Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) yeah.. I can't get past the fact he called you a gold digger.. who does that ? The guy is a piece of work and I'd bet my last dollar that if he didn't have money you would've kicked him to the curb.. so the money is probably why you gave him a second chance and he knows it.. at least from the little you posted that is the way it seems since most women wouldn't take being called names without kicking someone to the curb. I'd also bet he will be controlling in the end.. put the good face on now but there is a whole lot of pain in your future with a guy who disrespects you like that. Edited June 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
thefooloftheyear Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Age may also be a factor.....How old is OP and this guy?? TFY
Andy_K Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Either he downscales to activities you can afford, or pays the extra for you to join him in his lifestyle. Any deviation from this means it's almost a certainty that you two are not compatible in the long term. How long you take to act on knowing this is up to you...
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Age may also be a factor.....How old is OP and this guy?? TFY If this is the same career driven guy she met in December he is 24 and the OP is a 26yo single mother. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 If this is the same career driven guy she met in December he is 24 and the OP is a 26yo single mother. Well...unless the guy is a pro ball player or internet/entertainment sensation, then this doesn't make much sense to me.... TFY
Els Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 If he cared about you but just doesn't believe in paying for 2, he would've put in the thought and effort to go on trips that you CAN afford - like a local road trip instead of an international one. The fact that he didn't, along with all the other things you've mentioned, tells you everything you need to know about him. 1
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 This man's consumer lifestyle will likely FOREVER be his number one priority in life. This was one of the biggest issues I had with my ex-boyfriend, although he wasn't nearly so brazen or extreme about it. It was less that he didn't care and more that he simply could not see how expensive it was for me to be with him, even though he DID pay for a lot of what we did together. The problem only really made itself obvious when we were talking about moving in together. He was basically going to move his entire life across the country for me - move mountains, as he put it - to be with me. He always said that he had no problem being the sole or at least primary breadwinner once we were living together/married, etc. - but then he was at best EXTREMELY AVERSE to the idea of any plan of action that involved taking a drastic (even if temporary) lifestyle hit. Since there was literally no way for me to make enough money to keep up with him (aside from some kinda whoring), and he didn't want to meet me at my level because he didn't want to be poor, it never happened because there was no opportunity that was good enough for him. After a year or so of that, it was like: okay, I get it - I'm not that special, I'm not that important. I'd have lived with him in a van down by the river if that's what it took, but his priorities were different. And that's OKAY. It's not really an issue of right/wrong. It made me feel crummy for sure, and a little bit foolish, and maybe for the first time in my life actually a little bit ashamed of the situation I was born into. But I can't really have any hard feelings over that, because he was pretty straightforward about it. I continued to invest more in that relationship than I probably should have, entirely of my own volition. That's on ME. You can't make this guy change the way he rolls, and I don't think it would be respectful - of him, yes, but more importantly OF YOURSELF - to try. I think you ought to drop him on principle. He's clearly not a "for richer or for poorer" kinda guy. Don't waste your time. 2
ridgerunner1965 Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 I'll be honest .if I was this guy and I wanted Yu to be with me.id pay for your ride and do it gladly. I've done it before and I'm not rich. I never regetted it. If a guy is into you he will adapt to you and your lifestyle 3
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 He's clearly not a "for richer or for poorer" kinda guy. Don't waste your time. Your complete right I need to just let the situation go it's just a shame becuase I do actually like this guy but I'm never going to be able to keep up and he obviously doesn't like me/trust me enough. I do feel stupid for allowing this to go as far as it has so far. Its a shame x
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 This is the same guy who corrected your English. No diffrent guy. I had actually met this guy first but due to us never ever seeing each other, I had been dating the other guy more.
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 I totally get this guy. Why should he pay for someone that is earning 10 times less? Why are you earning so little? Then he shouldn't date girls who earn so much less. I earn less becuase he's more educated than me and becuase the average person doesn't earn what he earns. If he has such an issue then he should concentrate on dating females in his own social circle. My issue isn't that he earns more and doesn't want to spend it on me. Its his money he can do as he pleases but we can't maintain a relationship where you want to do activities that cost so much if your not going to help pay for them. Anyway after reading most the replies I think I'm going to let the situation go. We're meeting Friday so I can just tell him how I feel.
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 He doesn’t care about you and doesn’t sound like he even has the capacity to. Go find someone better than him and good luck to him too in finding someone better than you. You don’t sound like you’re digging for his money at all. Your concerns sound legitimate. Leave him be to figure out why all the good ones want nothing to do with him. I haven't been and I have no idea where that comment came from to begin with. I was so angry when he said it and he's appolgised but it's still hurt me. You are right though I've come to the conclusion he doesn't care about me as much as he's making out and I've had enough of feeling 2nd best
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 The core issue is that he doesn't see you as trustworthy, long-term material. The fact that he already accused you of being a gold-digger is the evidence. I've had relationships with men with plenty of money. When they see you as trustworthy wife and mother material, they don't seem to think twice about paying for dates, trips, and so on. I've never once asked a man to pay for anything. They always offer. In your case, he doesn't trust you, so is being extra protective of his money. So... what did you do to get accused of being a gold-digger? Well this is the thing. I've always dated guys with money and I've had guys take me on holidays etc before it's never been an issue. This is the first time I've come across this issue and it's bugging me abit. He keeps saying he can see us being married and I've always taken it with a pinch of salt hut clearly what he's saying and what he thinks is completely diffrent. I think deep down I knew the answer but reading all these comments has confirmed it for me. I'm going to see him Friday and basicly end the situation as there isn't any future with his lack of trust for me. I didn't do anything he said it was the way I come across rather than anything I'd said or done. I have no idea what he's on about and he wanted to drop the situation so wouldn't go into any further details...
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 Age may also be a factor.....How old is OP and this guy?? TFY She isn't a factor to me but Hes 43 I'm 27.
MaleIntuition Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 You guys aren’t even exclusive? How long have you dated? The fact that this thread even exist makes me believe that you - on some level - feel somewhat entitled to him paying part of your vacation. This “meeting halfway” stuffs would make a lot of sense if you guys where in an established long term relationship.
stillafool Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 Wow, considering the age difference and he still doesn't want to pay? Times are definitely "a changin".
Fleiss Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 (edited) I don't really see any point of you being with him in the future, considering your income, and his approach to life, and you. Neither of you are to blame, after all; but you sound to be a mismatch. Good luck! Edited June 25, 2019 by Fleiss 3
littleblackheart Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 I personally wouldn't go on a long-flight expensive holiday with a guy I'm not, at the very least, committed to, irrespective of who pays for what, even if it was all expenses paid. With that said, it sounds like what he's saying to you is 'I'll take care of everything once you get here - your contribution will be your own plane ticket' - which is a relatively reasonable suggestion for someone who is wealthly and clueless as to how 'the other half' lives. To him, maybe the plane fair is peanuts. How clear have you been about the actual state of your finances? Does he know there is no way you could have afforded it?
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 You guys aren’t even exclusive? How long have you dated? The fact that this thread even exist makes me believe that you - on some level - feel somewhat entitled to him paying part of your vacation. This “meeting halfway” stuffs would make a lot of sense if you guys where in an established long term relationship. We met last October and have been talking on and off for a while. We went on a few dates then didn't see each other but he always contacts me and says we need to meet up and he wants to see me but fitting that into both our schedules is difficult. He did promise to make more time for me after Easter but so far... Nothing In all honestly I did expect him to pay for it but the fact that he won't isnt the main issue. I suggested we go away for a few days becuase we can't event seen to find time in the UK... In my head I was thinking Spain and would have happily paid for myself.. He then said we'll I'm heading to Thailand in October you can come if you cover your ticket, which then started this debate becuase I can't, I've told him I can't and he's basicly saying becuase he's already planned 4 holidays he can't really book any other time off. So in terms of us going away together unless I magic £600 up won't be happening I guess I'm kind of hurt that he knows I can't afford it and cares so little for me he won't help so we can do thing together... As I said before it's his money to do what he wants with but it hurts abit that he thinks so little of me. I will add that he's paid for all our dates etc... But I just don't see a future if he's going to go away how many times a year and not make more time to see me. Also last year he offered to take me to tenerife and pay for it all but the timing wasn't right so I guess my assumption was that offer would be on the table to Thailand aswell. I just can't figure him out and I'm stared to wander if it's even worth trying.
Author Khaysha92 Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 To him, maybe the plane fair is peanuts. How clear have you been about the actual state of your finances? Does he know there is no way you could have afforded it? Its funny you say that becuase he said that cost was cheap as chips which it would be to somebody on his salary it's basicly the Equivalent of £5 LOL but to me as a single mom its alot of money. We clarified the difference of income afterwards rss so he knows now but not when he first suggested I pay my airfare. 2bh now this has gone so far I wouldn't go with him anyway even if he offered to pay the trip would be tainted. I'm not even upset about not going it's just I honestly don't see how we can move forward with a relationship if he's going to make thsoes sort of suggestions and not want to help. He clearly likes me becuase I doubt he would put up with all my nagging otherwise but what he says and his actions don't match
thefooloftheyear Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 She isn't a factor to me but Hes 43 I'm 27. Makes complete sense now.... You could say he shouldn't date women that cant meet his financial criteria, yet you pick a guy that's almost 20 years older than you and it "isn't a a factor"?? The dynamics are off on both sides...The difference is he has more power than you do... TFY 2
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 Khaysha92, you are smarter than this. You can plainly see this guy isn't suitable regardless of if you like him or not. He is as much to blame for this. He should know better than to date someone that isn't of his financial caliber with his type of expectations. Hope this is a lesson learned that you do not invest in someone just because you like them. What is most important is having your expectations fulfilled, and having the ability to fulfill his. kick this guy to the curb.
MaleIntuition Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 I would say that your initial description of this situation is misleading. Assuming you are looking for a serious relationship; your main concern ought to be why you aren’t even close to an exclusive relationship after 7-8 month not why he isn’t interested in paying for you - that one should be obvious. 4
littleblackheart Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 We clarified the difference of income afterwards rss so he knows now but not when he first suggested I pay my airfare. So it was a misunderstanding on both parts. It happens. It does sound like you both had unrealistic expectations of each other, mainly because you don't know each other that well.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 You're making the right decision to end it. If he really liked you and saw potential, he'd find a way to spend more time with you by visiting you more or bringing you to him. When a man is really into you, he wants to spend more and more time with you as you go along. If that's not happening, you're not much more than filler to him. Don't waste any more of your time. 2
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