jspice Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 My answer has changed after you responded again. You’re not exclusive even and if you’re nagging him to see you, it’s clear that this isn’t going anywhere. Money means nothing to him due to how much he has but if he was really interested in you he would make time in whatever country works. You’re unreasonable to expect this guy to pay for a ticket.
snowboy91 Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 To me the issue here isn't solely about the age gap or financial gap, it's more of a difference in attitudes. Say I was the rich guy here. If I was looking for a partner that I wanted to spend my time with, and it involved activities that I knew my partner couldn't afford, I'd come to some sort of arrangement where I'd pay part of the expenses of said activities. Because I want to make sure my partner and I enjoy the time we have together, doing things that we both enjoy. Of course, if that partner didn't want any help (because of not wanting to feel like a "gold digger" or whatever other reason), then I'd have to re-adjust my expectations, or if I have to change too much I'd reconsider the relationship. But only after considering all other options. From the sound of things, he barely wants to make any adjustments to his expectations. He's prioritising his lifestyle over the relationship. Which is fine - but don't let yourself be swept up in that since it will only lead to a poor outcome for you both. If you decide to leave, he gets to continue what he does (thus is happier), and you can find someone who will actually treat you well and have reasonable expectations of you (so you're happier).
Acacia98 Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 (edited) I totally get this guy. Why should he pay for someone that is earning 10 times less? Why are you earning so little? I just don't see why people that have scarified everything to work their a$$ off and are now enjoying the fruits of their labors - should pay proportional to their income. Also one of the reasons I don't date anymore. Others have sat on their couch while being "comfortable" and are now expecting a lifestyle upgrade or 2 while doing no work? Sheeh. This guy is smart.. He doesn't sound remotely smart. A smart guy with that mindset would date women at the same socioeconomic level. Expecting someone to pay 50% only makes sense if they can afford to. If paying 50% means they have to dip into their rent money, then Houston, we have a problem. If he must date someone poorer, then he should be receptive to taking cheaper trips or doing stuff that's friendly to her pocket. If he doesn't want to "lower his standards" (which is probably how he views it) then he should end the relationship. The guy sounds to me like he has a chip on his shoulder, perhaps due to previous relationship experiences, and is punishing OP for that. Me, personally, I've learned not to date people who are significantly different from me (in terms of ethnicity, wealth, religion, age etc.) UNLESS we are both committed to empathizing with each other and being patient with each other. In the absence of those things, the relationship tends to be skewed, and someone ends up miserable. Edited June 26, 2019 by Acacia98
JuneL Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 “If he must date someone poorer, then he should be receptive to taking cheaper trips or doing stuff that's friendly to her pocket.” That’s not the point here though. The guy was perfectly happy going on the trip just with his own friends, or going solo and visiting people there. It was the OP who complained that they didn’t see each other much. He is totally fine the way it is, namely not seeing each other that often. It’s not like he suggested taking an expensive trip TOGETHER and not being considerate about OP’s budget.
stillafool Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 He was never serious about you OP. He thought he would have some fun with a young, single mother for a while. He never had thoughts of being in a serious relationship with you or money would not be a factor considering your age. He doesn't want to invest in you because he doesn't see this going any further than it did. I would suggest you date a guy closer to your age who wants you and your child. You two are a package deal. 1
Amethyst68 Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 Actually I think OP is being really entitled here. In her posts she has written she usually dates men with money, in fact she was dating one in the middle of this relationship. That's fine, what's not ok is to have the expectation that the man should subsidise her lifestyle. I'm not talking about the day to day living expenses but those extras like vacations or expensive gifts. The thing is if you're dating someone you should do so because you like them and want to spend time them. I totally get this man not paying for OP's ticket, I wouldn't either. Why should he? Just because he earns more money does not mean an obligation to pay OP's way and quite frankly the fact so many people think it does is disturbing, especially since they are not a long standing established couple who have set up joint finances in proportion to their incomes. It's even more disturbing to me because it's seem as a right and not even as a gift out gesture. OP if you want to go on vacation with this man save up and suggest somewhere, better yet go somewhere with your child. 2
stillafool Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 You’re not exclusive even and if you’re nagging him to see you, it’s clear that this isn’t going anywhere. I agree OP, why were you being a Nag? 1
spiderowl Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 He sounds self-centred to me. It's not about the money, it's about his personality. He does not seem to care that he spends less time with you. When you asked him, quite reasonably, how you two could spend more time together if he's always away and you can't afford such travel, he wasn't willing to stay near you or to support you to spend more time with him. Why are you with this guy? I am not getting the impression he cares about you - or anybody for that matter.
clia Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 I think he's just not into you. It's been 8 months, you are nowhere near exclusive, and he makes little effort to see you. Sure, he'll take you out if he can fit it in, and he probably enjoys your company to a certain extent, but he doesn't care enough about you to pay for you to travel with him. I think that says a lot about how he feels about you and the future of the relationship. Meaning, there is no future. If this guy was into you, he'd be making a lot more effort. Given his income and lifestyle, I expect he's dating other women. 1
olivetree Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 The more info you give, the more it sounds like you're probably just one of many girls in different area codes. How often do you actually see each other? 1
Amethyst68 Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 It's been 8 months but in April OP was posting about yet another rich guy she was dating, that she saw a future with but also had an issue with. This is obviously a common theme with the men OP sees. It also means nobody should be making comments about the man seeing other women when OP had no problems seeing other men. If he is seeing other people then they seem to be on an even playing field. Again, all I am seeing is a glaring sense of entitlement. If I have the money I have no problem sharing it with people I care about UNLESS they expect it, then forget about it. 3
olivetree Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 Yes to above. I'm not sure why OP is offended to be called a gold digger if she "always date men with money" but has little of her own. I can't see how it's just a coincidence. If you like men with money, own it. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 hmmm sounds like op was into this guy. she wanted to spend more time so he invited her on a trip she couldn’t afford. she was mad because he doesn’t want to do things she can afford too which makes her feel like he is not wanting to spend time with her at all since he only wants to do expensive things that she can’t afford and she sees him very little when he wants to see her aka getting crumbs I didn’t get the sense of “he has to pay her way” I get the sense of I have a guy I am into that’s not making time for me nor compromise on doing things with me that I too can afford since he made it clear she has to pay her way I could be wrong but that’s what I got from her post. 1
olivetree Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 she wanted to spend more time so he invited her on a trip she couldn’t afford. she was mad because he doesn’t want to do things she can afford too which makes her feel like he is not wanting to spend time with her at all since he only wants to do expensive things that she can’t afford and she sees him very little when he wants to see her aka getting crumbs The proper response would be to stop seeing him or just decline, not to ask him to pay for her plane ticket. Remember this is some guy she has barely spent time in a non-exclusive relationship.
JuneL Posted June 27, 2019 Posted June 27, 2019 (edited) The way I see it, they’re having some casual fling. He doesn’t feel the need to coordinate his own trips with her (he’s totally fine seeing her only when he’s free, with nothing better to do). The OP sort of invited herself to his Thailand trip, and he suggested her to pay for her own ticket (he probably wouldn’t mind covering the other expenses of the trip) and she got offended. OP: Does this guy pay for all/most of the stuff when you date? Edited June 27, 2019 by JuneL
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