goodfella Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Its been 6 weeks of NC for me now but i need to get my guitar back from her which i said she could keep because i was teaching her to learn. I am coping fairly well or at least aswell as can be expected. I still love her i think or at least have very raw feelings still open and i dont want to go back to square one by seeing her and i certainly dont want to have to know about anything about what she is doing with her new bf. But i have to get back what is rightfully mine and find it uncomfortable to know that her new bf might be picking up my axe (guitar) and fooling around and playing it. She is at Uni but i know that she is at her parents house at the moment where i believe my guitar is. I have two choices really: 1. Text or call her saying that i want it back and i will come around and collect it (preferably when she isnt there) or 2. Email her dad and ask him to call me when she isnt there and then go around and sneak it from beneath her. But i dont want to put her dad in an awkward position and then again i dont want her to see that i am such coward as not to be able to talk to her and sort out a mutual exchange. But what i dont want is to jeopardise the progress i have made and have a flood of awful feelings over seeing her again especially as there will be room for me to gain info about her new life which i just dont want to hear, let alone see her with her new bf if i go around to collect it. I could live without the guitar but it just bugs me and is another itch in my mind which is hampering my closure. I suppose what i am asking is it worth the risk? Should i just forget it or can i do this fairly painfully without stiring up emotional turmoil again?
JS17 Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 What worked well for me was just emailing my ex to leave my things in his entranceway. That way I could pick it up when I knew he was working. You can just send her a very short message saying, I will be by to pick my guitar up on this day. Please leave it outside/in entranceway. I don't know anyone who has done the face to face exchange. Either someone had the key to the other's apartment or some arrangement was made so that they could pick their stuff up when the other wasn't around.
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 If you have to make contact call her or email her.. Keep it all business .. All business.. and short to the point.. No side talk You said she could keep it ??? Are you being an indian giver ? or just thinking of things so you can contact her ? Personally I would let it go .. Since you said she could keep it.. maybe in a couple of months you can ask for it back.. 6 weeks and here you are looking for reasons to contact her
Author goodfella Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 Thanks for your input. Yes i did say should could keep it but she and i both knew that i didnt mean forever it was mearly an insignificant thing at the time which could be forgoten amoungst all the more important issues to deal with. I also said at the time of NC that perhaps it would give me an excuse to contact her again and i understand where you are coming from in thinking thats what i want to do. Maybe if i thinkabout it you are right in a way but i am determined not to go back and move on. What is worse.... to get it back hopefully with as little pain as possible or to drag it out let her keep it and for it to always play on my mind? I will just call her and ask for her to leave it out for me i think or even better she can return it to me! thanks again for your insight all
JS17 Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 What is worse.... to get it back hopefully with as little pain as possible or to drag it out let her keep it and for it to always play on my mind? This is why I said to go through the exchange. IMO, the sooner the better. Once it's done it won't sit in the back of your head and it will give you one less reason to think about her. Also, IMO, email, don't call. It's less personal and gives you more of a chance of keeping it all business.
loveisallaround Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 I'd go with the e-mail too. Easier for you.
georgiagirl76 Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 AC is right- make sure you didn't leave the guitar behind at the time of the break in order to allow yourself an in when it got too hard to do NC. I am not saying this is the case but if it is you will do more damage to your healing process by seeing her or even going over to her house. I think if you can live without the guitar possibly wait a little more when you are more stable with your feelings- if you can't then definitely follow the others advice. PS> My ex asked for space 15 days ago but conveniently kept my key and left stuff here. After our breakup talk I told him I was going to take a shower and when I got out he was gone so I never got the chance to ask for the key back. I haven't talked to him since and I don't want to break contact so I have determined that it is better for me to heal and put his stuff in a box (except for the furniture that I can't lol) and not worry about the key right now. So I hope this helps.
pippen_2k Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Yeah dont call her! Its too easy to screw up and bring out the past if you do. Id go with the e mail option.
JS17 Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 PS> My ex asked for space 15 days ago but conveniently kept my key and left stuff here. After our breakup talk I told him I was going to take a shower and when I got out he was gone so I never got the chance to ask for the key back. I haven't talked to him since and I don't want to break contact so I have determined that it is better for me to heal and put his stuff in a box (except for the furniture that I can't lol) and not worry about the key right now. So I hope this helps. Another case. GG is still thinking about it. (sorry girl) If you suck it up early on and exchange things then there is nothing left in the back of your mind. I think it might have been the ONLY thing I did right in my breakup. Email, do it quickly, and don't see her. If she can possibly drop it off at your place when you're not at home that would make it easier for you.
Author goodfella Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Thanks for your advise all. I will email her today and ask her to drop it off at my place when im not there. I can then forget about getting it back and forget her...hopefully. I just hope she doesnt reply back asking if we can meet to do it....if shes does ill just let her keep it and walk.
blackendangel13 Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 I think that emailing is definately the way to go here. Don't see her, it will ruin all your progress. I find that even subconsciously we make up excuses to see the ex. We may have no idea that we are making these excuses because seeing them came so naturally. Another option could be to have a friend get a hold of her and ask for the guitar. Say they want to borrow it or something. Kind of weird if you ask me, but then you avoid the situation all together. Just a thought.
NTB Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 i can't give you any ideas on how to get anything back cause well i never got any of my stuff back......dang x's good luck bro
Author goodfella Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 Got it back today.....didnt go quiet as smooth as i wanted as she dropped it off when 1, i was unfortunatley still in and 2, she pulled up in her new bf's car with him, looking like they where just on their way out for the evening. Great! Quiet amazing somethimes how insensitive ppl can be. Oh well i got it back and that is all that matters, i can now forget and move on! Which i am doing i felt alot different seeing her agian almost a slight indifference which means i am making progress. Got some of her love letters and photos out which i had stored away, just to read one last time. I almost now feel like i have my closuse for myself knowing that she did once truely love me but things change in this world and ppl too. It was nice to read again and felt like i am still worth loving by another when i find them. I have now binned them all and i am excited about moving on and living a fulfilling life once again. Good luck to you all, and thx for your toughts.
JS17 Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Congrats kiddo. The strings are cut and you can move on for sure.
Author goodfella Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 Congrats kiddo. The strings are cut and you can move on for sure. Haha I like that, luckily she didnt cut the strings on my guitar!
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