Stopme Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Hi All, I'm 54 and three years in to dating at an older age. I was married for years until about 3 years ago. I think folks think I should be over it and move on but I have two youngish children I share custody of (50/50). I would really like to meet someone and fall in love but I am hesitant, due to the kids but also I don't want to get hurt again either. I've met a man recently, I do feel a bit of a spark but not fireworks. We've seen each other about 5 times and been texting. Part of me really likes him, part of me doesn't want a relationship. Should I just be honest about this or see him a few more times to see where it heads? It's a bit lukewarm at the moment but I wonder if that's just me self-sabotaging .
emeraldgreen Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Self-sabotage would be coming up with reasons why you're not good for him. It sounds like you're just not feeling it. At 50+, you're entitled to cut loose if something isn't floating your boat. Find someone who sets you on fire. It's still possible. Your kids want you to be happy, I'm sure. And if not, find better kids!
Highndry Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 "Fireworks," "sets you on fire" - that's all fantasy. 1
rightondude Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 what are your other options? If there are none, keep at it until the fire starts while trying to find other options. At least you will get some practice. 1
emeraldgreen Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 "Fireworks," "sets you on fire" - that's all fantasy. Nah fam. I'm not talking about The Notebook. You have to wanna see who you're dating, get a little buzz when it's first kicking off. If it's not exciting, why waste time?
chillii Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 l think forums are mostly full of the other half that have never had it bc hell yeah, l'm 50s and went through similar to op , but l can promises you , right place right time, hell yeah , it can happen alright, but l think your very very lucky if it does though. but eh , l also think your very very lucky to even meet anyone that you might be able to happily spend life with too actually, fire or whatever. As for op's sitch , you can't ask total strangers if you, are sabotaging l mean come on, know your self., are you or aren't you. l'd see him a bit longer yet, see how things go, just be 100% honest with yourself and with him. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 You are not ready. There's no harm in that. Your divorce was a huge change & a ego squashing event. You are allowed to take your time getting back out there. End things now because you are too lukewarm. You are essentially stringing this guy along & that's not fair to him. Find other activities to keep you social & engaged with adults but don't date. When you have figured out who you are as a single adult or when you meet the right guy you will know. For now put dating on the back burner & concentrate on yourself.
kendahke Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Hi All, I'm 54 and three years in to dating at an older age. I was married for years until about 3 years ago. I think folks think I should be over it and move on What folks? And why do you think they think this? What is preventing you from doing this? part of me doesn't want a relationship. then why are you forcing yourself into a relationship you don't want? Is that fair to him? Would you want a man who could take you or leave you? I wonder if that's just me self-sabotaging . Why would you do that to yourself? To me, that sounds like you're not over your marriage and instead of being resentful about having to move on with your life on a different trajectory, you need to just take more time to heal and find your own happiness. Right now, it's not with a man with whom you don't have the inclination or emotional space to accommodate. He deserves a woman who is 100% ready and open for what he has to offer. You're not that woman, so let him go to find her.
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 You're not ready to be in a relationship, respect that. I was single for close to 8 years after my divorce, I didn't give a heck to what friends & family thought I should do. I needed this time to work on myself, change my life, find a new challenge, put my kid through college, etc. At 50 I met my current boyfriend, I was fully ready to embark on our adventure together. 2
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