Author 9089 Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 Yea, she wasn't over her ex. Now that I've read through all of the comments (thank you so much) I realized that. She used me as a rebound. She was also constantly testing me, pulling back, hot cold, I tried to not react to it, but in the end I did, so I came over as needy. Which I'm not at all, but the bad experiences from past, appreared again. After she came back to have sex, she also did this. I didn't text. She was texting me again. But I wanted this girl so asked her out. She then met someone else on and now she's with him. How I know? Social media.. She didnt block me, I can still call her. So maybe we'll meet again one day.
PRW Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Do you think/know she really lied? Or are you just interpreting it this way? I think she probably had her heart with that guy and it either wasn't defined for them yet, i.e. not exclusive (you guys weren't exclusive either so she was within her rights really) way that bolsters your self-esteem, avoids the theme and storyline you have consistently been playing in your head from being burned, scarred and f*cked over. I thnk you are editorializing with "she lied, etc, treated me like trash" and taking it to the extreme there. Her behavior all along was of someone who was dating others and heart was with someone else which isn't abnormal when you are first dating, multi dating and just a handful of dates in as you were. You are blowing it out of proportion. Great points. I know some people have a hard time with the multi-dating thing but they really need to grasp it. You're not in a relationship and are not boyfriend/girlfriend after a couple dates no matter how good they seemed. When you are still during that stage both people are free to date others. One or the other may choose not to do so but it is still a mindset that needs to be kept,...that both have the right to exercise if they choose to. No one screwed anyone over here. It all happened almost in a textbook way. All the signals were communicated by her to him in the normal way that they always are,...he just didn't see it. She may have dropped him on social media but she did "not" block him,...that is important,...it means she doesn't see him as the enemy and doesn't feel threatened by him, which is a positive thing. I may go back to the original message and break out some of those things. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 Yea, she wasn't over her ex. Now that I've read through all of the comments (thank you so much) I realized that. She used me as a rebound. She was also constantly testing me, pulling back, hot cold, I tried to not react to it, but in the end I did, so I came over as needy. Which I'm not at all, but the bad experiences from past, appreared again. While this surely didn't help, it wasn't the biggest issue, either. When someone is not over their ex, how the rebound behaves is largely irrelevant. It doesn't do much except prolong or expedite a relationship that didn't have legs to begin with.
ChatroomHero Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 First of all thank you for the replies. She did mention to me that the fact I didn't text her during those months, made her feel like ''oh whatever''. I basically initiated 80% of the texting while she did 20. Could it be that she wasn't used to dating and that she was old fashion letting the man put in effort? This was gas lighting. She liked you enough but you weren't "the one" for her, for whatever reason. She wasn't feeling it and the whole I need to work on myself without you, you didn't text so i felt you weren't serious...is her way of dumping you without having to feel guilty. She can't think of a good reason why she wasn't into you, doesn't want to tel you, "I am just not feeling it", so it is easier to make it look like YOU did something wrong that changed her opinion of you, so she doesn't have to be the bad guy and be honest with you. Any time someone distances themselves and tells you it's your fault, especially when you know they are in control and really calling the shots, it's because they are not adult enough to get over the cringe of telling someone they thought they were interested in, that they don't measure up. They probably don't have a good, concrete reason why they are not feeling it so they can't find a way to tell someone that they know they may have led on a bit and shown interest initially that faded, that they lost interest. If you sit there and think it's your fault and you need to change, you do yourself a disservice because if she was really feeling it and into you, everything you did would have been just fine. Just because she lost interest does not mean you made her lose interest.
PRW Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 (edited) She used me as a rebound. She didn't use you for anything. You were just as much in the competition as the next guy. You just didn't win that's all. I'm going to pull parts of your original message and point out some things that you need to keep in mind for the next one that comes along. We met online.When meeting online you are never the only one. If she is very attractive you are probably 1 of 10. You only have to screw up once or twice before she says "Next!" Keep that in mind if you meet the next one online. Instant connection (as far as you can have that online) a lot of texting, and later video calling. Eventually, she agreed to date me.Far too much texting and hiding behind computers & cell phones. Next time you pass a couple messages back and forth, then offer the date which is a specific day/time/place. You need to know what you are going to offer ahead of time and be ready. Never say, "Let's...<blah><blah><blah>...sometime". She didn't agree to "date you",...she agreed to "go on a date with you". It is a matter of perspective. It felt like I had finally met ''The one''."The One" is a myth. You can search that phrase on YouTube and get more videos from various coaches then you can watch in a day. As soon as you think about a woman on the first date as "The One" you've lost it, it's over. Never allow yourself to think that until you have been exclusive for about 6 months. This isn't the 1950's with the Cleavers,...it is a whole different world out there today. [side info: she had just gotten out of a 6-month relationship and was 1-month single]Meaningless [for you]. Every woman over the age of 15 has had an "Ex" just before meeting you, and all the Exes are always bad. Never ask about these details and if she brings it up first move off the subject as soon as you can. However it is important to note that women will say this when they meet you or shortly after as a way to say, "Slow it down, cool your jets. I'm just looking to go out and have a good time right now." On the date she told me she didn't want to rush thingsAgain she is saying, "Slow it down, cool your jets. I'm just looking to go out and have a good time right now." We talked about past relationships, and I became emotional in front of her. She told me no big deal, but I felt bad about it. It was the first time I felt being able to open up to a girl, she just felt special. The connection was still great..Never talk about past relationships, and never "get emotional" talking about that stuff. Open up to your therapist,...she's not your therapist and doesn't want to be. She wants a guy who can take care of her and be her emotional rock,...not be someone she has to take care of. She also displayed a lack of interest in my life, but I thought she was just busy.Again she is saying, "Slow it down, cool your jets. I'm just looking to go out and have a good time right now." When I asked her out for date 5, she suddenly didn't feel ready. She had a lot of physical stuff going on, and couldn't meet up.It is all just excuses to let you down gently rather than tell you that she has a date with another guy. She does that because she knows that you are way too over-invested already,...but if you had more of a take it or leave it attitude (like she isn't your only option) she may have just honestly told you she had another date that weekend. I know this by experience and they have trusted me enough to just be honest and tell me the truth. If someone wants to spend time with you they will make the time and they will see you as their excuse to take a break from all the "stuff" they have to do. When she left, she forgot her jacket, that is still hanging around.Tell her it is there and that you can pack it up and ship it to her. If she wants she can come pick it up, send a friend to pick it up, or you can take it to her,...but none of those options can be your idea,...those options must be her idea and must be suggested by her. I felt like I needed to be honest and opened up how much she meant to me. That she was the woman of my dreams and that I wanted to make it work with her, and give her everything she never had. She didn't respond to it and it has been two months.Never ever do this. This is horrible and it never works except on needy insecure women with co-dependency issues. Normal healthy women will see this as very weak unattractive behavor. Edited July 1, 2019 by PRW 1
Author 9089 Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 Yea I send her that message, to tell her I wanted to make things work. She told me months before that I was a great guy and very caring and sweet, but that she needed rest to find herself back.. So I truly believed her. Now that I felt she started dating someone else, I decided to openly tell her how much I liked her, so maybe she would come to het senses, but that was a big mistake.. I just wanted to play open card. She didn’t.. I guess
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