LightningJunkie Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 Hello, So to make a very long story short and concise...I started talking to this girl on a dating site back in the beginning of April. Since then we’ve been on 2 dates (1st was end of April and 2nd was beginning of May). Both dates were super fun and we enjoyed each other’s company. We have a lot in common. After the second date, she told me that she was super busy with work and everything that she felt like she didn’t have the time to invest in a relationship right now. I told her we could just take things slow and see what happens overtime. She liked that idea. Then for about a month, we texted back and forth but it wasn’t very often because she always took forever to respond (sometimes 2-3 days). She also got very sick and had a kidney infection...a lot happened. Last Saturday, we finally saw each other again and that went really well...just like the first 2 dates. We got dinner and saw a baseball game together. We were with each other for 5 hours. That night, she got home and texted me saying “thanks for the fun night.” I texted her back saying that it was fun and asked her when she was available to go out again. It took her 2 days to respond back saying that she was busy with work, but she mentioned about hanging out again this coming week. I responded back to her and didn’t hear anything for another 2 days...I reached out again saying something simple like “Hope you are having a good week of work.” Then she responded back immediately saying that she was sorry and totally forgot that I texted her. She also said that she no longer could hang out this coming week, but suggested after July 4th. I responded telling her that would work and asked her what date she had in mind...and she hasn’t responded yet. It’s been 3 days...ugh! So with all that said...do you think she is just a horrible texter or is there another guy she is seeing and putting me on the backburner just in case? She has told me that from the get-go texting her, she’s a bad texter. What do I do? 1
smackie9 Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 2 dates in 3 months....she's not interested. TiP: interested women are never too busy to be with a man of their desire. 2
preraph Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 She likes you just okay but not enough and that's not likely to change. 1
greymatter Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 I don't think she is interested, OP. And would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respond to you for 2-3 days? I wouldn't. 2
Author LightningJunkie Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 I don't think she is interested, OP. And would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respond to you for 2-3 days? I wouldn't. ...but if she is not interested, why does she keep mentioning a timeframe of when to go out next? If she wasn't interested, she would just say she's busy and not offer another time to go out. 1
crispytoast Posted June 30, 2019 Posted June 30, 2019 ...but if she is not interested, why does she keep mentioning a timeframe of when to go out next? If she wasn't interested, she would just say she's busy and not offer another time to go out. She doesn't respect you. Keep moving my friend. 1
Inspire Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 2 dates in 3 months....she's not interested. TiP: interested women are never too busy to be with a man of their desire. This right here says it all. Very few people would be that busy to only have 2 dates in 3 months. At this point, she's got you on the backburner and she figures you will get bored of the chase and eventually move on. She's already told you her position and has given you a preview of what is to come if you hang on. With that said, does the future still look bright? 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Through dating experience, I've learned there is no such thing as a bad texter. A non texter is just not interested.
Marc878 Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 You are a typical guy reading way too much into this. A text takes what 10 seconds. Her actions tell you she's not interested
rightondude Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 ABSOLUTELY NOBODY is so busy they can't text someone they're interested in within a day. 1
beentheredonethat77 Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 (edited) If a man is not lighting a fire under you and exciting you, its easy to forget to text them back (if you received their text while you were busy), or with other people. If I really like a man, seeing his name pop on my screen tends to stop everythingelse in the world for a minute, I get extremely excited.. and believe me, im not forgetting to text him back. I might try to play it cool and not text back immediately -- but its a few hours at the most and usually in those hours im thinking about what i'll say -- i know pathetic.. but when you like someone, you like them:)...So i am definitely not taking days to respond and forgetting about it! The reason she is still suggesting other times is you probably fall into the category of someone she doesn't dislike, cant think of anything really wrong with you --- but are you lighting a fire or is she feeling a spark -- no. Edited July 1, 2019 by beentheredonethat77 3
Author LightningJunkie Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 Thanks for all the input and responses guys. I guess it boils down to she doesn’t respect me enough to text me back in a reasonable manner. I’m not reaching out again...she will have to. 2
ChatroomHero Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Thanks for all the input and responses guys. I guess it boils down to she doesn’t respect me enough to text me back in a reasonable manner. I’m not reaching out again...she will have to. Well, I think that's the right way to handle it but you guessed the wrong reason. It's not about respect, it's about her firmly and fairly clearly putting you in the friend zone. She likes you enough to be friends that do things and probably doesn't mind a friend that takes her to ball games, buys her dinner every month or so...etc., but she is not attracted to you/does not want to date you. I didn't hear anything about you making a move or kissing her or sleeping with her. If you did, I think you would get the firm response, "Hey, I thought we were just friends, I didn't know you thought this was a date...I don't see you like that...". If you want to figure out her real reason, just think about YOU doing the same thing to another woman as she is doing to you. What circumstances would make you only available every couple of weeks, not respond to texts, etc.? The only answer is low to no interest in dating and thinking she is a great girl but you are not attracted to her. There really isn't much more it can be. Like someone said above, if a woman is interested in you and goes on 2-3 dates, she will make it clear she likes you. It doesn't mean that if she gets a text she will always be able to immediately respond, but she will make efforts to communicate with you and fit you in her life. Right now she is doing the slow fade on you...cancelling plans, slow texting, the old tried and true "Work is crazy" BS and then,, "Let's plan a day after the 4th...". If you do go out again, after that date I bet you get "Let's get together after the summer or after Halloween..". Don't message her and you'll probably never hear from her except MAYBE a how've you been text in a few weeks to lessen her guilt. If she does reach out, I'd probably just tell her it's obvious the situation isn't going to progress and it was nice meeting her and to take care.
Versacehottie Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Well, in her defense you said you were ok going slow and understanding that she doesn't have much time to date yet are disappointed when that is exactly what happens from her end. I wouldn't assume that means that she doesn't like you. It does mean that dating you isn't a priority to her with her timing of things--which matches what she told you initially. I think it's a little disingenuous to be on a dating site looking for dates when you have no time to date or aren't really motivated. (Well unless she specified casual or it's that kind of site.) So that part is a little suspect. Other than that, she might be multi-dating which is actually fine, especially if she doesn't want anything serious right now. This doesn't mean you are 100% on the back burner. You keep going out with her and having fun. I think you should act less overeager, stop trying to speed up the timetable and keep dating other girls. Pursue her with more time interval in between and when genuine reason to connect, i.e. an event you know you both would like, a text with not necessarily the goal of getting her to go out but because something popped into your head that is a reason to connect with her. Lower your expectations and simultaneously spread the attention you give and effort you give around to others Good luck
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Pleeease! this woman is already in a relationship!! We all have our nose glued to our phone! You really think she doesn't see your text? Don't worry when her boss calls she sees it and when her mother text she replies. 1
OatsAndHall Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 ...but if she is not interested, why does she keep mentioning a timeframe of when to go out next? If she wasn't interested, she would just say she's busy and not offer another time to go out. My money says you've been OLD Rolodexed, my friend. I doubt she's "busy with work"; she's setting up dates with other guys, they don't pan out, she flips through the Rolodex and comes back to you. It's not really kosher behavior but you keep going on out with her. This has happened to me a few times via OLD; I go out on a few dates with a woman, think everything is going well, they disappear and then pop back up a few weeks later and want to go out again. I pull myself out of the Rolodex in a hurry when this happens. And yes, if a woman is truly into you, she will jump at the chance to meet you. I went out with a woman on Saturday morning had a great time and we met up for dinner last night. Dinner was fun so we went to a movie and she was all about meeting up a couple of times this week. Lesson learned; if they're weird about setting up another date then just move on. 2
Author LightningJunkie Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 This sucks, but it is what it is. She’s not respecting me so why would I want to be with her anyway? I’m still waiting on a response from her since Thursday now...it’s ridiculous!
OatsAndHall Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 This sucks, but it is what it is. She’s not respecting me so why would I want to be with her anyway? I’m still waiting on a response from her since Thursday now...it’s ridiculous! Eh... Stop waiting on the response then, my friend. Write it off as a learning lesson and move on. I don't care for texting but I do have a rule; if I shoot someone I'm interested in a text during the morning or afternoon, I hope for a response that day. If I don't get a response within the same day, then I basically write them off. Everyone has their phones glued to their hands and it takes thirty seconds to return a text. If they're into me, then they'll respond that day. If they're not, then they won't.
PRW Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 ...but if she is not interested, why does she keep mentioning a timeframe of when to go out next? If she wasn't interested, she would just say she's busy and not offer another time to go out. You don't understand. This is online dating. You are not the only guy. If she is very attractive at all she will have 5-10 other guys she is circulating through at the same time as you. She first meets you and it is exciting, she does a couple dates with you then the next new exciting guy comes along and she does a couple dates with him and then thinks he wasn't so exciting after all. Then the next exciting new guy comes along and it all repeats. Periodically she has a little gap in the flow and she bumps into you so she spends a little time with you again. The reason she keeps mentioning a time frame to get together is because to some degree she likes you but you just don't stand out in the crowd enough,...but she thinks you are good enough to keep you in "the rotation" in case the others bomb out or you somehow begin to stand out in the crowd a little more as you get better with your dating skills. This is life. This is the way it happens in your late teens and still keeps happening if you are in your 60's if you are single then. The process doesn't change, we just get more wrinkles and more flabby.
LoobyLouLou Posted July 2, 2019 Posted July 2, 2019 This right here says it all. Very few people would be that busy to only have 2 dates in 3 months. At this point, she's got you on the backburner and she figures you will get bored of the chase and eventually move on. She's already told you her position and has given you a preview of what is to come if you hang on. With that said, does the future still look bright? If this was the other way round - me being the one that kept reaching out to him and the last 4 weeks of 'our 2 month relationship' having 2 dates - I would say welcome to my life (well that was lol) They are cowards, they are dis-respectful, liars & cheats. They won't give you a straight answer in case their 'new' 'more exciting options' don't work out and then they are stuck being 'alone'. That's why we are put on the backburner until we get bored of it all. We have to realise our self-worth and not let this ever happen again to us!!! x
Author LightningJunkie Posted July 3, 2019 Author Posted July 3, 2019 If this was the other way round - me being the one that kept reaching out to him and the last 4 weeks of 'our 2 month relationship' having 2 dates - I would say welcome to my life (well that was lol) They are cowards, they are dis-respectful, liars & cheats. They won't give you a straight answer in case their 'new' 'more exciting options' don't work out and then they are stuck being 'alone'. That's why we are put on the backburner until we get bored of it all. We have to realise our self-worth and not let this ever happen again to us!!! x I wish I had better news, but still nothing from her. It’s been 5 days now. Should I try one more time to reach out?
Author LightningJunkie Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 Update on my situation: She finally texted me back. I asked her what she was doing on Saturday and she said she is going home for the weekend and didn’t offer an alternative time. So I asked what she was doing tonight for dinner (I know, I know...that sounds needy but I’m tired of waiting days for her to respond back) and she said she was seeing a friend. Again, she didn’t offer an alternative time. This all happened yesterday surprisingly...she was actually texting me throughout the day! So then I wanted to get to the bottom of things and texted her this: “Are you still interested in going out again? It’s hard to plan something with you because you’re so busy all the time with work, but I understand and respect that. I really do like hanging out with you a lot!” Her response was this: “Yeah definitely! But I won’t be able to this week. I do like hanging with you too, but right now I’m so busy, I can’t really do regular meet ups. So hopefully you’re ok with a friend who has a busy schedule...“ To me, she sounds very sincere...and if you remember, that is exactly what she said back in May too. So this girl is worth waiting for IMO...we can still go out when we can and continue to develop our “friendship” and see where things go. I’m going to date other girls though as well. What do you guys think of this?
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 10, 2019 Posted July 10, 2019 I think you should date other girls and not get so hung up on this one. we already told you what to do about this girl. we dont think she that into you bruh
Recommended Posts