notthatintome Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 I have dated/ been involved with a string of narcissistic men, where they have treated me poorly. I'm tentatively back on the dating scene but I honestly do not know what normal behaviour is?! My current interest was a tinder match many months ago but we didn't speak. We followed each other on insta and periodically liked each others pictures but still did not speak. A couple of weeks ago, i decided to comment on one of his stories and we have been messaging ever since. The first messages were normal stuff... getting to know each other etc. We then went onto snapchat and it always frightens me when a guy wants to go on there but it seemed ok. We have been talking more this weekend and it got really flirty at points but when i felt it got too much i stopped messaging and then it went back to being normal a few hours later. The thing is he says things like 'i miss you' and 'my girl' and offered to buy me expensive things. He shows concern about me too. He says he would like to take me out but there has been no arrangement of meeting up, no one has suggested it but i feel it is looming. Sometimes i don't know whether he wants just a phone sex type thing but treats me like a long term girlfriend. Is this normal? Especially as i have never met him. I have just been with cold, using,heartless men before so cannot gauge if this is what normally happens...
Pepsi38 Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Calling you his girl and saying he misses you are bizarre things to say to someone you’ve been chatting to briefly without meeting. These are potentially red flags but if you’re keen on meeting him just ask when he’s free and take it from there. I always think it’s best to meet up as soon as possible with online dating.. that way, you’re not investing time in someone you may have no connection with in person. Good luck!
Pepsi38 Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 I’ll also add, if he’s trying to steer the conversation toward sex at this stage, then it’s highly likely that’s all he wants. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) No, it's not normal for a guy you've never met but only communicated with through internet to call you "my girl" say "I miss you" and offer to buy you expensive things. He's grooming you for something nefarious. If a stranger (he's a stranger to you) called me, "my girl," he'd find out real fast I'm not his girl. That's way over reaching and would be offensive to many women. He is testing you to see if you're a pushover, if he can dominate you, and/or even abuse you. He is holding out carrots (expensive things he says he'll buy you) to see if you'll fall for it. For him to assume you belong to him is mistreating you already. Let him know from the get go you're not his girl at this point and until you decide to be his girl. I'd say from everything you've written he's a loser. Edited June 23, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease 3
Beendaredonedat Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 I have just been with cold, using,heartless men before so cannot gauge if this is what normally happens... If you've only been with that type of men, then you have lots of experience on who you should quickly give the boot to so why can't you see that this guy is a d-bag? This guy is NOT a good prospect, he's not a gentleman, he's not initiating anything in order to meet you, he's "love bombling" you with his words and you'd do well to shut down men like him. I suggest you get off of Tinder which is a well known site for hookups (mostly) and since your picker isn't up to snuff you don't want to find yourself with yet another "narcissist." (better known as a jerk and user unless he's been professionally diagnosed). Go to a more reputable site that you have to pay for. You will get more serious men who are looking. 1
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 If you've only been with that type of men, then you have lots of experience on who you should quickly give the boot to so why can't you see that this guy is a d-bag? This guy is NOT a good prospect, he's not a gentleman, he's not initiating anything in order to meet you, he's "love bombling" you with his words and you'd do well to shut down men like him. I suggest you get off of Tinder which is a well known site for hookups (mostly) and since your picker isn't up to snuff you don't want to find yourself with yet another "narcissist." (better known as a jerk and user unless he's been professionally diagnosed). Go to a more reputable site that you have to pay for. You will get more serious men who are looking. Great post. I agree, this is not normal and this is exactly the type of guy you want to break the bad habit of being attracted to. “Narcissist” is used to mean jerk and user, someone who heartlessly rejects you. The real question you should be asking yourself is- “would he be a good candidate for me to talk to let alone date if he’s not even asking me to meet after a week or so?!!” Men like him collect women on dating apps and social media. I experienced this with OLD and hated it. Talking on the app then Instagram, stories, etc. It’s a way to keep a distance while they do the exact same thing to god knows how many others. I agree, get off Tinder. It’s known for hookups. Although there are a few people apparently that find marriage from tinder in general the majority of men you find on there are using it for sexual purposes only unless they specify otherwise. He’s calling you his girl to keep you in his harem with no intentions of meeting you...yet. If I were you I would block his a$$ on all platforms. 1
kendahke Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 A couple of weeks ago, i decided to comment on one of his stories and we have been messaging ever since. The thing is he says things like 'i miss you' and 'my girl' and offered to buy me expensive things. He sure went from 0 to 500 in less than a month. When are you two going to meet in person? He sounds like a scammer... this is the stuff they do.
Author notthatintome Posted June 28, 2019 Author Posted June 28, 2019 I you don't want to find yourself with yet another "narcissist." (better known as a jerk and user unless he's been professionally diagnosed). . One was a full blown narcissist, he didn't need a professional diagnosis, it was blindingly obvious and he destroyed my life. The last one was more of a jerk and user. But they have one thing in common, not knowing how to treat women. And unfortunately my self worth was so low that i kept forgiving and putting up with it. I keep attracting these type of men and I don't understand why? This guy seems so warm and loving. Sometimes he seems like he really likes me and hints about meeting. I haven't pushed it at all because there is a part of me that is not ready to meet anyone and I'm happy with just the messages. he messages everyday and he seems so nice. Maybe i'm wrong.
TheFinalWord Posted June 28, 2019 Posted June 28, 2019 If you haven't met, what you have is a virtual relationship. It's not real. Might be a catfish as well... 1
emeraldgreen Posted June 28, 2019 Posted June 28, 2019 Agreed with all said so far, but wanted to add that it's pretty lame to use Tinder to chat on instagram then use instagram to connect on snapchat. It's like, how many more ways can you find to not have a connection in the actual world?
Author notthatintome Posted June 30, 2019 Author Posted June 30, 2019 Thank you for your comments. We just message now, there is not talk about meeting up. I think it would be weird to meet up now as, like you said, it has been a virtual relationship and they are always perfect. The real thing may be a let down. Maybe it will stay that way and i am ok with that, it is pleasant enough - more of romantic chat and nothing that i don't feel comfortable with. Online dating is so odd. I have learnt that it's really not for me at all.
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