I don't think I can take this relationship anymore. Should I break up now or later?

[ItsAllConfusing]

We've been together for a year and 2 months. He sees a future with me. If I'm to be honest, I do not see one with him. I cant imagine living with him or having kids with him. I haven't straight out told him this Deep down inside I know that I have to break it off but I've lied to myself saying It'll get better, hoping itll get better. It won't.

 

It won't because I feel he's too critical of everything I do, I feel that he can come off as mean and rude. He's in a different headspace and I feel that because of his age (46) he's trying to settle and build as quickly as possible. He's had many missed opportunities and is now making up for it and feels like I'm the one to do it with. My head is not into settling just yet. There's other reasons too.

 

One thing that really bothers me is that when I kiss him I don't feel anything. I don't know why I don't feel anything. Sex is good but can be a chore. I feel like emotionally he doesn't get me or connect with me.

 

He's been away for two days to pick up his son for summer vacation and it feels good to just relax, no pressure.

 

I think I need to do it, to break it off.

 

Do you think it's a good idea to wait until his son leaves in August to break up or to do it this month? I want his son to have a good vacation.

 

Also I'm worried that I'll never find anyone to be with. I was single 11 years before dating him. What if it takes another 11 years or double that?

 

What if I do find someone else and people in my town think I'm promiscuous because I'm dating someone new?

 

What if I'm too sensitive and this relationship is actually good for me but I just can't see it?

[Reading_Josh]

Everything you've said is only going to lead to one outcome - you can't stay with him. It’s going to have to end. Once one person doesn’t feel a connection anymore and has lost that ‘tingly’ feeling (i.e you don't feel anything when you kiss him), it just won’t work anymore and it needs to end for the sake of both of you.

 

One of the key parts you said is that when he went away you felt relaxed and that you could chill. You need to listen to that, listen to what your body is telling you and do what it is that makes you happy.

 

Whilst I know it's hard to contemplating hurting or upsetting people, in situations like this the longer it goes on the harder and worse it can get - you need to be straight as soon as you can rather than prolonging it, it's not fair for you or anyone else involved as part of the relationship.

 

The worry about finding someone else is something we all feel after a break up and is sometimes one of the worries which stop people from breaking up in the first place, and they just 'settle'. Don't do that. There is someone amazing out there who you will look at and just connect with. It might feel like its miles away right now, but as long as you continue to put yourself out there and be involved with the right people, opportunities will always rise.

 

I wish you all the best and I know it's a difficult situation to be in, but just remember the key is to be true to yourself and listen to what your heart is telling you to do. Never doubt yourself because you know deep down when things aren't right.

[d0nnivain]

Break up now. His son will be a good distraction for him. His life won't be empty.

 

Summer is a great time to be single.

 

People in your town don't give a flying fig who you date, how many people you date or what you do. Unless you have sex in the gazebo in the town square, they don't care. Don't worry that anyone will think you are promiscuous. They won't even notice.

 

Yes, finding a new person to date will take effort but if you genuinely try, by putting yourself out there & engaging in activities designed to enable you to meet new people you will not be alone for another 11 years.

 

Happy hunting.

[preraph]

Since most of the time, the kids would rather have their parents to themselves, his son will probably be just fine with you breaking it off with him now, honestly. Sounds like it's time. Why drag it out. In fact you can tell him you're doing it now because he has his son here for support.

[Arieswoman]

We've been together for a year and 2 months. He sees a future with me. If I'm to be honest, I do not see one with him. I cant imagine living with him or having kids with him. I haven't straight out told him this

 

 

Stop stringing this guy along.

 

 

Tell him now.

 

 

That way he can eventually find someone who does want a future with him.

[Acacia98]

ItsAllConfusing, lemme tell me a bit about my experience with a breakup and bad timing. I hope it helps with your scenario.

 

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me when my close family member was experiencing a terrible health crisis. It was, as you may imagine, one of the worst possible times to experience a breakup. But our relationship had been in not-so-good shape for a long time. It was obvious that something had to give. In all honesty, it was not the timing of the breakup that hurt me. It was the way he broke up with me. He basically ghosted me. So instead of ending things in a way that would make it easier me to accept the end and move on, he did it in this terrible way that left me in limbo for a stretch of time, not knowing what the silence meant. However, I eventually got over it. I moved on.

 

Be kind to your boyfriend. Talk to him about how you're feeling. Break up with him. Don't continue pretending to share his dreams. If he is a relatively emotionally healthy kind of guy, he will eventually get over it. Just do him the kindness of being honest with him about the fact that you have checked out of the relationship and have no desire to return.

Edited July 5, 2019 by Acacia98

[BC1980]

Break up now. There is no good way or good time to break up with someone.