Iris The Butterfly Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 (edited) Actually I hated online dating, i felt it was and is so forced and unnatural it was hard not to be uptight. You’re basically interacting with total strangers that you have no connections to, who knows who they could turn out to be. I wouldn’t even respond at all to someone who talked sex in any way before we even met. Look frus69- your level of comfort and mine and others is all different. The OP started this thread about guys online whose comments turned sexual. It’s not ok for her, it’s not ok with me, it may be ok for you, etc. She’s just saying (and I’m agreeing) when people talk like that to strangers they’ve never even met, it’s not “wrong” but it does usually seem to show they’re looking for a hookup, not a real relationship. As soon as the conversation turns sexual - yes, even joking about joining in the shower- it raises questions as to if that person is only looking for sex. A person who was really serious about not scaring someone off by sexual comments would never even risk that. Me- I prefer a gentleman. If you’re ok with those comments more power to you. I’m just agreeing with OP. When I was online I had the same problem as she’s having. Put it this way- I’ve never had a guy ever say anything sexual like that before we met or even too early on who I’ve dated at all or dated long term. Edited June 27, 2019 by littlebridge
frus69 Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 If you dont like flirting with guys before a date, cool, dont do it. But thats not OP's problem. She says she enjoys sex. She is just afraid they are a player. So Im telling her occasional sexual flirt doesn't always mean they are a player. If you insist it does, then I dont agree becasue my BF (who I met on Tinder btw) was quite sexual but he isnt a player at all. I still say it's totally fine to give them another chance.
TheFinalWord Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 No, not every guy is looking for casual. Depends on the site. Sites like Tinder are more known for hooking up, whereas a site like e-harmony is more for looking for relationships. You can say "I don't do ONS" on Tinder, but to be honest, do you know how many times I've heard that in my life, only for the woman to make a move for sex on the first date Men don't buy it, especially if your pics are suggestive. There is a lot of hooking up though, pretty quick too, that is the norm unfortunately. Leads to a lot of emotional damage and mistrust, but there are diamonds in the ruff. You just have to keep searching. And maybe loosen up your parameters a bit if you are being overly picky.
bluesfan Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 No, not every guy is looking for casual. Depends on the site. Sites like Tinder are more known for hooking up, whereas a site like e-harmony is more for looking for relationships. You can say "I don't do ONS" on Tinder, but to be honest, do you know how many times I've heard that in my life, only for the woman to make a move for sex on the first date Men don't buy it, especially if your pics are suggestive. There is a lot of hooking up though, pretty quick too, that is the norm unfortunately. Leads to a lot of emotional damage and mistrust, but there are diamonds in the ruff. You just have to keep searching. And maybe loosen up your parameters a bit if you are being overly picky. I notice on tinder when I search my region a lot of results are of women who don't live in the state but who are on vacation or are possible prostitutes who lists a location in my region but live in cities out of state, ah, the joys of living in floriduh a state full of transient people. Watch live pd sometime when they do FL. This state really is the dong of the us literally.
TheFinalWord Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 Yes, quite a few are looking for sugar daddies. I'm sure prostitution is on there as well. Normally, those profiles will try to re-direct you off the app to WhatsApp or some other app as soon as possible (one or two messages).
MaleIntuition Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 A lot of women on OLD are very picky when it comes to looks. Few will probably admit it; but on apps such as tinder/bumble you don’t have anything but a few pictures and your intuition which normally turns out to be fairly weak. The result is that women goes after men whom are (for a lack of a better word) out of their league. Men on the other hand tend to simultaneously look for potential hookups AND relationships, which means that they are fairly liberal with their swipes and therefore winding up matching with women they don’t really consider relationship material. 1
nospam99 Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 What's a hookup (in context)? There are people on dating sites looking for NSA ONS (obviously can be called a hookup). And then there are the people looking for a more committed relationship that incidentally includes sex (also can be called a hookup). I'd be surprised if there are many people on dating sites who are not interested in sex at all. So yeah, ALMOST everyone on dating sites is looking for a hookup. But that's not the same thing for all of them as hump and dump.
Rayce Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 What's a hookup (in context)? There are people on dating sites looking for NSA ONS (obviously can be called a hookup). And then there are the people looking for a more committed relationship that incidentally includes sex (also can be called a hookup). I'd be surprised if there are many people on dating sites who are not interested in sex at all. So yeah, ALMOST everyone on dating sites is looking for a hookup. But that's not the same thing for all of them as hump and dump. I think some of us describe a "hookup" as a "hump and dump". I agree with OP here... large % of the guys I have meet off of OLD were not looking to get to know me or date me... they were wanting a "hookup".
Shining One Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 I agree with OP here... large % of the guys I have meet off of OLD were not looking to get to know me or date me... they were wanting a "hookup".How do you know what their intentions were? For many men, myself included, sleeping with a woman is part of the getting to know her process.
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 How do you know what their intentions were? For many men, myself included, sleeping with a woman is part of the getting to know her process. OK but I guess you are not the kind of guy the OP is looking for. Its horses for courses, she is looking to get to know men first, you are looking for sex first... Neither is wrong or right. Whatever works best but you do not strike me really as a relationship type of guy, but I could be wrong.
Shining One Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 Whatever works best but you do not strike me really as a relationship type of guy, but I could be wrong.At the moment, I'm not looking for a relationship (or anything else really), but my last relationship went from mid 2014 to early 2019. We also had sex on the first date.
Author Cora Posted July 1, 2019 Author Posted July 1, 2019 I just broke all my rules today and actually had a so called hookup. Can’t believe I’m actually saying this much less went through with it. Not sure how I feel about it yet. Definitely not something I’d normally do. He asked to get together again on Tuesday. Not sure if I will or won’t. Still trying to make sense of what I did. Definitely wasn’t something we were looking for...or at least he claimed he wasn’t. Anyway, safety precautions were used of course. This just makes me realize that I honestly have no clue what I want or am looking for.
rightondude Posted July 1, 2019 Posted July 1, 2019 I just broke all my rules today and actually had a so called hookup. Can’t believe I’m actually saying this much less went through with it. Not sure how I feel about it yet. Definitely not something I’d normally do. He asked to get together again on Tuesday. Not sure if I will or won’t. Still trying to make sense of what I did. Definitely wasn’t something we were looking for...or at least he claimed he wasn’t. Anyway, safety precautions were used of course. This just makes me realize that I honestly have no clue what I want or am looking for. lol just goes to show, right (looking) guy with the right words and all the rules go out the window....hey fun is fun, maybe he is a keeper.
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