frus69 Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 My bf has a group of close friends since school, guys and girls. I have met most of them and they are all nice people. They all have partners, but they are also very close together, guys and girls. The girls would hug the guys, pat the guys and just generally touch the guys. Not in a sexual way of course. But I dont have close Male friends and I dont touch guy friends so it's a bit new to me.. Anyway One day we were having a party and playing drinking games. One of the girls won and one of the guys was taking a photo for her. Then he proceeded to say" the three of you should take a pic together!" The three means me,my bf and her because we were standing right next to her. Now, after the friend suggested it, my bf right away went close to her and posed together with her, but he didnt take me. I immediately felt a bit weird and kinda just stood there. The guy friend then asked me to come closer and join, then my bf came grabbed me but still went back to posing very close to her. They posed very close as in they almost touched face. Although He was holding my hands, I was kind of far away from them. So pic came out looking like they were a couple and I were the "friend". I was really upset by the fact that he "forgot"about me and just went posing with her himself, and also in the photo he didnt move towards me but her. I know I sound childish for saying that but I cant shake off the jealousy feeling I suppose? They didnt do anything else that I find inappropriate, she also has a bf she loves very much and she also told me my bf once told her how much he likes me..so I kept telling myself they are probably just very comfortable so they pose very close together? I'm a jealous person and I normally dont believe guys and girls can be friends. So what do you guys think about this situation?
crispytoast Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 In b4 the avalanche of dump his ass posts He has a diverse group of close friends. He has healthy relationships outside of you and that's rewarding and a positive quality. It's only weird if you make it weird. If you keep your heart open you just might find yourself being loved by his group of friends too. Life is rich and full of beauty when you can recognize your insecurities (which you seem to) and let go. 5
Author frus69 Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 Why do you think there will be lot of " dump his ass post"? .. Maybe you are right @ " it's only weird if you make it weird". Because Everytime I look at the photo I feel upset at how they look like the couple in the pic. Should I let go and just force myself not to ever think about the pic?
crispytoast Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Maybe you are right @ " it's only weird if you make it weird". Because Everytime I look at the photo I feel upset at how they look like the couple in the pic. Should I let go and just force myself not to ever think about the pic? You're all drinking and partying! He's happy to see his friends that I'm assuming he sees less often than you. I wouldn't say force yourself to never think about that picture. You experience feelings for reasons and it's healthy to process them and understand why you feel some way or another. If you think about it, you could've gotten in close with them too. It seems like you don't really feel like part of the group yet and that's ok, it takes time. I think none of it is a big deal at all. 2
Author frus69 Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 I dont know how to process this feeling at the moment..I'm just upset to the point I dont feel like talking to my bf.. Maybe it's my insecurity, my jealousy and my imagination running wild. But I cant control this feeling
preraph Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 You're the one who didn't join in the picture. No one excluded you. when he saw you weren't going to come of your own volition he pull you in. look this is an old friendship if anything at all serious was ever going to develop it would have developed long ago between him and her. It is always possible that one of them is interested and the other isn't, but it is just as possible that neither of them is interested because theyve been friends so long. if they wanted to mutually be together they would mutually be together long before this. Just so you know and if you stick around Love shack long enough you'll see that is very difficult and rare for anyone to be able to transition from being just friends to suddenly be attracted to one another. It becomes more familial over time. Delete the photo. If he has done nothing else that makes you think he's trying to get with someone else or doesn't want to stay with you then you are just jeopardizing your relationship by being this insecure and actually letting it affect your relationship because you don't want to talk to him now. you could have put your own self in the photo of mediately and put your arm around his waist but you didn't do it for some reason. he was just following orders from the person who wanted the photo and assumed you would come along since you're used to being by his side. 4
Foxhall Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Yes I also feel this is ok, I like the idea of school/college friends keeping their friendships going and maintaining fun meet ups, you perhaps have not got to the stage of feeling completely at ease yet with all the gang, but hopefully that will come in time, you mention you have spoken to them individually and get on fine so don't be jealous enjoy the company.
Author frus69 Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 How long have the two of you been together? Just a few months. The group has a friendship for I suppose 7 years.. Im not sure how to handle opposite sex friendships because I have heard so many bad stories from it. People say the GF should always come before the female friends otherwise it's disrespectful or stepping over the boundaries. And I feel for that moment I wasnt the priority. And I got scared it may be a bad sign. look this is an old friendship if anything at all serious was ever going to develop it would have developed long ago between him and her. It is always possible that one of them is interested and the other isn't, but it is just as possible that neither of them is interested because theyve been friends so long. Would it be a problem, if he secretly liked her? I dont know if he does, there is no obvious signs. But I do admit I wonder that question myself sometimes. you could have put your own self in the photo of mediately and put your arm around his waist but you didn't do it for some reason. Yeah I probably should have, then at least I could have got a better photo. I got upset and my intimidate reaction when Im upset is to withdraw..
basil67 Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 *For that moment* being the operative words. If you're his priority for 99% of the time, you've got nothing to worry about. 1
crispytoast Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Im not sure how to handle opposite sex friendships because I have heard so many bad stories from it. People say the GF should always come before the female friends otherwise it's disrespectful or stepping over the boundaries. And I feel for that moment I wasnt the priority. And I got scared it may be a bad sign. I think people get a little bit too serious about this. It could be turned around to say that in that moment, he wasn't your priority either. You were letting your insecurities take focus of the situation and instead of enjoying the moment, you were in your head worrying about your man. Not saying that it's bad by the way, just trying to show that it's a matter of perspective. You aren't used to the dynamic of the group because I'm willing to bet you haven't had a group of friends quite like that in your own life. I really think that you don't have anything to worry about. *For that moment* being the operative words. If you're his priority for 99% of the time, you've got nothing to worry about. This x100 3
lana-banana Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 I'm a jealous person and I normally dont believe guys and girls can be friends. So what do you guys think about this situation? The only one with a problem here is you. Yes, men and women can be just friends, and it honestly seems like you're handicapping a lot of potential relationships (coworkers, neighbors, etc) by refusing to even accept the possibility. Not every male-female dynamic involves sexual tension. The older you get the more you develop a sense of self, and the more you learn about what makes someone a good or bad fit for you. If you don't have it already you will ideally gain the ability to look at someone and admire parts of them while realizing that dating would never work. And yes, men are capable of this too. You are going to have to learn to get along with his friends---after seven years, they're not going anywhere---and find where you fit in with them. It takes time, but it's OK. Per your own admission you have no rational reason to be jealous. So long as your boyfriend consistently puts you first, you have nothing to worry about. 1
rightondude Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 sometimes we guys goof up. I'm pretty sure if he could take it back he'd likely grab you first. I doubt there was any ulterior motive or significant thought put into it. Y'all were all buzzed anyway. I'd try not to read too much into it.
preraph Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Would it be a problem, if he secretly liked her? I dont know if he does, there is no obvious signs. But I do admit I wonder that question myself sometimes. Yeah I probably should have, then at least I could have got a better photo. I got upset and my intimidate reaction when Im upset is to withdraw.. You were acting out of insecurity. That's how you jeopardize relationships. You need to at some point just get it in your belief system that even if the worst happens and a man leaves, that you will be just FINE! It's not the end of the world even if the worst happens. That said, even if he has attraction for her, she doesn't have it for him or as I said, something would have happened long ago. You know, men often DO have attraction for friends, but after so many years, even if that's the case, it's not going to happen. Long friendships make you start thinking of each other more like brother/sister. He alone can't make something happen even if he did feel attraction. My feeling is he wouldn't have been so open about it if he had anything to conceal. He just got caught up in the fun, that's all. 2
Author frus69 Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 You aren't used to the dynamic of the group because I'm willing to bet you haven't had a group of friends quite like that in your own life. No I dont. It does sound nice though and I'd like to experience that. But it seems like some will always end up hooking up with some. But I guess anyone might end up hooking up with anyone no matter if it's friends or strangers
Author frus69 Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 You know, men often DO have attraction for friends, And that's enough to make me jealous, no matter if it's mutual. Is it just me? Are people generally fine with their partner having attraction for their friends as long as nothing actually happens?
crispytoast Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 And that's enough to make me jealous, no matter if it's mutual. Is it just me? Are people generally fine with their partner having attraction for their friends as long as nothing actually happens? You don't even know if he's attracted to her. These are scenarios that you are forming in your head. He tells her how much he cares about you. 2
Author frus69 Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 Yes, men and women can be just friends, and it honestly seems like you're handicapping a lot of potential relationships (coworkers, neighbors, etc) by refusing to even accept the possibility.. You don't even know if he's attracted to her. These are scenarios that you are forming in your head. He tells her how much he cares about you. Many people advocate that men cant be just friends with women. There is ALWAYS attraction there and men only stay in this friendship because they are waiting for the opportunity... I dont know if I should believe all men are like animals like this..
basil67 Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Relationship advice which is given in terms of absolutes (all, always, never) should be taken with a grain of salt. Also, don't forget that many are projecting when they give this advice. The person/people who told you that all men are waiting for an opportunity are either those who are waiting for an opportunity themselves or someone who's angry and lashing out at all men because of what one or two did. 2
rightondude Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Many people advocate that men cant be just friends with women. There is ALWAYS attraction there and men only stay in this friendship because they are waiting for the opportunity... I dont know if I should believe all men are like animals like this.. I would have agreed with this back when I was in an unhealthy marriage. Since I've been in a few (albeit short) relationships since then in which I was attracted to my partner (and my current, albeit short one in which I think about her naked pretty consistently), I can say I have been cool with women as friends and have had 0 interest in anyone else. Even those I used to really have a thing for. I think it all depends on the situation.
Author frus69 Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 Are you saying now because you are very attracted to your partners so you have 0 interest in your female friends? All the old attraction feelings just died ? But before when you were in an unhealthy marriage you were attracted to your female friends?
rightondude Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Are you saying now because you are very attracted to your partners so you have 0 interest in your female friends? All the old attraction feelings just died ? But before when you were in an unhealthy marriage you were attracted to your female friends? that's correct. I didn't act on it but I definitely fantasized about it.
Author frus69 Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 I suppose I can try to be an amazing gf so he falls in love so much that all other attractions die then lol 1
rightondude Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 (edited) I suppose I can try to be an amazing gf so he falls in love so much that all other attractions die then lol If he were more attracted to her than you he would be trying to be with her and if she were willing he would be. And there's nothing you could do to stop that.** I honestly think your buzzed BF just goofed and grabbed her first without thinking about it when posing for the pic. Let it go unless there's more to it than that. ** Note: this is based off my way of thinking. Some guys are real horndogs. I myself am a one woman man, dedicated and committed to the woman he's with! Unless the woman I'm with wants to bring another woman into the bedroom for a quick fling. Edited July 1, 2019 by rightondude
Inspire Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I do have female friends that I haven't hooked up with or don't look at sexually. They are just friends. With that said, I don't necessarily think that what you described is a clear sign that he has an interest in her, or that they've been together. It was a poor move on his part though. I probably wouldn't be concerned with it unless his friends were getting in the way of the relationship or doing other things that were in very poor taste.
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