umtro Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I am a 29 year old man, and I've been dating this girl L for about three weeks now who is 27. I met her through a good friend of mine R coincidentally. Both L and R were out for a walk on a trial I was running on, and I stopped to chat with them for a few minutes. I enjoyed talking to them both and continued on with my run, and later that night R texted me to say that L really liked me, that she is looking for a long term relationship as well, and that she thinks L and I would be a really good match. I wasn't actively looking for a relationship at the time but was open to it, so I got L's number from R and we texted and set up a first date. We've had about 5 dates now and I really like her. Good sense of humor, very attractive, same general interests, so on. What throws me off with her is that I only know she is interested in me through her actions, because she seems reserved in talking about her feelings or putting herself out there. She has never kissed me first, held my hand, snuggled up to me on her own, told me how she feels about me, or compliment or flirt with me back. A lot of potential deep conversations she kind of brushes past. With physical affection she follows my lead, if I pull her in she will hug me. If I take her hand she will hold it. If I kiss her she will kiss me back, but if I stop even if she seems to be really enjoying it she won't pull me in to continue. On our fourth date, I was dropping her off at home and she found an excuse to invite me up to her place. She showed me around and eventually sat on her bed in the bedroom. I knew what she was wanting but I sat beside her and chatted for about 5 minutes and she never made the first move. Eventually I did and we made out for awhile. Told her I wasn't ready to have sex but ended up cuddling together chatting and went home. Fifth date we did have sex for the first time. I initiated and followed through, she just complied and followed my lead. It wasn't awkward and we both seemed to enjoy it, but we didn't really talk about it. I tried talking to her about it after but she just started talking about other stuff instead. We spent the rest of the day together doing things. She was happy, laughing. joking with me and having fun. We have already made plans for next weekend, so im assuming things are going well. The dates we go on are very inexpensive or we are just hanging out, so it's not like she's just using me financially. That's my biggest issue anyway. Piecing things together I can deduce she must like me, that she must be interested in me, but it's hard when she never tells me or initiates anything with me to show me that, she more follows my actions. I'm thinking she must be shy, so I have told her that I like spending time with her, that I really like her, that I look forward to seeing her to give her reassurance, but she doesn't tell me that back. I've never dated anyone like this, so does anyone have any advice for me? Thanks.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 It might not be an issue of her being shy. She might just be emotionally and physically guarded/non-expressive. Have you tried to talk to her about deep/personal things (non sexual)? Is she open or evasive?
Ami1uwant Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I got turned off if I had to initiate everything. This includes starting a conversation, intiating physical contact, choosing date activities. I want yo know she wants me not just willing to because there was nothing better to do. 1
Inspire Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Why don't you ask R about her? Maybe she's said something to her, or at the very least she knows her better then you do so she could probably give you some solid advice. There are a lot of women that will not initiate sex, even when they're in a long term committed relationship. There is a good chance she is non-expressive or perhaps she is still very guarded. Give it some time and see what happens. Worst case you could always talk to her about it, but at that point you will have established a level of trust beyond just a few dates. 1
rightondude Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I think she may just want you to keep manning up and take the lead here brother. If she keeps going along with it I think you're cool. Eventually she will be comfortable jumping your bones.
Foxhall Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 It may be a simple as a little glass of wine or vodka or a few! help her to relax a little and she should open up more, perhaps keep the dates pretty regular as you seem to be doing- do not lose momentum now with a two week break or something, the lady is either shy or guarded or may have some previous troubles at a younger age, at any rate remain supportive and should all be fine.
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Everything you wrote is a good positive thing. Stop looking for trouble / problems where none exist. She is simply more reserved then other people you met. In this day & age I know it's odd to find somebody who is not an open book but that is all. You two have not known each other long enough for her to fully trust you with her deepest darkest secrets. Just continue doing what you are doing & slowly she will come around. Stop looking for instant emotional intimacy. It doesn't exist anyway. When you think you have had it in the past, you didn't All you had was people who blabbed everything because they were too immature to keep their own counsel. 2
clia Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I totally agree with donnivan. It's only been five dates and she barely knows you. She may also be shy, or it may take her longer to open up than others you have met, or maybe she's feeling insecure about how you feel about her, etc. Just keep doing what you are doing and see what happens.
Kitty Tantrum Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Uhhh, you say that on your fourth date she did something that was obvious TO YOU as her trying to initiate sex... but this doesn't count as her making the first move? WHAT. 1
kendahke Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 It's been 5 dates. She doesn't even know you. What's the rush?
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 She's the type that is going to take her time to get emotionally involved. She wants you to initiate to prove her value to you. This is how some women operate when looking for a serious relationship....kinda of a long slow s%^& test. Now if the roles were reversed everyone would be saying there's something wrong with the guy, or he's just not that interested am I right? To me if I were in your shoes, I see this as a compatibility issue. I totally get where you are coming from, I like things to move along better than that with equal reciprocation. So it's up to you, now.....
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