jb0023 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) Okay so I'll try and keep this as short as I can, but recently met this amazing girl through a dating app, and we hit it off almost instantly, and we both admitted that we felt there was a strong chemistry there. She even invited me to her church, began talking about me to her friends and family, and even said she really enjoyed being around me. All this took place in the span of about 2 months and I'm really thinking this could be something special in the works. I even get introduced to a lot her friends, and she even invited me to go travel outside of the country with her. (I never initiated any of this, it was all her.) So I began talking about my family and she says she wants to meet everyone. She's 27 like me and after learning a bit of her background, that she's never had a serious boyfriend and that she goes on about 2 dates a year was kind of a red flag for me based on her actions. I never pushed moving too fast and even told her I was totally cool with waiting on her and moving at her pace. (I told her once I wanted to kiss her, but nothing past that and was super respectful.) What confused me the most is that I told her I liked her multiple times in person and she responded with "I like you too." And she also said I was cute multiple times. So I'm thinking everything is going great and she likes to take things slow, which is fine! Then we're about to go on a hike/date one morning and the morning of, she randomly texts me out of the blue and says she doesn't want to date anymore because she doesn't like me like that. She even admits to leading me on, and says she stills wants us to be good friends and she really enjoys being around me. So I give it a couple days to think on it, and my feelings are just too strong for her so I ended up cutting ties, and we haven't talked since. The whole thing honestly left me hurt and confused because she was legitimately wife material. I've come to the conclusion I think with her inexperience of dating, and with the way she was she is just super self-critical/cautious of new relationships and runs at the first sign of danger. I think she is deep down afraid of commitment and doesn't know what it's like to be in bf/gf relationship. I'm not mad or anything, just still a little hurt by the whole thing and I just didn't know if there was any other opinions/advice on this matter. Im not even mad that it ended, I'm just upset that I was led on and lied to and she pushes me to the side like nothing. Sorry for the long post but any thoughts on this would help me process this! Thanks guys! Edited July 4, 2019 by jb0023
schlumpy Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Sorry for the long post but any thoughts on this would help me process this! Thanks guys! I only have couple of thoughts based on what you posted. The first one is that she was waiting for you take the lead. You didn't and so she lost interest and put you in the friend zone. My second thought is that based her history that you detailed, she is gay. She may have been using you for cover (parents don't know) or perhaps she was testing her feelings to see if they have changed. Best Wishes 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 I don't think she lied to you. She just decided she didn't like you "that way" after all. Sounds like she wanted to like you in that way, but ultimately it was not there for her. 4
preraph Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 It happens all the time. Her physical attraction wasn't strong enough and it stopped the momentum. Sorry. 2
TheFinalWord Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 (edited) You put her on a pedestal and she won you too easy. Look at your post (BTW it's interesting that every one of these types of posts mentions how amazing the person is, how both felt chemistry, and how they hit it off, followed by the person getting dumped)... You are telling yourself that someone you barely know is amazing and wife material. You've had some conversations and hung out a couple of times. How can you tell she's wife material from that? You also said you liked her too much and she's thinking "man this guy is moving too fast, I don't know what I think yet and he's already won over by me. He doesn't know me enough to think this highly of me, it's obviously just physical attraction." When a girl says taking things slow, she means don't get ahead of her emotions. IT also has to make sense in her mind that you should have emotions for her at certain points. If you have them for her first, she loses attraction because in her mind, you don't know her so how can you feel stronger for her than she does for you. Women consider themselves more emotional than men, so if they aren't feeling it yet and you are, they think you are just into her physically. Let them be the one to bring up emotional stuff first, especially if they have no dating experience of if they just got out of a bad relationship. Be skeptical about women you are dating. Cautiously optimistic. It's okay to be attracted, but it takes women time to develop feelings. If you gush yours on her before she feels anything, it feels rushed to them, no matter what you say about being okay to take things slow. Whatever she is saying about the future, applies in that moment. At that moment, she was imagining a future with you and you were doing things right. Just having fun, being flirty. Then you started exposing your feelings before hers developed and she lost interest. Take what she says about the future with a grain of salt. It applies then, and not a minute after. Women are emotional and that's how they base everything. They don't use logic when it comes to a relationship. She didn't have emotions built for you yet, and you were probably subtly acting like the two of you were in a relationship and it freaked her out. If you were texting a lot, that also makes things worse because texting does nothing to advance emotions. Women use it as a way to talk to you without having to risk their emotions getting involved. But bro, you don't know if she's wife material. She's barely had any boyfriends, so that is going to make you want her more because we guys are possessive and like pure women. She's cute, but she's young. She had a crush. That's it. You let your feelings build way too quick. You have to learn to restrain yourself too because women can feel when you are getting too emotional around them and it turns them off. I do think you should have went for a kiss. If the chemistry was as wild as you say, she would have let you kiss her. Edited July 4, 2019 by TheFinalWord
schlumpy Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Look at your post (BTW it's interesting that every one of these types of posts mentions how amazing the person is, how both felt chemistry, and how they hit it off, followed by the person getting dumped)... I know what you mean. I read about the over-the-top sex, the amazing way they looked into each others eyes, and the electric tingle that caused every muscle in their body to twitch. I thought my date went OK when I could string together a couple of coherent sentences or got to hold her hand. I mean if everything is perfect when you first meet, what the hell is there to look forward to? You've already reached the high point of the relationship and its all down hill from there. Best Wishes
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Most likely she has never had a serious relationship because she pulls this nonsense on lots of men. She pulls them in, then she freaks out because the idea of an actual relationship is more then she can handle. 3
alphamale Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Most likely she has never had a serious relationship because she pulls this nonsense on lots of men. She pulls them in, then she freaks out because the idea of an actual relationship is more then she can handle. so we can deduce that she is immature?
Marc878 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 I see this a lot. She's amazing, it was absolutely wonderful, etc. Obviously your view wasn't hers. A lot of guys in particular project when there isn't anything there. 1
Author jb0023 Posted July 4, 2019 Author Posted July 4, 2019 Hey guys thanks for all the honest feedback. I'm definitely going to take all this as a lesson learned and put this into consideration for my next potential gf. I forgot how tough dating would be again after getting back into it haha. I dated my last gf for almost 4 years so it's been a while for sure. I really appreciate all the replies though! 3
emeraldgreen Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 If she were wife material, she'd already be one. She's into head games, and you took one look at her and were ready to make her the queen of everything. She's not an incredible girl. There's no such thing. There are just good ones and the rest. File her under: the rest.
Ami1uwant Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 Hey guys thanks for all the honest feedback. I'm definitely going to take all this as a lesson learned and put this into consideration for my next potential gf. I forgot how tough dating would be again after getting back into it haha. I dated my last gf for almost 4 years so it's been a while for sure. I really appreciate all the replies though! I am unsure where you are from that could affect my observations... Could she still be in the closet...yes. Given her religion she may be pressure to meet men. The idea of if dhewas marriage material she’d be married now...that is false. Many don’t want yo marry till after 30. Her not dating much...it depends. Where was she . If she was focused on college or grad school or starting her career she could have turn off hit ons and dating asks. Given her religious background..she could be very reserved and socially inexperienced and expects the man to lead. She also may not be in a situation where she easily meets men around her age during normal work. If she isn’t a social butterfly. She could have lied and she really is one who had been in a long relationship and had little dating experience, thry broke up, she found you, then boyfriend came back,
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 Maybe she met someone else and didn't have the stones to be honest about it with you. 1
Maddie82 Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 It sounds like she just runs when things begin to get serious with men. She plays games, tells men what they want to hear, leads them on because she likes that kind of attention. Then she books it when it gets serious.
Maggiemay1 Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 You met her friends and family before even kissing her??! So she introduced you as a friend ? I don’t think she played you but she did things backwards. In future say no to meeting someone’s friends or family until you know what you will be introduced as. Because whatever you are introduced to them as , is what you are to her. Nothing more , nothing less. I don’t know why people are assuming she is gay? I highly doubt that! My interpretation is that she just wasn’t interested. But thought on paper you were good. In person she just didn’t have that spark. 2
Scarlett.O'hara Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 The problem with being an inexperienced 27 year old is that when they finally meet someone, they can easily become infatuated with the idea of the person, rather than the actual person. That lack of experience can delay the inevitable, "This person isn't right for me" because the whole experience is so fresh and exciting. It is easy to confuse those feelings. She probably wanted it to be right, because she could see your long term potential too, but it just wasn't the right match for her. I know it hurts, but you're now one step closer to meeting the right woman. 3
Cersei Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 It seems to me she really liked a lot of what you stand for. You have a lot of the qualities she is looking for but sadly the spark and physical attraction is just not there. Do you know how many guys I have tried to convince myself are perfect for me but I just dont like them that way?! It happens all the time. 1
Inspire Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 It can be so easy to fall into that trap of getting overly excited about someone early on because everything is so new, fresh and exciting (projection). Once time sets in, feelings subside and you begin to see the other person as they are and not who you thought they were. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 If she were wife material, she'd already be one. That's a little harsh. I was in a committed relationship, living with somebody at 27 but we weren't married. Just because somebody isn't married at 27 doesn't mean they aren't spouse material. I didn't get married until I was 41. That doesn't make me defective or a bad wife. Ageism is not the answer. Her behavior toward the OP is some indication about why at 27 she's inexperienced & not in a serious relationship but it does not speak of marriage. 1
smackie9 Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 I get it you want answers. You want to know what you could have done differently or what you did wrong, blah blah blah. You hoped someone here could get her back interested in you no? or stop this from happening again next time? My advice: Just chalk it up to being disappointed that it didn't turn into something and move on. 1
Recommended Posts