Author Johnson1 Posted July 4, 2019 Author Posted July 4, 2019 Three dates in a month don't get you life privileges. It's not your business who she's friends with, what she posts about, what pages she follows or anything else. You don't own her thoughts or her connections to other people. You've probably spent 6-8 hours of her entire life with her. Come on. You sound like a teenage girl. You have her (well, while you still do) in the real world. Why **** that up by mixing it with the digital world? You have to start opening up at some point. This is how people get played because they turned a blind eye to everything assuming everything is fine on the surface. You never really 'have' someone until they're willing open up their life to you.
basil67 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 There's the typical double standard. Let me tell ya, the last 3 women dated were notorious for 'checking up' No double standards. Those exes were out of line. This isn't about scoping her. It's about staying in some sort of communication so we don't have to talk on the phone. In post #21, you said it was about getting to know her to protect your own heart. This means scoping her. What's wrong with talking on the phone? Most couples are friends on Facebook. You've had three dates - you're not a couple. Let's face it, you can never really get to know who someone is if they hide another whole side of their life that you know nothing about. That's not how you get to know someone. Trust these days is earned, not automatically given. I'm not saying it's necessary that her and I be friends on Facebook. So far I've been perfectly fine without it. The only reason why I'm even considering it it's because there are a couple of minor discrepancies that are concerning and I'd like to understand a little more to put them at rest. Words mean nothing these days. And we're back to scoping her out. This truly isn't about staying in contact, is it. Besides, people who have second lives generally aren't foolish enough to publish them on their FB page. Just what kind of discrepancies are we talking about? 2
basil67 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 You have to start opening up at some point. This is how people get played because they turned a blind eye to everything assuming everything is fine on the surface. You never really 'have' someone until they're willing open up their life to you. Correct. But it's too early to be expecting her to open up her life to you. I worry that you have trust issues which are significant enough that you should stop dating for a bit and deal with them. You are at risk of destroying something which could end up as a great relationship.
Logo Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 I have been in relationships and the social media coupling didn't play into it. I don't get it. Is it a stamp of approval to get friended on Facebook or other social media? A marriage certificate? Seriously, why not enjoy dating and being together in real life instead of worrying about something that exists in the virtual realm? Relationships are between the two individuals in the relationship, not between them and the entire planet or their social circle. It's your thing, between you and her. I see it as being or wanting to be paraded around. To me, it doesn't make sense. Instead, have fun, go on dates, spend quality time together. Who cares about the Internet? Too much drama and wasted energy. It reminds me of some of my friends who worry about getting Likes. I don't care about that stuff. 1
crispytoast Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Just what kind of discrepancies are we talking about? She said she likes rocky road ice cream and SHE HAS A PICTURE EATING BUTTER ALMOND!! The witch is lying to me. 4
basil67 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Perhaps it's time to reset what the question could be. Instead of "Why isn't she my FB friend?" perhaps discuss "new woman I'm dating seems great, but X Y and Z make me concerned" 1
emeraldgreen Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Next thread: We're friends on facebook but she won't put "In a Relationship". 4
Maddie82 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 You seriously need to move away from this. Facebook is not important and you're making way too much of a big deal of it. What's important is what your relationship is now and how you feel about each other. It's going great. Don't rock the boat because of social media (route of all evils in my opinion). Don't go looking for problems where there is none (sounds like your ex's behaviors are rubbing off on you). 1
littleblackheart Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 She's told me that she mentioned me to her kids That would concern me a little, tbf. I can see the intention behind the fb request but it looks like you are both trying to fast track this thing. Pace yourselves a bit, let it build up naturally and listen to your gut - not by trying to trip her up or blowing things out of proportions or monitoring / checking her (that does sound a little paranoid, OP), but by expressing your concerns directly to her and acting on your gut instincts if something doesn't feel right. Enjoy the beach date and maybe take a step back?
Maggiemay1 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 No. Not at all. I'm fairy certain she would. Like I said, I don't want to feel like I'm being overbearing with her. What’s your hurry?? You are being overbearing by even thinking about unimportant stuff. You are not a couple. You have been on 3 dates only. What benefit is it to you to be fb friends?? The purpose of dating is to get to know someone in person to see if a relationship might be on the cards. You don’t know that yet and neither does she. Wait at least another 2 months before considering fb friend requests! 1
Maggiemay1 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 There's the typical double standard. Let me tell ya, the last 3 women dated were notorious for 'checking up' (i.e. 'creeping') on me or their ex's. The last one told me she drove by her boyfriend's house to see if he was home. The one before that told me she scoped her boyfriend's Facebook to find out that he was cheating. The one before that used to drive by my house at 3 a.m. in the morning. Even the one I'm with now checked me out through Google. I'm not about to call her a creeper. I understand any concern she has. This isn't about scoping her. It's about staying in some sort of communication so we don't have to talk on the phone. Most couples are friends on Facebook. Many of the couples that I know are. Let's face it, you can never really get to know who someone is if they hide another whole side of their life that you know nothing about. That's not how you get to know someone. Trust these days is earned, not automatically given. I'm not saying it's necessary that her and I be friends on Facebook. So far I've been perfectly fine without it. The only reason why I'm even considering it it's because there are a couple of minor discrepancies that are concerning and I'd like to understand a little more to put them at rest. Why do you fb friend people you have never met??? That’s odd to begin with. Couples are generally fb friends but as I said you are not a couple , so no comparison there. Why do YOU “need” indirect communication? Not being friends on fb hardly equates to hiding a side of their life??? You said there are a couple of minor discrepancies that are concerning? TALK to her!!! If you actually like this girl as opposed to an ego boost from her , then you would communicate like an adult , not try to become a PI via fb??! If you can’t communicate outside of social media , then do her a favour and let her go.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 OP, if I may - you really need to get a grip on your anxiety and insecurity or it will destroy this before it even gets off the ground. Your last thread was you panicking about why your "girlfriend" (even though she is not your girlfriend yet) asked your friend why he looks familiar. You had all but convinced yourself that she must have dated him before. And now this. You're moaning about trust and infidelity again. You have been out 3 times. That's nothing in the grand scheme of things, which is ironic considering another thread of yours (I'm assuming about this same lady) was about taking things slowly. So. Dude. Calm down. You barely know the woman. She doesn't have to add you on FB if she isn't comfortable yet; just because you add strangers on your social media doesn't mean everyone else does or should do the same. You're very rigid and narrow-minded in your thinking here. If you continue like this, she is eventually going to figure out that you are over-bearing and dreadfully insecure and think you are always right and that your way is the only way. That will send her running. Your call. I would strongly encourage you to deal with past hurts and emotional stuff before you attempt dating someone seriously, personally. It's already tainting this after just 3 dates. 2
JuneL Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Why haven't you friended HER on FB? ^^^ This. Personally I wouldn’t accept a friend request from someone I’m just dating though. 2
clia Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Like I said previously, I have people on my Facebook that I've never even met, so why not someone I've been out with and getting to know? Even if things did end there isn't any reason why we couldn't stay friends on Facebook. I don't. Maybe she doesn't either. I wouldn't want to be friends on Facebook with a guy who I'd known for a month and only been on three dates with. It's too soon. You aren't exclusive, you aren't a couple, and you don't even know where things are going to go with the relationship. I think you should just hold your horses, chill out, and forget about social media until you are either in an exclusive relationship with her or know her better. But if it's that important to you, send her a friend request and see what happens. Personally, it would make me uncomfortable, because then I awkwardly have to tell the guy that it's too soon to be friends with him on Facebook.
nospam99 Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Next thread: We're friends on facebook but she won't put ''In a Relationship''. ROTFLMAO I'm 'old'. But I've also been actively using computer networks for work-related discussions (anybody but me know what mailing lists https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_mailing_list are?) since the mid 80s and on the Internet since the early 90s. I don't get this fascination with FB. It is probably the single most intrusive service on the web and just not necessary. I stopped accepting friend requests at least seven years ago when I was getting them from friends of friends of people who I actually knew and my wall was filling up with their junk postings. 1
preraph Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Maybe she doesn't want her kids seeing you saying sexy things to her on Facebook or wondering who you are and getting in her business. Or maybe she doesn't want her mother getting in her business and wondering who you are. Or maybe she doesn't want you getting in her family's business . I'm not on Facebook, because I can already foresee that I don't want a lot of my people mixing it up. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 It's FB. It's MEANINGLESS as is all social media. If she is dating you in real life stop caring what she is doing in virtual space. In time I'm sure you will end up being social media friends. For now just like you don't want to seem pushy perhaps neither does she. It may also have to do with her kids. While you are friends with people you never met on FB, many people limit their FB friends to people the actually know. She may have concerns about opening up her page because her kids are on it. Just chill. Enjoy dating her & let this nonsense work itself out in time.
Versacehottie Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Maybe you don't want to "be pushy" and intrude because in a way that is your intention. You want to do it to monitor her a bit and stake your claim on her. And announce it to friends and family informally. I know that's not solely your reason but guessing it's a bigger issue in your mind than it need be because of feeling insecurity and unsettled. You could friend her--that's obvious. Personally I think you should leave it alone and wait until you guys are an official couple. I'm also not a big fan of FB or guys that are more into social media than I am so consider that I guess when reading my opinion
greymatter Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 After my last relationship (in which stupid FB caused stupid problems between us, minor stuff but still ridiculous), I have never friended my current partner on FB and we have been together since 3/2018. I think I'll keep it that way. FB is a time waster. You are placing all kinds of value on it that means nothing, and working yourself up over nothing. Given your thinking about this, I doubt that anything good will come of it if you were to friend each other. Let.it.go. 1
alphamale Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 After my last relationship (in which stupid FB caused stupid problems between us, minor stuff but still ridiculous), I have never friended my current partner on FB and we have been together since 3/2018. I think I'll keep it that way. FB is a time waster. You are placing all kinds of value on it that means nothing, and working yourself up over nothing. Given your thinking about this, I doubt that anything good will come of it if you were to friend each other. Let.it.go. agreed 110%
Inspire Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 OP, You said that you had hoped to unmask some discrepancies by friending her? What discrepancies are you referring too?
Logo Posted July 5, 2019 Posted July 5, 2019 I have just remembered an experience I had with OLD and social media and I wanted to come back here and share it because I can also see the OP’s concern. One woman had a wholesome profile. She described herself as affectionate, caring, loves to .. insert overused bs like “travel” “adventure” “wanderlust”. She included her username for one of the social media platforms out there. I went and looked and from the memes she had posted over time, the pictures and the overall vibe, she was far from all those positive descriptions she attributed to herself. It was as though they were two different personalities. It wasn’t very smart to include her username on her profile, but she didn’t seem to see the dissonance between her personality and the way she describes herself.
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