Starstuff1992 Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I have been with my boyfriend a little over a month, so it’s still a very new relationship obviously. I do really like him and enjoy his company for the most part. He is very kind, respectful, and overall I truly appreciate him. The problem is that he is so quiet and I find him boring sometimes. I’m an introvert myself, but I’m normally pretty chatty with people. I enjoy a wide range of topics from comics books to astronomy to sports. There’s not many people that I can’t find something to talk about. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is the exception. If I bring up a topic, say a movie or a book I like, he’ll just say something mundane like “oh I’ve never heard of that.” I ask him what type of movies he enjoys, and he’ll just give a vague answer like “action movies” and won’t really expand when I try to ask more. This pattern goes for almost anything I ask him - even when asking about his family, his job, etc. He won’t even expand on topics that I know he’s really interested in such as cars and sports. If I read a controversial article in the news, I’ll tell him about it and then ask his opinion. He doesn’t seem to have an opinion on anything and it drives me crazy. He’ll normally just agree with whatever I say. He’ll repeat back to me what I say. For example, if I say something like “my boss was really getting on my nerves today. They did this, this and this..” he’ll just say something like “oh yeah you’re boss was really getting on your nerves.” I don’t know what to do anymore. I do really like this guy, but I want to be able to have a conversation with him. Has anyone dealt with this with their partners? Do you think this is shyness and I should give him a chance to open up more? I guess I should probably bring it up with him, but I’m afraid of embarrassing him. Thanks for any insight. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I don’t know what to do anymore. I do really like this guy, but I want to be able to have a conversation with him. Has anyone dealt with this with their partners? Do you think this is shyness and I should give him a chance to open up more? I guess I should probably bring it up with him, but I’m afraid of embarrassing him. Thanks for any insight. I do find this rather odd. Just the newness of the relationship should have him begging for details about your life. In fact your problem should be what you should tell him not that he doesn't want to know. It's possible that he is not a deep thinker and doesn't like to jump into the deep end of the pool. I can't see you being attracted to someone like that so my guess is that you intimidate him because of your wide range of knowledge and ability to converse on multiple levels. No guy wants to feel like an idiot with his new girl friend. Better to be considered boring rather than dull witted. Boring you can recover from. Best Wishes for your relationship Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Sounds tough. Have you seen him with his mates? I'm wondering if he is relaxed and talkative with people he's known for ages. Hmmm....does he have mates? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 When I start dating someone new, I comb the local news web-sites for "feel good" stories that they run. (Nothing gruesome or dark, happy stories) I commit some of the details to memory and bring them up during the date if the conversation seems to stall. For the most part it works, but it does require the other person to expand upon the subject. I do remember dating one woman and as hard as I tried I just couldn't get her to keep a conversation going. After a few dates, I threw in the towel as I interpreted her actions as she just wasn't all that into me. I could have been wrong about her, and that was just her personality. In the end, it just wasn't something I wanted to deal with in a relationship, so I bailed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Yes, I have been there and done that. The only thing that kept me interested in him was how great he was in bed. Eventually that just was not enough. You are either a good match or you are not. It seems like you are not. I say cut your losses now and find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 You're calling him your boyfriend after only a month? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starstuff1992 Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 You're calling him your boyfriend after only a month? I said have been with him for a month - as in we have been exclusive for about a month now. Dating for longer. I call him my boyfriend because we’ve had this talk and that is what he is... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Osho Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 I’m the same. Can talk about almost anything. I’ve tried that even recently gave a female another shot. But The conversation and intellect is lacking. Half the words coming out of my mouth are foreign to her. You can see her pick up on it as she tries to fall back on sexual conversation in hopes I’ll stay interested. But that’s what turns me on, Randomness and intelligence, if they’re lacking either then I usually move them to the friend zone. I’ve had relationships with a few that fit well enough for me to see when someone doesn’t at all. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 I dated someone like this once - super nice guy but bored me to tears. Actually, two different men. I ended it with both because I wanted someone who I could talk with, who was interesting and engaging. And when I met my current boyfriend, boy was I glad I ended it with those guys... If you are bored after one month, imagine what life is going to be like in 5, 10, 25 years... As they say, marry someone who is good company because as you get older, that’s going to be really important... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 I said have been with him for a month - as in we have been exclusive for about a month now. Dating for longer. I call him my boyfriend because we’ve had this talk and that is what he is... Ok, that wasn't clear. Nevertheless, why would you choose a man who is boring to be your boyfriend if being able to talk openly and freely and about a variety of things is important to you? That's part of the dating process . . . weeding out candidates with whom you are incompatible, don't share common interests and/or find boring, etc. If there are significant things about a man that you feel you want him to change in order for you to be happy with him, then you need to move on. You don't just pick a guy and then try to change him to be exactly the way you want him to be. They need to be pretty much "built" before you latch onto them. You can't change who he is and he can't either. He might try for a bit but eventually it will be too much like work to be with you. Don't take on build-a-man projects. Frankenstein did that. It didn't go well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) Well, when l was single l met someone any man would kill for if they knew the kind of woman she was, full of life and you really could not find a better wife and more loving partner. But , sadly she was boring as hell and in the end l just had to except that that was her and to someone else she'd be everything , but for me, it just wasn't l'm afraid. And you've only been with him a month ahhh, think you might have a problem. He might actually be bored himself too and just doesn't have anything to say. Your a bad match put simply. Edited June 24, 2019 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 When you are dating somebody you are normally their biggest fan. Especially early on in the HM phase, I tend to think they can hang the moon. You may be able to pry him open; it took me a long time but DH is now more talkative then he has ever been in his life but I never found him boring. This may be a sign that this is not the right relationship for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Perhaps he is just saying what he thinks you want to hear- he is afraid of rocking the boat by being more opinionated (although this is obviously not working for him) it could be that he is not well enough informed on things and is intimidated by your intelligence, would he offer more opinions when he has a few drinks on him- that would imply some shyness, It can be good to get opinions out there and not be afraid to say what is on your mind, a few people I know - they appear to have difficulties with this- they prefer to be passive and wait for the other person to take the lead, better to have exchange of views- to be able to be open and discuss topics, otherwise it will become awkward- which is were you are at really. lol I notice this especially with "attractive" women - they want a man who will challenge and stimulate them intellectually as well as the other ways! Link to post Share on other sites
JEG88 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Does he have any kind of social anxiety that you know of? Is he affectionate with you? Doesn't seem like a "right" relationship for you. I'm an intense introvert with social anxiety, but if I connect with someone I can talk for days. As someone said above, if you have these feelings now, imagine how it will be years down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
b1a6 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 When you are dating somebody you are normally their biggest fan. Especially early on in the HM phase, I tend to think they can hang the moon. You may be able to pry him open; it took me a long time but DH is now more talkative then he has ever been in his life but I never found him boring. This may be a sign that this is not the right relationship for you. Agree with this 100%. Imagine how you would feel if you were dating someone who deep down felt you were "boring." Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks of you that way? Link to post Share on other sites
surferchic Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Interesting topic. I agree that he may have some social anxiety and wants you to lead the conversation. That’s how some people are when they’re not very sure of themselves. I’ve dealt with a similar situation via phone specifically. Current bf and I will talk about any and everything. I’m random as ever and he loves it. I think it energizes him. Lucky for me & him, it’s just my nature... random. HOWEVER, as I posted in my thread...we have recently been having lulls in conversation. I will try ending the conversation or getting off the phone when things get quiet for too long(and he knows this bcuz I told him early on), but he will try finding reasons to keep me in the phone. It’s cute sometimes but a lot of times I’m really confused about why he’d want to just sit in silence (as long as we’re on the phone.) Your bf may be similar. Some people really don’t mind awkward silence. It’s not totally bad but it’s definitely uncomfortable unless you’re both just chilling in person and enjoying scenery on a road trip or on a beach. When in person(depending on what activity people are doing together) I don’t feel there’s a need to fill silent moments with chatter all the time. Since it bothers you though, you gotta find a light hearted way to just tell him how the silence makes you feel or ask him directly if he’s nervous or if he’s “ok”... He may open up. Just a thought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
b1a6 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Imo this is a huge compatibility issue. I'm pretty similar to what you described, and I CANNOT stand guys who always give short answers to questions. It's going to get exhausting for you leading the conversation most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Get a new boyfriend. This one's faulty... A guy you cannot have a normal interesting conversation with is a complete waste of your time. He will drag you down. Many woman end up marrying guys like this, "He will grow up, he will change, I will change him, I will bring him out of his shell.." He doesn't change and she ends up regretting the day she met him.... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 You're calling him your boyfriend after only a month? How did he become your bf if he is so boring? Didn't you find this out before you became official? He just sounds like someone who doesn't like to talk much. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 Get a new boyfriend. This one's faulty... A guy you cannot have a normal interesting conversation with is a complete waste of your time. He will drag you down. Many woman end up marrying guys like this, "He will grow up, he will change, I will change him, I will bring him out of his shell.." He doesn't change and she ends up regretting the day she met him.... And then, she returns to LS and posts in the marriage forum - We have nothing in common. I feel so alone. I wish I had never married my husband. I’m crushing on another man. I don’t love my husband anymore. There is a post like that there as we speak... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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