Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 That's supposed to stop him from having a crush on your man? He's acting like a jealous frenemy who's been pissed at you because you're with the guy they want to be with. Well like I stated my friend and I had a falling out about a month ago
kendahke Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) That's supposed to stop him from having a crush on your man? He's acting like a jealous frenemy who's been pissed at you because you're with the guy they want to be with. to add: Your disagreement was all the excuse your "friend" needed to green light their attempt to try and bury you in the eyes of your man... and your man was all to willing to accept those lies on face value, as if he has no idea what your character is like after being in a relationship with you for 2 years. Edited June 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Threads merged
Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 A supportive bf who knows you well will have your back. Does he benefit in some way from not believing you - say for instance if he's done something bad himself that he doesn't want you to know or he doesn't want you to think badly of him? His own guilty conscience would explain why he chooses not to believe you? I’m not sure. I don’t think my boyfriend has spoken badly about me. But i wanted to confront my friend just so so could show my boyfriend proof but, i don’t think it’s worth it. My boyfriend and I aren’t perfect but, I don’t talk about him or drag his name and my friend told my bf i pop up at his house unannounced. Which is all a lie. I have never done any of those things. He then told my boyfriend i was annoying
Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 to add: Your disagreement was all the excuse your "friend" needed to green light their attempt to try and bury you in the eyes of your man... and your man was all to willing to accept those lies on face value, as if he has no idea what your character is like after being in a relationship with you for 2 years. From the other thread: Yeah you’re right! I wouldn’t even consider it a falling out. But, we decided to move in together as roommates in April. But 45 days before the lease started i chose to back out and communicate to my friend that i no longer financially could move in because I am no longer getting the hours at work that I once were. After telling him i wasn’t able to move in he got upset with me. He started making me feel guilty and bad and asked for money to help him with bills. So i have him $250 and apologized for not being able to move in and that’s when he decides to tel my bf this slur of lies
littleblackheart Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 Your bf choosing not to believe you is a bigger problem than your friend's lie, tbh. Sounds like your bf has a guilty conscience about something.
Orokotikki Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 Is your friend a male? What a mess if so. Of course your BF will doubt you in this case, and unfortunate. He will doubt because you haven't demonstrated solid boundaries with this person (at least in the past), and now it is apparent that they had untoward motives, but it is very hard to disprove. Sorry to hear about the situation. I would clear your name as best you could, but do not involve the 'friend' in any way. Cut them out of your life. No matter what happens, try to take to heart the lesson to be learned from this.
Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) Unfortunately my friend is a male. How do i establish boundaries. I want to stand up for myself because I didn’t do any of this Edited June 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
Orokotikki Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 I would like to add, even the least jealous BF is suspicious of any male friends at least subconsciously, much more so when there are elements that seem excessive or questionable to them (for me things like lending money, buying them dinner, etc would qualify). Its not an attack on your character, but this is why it can be important to avoid the appearance of impropriety, it eliminates the vulnerability thats exists when one partner has to keep telling them self again and again 'nah, they're just friends' - in such circumstance even a poor liar could wreak havoc.
Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) I lent him money because he was hard on times and couldn’t pay his bills. I wish i hadn’t though. I have given him food because he couldn’t eat I’ve watched his daughter because he couldn’t afford a babysitter. We had a slight falling out because i couldn’t move in because of my own financial problems and he’s been mad st me ever since Edited June 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
Orokotikki Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 Cross posted with your last. You might, I guess call him on speakerphone and tell him off, make it clear you want nothing to do with them again. Enumerate their lies, and tell them how disgustingly obvious their motives were now. Maybe some great line like "even if my BF does dump me I wouldn't get with you if you were the last man on earth". I think it would go along way in your BF's eyes. I hope so at least. 1
littleblackheart Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 Sounds like you have 2 problems on your hands, OP: 1. A crap friend willing to throw you under the bus for revenge because you had to back out from moving with him. 2. An unsupportive bf This is not an easy situation to be in for sure.
Orokotikki Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 That sounds really bizarre, I am sure I do not understand the circumstance. I consider myself modern and liberal but would never stay with a GF who was considering moving in with a male 'friend'. Anyways. Best of luck to you. No matter what, life moves on, move forward and upward.
Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) I was considering it but i backed out because i felt uncomfortable. And i told my bf this Edited June 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 Sounds like you have 2 problems on your hands, OP: 1. A crap friend willing to throw you under the bus for revenge because you had to back out from moving with him. 2. An unsupportive bf This is not an easy situation to be in for sure. I felt bad for not being able to move in. So i tried to compensate him for as much as i could
littleblackheart Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 Oh. What a tangled web.... This does not scream 'healthy relationship' whichever way you look at it, OP. 1
Author SunFeel Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) What is telling him off going to help? I asked my friend numerous times why did he lie on me and instead of telling me the truth he says “stop calling and texting my phone with this b.s.” he hasn’t told me why or what’s wrong or defended hisself Edited June 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
Gretchen12 Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 Don't defend yourself, don't try to explain. I first heard this when I was in my 20's. A wise man said, when someone is wrong about you, don't keep trying to explain and change his mind. Do nothing. At the time I was incredulous but I stopped explaining and it worked. Since then, I simply state the truth, once, and don't try to convince someone he's wrong about me. I'm now in my 50's. It works, how? Well, when you don't try to explain, the person may be in the dark for some time. But it is really weird that somehow the truth always comes to light, maybe not right away, but it will. And in my experience, what happens is the person that had the wrong idea, starts to suspect he was wrong about you, he rethinks and investigates. He gets this idea through other observations or an intuition. You must give people time to find the truth. No need to cut people off. The universe will reveal the truth to him when it is time. At least it has worked that way in my life
Author SunFeel Posted June 26, 2019 Author Posted June 26, 2019 Don't defend yourself, don't try to explain. I first heard this when I was in my 20's. A wise man said, when someone is wrong about you, don't keep trying to explain and change his mind. Do nothing. At the time I was incredulous but I stopped explaining and it worked. Since then, I simply state the truth, once, and don't try to convince someone he's wrong about me. I'm now in my 50's. It works, how? Well, when you don't try to explain, the person may be in the dark for some time. But it is really weird that somehow the truth always comes to light, maybe not right away, but it will. And in my experience, what happens is the person that had the wrong idea, starts to suspect he was wrong about you, he rethinks and investigates. He gets this idea through other observations or an intuition. You must give people time to find the truth. No need to cut people off. The universe will reveal the truth to him when it is time. At least it has worked that way in my life I understand what you’re coming from but i was attempting to save my relationship
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 How were things with your boyfriend before this, OP? I am wondering if he was already looking for a way out of the relationship, and is using this as his exit strategy. You can't single-handedly fix this. Your boyfriend has to be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, which it appears he is not going to do at this time. There really is no way to prove a negative. He either believes you, or it's time to reconsider the relationship. Sorry. 1
Author SunFeel Posted June 26, 2019 Author Posted June 26, 2019 How were things with your boyfriend before this, OP? I am wondering if he was already looking for a way out of the relationship, and is using this as his exit strategy. You can't single-handedly fix this. Your boyfriend has to be willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, which it appears he is not going to do at this time. There really is no way to prove a negative. He either believes you, or it's time to reconsider the relationship. Sorry. Things have been going great tbh
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 In answer to the OP: Being lied to is the worst. Being lied about is going to happen if you accomplish anything in life so I don't give it much thought when it happens. You know who gets lied about most in this world? IMO it's God.
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 My friend and i had a falling out a few weeks ago. Now he’s ran behind my back and told my bf that i was talking bad about him and telling our business etc.. Hold up......your friend is a guy? Well that makes a huge difference. A guy trusts another bro over a girl most times....that's why your BF is stuck on what he is saying about you. This falling out with your friend...he's trying to break you two up because your BF is taking away all your attention from him. Your friend is an orbiter, and he's staking his territory. He likes you more than you think romantically. Your BF is totally blind to this. 2
Author SunFeel Posted June 26, 2019 Author Posted June 26, 2019 Hold up......your friend is a guy? Well that makes a huge difference. A guy trusts another bro over a girl most times....that's why your BF is stuck on what he is saying about you. This falling out with your friend...he's trying to break you two up because your BF is taking away all your attention from him. Your friend is an orbiter, and he's staking his territory. He likes you more than you think romantically. Your BF is totally blind to this. My friend is in a relationship hisself. But we had a falling out because we decided to be roommates when his lease was up in July and instead is us being roommates i changed my mind and decided that i wanted to move back in with my parents. So he got angry and said i put him in a financial bind. And i said how did i put you in a bind when the lease didn’t start until July and i told him in May. So i compensated him $250 and that’s when he told my bf. He took my money and started talking about me
crispytoast Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 It was in May and the lease was for July?! I wouldn't have given the guy a single dollar. The guy sounds like a turd, no offense. And it looks kinda bad that you paid him off like that. 2
kendahke Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 I lent him money because he was hard on times and couldn’t pay his bills. I wish i hadn’t though. I have given him food because he couldn’t eat I’ve watched his daughter because he couldn’t afford a babysitter. We had a slight falling out because i couldn’t move in because of my own financial problems and he’s been mad st me ever since What an ingrate! He's selfish in the extreme. You aren't his savior or his mother--you're not supposed to be. He's grown, not a child. You don't owe him a financial solution because his finances are trash behind the decisions he's made. He didn't offer you one, did he? You have to look out for your own financial best interests, not his. That's his heavy lift. If he needs more money, he needs to get another job or get a bank loan. 1
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