Author frus69 Posted July 3, 2019 Author Posted July 3, 2019 (edited) I don't know if he touched her for the pic, but he didnt "snuggle her up" . And other than the pic, he didnt touch her. and they didnt flirt with each other. Eternal Sunshine has put a lot of words in my mouth.i never said any of that. If you wonder how close they got, it was like this, just picture any two from them lol http://www.comedycentral.co.uk/sites/default/files/styles/image-w-1200-h-600-scale-crop/public/cc_uk/arc/2014/05/27/f8bf5a4f-0745-45e6-b57a-3cc95f1bd3cf.jpg?itok=NkIlGMeb To be honest if it was another guy friend who posed like my bf with her, I wouldn't think he likes her, rather just very good friends.so maybe I was not being rational. If there were other inappropriate behaviors I think I wouldn't be ok. But this one I'm not sure, like I felt weird but not weird enough to conclude anything so I'm asking here. I felt more calm now after most people here saying its not a big deal. I do have positive Male figures in my life. My dad and brother never cheat. it's the same for his family too, he has a very loving, big, family. Also considering other factors, like its him who set up her and her current BF, I want to believe the positivity. Edited July 3, 2019 by frus69
Author frus69 Posted July 3, 2019 Author Posted July 3, 2019 qa1qaa she decided she doesnt want to deal with a guy who has female friends or at the least interact with females in that way. she decided to not talk about how she feels because of how its normally received by guys in her past. but she also decided to not just pretend everything is fine when thats not how she feels and stay and hold her tongue. she instead decides to end the relationship and try to be with guys who dont have these type of friendships. bility Hehe honestly I think it's just easy for her to say things, since she isnt the one who's feeling the relationship. I really doubt she can walk as easy as she says if the guy generally makes her happy like no one else can. Also I feel she is putting a lot of labels on him that arent really fair. Like loose boundaries, flirty, touchy feely,snuggling etc.. i think she is may be projecting and this isnt really my bf. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 3, 2019 Posted July 3, 2019 (edited) To be fair frus your description of the situation was nowhere near like that Friends picture. You literally on some “she looks like the girlfriend” And honestly this thread was very surprising to read coming from you. I have read much worst scenarios from other peoples bfs female friend situation on ls and your comments are normally like “I see nothing wrong” lol. So when you was tripping on this scenario I was like “huh” based on how you react to other people lol. But I sense your young and trying to figure out your own boundaries Any advice you get on ls pay attention to context and do what rings true for you. If it doesn’t ring true don’t worry about it. Good luck Edited July 3, 2019 by Curiousroxy86
Author frus69 Posted July 3, 2019 Author Posted July 3, 2019 (edited) To be fair frus your description of the situation was nowhere near like that Friends picture. You literally on some “she looks like the girlfriend” Yes for me she does look like the GF in the pic. And I think if you look at the "friends" pic and just look at Joey and Monica for example, without thinking about the show and the characters, just imagine a guy and a girl pose like that, wouldnt you think they look as close as a couple too? "Almost face touching", that's exactly how I described. And their friendship is probably like Joey and Monica. Do you watch the show and think" thats a bunch of inappropriate people?" I dont. And If some other girl posted this question, i'd probably easily say "one incident doesnt mean anything.." But when it actually happened to me i started overthinking. but I guess it's like how Crispy pointed out, it's only weird if I make it weird. If I dont fixate on it, it can just look like a friendly pic. I could even join them and pose like Phoebe and it would turn out to be a nice pic. Edited July 3, 2019 by frus69 1
Versacehottie Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 This is why I said that you don't want to "feed" the situation or add fuel to the irrational thoughts. It's in nature to support people who are venting to you...and to often think the negative. Let's be real that often when you "hear" or read other people's thoughts or truth of what a guy/your guy must be doing it is colored by their experiences and belief system about men/relationships/dating etc. A lot of the time, while well-meaning, i.e. to protect you, the advice isn't based in reality or ultimately helpful. If planting the seed that your irrational thoughts have truth to them and must be true, starts a series of events in motion that cause the demise of the relationship, which would have been good because the thoughts were only irrational worries, how is that helpful? You have to learn to rely on your own self and the belief that you will be ok no matter what. It does help to think of any relationship as a fact-finding mission about the other person in it and your compatibility together, i.e. being together is dependent on what the other person shows you and how they fit into your life and not a foregone conclusion. It is not something to "lose". I think you worries and insecurities like a lot of people's are based in the fact that you think you will lose this person and/or have trouble attracting a good person into your life--otherwise you wouldn't be worried or fearful really. If you know you are ok because him being in your life is conditional based on him being good enough for you life then you should be less scared. I know it's harder to do than I say but still. And you should really work on changing your negative belief system about men. It's leading you astray and as Male inituition says it's insulting to the good guys out there. Idk, I think most people can figure out if someone is a good person or not and it's a smaller percentage by far the people that aren't good. What a shame to go through life with a negative belief about such a large group of people, i.e. men??!??! Do you really want to do that to yourself?? 1
Author frus69 Posted July 4, 2019 Author Posted July 4, 2019 You have to learn to rely on your own self and the belief that you will be ok no matter what. yep need to keep telling myself that..its difficult o fight fears and insecurities but I just gotta do it I suppose. I think if roles were changed (ie my bf was in my shoes) he'd probably be ok with it..because he says "my guys can look after you when i cant. i trust my guys and i trust you". i think i can actually learn something from him. 1
Timshel Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 Anyway One day we were having a party and playing drinking games. One of the girls won and one of the guys was taking a photo for her. Then he proceeded to say" the three of you should take a pic together!" The three means me,my bf and her because we were standing right next to her. Now, after the friend suggested it, my bf right away went close to her and posed together with her, but he didnt take me. I immediately felt a bit weird and kinda just stood there. The guy friend then asked me to come closer and join, then my bf came grabbed me but still went back to posing very close to her. They posed very close as in they almost touched face. Although He was holding my hands, I was kind of far away from them. So pic came out looking like they were a couple and I were the "friend". I was really upset by the fact that he "forgot"about me and just went posing with her himself, and also in the photo he didnt move towards me but her. I know I sound childish for saying that but I cant shake off the jealousy feeling I suppose? They didnt do anything else that I find inappropriate, she also has a bf she loves very much and she also told me my bf once told her how much he likes me..so I kept telling myself they are probably just very comfortable so they pose very close together? I'm a jealous person and I normally dont believe guys and girls can be friends. So what do you guys think about this situation? As much as I would like to whittle this post further, it's all so telling. Frus, I agree with ES. My overall opinion is that he is with you because she doesn't want him but does like him in orbit and he is silly/smitten enough to do so. Trust yourself. I hope time proves me wrong. 1
crispytoast Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 As much as I would like to whittle this post further, it's all so telling. Frus, I agree with ES. My overall opinion is that he is with you because she doesn't want him but does like him in orbit and he is silly/smitten enough to do so. Trust yourself. I hope time proves me wrong. You clearly didn't read the thread. Her bf introduced the friend to the friends bf. 1
Timshel Posted July 4, 2019 Posted July 4, 2019 You clearly didn't read the thread. Her bf introduced the friend to the friends bf. .........
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