Cora Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Most guys I’ve talked to just come right out and say it. Others start off with normal conversation and reel you in before slipping it in there saying things like “I’m laying in my bed naked right now” or “I’m about to get in the shower and wish you could join me.” They claim they are looking for a serious long term relationship and yet they say things like this to a total stranger? I must have blocked at least 50 or more guys by now. Am I being too picky? Or is this just what dating has become these days?
bluesfan Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Most guys I’ve talked to just come right out and say it. Others start off with normal conversation and reel you in before slipping it in there saying things like “I’m laying in my bed naked right now” or “I’m about to get in the shower and wish you could join me.” They claim they are looking for a serious long term relationship and yet they say things like this to a total stranger? I must have blocked at least 50 or more guys by now. Am I being too picky? Or is this just what dating has become these days? Well, I'm not bad looking or fat and I used a couple dating sites and don't say that kind of nasty stuff and I only get like a few replies that usually flake out. I guess I'm doing this all wrong and I need to act all pervy in my messages?
mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I wish I could say "Yes they are all looking for a hookup", but ... THey're not really. After all, there are people on religious websites (LDSPlanet, Catholic Singles, etc.) who take their faith very seriously. And one of the aspects of their faith(s) is that they don't have premarital sex (or say they don't). I think if you're not looking just for a hookup that you should SAY in the profile verbage that you are looking for a relationship rather than something vague or casual. If it says "you must be open minded" that usually is a precursor to "hookup". 2
mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 But some words of caution : Don't do EHarmony whatever you do. It's an expensive way to talk to people. I did it twice and after the second time I said never again. I only ended up truly connecting with two guys (one was in another state, the other was in my city), and both of them went no where. I felt like I had invested a lot of time and energy into answering questions only to have them match me with someone within a so many mile radius of my zip code which any website can do. 1
Garcon1986 Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 If you are looking for men who suppress their sexual desire, you will never find the man you are looking for. That kind of man is known as a Catholic priest. You can however push for a comfortable relationship before sex; you can set rules of the game that involve making you comfortable first. Most men don't know how to flirt sexually anymore, in a way that women like (or how is portrayed in the movies). You'll need to teach most men at least a little bit about how to flirt. I'm a perfect example of an honest man who is still learning how to make women comfortable online who always gets the cold shoulder because I don't know how to make my prospect feel comfortable. If your current set of prospects disturbs you that much, you can always resort to offline dating.
bluesfan Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 But some words of caution : Don't do EHarmony whatever you do. It's an expensive way to talk to people. I did it twice and after the second time I said never again. I only ended up truly connecting with two guys (one was in another state, the other was in my city), and both of them went no where. I felt like I had invested a lot of time and energy into answering questions only to have them match me with someone within a so many mile radius of my zip code which any website can do. I signed up for free profile which doesn't show you pics but the matches and I didn't get very many returns myself. Also, Catholic Singles has hardly any women on it that are very active on the site. Way less than Christian Mingle which even Christian Mingle in my area has very few users active daily on it. I never paid for those two sites because it would be a waste of money with only like 4 decent sounding and looking women active daily on the thing within a 70 mile radius. Even Match within a 70 mile radius doesn't have a ton of quality users. As I said before I log on and see the same people on there everyday. Southwest FL is older people though but it's still pretty populated and I see very few ladies using the site. Hardly worth 40 bucks a month when you see the same small handful of people on there. I think I might cancel match. Since only about 50 percent read your messages (I pay 5 for read feature) fewer reply and a lot of fake profiles in my region. I pay 40 bucks to see the same stuff. I'd be better using that 40 bucks and buying lotto scratch offs and at least win a couple hundred. 1
frus69 Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 No. Even when I was on Tinder I had plenty of guys talk respectively to me. I think you are exaggerating.
bluesfan Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 No. Even when I was on Tinder I had plenty of guys talk respectively to me. I think you are exaggerating. Yea, I agree about the OP. Around me Tinder, Bumble has mostly slutty looking women, or odd profiles. Why can't there just be normal women on these dating sites?
Author Cora Posted June 24, 2019 Author Posted June 24, 2019 I love sex just as much as the next person....I just wasn’t expecting to have it brought up before ever meeting in person. Not saying that there is even anything wrong with that. To each their own. I’m just looking to get to know someone first outside of the bedroom. I don’t know....perhaps my standards are too high when it come to OLD.
bluesfan Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I love sex just as much as the next person....I just wasn’t expecting to have it brought up before ever meeting in person. Not saying that there is even anything wrong with that. To each their own. I’m just looking to get to know someone first outside of the bedroom. I don’t know....perhaps my standards are too high when it come to OLD. Yea, I made a post about that in my other thread about that girl the other night on Okcupid acting odd and slutty in her original messages.
Author Cora Posted June 24, 2019 Author Posted June 24, 2019 No. Even when I was on Tinder I had plenty of guys talk respectively to me. I think you are exaggerating. I wish I were. And that’s just it....they start off taking very respectfully, but then it’s like they try to test the limits and throw something sexual into the convo.
Author Cora Posted June 24, 2019 Author Posted June 24, 2019 If you are looking for men who suppress their sexual desire, you will never find the man you are looking for. That kind of man is known as a Catholic priest. You can however push for a comfortable relationship before sex; you can set rules of the game that involve making you comfortable first. Most men don't know how to flirt sexually anymore, in a way that women like (or how is portrayed in the movies). You'll need to teach most men at least a little bit about how to flirt. I'm a perfect example of an honest man who is still learning how to make women comfortable online who always gets the cold shoulder because I don't know how to make my prospect feel comfortable. If your current set of prospects disturbs you that much, you can always resort to offline dating. Interesting...never looked at it that way, but I guess you do have a point.
frus69 Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Yea, I agree about the OP. Around me Tinder, Bumble has mostly slutty looking women, or odd profiles. Why can't there just be normal women on these dating sites? There are many slutty women, but not 100%. In fact I'd say 50% -60%. There are still at least 40% normal women, and that's a lot.
BaileyB Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I love sex just as much as the next person....I just wasn’t expecting to have it brought up before ever meeting in person. Not saying that there is even anything wrong with that. To each their own. I’m just looking to get to know someone first outside of the bedroom. I don’t know....perhaps my standards are too high when it come to OLD. Keep your standards. 1
frus69 Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) I love sex just as much as the next person....I just wasn’t expecting to have it brought up before ever meeting in person. Not saying that there is even anything wrong with that. To each their own. I’m just looking to get to know someone first outside of the bedroom. I don’t know....perhaps my standards are too high when it come to OLD. I too would expect a guy not to be sexual before I meet him. But I usually meet them within 3 days. Do you talk to them for a long period of time? Sometimes guys throw some sexual flirts in there because they want you to know they are interested, not just as friends. Sometimes guys dont know these comments are off putting. And also just because a guy wants sex, doesn't mean that's the only thing he wants. The "join me in the shower" isnt that bad, you really dont need to write him off completely just because of this one remark. You could just divert the topic to something else. So he may get the hint that this is not something you want to engage in. So he may learn to talk to you the way you like Edited June 24, 2019 by frus69
rightondude Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 No. Even when I was on Tinder I had plenty of guys talk respectively to me. I think you are exaggerating. Yea, I agree about the OP. Around me Tinder, Bumble has mostly slutty looking women, or odd profiles. Why can't there just be normal women on these dating sites? Even with the suggestive pic posting women, I speak as if I were meeting them in public. None of this "send me nudes" or "I'm horny" crap ... maybe it's age, upbringing or something else, I dunno, and I've even had women act surprised that I'm not more forward based on the usual messages they get. I just don't work that way. Guys that do seem to have some success doing so, else why else would they do it, but not me. I've done alright. Keep your standards and just be a gentleman. Then go on an actual date and then try to get the woman naked and in bed like a real stand up dude would do!
chillii Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) Most guys I’ve talked to just come right out and say it. Others start off with normal conversation and reel you in before slipping it in there saying things like “I’m laying in my bed naked right now” or “I’m about to get in the shower and wish you could join me.” They claim they are looking for a serious long term relationship and yet they say things like this to a total stranger? I must have blocked at least 50 or more guys by now. Am I being too picky? Or is this just what dating has become these days? Well, dunno about there but nope not in my world for me as a guy. That's the last thing l'd look for on a date site as most of the women are pretty crap anyway, not to mention use old pics ans lie and you wouldn't have a damn clue who you were supposedly sleeping with until you actually met her. l wouldn't even wanna sleep with 99% of the women on mine anyway. To me date sites seem like the most ridiculous place on the planet to look for that stuff. lf l was interested l'd go to bars and pubs where l see what l'm " really" getting in 1/10th of a second before l even bother first. Seems crazy shyt to me. So nope , for me and for anyone l did meet when l was on one for a short while, it was nothing to do with hook ups.l and any women l met were looking for a serious thing. Edited June 24, 2019 by chillii 1
guest569 Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 ^ what are you even talking about?? Anyway, your standards are what they are. No, in my experience there are plenty of guys who are not looking for hookups. I've had 3 relationships start from online dating. Zero from real life. I have never had to go blocking 50+ guys who are being inappropriate. Maybe the occasional. What are your pics and bio like?? Are you in a densely populated area? I don't get why you're having sooo many sleazy guys harass you.
chillii Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 You talking to me ? , ahhh, l was answering her question obviously.
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) Granted I was only on OLD for 90 days almost 12 years ago but nobody ever said overly suggestive things to me before we met. If you don't like the direction of a conversation, speak up & shut it down. I suspect most men are testing the boundaries & the good ones will dial it back if you express distaste. For example, when faced with those statements I think I'd reply something like, "It's a bit early for the overtly sexual talk. We haven't even met so can't be sure a spark exists. Let's not put the cart before the horse, shall we." I did do e-harmony & everybody I was matched with had marriage as a goal. They all seemed like quality people on paper -- highly educated, good jobs. If you are getting matches too far away, lower the radius which find acceptable. Based on where I live I upped my radius to include NYC; I live about an hour outside of the city, about 40 miles away. Many guys rejected me based on the distance but NYers are like that; if you aren't within 5 blocks they can't be bothered. If OLD is not working for you, increase the number of activities you are doing that are designed to enable you to meet new people & enlarge your social circle. Edited June 24, 2019 by d0nnivain
Foxhall Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Yes a lot of guys too would actually be thinking well this lady I am talking too, they will want me to spice things up, so they turn the conversation sexual because they think that is what the woman wants, As muted though when they do eventually meet up in person and there is no sexual chemistry at all, the build up can seem a little foolish then.
central Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I was always looking for a relationship, but was not opposed to a hookup if someone were interested in that. I had very few hookups, but plenty of short and long-term dating situations, a few of which became relationships. IMO, I'd say most guys want hookups but that sometimes will become a relationship with a special woman. And many will say the "right" things so that they even get a date in the first place. If you want more than a hookup, go on a couple of dates before having sex - it will weed out some of the worst players - but not all.
chillii Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Granted I was only on OLD for 90 days almost 12 years ago but nobody ever said overly suggestive things to me before we met. If you don't like the direction of a conversation, speak up & shut it down. I suspect most men are testing the boundaries & the good ones will dial it back if you express distaste. For example, when faced with those statements I think I'd reply something like, "It's a bit early for the overtly sexual talk. We haven't even met so can't be sure a spark exists. Let's not put the cart before the horse, shall we." I did do e-harmony & everybody I was matched with had marriage as a goal. They all seemed like quality people on paper -- highly educated, good jobs. If you are getting matches too far away, lower the radius which find acceptable. Based on where I live I upped my radius to include NYC; I live about an hour outside of the city, about 40 miles away. Many guys rejected me based on the distance but NYers are like that; if you aren't within 5 blocks they can't be bothered. If OLD is not working for you, increase the number of activities you are doing that are designed to enable you to meet new people & enlarge your social circle. Haaa, well you broke my 40 day record anyway.
ChatroomHero Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I wish I could say "Yes they are all looking for a hookup", but ... THey're not really. After all, there are people on religious websites (LDSPlanet, Catholic Singles, etc.) who take their faith very seriously. And one of the aspects of their faith(s) is that they don't have premarital sex (or say they don't). I think if you're not looking just for a hookup that you should SAY in the profile verbage that you are looking for a relationship rather than something vague or casual. If it says "you must be open minded" that usually is a precursor to "hookup". I think the mistake people make is not taking into account how what the guy is looking for, changes from time to time. I don't use dating site much, I had in the past, but with any given person or at any given time, I was probably into a hookup but not opposed to a relationship either. People ask, "what are you looking for?" and the answer was in reality, a relationship or a hookup. So in that regard, guys might make comments to feel you out and see what you are down for. They might be a little vague or misleading until they know which way you are headed. On top of that, in January thru April I had a FWB that was working well so I was more open to a relationship than a FWB, I already had that. I was hoping in the summer to spend a little more time with her or else date someone a little more serious. The crappy Michigan weather has played into it, not going out as much, but if I was on a dating site in January-April, I would be looking for one thing. From April on I have been looking for a different thing. So to put in a profile, "I am looking for a hookup" is not always true and may change like the weather. I think on dating sites what you are looking for changes enough and depends on the time of day and what the other person is like. It's not as finite as you'd probably like I think.
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Haaa, well you broke my 40 day record anyway. only because I paid for 3 months. lol
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