MusicLova Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 I am a 29 year old male. I am trying to figure out whether I should wait until I am exclusive with someone I am going on dates with to have sex or if I should have sex before becoming exclusive. My questions are: 1. Is it more natural to have sex before becoming exclusive or after? 2. Do you think overall that it is better to have sex before or after becoming exclusive and why? All answers and opinions would be very much appreciated
alphamale Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 1. It depends on the couple, each is different 2. It depends on the couple, each is different 4
The Outlaw Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Some people just like to jump in the sack early on to best determine compatibility, but it just depends on the people overall. Some will patiently wait, and some will not.
Lotsgoingon Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 You can go either way ... And of course, you can split the difference and heavily make out before getting exclusive. From the way you pose the question, it sounds like you're looking for a serious relationship? ... I'd say the rule is: don't rush ... don't push ... let it happen. If you guys have chemistry it'll happen ... Some people get sexual just before going exclusive ... Some people feel more comfortable after going exclusive.
Foxhall Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 You are in your prime, you take all the sex you can while you can, enjoy yourself, then when the special girl comes along, you can be happy to commit exclusively to her then, you no longer need multiple action! the vast majority of times Id say no need to be exclusive before sex, from time to time you may encounter a "special connection" and perhaps then no harm to wait a while but this is the exception rather than the rule.
basil67 Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Have you had previous dating experiences? If so, how would they influence you in this decision?
littleblackheart Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Go with the flow depending on the person you're with. It's more natural to have sex when you both feel it and are on the same page. As long as everyone is kept in the loop and there is no confusion or misunderstanding, there is no need to overthink this.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 Either. Some people need to make sure the sex is good before committing. Others need the commitment before hitting the sheets. Which are you & more importantly how does your partner feel about this? At the very least do have some conversations about health & safety before you become intimate. Wear a condom, no matter what she says about her health & BC. Get tested regularly. Have fun but be safe & intelligent in your choices. 1
Flame Aura Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 With all my previous girlfriends it was sex before exclusivity. With my current girlfriend she wanted to wait until we were exclusive.
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 The whole point of exclusivity is to reduce the risks of STIs. If you are jumping into bed before being exclusive and knowing STI status, then you are effectively sleeping with a whole lot of people you do not know... OK some STIs are easily treatable, but some are for life... That test done even recently may be meaningless if she has slept with with someone else or is still sleeping with him. She may be a "good" girl, but he may be sleeping with every loose woman in town... he thus makes her high risk... 2
kendahke Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I am a 29 year old male. I am trying to figure out whether I should wait until I am exclusive with someone I am going on dates with to have sex or if I should have sex before becoming exclusive. My questions are: 1. Is it more natural to have sex before becoming exclusive or after? 2. Do you think overall that it is better to have sex before or after becoming exclusive and why? All answers and opinions would be very much appreciated Do you like her? Do you like being around her? Do you see her being in your life for the foreseeable future? How long have you known her? How did you meet her? Have you had any talk with her about your feelings about her or the relationship? Does she know you like her? Do you know if she likes you? Have you kissed her? Has she kissed you? Who initiated? Percentages of time you and she initiate?
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 You follow their pace when it comes to sex. It is what it is.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I am trying to figure out whether I should wait until I am exclusive with someone I am going on dates with to have sex or if I should have sex before becoming exclusive Whatever the two of you mutually agree on because it's not only you who gets to make this decision. 3
Atwood Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Decide what you want and what your boundaries are. Discuss the boundaries and desires of your potential sexual partner(s). Create a situation you both want or find someone who is compatible with the arrangement you’re after.
Gaeta Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Make sure you are both agreeing if exclusivity is needed or not. Some women don't need exclusivity others do. You decide for yourself how long you're ready to wait for sex and find a woman compatible with your needs/wants. 1
PegNosePete Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Well put it this way... How would you feel if she had sex with someone else the night before, and the night after, having sex with you? If you don't like that thought, don't have sex until exclusive. How do you think she would feel if you had sex with someone else the night before, and the night after, having sex with her? If she would be hurt, don't have sex until after being exclusive. If both of you are OK with the other having sex with others the night before and the night after doing it with each other, then go for it. 2
Blanco Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Before, but I tend to not really sleep around, so most of them end up being exclusive relationships, anyway. I can see the merit of after, but I do think sexual compatibility is important, and if you find out there's an incompatibility after you're already exclusive, that's a problem. 2
kendahke Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Well put it this way... How would you feel if she had sex with someone else the night before, and the night after, having sex with you? If you don't like that thought, don't have sex until exclusive. How do you think she would feel if you had sex with someone else the night before, and the night after, having sex with her? If she would be hurt, don't have sex until after being exclusive. If both of you are OK with the other having sex with others the night before and the night after doing it with each other, then go for it. That is a good rule of thumb.
alphamale Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 if I had a nickel every time a woman said she doesn't fool around on the first date at the beginning of the date but then had 3 or 4 glasses of wine and gave it up at the end of the first date I would have roughly 90 cents 2
healing light Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 After exclusivity here...too much risk with STIs. I don't feel safe emotionally or physically having sex without exclusivity. Many of my female friends have sex in the hope of exclusivity, so if you're sleeping around make sure you're on the same page with what you ultimately want. I only closely know one female friend that has sex for the sake of sex (and she regularly sleeps with 3-4 men at a time and rotates them/changes them out every few months over the years I've known her--literally one will leave her house at 1am after having spent all day with her and another will be over an hour later, etc. so I'm sure they don't even realize it). So if you do have sex without exclusivity, just be prepared that whatever partner you have could be sleeping with multiple other partners even if you guys are building a good connection.
alphamale Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 when you sleep with someone you are also sleeping with all their exes
Kitty Tantrum Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 I've accepted the physical risks of casual sex before - but not the emotional risks in terms of wanting commitment and being rejected. It wasn't hard to justify/rationalize in the context of swinging, but if I didn't already have a man of my own sending me out specifically to do that, I would be looking for one who wants to keep me - so having sex and THEN seeing where it goes would not be a viable option for me. I fall in love too easily to go messing around and playing with fire like that. On the other hand, maybe I lucked out in meeting my fiancé IN that context, because who knows how things would have played out if I'd actually been single and too scared to be intimate with him without making a big to-do of it. And he is quite a catch. But I still don't think I could do it, if I found myself single again before I'm too old to care about being lonely - celibacy would be easier for me, I think, than putting myself out there like that. I know I'd get passed up on principle by a lot of men I might otherwise be pretty compatible with, but it would be a worthwhile trade-off in my book.
Shining One Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 Generally, it's sex before exclusivity for me. However, I'm usually willing to compromise and have both happen at the same time. I have too many bad experiences in which exclusivity before sex really just meant no sex.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Personally, I'm very picky about whom I'll have sex with. I have a very low number of partners compared to most of my single/dating female friends - extremely low compared to some of them! But once I finally find a guy I really like, I get him into bed pretty fast. Why wait?! I feel! My instincts are pretty good. They always stick around and want to get serious. I've learned enough that I can tell if he's gonna be a good lover just by behavior on dates. There are always tells
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