Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 I've had a secret crush on my next door neighbor since I bought my house. We're both single and I've always wanted to somehow meet him and see if we'd hit it off. We met today and it was unexpected. I'm no good dealing with the unexpected. I was out cutting my grass and looked up to see him creeping toward me across the street. He came up slowly as though approaching a wild animal and stood at the end of my driveway. We stared at each other a moment then I shut the lawn mower off and gave him and awkward smile and said hi, inwardly feeling horrified because I felt so caught off guard and shy. He didn't smile. He kept his distance and looked at my lawn mower, commenting on how it wasn't running properly and asked me if he could look at it. I said yes, and then he asked if he could take it home for five or ten minutes. I said "Sure. Thanks." and then in my usual awkward way just disappeared around the corner of the house to go inside. He took the lawn mower home and I hoped he'd talk to me more when he brought it back, maybe knock on the door or something. But he didn't. I was deflated when I saw he'd just left it on my driveway. It was fixed and now it's running great. I'd wanted to thank him but he was gone altogether and I felt like an idiot. What just happened? Was he just being neighborly or did he want to have an interaction with me and my lawn mower was an excuse? Did I blow it, make a bad impression. I feel despair now... like if he is interested in getting to know me he'll never come back because I was so awkward. Or maybe he didn't think I was attractive enough up close? Or maybe he never was interested and was just being helpful? Now I' don't know what to think. I hope if he was interested in me a little bit I didn't blow it. One thing about this small town is that when I was suffering from anxiety/panic the whole town knew it and knew I was off work because of it. My neighbor came up slowly as though afraid he might startle me so I'm pretty sure he knows about my anxiety, too. Maybe that's why he just quietly left my lawn mower sitting there and didn't bother me anymore. And that's not what I wanted to happen. Any thoughts? Suggestions? 1
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 He was being neighborly.. knock on his door and thank him, that is what neighbors do.. however.. dating your neighbor is one thing they don't do.. What a mess that would be, be thankful you have a cool neighbor and someone you might be friends with.. but leave it at that... 3
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 Do you think there might have been interest there or was he just being nice?
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 He was being neighborly.. knock on his door and thank him, that is what neighbors do.. however.. dating your neighbor is one thing they don't do.. What a mess that would be, be thankful you have a cool neighbor and someone you might be friends with.. but leave it at that... Yes, I suppose he was just being nice. Don't see why dating a neighbor is so bad... I dated someone else who lives just around the corner. Besides, what if it worked out? 1
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Guys always want to have sex with a woman... is that how you want to be treated by your neighbor ? You should have decent boundaries about this from the start, don't mess up where you live over a guy.. 2
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 So you're thinking that's what he wants? This is kind of an odd response, or, not one I was expecting. I wouldn't object to dating someone from my town. I think that's being silly. You've got to meet people somewhere. I hope someone else has something more encouraging to say. I still have a crush on him. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 I think your mower probably just sounded funny and he was being neighborly. But that doesn't mean he couldn't develop interest in the future. Bake him some brownies or cookies and take them over as a thank you. 7
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 P.S. I don't think you made an ass of yourself. 1
alphamale Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 as a thanks tell him you'll treat him to lunch for fixing your mower 2
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 thanks alpha. I'm not that brave, and think maybe that's over the top. I think I'll see how things play out in the future. I have a lawn tractor that I cut the majority of the lawn with. It's in perfect running order but he was outside of his house looking over at me the whole time. Today I was trimming under the trees with my old push mower which doesn't work well. He has been covertly looking at me and at my house for some time and I've been covertly looking back. Lol. So, that's why I'm thinking there was more interest there possibly and this might of been the way he decided he'd test the waters. 1
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 So you're thinking that's what he wants? This is kind of an odd response, or, not one I was expecting. I think he was just being neighborly.. I was trying to get you to think about it from a different angle but hey.. hook up with your neighbor if that is what you want.. You are looking at him as someone who is dateable... I know someone who dated and married their neighbor, they kept both houses.. later on they got divorced (6 years later) she moved back into her house as his neighbor again.. as he dated then married again it drove her nuts.. she would watch them having sex on the back deck in the hot tub then come into work and complain about it.. She did move and because of this... 1
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 @Art Critic I suppose there are always horror stories about literally everything, and we all tend to look at what could go wrong instead of right. Most of the time things aren't that dramatic. My ex still lives in this town and we couldn't care less what each other is doing. Even bad endings can just blow over. But... I have no hope now, thanks everyone. 2
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 P.S. I don't think you made an ass of yourself. I agree with this.. I don't think you even remotely came off bad..
The Outlaw Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 It was just a neighborly thing to do, and don't fret over whether he knows about your anxiety or not. Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives us something to do, but gets us nowhere. Say thank you. Introduce yourself, and just ease into getting to know him. Relax. Should he seem receptive, great. Should he not, move on. All you can do is try. 1
basil67 Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 I think your mower probably just sounded funny and he was being neighborly. But that doesn't mean he couldn't develop interest in the future. Bake him some brownies or cookies and take them over as a thank you. This is exactly what I was going to say. However now you mention that he's been watching you - that piece of news is just creepy. But perhaps he also has some social issues and should be given a bit of leeway?? Who knows.... And I don't think you made an ass of yourself either as he didn't invite conversation.
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 This is exactly what I was going to say. However now you mention that he's been watching you - that piece of news is just creepy. But perhaps he also has some social issues and should be given a bit of leeway?? Who knows.... And I don't think you made an ass of yourself either as he didn't invite conversation. He wasn't watching me in a creepy, stalkerish way... I knew someone would interpret it like that. Just casual glances as though curious about me or something... that's all he's ever done. Like he might have been thinking of asking me out but never knew how to even meet me. There was one time he came to my door just after my dad passed away. I was upset that day and didn't answer, but I always wondered what he knocked for. Honestly... I don't think men give even casual attention to a woman they don't find attractive in some way... could be wishful thinking. As someone said, he didn't invite conversation so that seems telling. 1
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 reading this thread shows how jaded we all are... always comes the dire warnings every time a man even approaches a woman. 3
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 However I do feel better, now. Like I didn't just eff up something I'd been dreaming about happening. 1
alphamale Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 was this your first meeting as neighbours? how long have you two lived next to one another?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 reading this thread shows how jaded we all are... always comes the dire warnings every time a man even approaches a woman. So true! FWIW, I didn't think him looking at you was creepy. I mean, suppose he is interested in getting to know you....what's he supposed to do...ignore you? Look the other way every time you're both outside? 3
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 reading this thread shows how jaded we all are... always comes the dire warnings every time a man even approaches a woman. I'm not jaded but I do understand that you don't fish off the company pier... so to speak I've owned homes most of my life, been in this one for 18 years and spent about 5 or so of those single but I can't for the life of me think it would be okay to date a neighbor.. that is a boundary for me and I think most people would just be friends with a neighbor rather than date them.
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 was this your first meeting as neighbours? how long have you two lived next to one another? Three years. We've never spoken though it's a small town and we've both always known who each other is. We haven't even been in that close proximity before. Yet it's guaranteed he knows a lot about me from others just I know things about him. He's a nice guy, not a creepy stalker. He and my brother were in the same grade in school.
JuneL Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 I think your mower probably just sounded funny and he was being neighborly. But that doesn't mean he couldn't develop interest in the future. Bake him some brownies or cookies and take them over as a thank you. ^^^ That’s my suggestion as well, if you’re interested in getting to know him.
Author Fair Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 I'm not jaded but I do understand that you don't fish off the company pier... so to speak I've owned homes most of my life, been in this one for 18 years and spent about 5 or so of those single but I can't for the life of me think it would be okay to date a neighbor.. that is a boundary for me and I think most people would just be friends with a neighbor rather than date them. Does everyone think like this??? Dating a neighbor is a bad Idea? I thought somehow it would be ideal. Hmm... don't fish off the company pier. That's interesting. lol.
alphamale Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Three years... not acknowledging each other for 3 years does make things awkward when you finally do meet. he's your neighbor, that is something in common you two have 2
Recommended Posts