Still miss her 6 months later...

[lax16]

I can't believe I can still feel my heart breaking.

 

I know she has completely moved on, doesn't have a morsel of a feeling left for me, I'm probably not even a blink of an eye thought to her anymore. How is that possible? Somebody she said was so special to her, that she loved so much, that made her smile and laugh like I did, it's like I was never part of her life. After all the happy, amazing times together, how is that possible? To not even miss me, think about me, at all? How could she have seemed so happy when with me, and now seem just as happy or happier without me?

 

I thought we both felt this undeniable, indescribable connection and chemistry. I thought for sure this meant we were supposed to be together, that nobody could feel this and this not meant to be. The way we were automatically drawn to each other, the way she said she felt something for me the very first time we met, the way she kept coming back to me, the way she looked at me and acted with me, I was so sure she felt the exact same thing. In my mind there was no way I could feel this, and she could be acting the way she was and saying the things she was and this not be right. How could there be somebody else out there that could make her feel and act the way she did with me?

 

It's been 6 months and I still catch myself saying that I can't believe she broke up with me. The entire time we were together she seemed soo happy and in love with me. She was so affectionate, always cuddling and hanging on me, smiling, giggling, lighting up when I was around. The few days leading up to me meeting her and her family on vacation she was texting me, calling me, facetiming me. Telling me how much she misses me, loves me, couldn't wait for me to get to where they were. She seemed soo happy once I got there. We were having so much fun the first few days. Drinking, dancing, laying around, having amazing sex. Everything seemed perfect. I couldn't wait to start the new year with her. She seemed just as certain that we were going to be together (talked about both our birthdays, valentines day, music festival over the summer) and excited about it as well. I had no idea anything was even remotely wrong or irritating her, let alone that she was so unhappy that she wanted to break up with me! To break up with somebody you must be so unhappy being with them. That kills me that she was at that level with me. But how could she have been that miserable and me not know at all? Yes she was cold our last 2 days together but that literally started out of nowhere.

 

She listed off a bunch of reasons she broke up with me, but none of them really made any sense. None of them were things that were insurmountable, that couldn't be discussed, worked on, even just freaking hinted at. Why couldn't she just something like "Hey babe, I feel like we've only been doing what I want to do lately, what do you want to do tonight?" or "Why don't you choose what we get for dinner tonight I feel like I've been deciding a lot lately?" if she felt like I was deferring to her too much. Which I don't even think I really did! Is it that hard to say something to your boyfriend like this? She said she felt partly contained. I have NO idea how. She went and did whatever she wanted, whenever, with whoever. I made sure not to make plans too much with her or too far in advance. Didn't text all damn day long. Even if she felt that way, couldn't she have just said "Babe, I want to spend the weekend with my friends, I feel like we've been spending a lot of time together lately/I feel a little smothered."?

 

She said she really wanted it to work. If she wanted it to work so badly, why didn't she even ONCE try to say something, ask me something, hint at something.

 

It just kills me that the last 6 months we could have so many moments, so many experiences, so many dinners, nights out, mornings waking up together. But we've been complete strangers. No more knowing what's going on in each others lives, no more sweet dreams texts, no more mornings of her pulling me in tight telling me she loves me when I kiss her goodbye. It kills me.

 

I just don't understand what she didn't love about me, about us. What she felt wasn't right between us. How can I still feel like she's the one after everything that's happened. How could she know I'm not the one for her without ever having have tried to work through what was going on in her head.

 

I've met and been with so many girls. I've never fallen for any of them. Never been happy like this with any of them. I look through all these girls on dating apps, in the streets, and none of them do anything for me like my ex. I don't know how I'm supposed to find this perfect package again. She's beyond beautiful, sexy, cute, adorable. Caring, affectionate, thoughtful, fun, bubbly. I could go on forever.

 

I just want things to be how they were supposed to be. How we talked about them being. The last 6 months I was supposed to be so happy and so in love. I've been basically nothing but sad and depressed. Why did this have to happen to me? I'm a good person, I do the right thing. I treated her like absolute gold. I took her on awesome dates, we seemed to always have the best time when together, I was there for her when she needed me, I got her cute little gifts just because, I was supportive, caring, thoughtful, loving, affectionate, encouraging. I thanked the universe for bringing this girl back into my life (it was our second time dating with 6 months in between). I just don't get why none of it was enough.

 

In my head, since it's not like anything so terrible happened, maybe we could still make it work at some point. She's connected to my social circle by association so it's not like there's no way to ever see her or speak to her again. But I don't know. I don't even want to find anybody else. I still think she's the one, she just needs to grow up, mature a bit, see just how good I was to her compared to what else is out there.

 

I just miss her so much. I can't believe she's out there without me like it's nothing. I'll never even come close to understanding how somebody that acted/seemed so happy and in love with me could break up with me like this and move on so easily. Why can't she just come back to me like last time and work this out?

[ExpatInItaly]

How long did you date, OP? And what happened the first time you two ended it?

 

The truth is that you sound like you are romanticizing your connection to the point of almost being a fantasy. The language you use to describe her and your relationship is powerful and suggests a lack of healthy perspective, if I'm being honest. Something was not working if this was the second break-up. That doesn't mean you did something wrong, but sometimes, the right chemistry or feelings just aren't there for someone as the reality of day-to-day life settles in.

 

The other hard truth is that you could have been a great boyfriend, but not the right boyfriend for her. I've dated men who were lovely on paper but I just didn't see us together in the long run. It's the mysterious nature of human relationships. A sustainable connection isn't always mutual despite one person treating the other well. There's more to attraction than that, and it can't always be logically explained.

 

If she had wanted to work on it, she would have told you before ending it. When a dumper hasn't mentioned anything that bothers them, it's often because they're just not invested in a future together. It sucks, but it happens a lot. There could be other reasons she decided to end it too, ones that she hasn't shared with you. Maybe she will one day have a change of heart, but if this is the second break-up, it strongly suggests she just doesn't have the feelings you do - in which case, it is better that she stays gone.

 

EDIT: Just read your previous threads. I remember your story now. I have to say, you are still in serious denial about the (lack of) depth of this relationship and this girl's potential for anything long-term with you. It was blatantly obvious reading through your history with her that she wasn't to be taken seriously, and she treated you like a filler while you idolized her. This was never going to work out, man. You ignored the warning signs that she just wasn't that into you. I feel sympathy for you since I know you are crushed, but you would really benefit from removing the rose-coloured glasses about her.

Edited July 2, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[Morello]

I agree with Expat. Unfortunately, you still seem to be very much in denial about what you actually meant to this woman.

 

From your own words on this and previous posts, it is very clear she was just not that into you. You got too attached to SOME of her words but decided to forget how she said she didn't like you the way you liked her, nad how you liked her 'too much', etc. From your first post, it appears you had her in a pedestal the whole time, while she didn't care too much about you at all.

 

Trust me, I was in a similar situation, trying to hold to some things my ex would tell me when she broke up but she was just letting me down easy. If someone is into you they will not act like this woman acted.

[Trail Blazer]

I feel for you dude. It hurts like hell when you emotionally invest in someone who just doesn't feel the same as you do. You think they do, but their actions eventually contradict their words or previous actions.

 

The way I cope is to distract myself with other women. Smash the dating apps and enjoy the fruits of your labor if you can put the effort in. Honestly, the validation I get from dating and f#&king other women is a perfect distraction for me.

 

I don't really have a lot more advice to give. I'm going through it myself. I don't think I'm as hung up about her as you are, and I still see her once a month - I can live with us being platonic - but I still love her.

 

Just concentrate on yourself. Do the stuff that you enjoy doing. Don't worry about other girls and how they don't resonate with you on an emotional level. Just go on Tinder and unleash your carnal urges on as many willing participants (and I say willing with emphasis as I don't condone misleading anyone).

 

Good luck.

[health]

Good luck. If a new fling or relationship doesn't work out I still think of a girl from 10 years ago.

 

Or I get triggered if people talk about relationships too much around me.

 

You have to try to feel whole and full yourself.

 

I used to only want a few women I got intimate with in my life. Keeping my number low.

 

After my break up, I slept with several and it doesn't really do much. Nothing beats a long term loving relationship in my books.

 

However focusing on making more money, reading and my health proved to be more satisfying to me then flings.

 

Live your life. You'll see your views on relationships change.

 

My friend spent over $100,000 on his divorce while I have investments that bring me extra income.

 

Be careful.

[Maddie82]

I'm going to be completely honest. Your post makes you sound very over emotional and clingy. Maybe she found this a little suffocating. It's not a bad thing to give your all in a relationship, but there was clearly some element that she wasn't feeling. You got in too deep and now you don't know how to let it go. You have painted this perfect picture of your relationship with her in your head, but in reality it clearly wasn't perfect. At least not for her.

[Flame Aura]

Honestly OP from what you have posted it doesn't sound like a very deep relationship you had. Connection, chemistry, dancing around, lying around, having great sex... none of those show a deep relationship.. more like FWB.

 

 

I briefly read your previous post and well.. this girl likes to sleep with anyone and everyone it seems.... she was never going to be a long term partner. She does not value herself.

 

 

You clearly wanted something different to what she does, I'm surprised you didn't realise that before. All she wants to do is go round having fun with whoever interests her, she does not want to be tied down to one person.

 

 

She did you a favour by ending things. I know it's hurting now and you don't see it, but I can tell you 100% you are better off without her and one day you will meet someone who appreciates you for you.

[lax16]

I mean it's pretty easy to see she wasn't as into me as I was into her considering she dumped me but it's very hard to accept that/see where that is coming from when looking at how she was acting with me while we were dating.

 

She never once lead on that she was anything but completely smitten, happy and in love.

 

I took her seriously because I looked at her past relationship history and saw she was with her boyfriends for lengths of 2 and 3 years. Lived with one of them for a year. This lead me to think she takes commitment very seriously and that she has learned what being in a relationship is like, what it takes, how to maintain one and how to communicate within one.

 

I thought things were great because:

- She made the commitment to be my exclusive girlfriend without my commitment first (said she would wait for me to be ready) and said she would earn back my trust and prove this time was different

- She made efforts to be open with me about guys from her past texting her, running into them in person, things of that nature

- She said I was special to her which matched up with the fact that she continually came to me and she had not actually dated anybody else

- She introduced me to her entire family(parents, cousins, uncle, aunt), some of her closest friends, a bunch of people she worked with

- Invited me to come on her family's christmas/new years vacation

- She invited me to two of her performances, one with her family, one with her mother, and met some of her family's friends, also invited me to other events/performances she was either a part of or attending

- She was the first to say I love you

- She would invite me out with her friends

- She would ask to hang out randomly just because she wanted to see me and be with me

- She always appeared to be VERY happy and to be having an absolute amazing time when we would do things together whether that was going to dinner, grabbing drinks, going dancing, staying in and watching a movie, playing video games, partying, whatever it was, she was always smiling, laughing, having a great time, hanging onto me.

- Multiple times after spending a weekend/night together doing whatever she would tell me or text me saying she had the best time with me

- She revealed very painful vulnerable things about herself/her past

- She would ask questions about me and my past, my family

- She met my immediate family

- Was even texting buddies with my mother

- She inferred she wanted to do things with me in the future (spoke about our birthdays, valentines day, concerts and trips over the summer, a trip to Thailand in the fall, getting a dog together, doing ballroom dancing classes, places in the city she wanted to go with me)

- Would text me in the middle of the night to tell me how much she loves me, that she missed me, would send me cute pictures of herself randomly

- For the days leading up to me meeting her and her family on vacation, she was texting, calling, facetiming me, telling me multiple times she couldn't wait for me to get there, that she thought her family would want a couple of days just them but she was wrong she wished I had been there the whole time

- She would invite me over and make dinner for us, would also pay for things when we'd be out together and always showed appreciation for the things I took her to do and paid for

- She came to me when she got into a huge fight with her sister, when one of her best friends OD'd

- She was always extremely affectionate, sweet and loving with me, always cuddling and laying on me, kissing me, holding my hand, linking arms

- Just in general the way she would look at me, act with me, she gave the vibe that she was extremely happy, into me, into the relationship, very invested overall

 

Sure things were not perfect... There were times I didn't feel like she showed as much interest in my life as she could, there was a time she forgot to tell me clearly that I needed to purchase a ticket to one of her performances, I caught her in a lie about somebody from her past that she quickly admitted to and said she was just caught off guard, was dealing with the trust issues from the previous betrayal, in between our relationships she hooked up with somebody too close to home but technically she was single so what can I say about that?

 

I've had a ton of one night stands, flings, dated girls, have had girls that really really liked me, and a few that wanted more from me than I was capable of giving them at that time, and NONE of them ever acted the way she did with me.

 

Based on all of that what was I supposed to think was going on? At what point does somebody stop being closed off and skeptical and say ok this is for real? Is there something missing from that list of things that I should have been looking for as further confirmation that she was truly into me? If that's not a list of things a girl does when they're really into their boyfriend than I have no idea what to look for...

 

I'm sincerely trying to convey what was going on in my relationship and why am I so confused and hurt and also try and learn from all of this

Edited July 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quotes removed

[ExpatInItaly]

Is there something missing from that list of things that I should have been looking for as further confirmation that she was truly into me? If that's not a list of things a girl does when they're really into their boyfriend than I have no idea what to look for...

 

Yes, a big one.

 

A girl who is really into you wouldn't already have dumped you and toyed around with you before. (As you indicated in your other threads about her) You cannot take a second attempt as existing in a vacuum, unrelated to the spotty and unsteady history with her.

 

All the things you listed above are fine and dandy - with a woman who is consistently into you and hasn't already dumped you and messed around with you before. You are minimizing the very relevant past events here. Take this is a tough lesson to not pursue women like this, or you will wind up with same heartbreak in the future.

[smellysocksuni]

Sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder.