Angelina1433 Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 There's this man that I've been flirting with for some time. He mentioned to me the other day that we should do lunch sometime. I said, "OK" and kept talking...I didn't say - OK, when; or sure, that would be fun, let's go Friday, etc. I just said OK and never mentioned it again. When I see him again, it will be over a week since he mentioned it. Should I bring it up again? The reason I said nothing is because I was so taken aback by the comment. I couldn't figure out if he had just asked me out or not. Now I think that he was testing the waters for my reponse... Has too much time passed?
RecordProducer Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 1. I didn't say - OK, when; or sure, that would be fun, let's go Friday, etc. I just said OK and never mentioned it again. 2. Should I bring it up again? 1. That's how it should be. He should ask you when and where if he is interested. 2. NO!!! Just continue to flirt as before, but don't act as if you can't wait for him to ask you out. Remember all the guys who hit on you without you giving them the green light at all. Some of them are really intrusive. He should be more decisive about going out with you. Don't play his role!
alphamale Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 next thime you talk casually mention a lunch restaurant that is nearby that you want to try out and see what he says....you need to egg him on and make it easy for him to set something up. oh yeah, and wearing a short skirt and showing some cleavage won't hurt, either
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 The responses I've received so far are interesting. I've got one woman telling me not to do anything, and one man telling me to casually bring it up. I've mentioned it to my girlfriends, and they tell me to do what alphamale says - to bring it up casually. I kinda agree, because I think he's waiting for me to take the next step. I really think that the ball is in my court. I'm afraid if I don't do anything, he'll think I'm not interested, as it probably took a lot for him to mention a lunch date in the first place. Anyone else have an opinion? Thanks recordproducer and alphamale!!!!
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Yes, JS17 - the same guy...
fusangite Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 Again, I'm blown away by the sense of orthodoxy around here. As a man, I accept that it is expected of me that I will take the initiative in courtship. But the idea that men are somehow turned off by women shouldering some of the burden there is crazy. Some women are turned off by having to shoulder a portion of the burden of initiating a relationship; but I and none of my male friends have ever been anything other than thrilled by a woman choosing to put herself out there and make a first date happen. So, yes, bring it up. If you are rejected (highly unlikely), you were never going to be asked anyway; so you have nothing to lose and much to gain.
RecordProducer Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 I really think that the ball is in my court. He asked you to have a lunch sometime and you already said ok. You returned the ball. He asked casually, you answered casually. That should have motivated him enough to ask you when and set the date. He might be in love with someone else and just checking if he can have you in case he needs you. There was a woman on LS who asked a guy out and ended up being used as a one night stand. He didn't even talk to her afterwards. So much about gaining a lot and losing nothing. You should be a little hard to get anyway. Especially if he is real-man type of man.
hooghie Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 I agree with recordproducer. He already knows you are willing to have lunch with him. When you see him, go ahead a flirt a little, but don't act desperate.
Outcast Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 It's really a bad idea to go out with people you work with except casually. If it were not a workmate, I'd say sure go for it. You may not have noticed but there have been threads on LS about whether women should take the initiative like that. Quite a few guys think it's hot when a woman shows she's interested rather than being a shy little wimp.
jhurtinct Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 I say go ahead IMO you have nothing to lose and a good lunch to gain, maybe even a good time. If not for anything else if he runs from the subject then let it go. Either way procede with caution, make a new friend 1st.
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 I really tend to agree with fusangite. I'm really sick of playing these childish games. The outright flirting without taking the next step is getting old. I'll casually bring it up - actually, I'll outright bring it up and see what happens. The worst he can say is "no" anyway. If that happens, then I will know that he's not interested. I'll only be embarrassed for a few days, but then I'll get over it. Men get shot down all the time. I just need to suck it up. I have a feeling that I won't be shot down, however. Especially since he brought it up in the first place. Wish me luck
RecordProducer Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 The worst he can say is "no" anyway. If that happens, then I will know that he's not interested. No, that's not the worst thing. The worse thing is that he uses you as a one-night stand and then forgets about you. When you chase after a man it's more likely to happen than when he chases you. He will probably not say "no" to you.
sanne Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 what's the big deal if he says no? if she waits until he brings it up again she may never go out to lunch with this guy. life is about taking chances and making the most of every situation. stop wondering "what if" and "why" and start living your life. if he didn't like you he would never have mentioned going out to lunch, period.
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Recordproducer, I beg to differ. A one night stand won't happen, becasue I would never let it. I make it a practice not to sleep with men until I'm comfortable that it will go further. Going to lunch with someone does not necessarily turn into sex. Again, the worst thing he can say is no. I agree with sanne here - I've got to stop wondering and just do it.
Tankgirl Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Good luck Angelina! Sounds like youve got your plan in place I say GO FOR IT! In my experience guys that drop hints are shy. Theres no way to know except find out. If hes just a gamer then youll know soon enough. Or MAYBE youll find out hes been waiting for you to help him out here a little and push back The whole dating/asking out thing should be fun! Not ulcer inducing Ive dated co workers (very very carefully) without issue. It all depends on the situation and of course office policy etc
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 Thanks, Tankgirl. I need all the support I can get. And you're right, asking out someone should not induce an ulcer I'm an adult, and whatever happens, I can deal with. There are worse things that can happen besides getting turned down for a date. We all need to put things into perspective once in awhile, you know? How did you keep things between the coworkers you dated "secret"? I figure you told no one - but is there any other wisdom you can share? I know that if things don't work out for some reason, I can deal with it fine...
Tankgirl Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 I worked for a real estate company..I was an employee not a realtor. The realtors were considered independant contractors, but I was a receptionist and there for an actuall employee. There was no "formal' policy on dating. But it was frowned on. We just made sure not to do alot of lunch dates from the office where it would be noticible. We didnt discuss it with anyone else at work and we didnt talk at work "other than office talk' The relationship became long term and people eventually found out. But by then we had established our 'professional behavior' and no one cared or worried. The relationship lasted longer than the job. We dated for 4 years. I worked there for two of those years. On the flip side a girlfriend that worked at the same company was NOT discreet about her obsession with one of the guys at work - and she got fired for her behavior. So I guess for me its a matter of KNOWING theres mutual interest and then being sure that discresion is used. Tho currently I work in an office with just myself and one other woman...*sigh* so I dont have to worry about ANY of this Im keepin my fingers crossed for you
fusangite Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Good luck! If you didn't ask him today, ask him tomrrow. No point in procrastinating.
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 You don't know how proud of myself I am I asked him today and he looked very excited (and surprised) and said yes!! I'm so psyched. It took A LOT of guts for me to do it, but I did. I was sick of tiptoeing around the flirting. Hopefully our date will go well this Thursday. Thanks for your support, Tankgirl and fusangite!! I literally squealed when he said yes (after I walked out of his office, of course). I think he saw me sweating when I asked. But I could care less. I feel so empowered
fusangite Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I'm so glad things worked out for you. After the continuation on Saturday of my decade-long losing streak, I find this story especially heartening. It's nice to know that putting oneself out there does pay off from time to time.
JS17 Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 You don't know how proud of myself I am I asked him today and he looked very excited (and surprised) and said yes!! I'm so psyched. It took A LOT of guts for me to do it, but I did. I was sick of tiptoeing around the flirting. Hopefully our date will go well this Thursday. Thanks for your support, Tankgirl and fusangite!! I literally squealed when he said yes (after I walked out of his office, of course). I think he saw me sweating when I asked. But I could care less. I feel so empowered FINALLY!!!! Congratulations, glad things worked out for ya
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 Thanks, JS17 - You've been such a great support system via PM. I couldn't have done it without ya. I hope that it turns out the way that I hope. I just adore him (as you know)...This is just the first step of many, I hope. Seriously, he's the guy that I swoon over, the guy that as a girl I would've written his last name as my own all over my notebook; or even better, his name + mine with a heart around it. Isn't that the stuff that dreams are made of?! I'll fill you in on all the details later.
Tankgirl Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 WHOOOHOOOO! ANGELINA!!! Im so glad you asked him!! CONGRATS!!! And screw it who cares how old you are. Write his name all damn day if you like. Reminds you how great it is to feel like a kid in luv Just dont let anyone see or it might be tough to explain that youre not a stalker (hehe!)
Author Angelina1433 Posted September 29, 2005 Author Posted September 29, 2005 I'm so excited for the "date". My stomach flips just thinking about it. I feel like a total schoolgirl around him. I just hope I don't sweat too much when we go out. Might gross him out. I'll post back the details - maybe via PM...
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