiate your interests but only when she shows consistent acceptance and reciprocation of your interests. If she comes off indifferent, annoyed, stuck up, non affectionate then you pull back cold turkey and let her initiate. Never reward a girl with your attention when she acts cold. When she remains interested then continue to pursue. Good luck
lurker74 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Fensun...the key to a relationship early on is to not need or want it too much. That means this stuff about being surprised how good looking she is because you're not or being worried about screwing it up needs to stop. I know that is easier said than done but there are literally MILLIONS of women in the world. At this stage, you need to understand that as much as you want a relationship, any single individual does not have to be that one person. That's not a license to treat her poorly because she's a dime a dozen. She's not. It simply means you need to remain cognizant that if it doesn't work out with her, it will with someone else down the road. Because as soon as you lose that, she'll feel your desperation, which is very uncomfortable for people. It gets easier over time but stop worrying about screwing up. Listen to her, make her laugh, be a gentleman, let her know that you want her (both physically and intellectually), and let the cards fall where they may. 1
Author Fensun90 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 Fensun...the key to a relationship early on is to not need or want it too much. That means this stuff about being surprised how good looking she is because you're not or being worried about screwing it up needs to stop. I know that is easier said than done but there are literally MILLIONS of women in the world. At this stage, you need to understand that as much as you want a relationship, any single individual does not have to be that one person. That's not a license to treat her poorly because she's a dime a dozen. She's not. It simply means you need to remain cognizant that if it doesn't work out with her, it will with someone else down the road. Because as soon as you lose that, she'll feel your desperation, which is very uncomfortable for people. It gets easier over time but stop worrying about screwing up. Listen to her, make her laugh, be a gentleman, let her know that you want her (both physically and intellectually), and let the cards fall where they may. I liked your response. Thank you I know this deep down but when ur in the situation its so hard to keep cool. I dont want to smother anyone. I truly believe in giving people space and let them do what they want. Ive seen so many relationship where people are so dependant of eachother it is sad. I dont have any problem with if she changes her mind and wants out to not contact her anymore because I aint the stalker type. Not saying it dont hurt, because Ive been in those situations so msny times before. I dont want to treat anyone poorly. I just want friends and people I know and like to feel good about themselves. Anywaaaays. She reached out again on text tonight and I used the opportunity to set a new date. She is coming up here this saturday. Yay! 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Yeah probably me overthinking this like I always do I have a tendency to get to easily attached. I know 8 hours was really long! Time flew. We were both really surprised when we noticed what time it was! I think I will reach out to her tomorrow and ask her to go bowling or something this weekend! I'm happy you had a good time. I will caution you as I have also been known to get attached early on. Be VERY careful not to get hurt. Sometimes when things hit off right away, the other person can start backing down. I learned not to get attached anymore and getting rejected didn't hurt as bad. There were guys that I could spend 8 hours w/, but that doesn't really mean anything. These guys ended up ghosting me cause they were stringing me along. Continue going on dates w/other girls and see what happens w/this one.
Author Fensun90 Posted June 18, 2019 Author Posted June 18, 2019 Funny you should say this, dsting multiple dont seem quite right for me, but I actually went on a quick date with a girl today. She went for a 2 hour hike. I was a bit sceptic about this girl because I didnt think we'd hit it off, but convo actually flew great. Lots of laughing towards the end and I got her to do about 80% of the talking. No akward silences and She left for work, but said to ask/text her if Id like to meet her again! Guess thats a good sign. I didnt kissclose, but oh well. Maybe I should try dating multiple girls. This one also really cute and great personality so far!
alphamale Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 Lots of laughing towards the end and I got her to do about 80% of the talking. I've never had a problem getting women to do most of the talking
Inspire Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 It's funny how one person said 2hrs is not far away and in some respects, I would agree, but on the other hand, 2hrs away means everything has to be more planned. Hope she's up for the driving too?
Author Fensun90 Posted June 22, 2019 Author Posted June 22, 2019 Hi. Id like to update a bit.. We made plans to meet up today (saturday) I got a text from her yesterday asking again if she should come visit me. I said ofc yes and she said shes feeling a bit sick but will come if shes not worse. Well she drove up here anyways and I met her up at the mall. Gave her a hug and a kiss and we walked around for a while. We went back to my place cause she wanted to see the house. (she also had to bring her dogs) We sat on the couch talking. She sat up very close to me and we kissed a bit. Later we went for a walk and got back we made out some more, but kept being interupted by her dogs jumping in our face as soon we started fooling around.. At one point I glanced her holding away the dogs while making out It didnt quite escalate further so we didnt have sex or anything. She seems a bit shy.. Its always me initiating kissing and shes not having so much eyecontact while talking..Altough when I am talking she seems very attentive and have good eyecontact. So.. She left for home now cause she said she aint feeling too well.. So today we were only together 4 hours in total.. It is strange because it seems to be going so finr but theres constantly a devil on the right shoulder saying that she will ditch and leave at any minute. Probably my old insecurities. In between meet ups it is always her doing all the textimg/snapping. Mostly by snapchat.. Maybe 4-5 times a day. Last week I was crazy busy and she was snapping/texting me everyday. I dont remember one time starting a convo by text so idunno why I am so worried really
Gretchen12 Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 imo 2 hour drive is not sustainable. You can do it for a few times but you can't do it for a year. And it takes a year before you can decide to move. You can only see each other once a week because you can't do the 4 hour roundtrip on a work night. Once a week is fine in the beginning. But soon you realize you are basically getting to know each other by text. That's when things fall apart. What you have is a LDR. If she loses interest, it could just be because of what I said above about the distance. So don't take it hard as a rejection.
Author Fensun90 Posted June 22, 2019 Author Posted June 22, 2019 imo 2 hour drive is not sustainable. You can do it for a few times but you can't do it for a year. And it takes a year before you can decide to move. You can only see each other once a week because you can't do the 4 hour roundtrip on a work night. Once a week is fine in the beginning. But soon you realize you are basically getting to know each other by text. That's when things fall apart. What you have is a LDR. If she loses interest, it could just be because of what I said above about the distance. So don't take it hard as a rejection. Yeah.. Only positives is that she works at a school so she has lots of vacations here and there. Like now she has 2 months off, so she mentioned she could come up here in weekdays when I am working.. Idunno. I try take it day by day. I am a bit worried about the sustainabilty you talk about though..
Author Fensun90 Posted July 4, 2019 Author Posted July 4, 2019 Hi. Ive written about this girl I am dating before. We have been on 2 dates. I sm just a bit unsure about whats going on now with her. We have been talking over snap/chats very often before. Usually she was the one initiating convos at least a few times a day. Last date was saturday 1 1/2 week ago. I felt the date was going ok. We have not had sex yet, but a lot of fooling around and when she I got a text thanking me for the date and asked if I wanted to go overnight camping with her when I have vacation End of last week we couldnt do anything because we were both out of town. She was reaching out a lot on the end of the week but less on saturday, BUT on sunday evening I texted her and chit chatting a bit(she seemed annoyed and slow to respond) then asking if she got home safe and if she was avaiable to do something this week. She said she is going away again sometime this week and she will let me know if she can do something this week. It is now thursday night and it has been complete silence from her. Nothing. Not a snapchat or a text. Ive just been doing my own thing. Working overtime, training in the gym etc and not reached out to her. I dont want to come off as needy etc esp when it seems she is pulling away a bit.. I am a bit unsure whats going on.. Should I just wait? I feel the ball is in her court.. Its just strange that shes not even sending generic snaps as before.. Or should I reach out? Dating is confusing
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