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Bobbyb82

By Bobbyb82
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Bobbyb82 Established Member

Bobbyb82

Posted
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What is the best approach for this situation? My tendency is to come off as cold, even when I think I'm showing too much interest...it's obvious that's not the case.

 

Situation is that a woman I'm interested in came over to my house last night, it was our second "date" together. The plan was that she would come to my house and we'd leave and get dinner. We never made the dinner... we were talking and enjoying ourselves and decided we'd just skip it. We ended up making out on and off and talking until around 11pm last night. She left because she had to pack for a family vacation and was leaving early this morning. The last kiss before she got in her car was really intense as we said our goodbyes... We had a few text back and forth after she made it back home, but so far today haven't talked. My natural thing would be to not contact her much, or at all while she is on vacation with her family. We do get along well, and I see potential so I'd like to not come off as a cold dick...lol

 

I have no problems being patient...at all. I just want to make sure to keep it moving forward. She'll be gone until Monday.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I'd say one text to her to have a great time would be nice--and then wait until she either responds or she's back from her trip before you contact her again. Give her a chance to think on that kiss a minute.

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FMW Established Member

FMW

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Send her a text saying you enjoyed the date and hope she has a great vacation.

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emeraldgreen Established Member

emeraldgreen

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"Have a great time. Look forward to hearing about it when you get back". That's implying agreed space without it looking like you're ghosting. It's up to her if she chooses to engage or update within that time. If she does, you can respond without feeling like you're cramping her break.

  • Like 2
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted (edited)
The last kiss before she got in her car was really intense as we said our goodbyes... We had a few text back and forth after she made it back home, but so far today haven't talked. My natural thing would be to not contact her much, or at all while she is on vacation with her family. We do get along well, and I see potential so I'd like to not come off as a cold dick...lol

 

Delaying contact after a night of passionately making out will send the message: "I don't want to see you again. The night was unimportant and meaningless to me."

 

Refraining from calling her because she's on family vacation? Dude, take a second and think about this one. Have you ever lost interest in a woman because you were away with mom and dad? Or away with friends? You think she's not going to check her social media while she's away? ... and if she checks social media, you think she'll be uninterested in getting a nice little note from a guy she spent a nice evening with?

 

Texting is tailor-made for short messages to say "Great to meet you. Last night was so much fun." And the great thing about texting is ... it's private. Her folks don't have to know she has an interested guy contacting her. Tell her you had a great time ... and assuming she says the same in return ... randomly during the week ... send a note saying "Hope you vacation is good."

 

Tap into some feelings--you sound really out of touch with your feelings. Most folks will want to communicate with someone they want to see again. This might be a learning process ... But I get where you are coming from, I think. I blocked feelings when I was younger and the results were ... well ... people thought I was "cold"!

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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Text her one thing that's nice/fun/considerate but that doesn't require a reply. That's how you let someone know you are thinking of them without being needy. IMO good momentum.

 

you can even say "just wanted to say xyz before I head out for xyz tonight". Which makes it clear that a reply is not necessary

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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Text her that you had a nice time, hope she has a good time while away on the vacation, and that you hope to see her again when she returns.

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PRW Established Member

PRW

Posted
Posted
What is the best approach for this situation? My tendency is to come off as cold, even when I think I'm showing too much interest...it's obvious that's not the case.

 

Situation is that a woman I'm interested in came over to my house last night, it was our second "date" together. The plan was that she would come to my house and we'd leave and get dinner. We never made the dinner... we were talking and enjoying ourselves and decided we'd just skip it. We ended up making out on and off and talking until around 11pm last night. She left because she had to pack for a family vacation and was leaving early this morning. The last kiss before she got in her car was really intense as we said our goodbyes... We had a few text back and forth after she made it back home, but so far today haven't talked

Sounds perfectly fine to me. You are probably confused because there are so many bad examples on TV, movies, and real life around you that what is correct seems wrong.

 

After a date you just wait a few days and then contact her and set the next date. Then you save all the chit-chat for the next date. What would you do if we were living back when phones had a rotary dial on them, answering machines with a cassette tape were "high tech" and the phone was mounted on the kitchen wall with a 6 foot cord?,...and some people didn't even have a phone because they were expensive and if you called someone more than 15 minutes from your house you got long distance charges? What would you do?...you'd drive over to her house and knock on the door

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PRW Established Member

PRW

Posted
Posted
Delaying contact after a night of passionately making out will send the message: "I don't want to see you again. The night was unimportant and meaningless to me."
Women who would think that are exactly the kind I want to weed out. I might go out with them for a first date on Saturday night and have a date with someone else the following Friday night. I tell them "I want to see them again" by the fact that I contacted them a few days later and set another date with them.

 

Now if I start to move toward a more solid "relationship" with them, then I drop out the others and the contact gains more frequency. But until that happens we are not boyfriend/girlfriend, neither owes the other one anything and the idle chit-chat between the dates is actually the very thing that sends the wrong message and gives the false impression that we are more than we really are at that early point. Also just "wanting" to have all that chit-chat is a sign that whoever wants that is over-invested too soon.

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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The best men I've known have never missed a day of contact after the first day we met.

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Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted (edited)
Women who would think that are exactly the kind I want to weed out. I might go out with them for a first date on Saturday night and have a date with someone else the following Friday night. I tell them "I want to see them again" by the fact that I contacted them a few days later and set another date with them.

 

Now if I start to move toward a more solid "relationship" with them, then I drop out the others and the contact gains more frequency. But until that happens we are not boyfriend/girlfriend, neither owes the other one anything and the idle chit-chat between the dates is actually the very thing that sends the wrong message and gives the false impression that we are more than we really are at that early point. Also just "wanting" to have all that chit-chat is a sign that whoever wants that is over-invested too soon.

 

I agree--for mediocre and ho-hum dates even fun dates that didn't take off. But when the date was amazing (as the OP reports here) delaying contact only caused me problems. And when the date has blown my mind, it just makes no sense for me to walk around and sit on that feeling without contacting the person. For one, I want to confirm that the date was mind-blowing to the other person.

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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The Outlaw Established Member

The Outlaw

Posted
Posted

Send her a single text telling her that you hope she's having a good time and you're thinking about her, and leave it at that. Short, sweet and to the point.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Texting her in the evening is key....it will let her know you are thinking of her and not out smashing other chicks.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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"Have a great time. Look forward to hearing about it when you get back"..

 

That is putting up a wall, that says "I don't want to hear from you till you get back."

If she had a great date, she will want to keep in close contact so she will see the above as a sign of disinterest or an attempt to keep her at arm's length...or as Smackie says you are out smashing other chicks ...

  • Like 3
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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Posted

If I'm interested in a guy, I want to hear from him daily. If I do not, or he waits days before getting in touch after a date, I would not want to see him again.

 

Waiting days is a bad idea. She'll go from 'I wonder if he's going to get in touch' to 'so he's not interested, well I've had enough now!.'

 

Keep in touch in a friendly, kind way.

  • Like 2
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Bobbyb82 Established Member

Bobbyb82

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I had something Friday night, and ended up calling her after it was over. It was late, but that is normal for us. Her voicemail is "full" so I shoot her a quick text telling her I had called, and that I was leaving the event and I'd catch up later. (Side note, She thought I hadn't called her back Wednesday and was upset all day thinking that until I called that night, so I told her I'd leave a text from now on.) I was going to sleep and got this text in return about 20 min later.

 

"Oh gosh! That's crazy! We have been sitting around listening to everyone share stories, but I am going to bed! We have a full day tomorrow!"

 

To which I responded.. "Sounds like a good time, have fun...and get some rest"

 

She sent me a snap yesterday afternoon, where we talked back and forth a couple of chats and that was it.... She'll be on her way back home before long.

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