gullit Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Hello everyone, Please help me out. I've been on 3 dates with this girl over the last 2 months, she's very busy and the dates have gone well. Kissed briefly on the 3rd date in the car. I've run into some issues then. I texted her to hang out on the 4th date by my place and said she was down as long as she wasn't tired, she works as a nurse at 7 in the morning. She texts me the following morning she's tired and if I want to go to her place instead. I say yes. She then cancels on me 2 hrs later saying she is tired, strange but I try to be understanding. Now things get real interesting. On that weekend I was at a bar and I'm walking to the bathroom at 1:30 am and see her sitting with a guy at a table on the same side of the table. Her face turns red and I talked to her for a minute. I don't text her at all and she texts me on Monday asking how the bar was I went to after. I reply the following day and she doesn't reply. The following day I ask her straight up if she wants to hang out as it appears she is seeing other guys. She says" I'm dating. Yes, I want to see you again. That guy was a friend from high school not that it matters." I do know he is from her high school but I'm not buying he is just a friend but possible. We schedule another date for Tuesday. I text her on Monday to confirm and she says "Yes but I don't know what time I'm getting off so I would have to go out there". I respond if she can come down to Chicago since it will be a nice day and I don't here anything and I had to follow up the following day what is the plan and if she wants me to come out there. She said I'd love to come downtown today but again she doesn't know what time she will be off. 10 min later before I could reply she replies with "Let's plan for another day. That would be best. I'm still in training this week." I reply with ok let me know. My friend does work with her that she did change positions because she was in an argument with her boss. This brings us to today and it's her bday. She doesn't know I know, she briefly mentioned it on our 1st date. I don't know if I should bother wishing it or just play cool because she canceled 2 dates and is "dating". Do you guys recommend I wish her happy bday or just lay low? I am also going out of town for 3 weeks on the 22nd. I don't see the point in texting her happy bday, I don't think it will get me anywhere. I think I need to lay low and have her come to me. Please let me know your opinion and I apologize for the long message. Thank you
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 She's canceled dates with you twice and is changing positions because she got in an argument with her boss. Sounds as if she's not the greatest person. I'd move on given the above.
Foxhall Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 shes not really meeting you half way, I always like to be met half way- not literally, but in terms of showing interest, arranging dates and so on, well clearly "shes just not that into you" yet anyway, she is keeping her options open, I dont see any harm in sending a Happy Birthday, send her a little birthday cake image picture with her name on it, be a bit more creative than a dull "happy birthday" girls always like that type of thing and you never know might spark something with her, hey maybe I should give this guy another date anyway.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Wish her a happy birthday. It's just a kind thing to do & it should put you head & shoulders above the other guys she's dating because you pay attention & are thoughtful. 1
Author gullit Posted July 2, 2019 Author Posted July 2, 2019 Thank you for the replies everyone. I literally cannot make up my mind. Donnivain I agree in the perfect world but what does nice get me? We know nice guys go nowhere and I feel like I have to play the game back unfortunately. She would be shocked I even remembered from the first date. On the other side I debate if playing it cool backfires and this is the only chance to keep it going.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Nice gets you good karma. That said, don't do it because of what it will get you. Do it because it's the right thing to do. Playing it cool is the wrong move. "Playing" at anything while dating will always backfire on you. Be a genuine person. You can never go wrong with kindness. If you offer kindness to someone & get indifference or worse back you know to move along because they are not a good person. Do not chase after her like a puppy begging for scraps. Be confident & decisive in who you are. When you are authentic you will be more attractive. Nice is good. Doormat is bad. 3
emeraldgreen Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Let her orbiters wish her a happy birthday. You've got more interested girls to find.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 We know nice guys go nowhere Oh please. No we don't "know" that. She's not going to think you did anything wrong by NOT wishing her a happy birthday, so if you think you will get strikes against you for being nice, don't do it.
Author gullit Posted July 2, 2019 Author Posted July 2, 2019 Optimistic, I haven't played any games, I've been straight with her. She's cancelled twice and especially the one where she invites me over and then cancels. Who does that?
Flame Aura Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 From what you have posted her interest levels seem low.... So really don't think you have anything to lose by saying happy birthday. That's it though, keep it simple, just a happy birthday enjoy your day. After all the cancellations she has a lot of work to do if she is actually interested.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 gullit Given how many times she has cancelled, this Happy Birthday message is kind of your Hail Mary. If you don't get a positive response from that little kindness delete her contact info & move on. Saying Happy Birthday is not the same as expressing your undying love. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Optimistic, I haven't played any games, I've been straight with her. She's cancelled twice and especially the one where she invites me over and then cancels. Who does that? A tired nurse, I guess. I'm not a nurse and I sit my butt in a chair and I'm on the computer all day for a living, but I can imagine being exhausted at the end of a work day if I was a nurse. (God bless them) Also, I never said you played games....?
Author gullit Posted July 2, 2019 Author Posted July 2, 2019 Alright if I send this and she replies with a thank you do I ask about getting together to celebrate or do I remain cool and let her bring it up?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Alright if I send this and she replies with a thank you do I ask about getting together to celebrate or do I remain cool and let her bring it up? Remain cool.
Rayce Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Wish her happy birthday because it is right thing to do... your not playing games by being honest... by not telling her happy birthday you are playing games. Honestly it doesn't sound like she is into you. Wish her happy birthday and then find someone who is into you. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Alright if I send this and she replies with a thank you do I ask about getting together to celebrate or do I remain cool and let her bring it up? If she says thank you, you can follow up with . . . "I'd like to buy you a birthday drink to celebrate. Would you like to meet me at [place] on [date / day of the week] at [time]?" When you want something in life it's better to ask for it. Hoping she brings it up is unrealistic. Plus she's can't very well ask you to treat her for her birthday. If she declines or flakes, walk away. This then becomes too much effort for too little response. 1
Maddie82 Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Firstly, in her defense, she is a nurse. My aunt is a nurse and I've seen first hand just how tired she gets. Second, it actually sounds like she's not that into you to be honest. She likes you sure, but not enough to be official. Go ahead and wish her happy birthday, there is nothing wrong with that at all and if she responds positively then great, tell her you would like to buy her a birthday drink and see how it goes from there. If she cancels any further dates though then i wouldn't recommend pursuing her any longer. Good luck
ChatroomHero Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I'll generally put in as much an effort to see someone as they put in to see me, after the first date or two. The things is when they cancel dates they initiated because they are tired or whatever, I look at it like there are days I am exhausted, stressed, busy, whatever, but when I make a date I suck it up and follow through. I respect that the other person probably arranged a sitter, or shifted things at work, passed on other plans, spent money on something to wear, skipped lunch because they were going to dinner...whatever. Basically if I like someone enough I don't cancel or change plans last minute for just about anything. If they cancel on me for whatever reason and then I see them at the bar with another guy, I'd more or less check out of the initiating phase. In my experience the women who are too tired or stressed or can't make plans until the last minute because they are so busy, seem to have no issue making and sticking to plans with other friends. I dated one girl that was like that even though I basically knew she had a normal 9-5 job and plenty of free time. Then I would see on FB her talking about a friends night out next Thursday and being able to plan in advance and oddly no baby sitter ever cancelled, work didn't get in the way, she was never tired, etc. Her pictures would be posted at 1am or 2am so somehow she wasn't tired that day. When I would say let's get together next Friday she would indicated she had no plans, or tentatively agree. So I could deduce if her friends asked her, she would easily agree and show up. If I asked her, she would have to move mountains apparently. It all boiled down to interest level. It's ok to date someone that may be low interest, but I never went out of my way once I knew. I stopped making plans and shifting things to see her. I put the ball in her court and moved on. It sounds like you should do the same. The other thing is her "not that it matters" comment about being with the guy. She can date whoever she wants, but saying, "not that it matters" seems a little aggressive. I mean if I was dating a woman and she found me with another woman at a bar, I'd understand how she might feel and be at least tactful about it. I wouldn't say, "I can date whoever...it's really none of your concern...", those kinds of things if I really was into the woman that saw me. I think a lack of tact on her part shows she doesn't value you that much. She's right that she doesn't NEED to explain it, but if she cared much about you she would want to explain it and give you a little comfort instead of 'telling you like it is'. If I were you I'd move on and if she comes to you, go with it if you are comfortable but I definitely wouldn't put any more effort into her. 1
alphamale Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 If she says thank you, you can follow up with . . . "I'd like to buy you a birthday drink to celebrate. Would you like to meet me at [place] on [date / day of the week] at [time]?" her answer to that will be "nowhere" and "never"
olivetree Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I think it'd be a nice gesture to say happy birthday, but I'd let her initiate getting together next.
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