Redguitar35 Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 (edited) I’ve been dating a girl for a couple of weeks, she’s pretty affectionate and the sex is great. She’s also VERY generous and a good communicator. But she’s also really type A and I’m not sure I’m that into her personality. She complains a lot about how messy she feels my place is. She’s got very strong opinions about literally everything She’s always giving me unsolicited self improvement advice, much like my mother does lol. It’s a departure from an ex who almost never complained. She’s also very extraverted. Like, she’ll have a whole list of things she wants to do on the weekend “let’s be outside all day, and eat here and here, and then we’ll shop here,” while most weekends I’m totally satisfied just reading a book. None of these are bad things. I’m just not sure she’s a good fit for me long term. Has anyone experienced similar feelings in a situation like this? What to do? Give it more time? Edited June 21, 2019 by Redguitar35
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 It's been 2 weeks and you find her annoying already so end it. Dating is meant to get to know people, you've got enough of 2 weeks to know you're not compatible. 4
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 21, 2019 Author Posted June 21, 2019 It's been 2 weeks and you find her annoying already so end it. Dating is meant to get to know people, you've got enough of 2 weeks to know you're not compatible. I don’t know if annoying’s the right word. We're just different, I guess. She needs a lot more stimulation and structure than I need. I’m also wondering maybe something’s wrong with me?
lurker74 Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 Why does anything have to be wrong with either of you? Sometimes two people just don't mesh. Can you imagine 20 or 30 years of that? As Gaeta-the-Wise said, move on. Just end it with dignity 4
Lotsgoingon Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 You guys just aren't a good fit ... If you're a guy who is chill and she's hyper social and active and creates lists on weekends ... this ain't the partner for you. It's not gonna work. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with her (she's not my type either). Doesn't mean something is wrong with you. We date to find if we can fit with someone, like two puzzle pieces. But look, I get how intimidating it can be to date someone like this if you've not done so before. You can easily feel lazy ... and overwhelmed ... ignore that and tune into the reality that you and she are simply not compatible. 1
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 Opposites attract. It is possible that the differences balance each other out but the relationship will be a lot of hard work. A lot, all the time. And it is likely to end as eventually you will grow into different people. My ex was very different from me and we had a strong bond. But it was always a lot of work and now it is over. We both grew from the experience but the differences were just too hard to overcome.
crispytoast Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 @lonelyplanetmoon Statistically, opposites attract far less than people with similarities and are far more likely to have their relationship fall apart. https://www.businessinsider.com/why-opposites-dont-attract-2018-3?r=US&IR=T https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201603/opposites-dont-really-attract
mark clemson Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 IF you want someone to take charge of your life for you (and you'll be the relative beta to her alpha) THEN you could stick around and see if it works for you. Some guys are fine letting their wife "wear the pants". If that's not you, then agree - better to move on. IF you stuck around she might one day decide you weren't good enough after all or start making unilateral decisions that you can't live with (but really that's a risk for anyone, just greater IMO in a situation like this). 1
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 21, 2019 Author Posted June 21, 2019 I just feel so conflicted breaking up with someone who really seems to like me even though it feels like we’re not a good fit.
PRW Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 She behaves the way she does because you let her. You are passive to her assertions. She will eventually lose respect for you and dump you. 1
Saracena Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 She behaves the way she does because you let her. You are passive to her assertions. She will eventually lose respect for you and dump you. Yes, I was thinking the same thing actually, especially the first sentence. While someone bossy like her would drive me nuts (I worked with someone like this once who thrived on telling us all what to do and taking over although she had no authority) you are to a large extent enabling her with your passivity. You could try taking back some control here by being more assertive.
Gaeta Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 She behaves the way she does because you let her. You are passive to her assertions. She will eventually lose respect for you and dump you. She is the way she is, and he is the way he is. Some women are dominant and no, trying to over-dominate them will not change who they are at the core. She simply needs a man who enjoys the same life style and likes his gf to organize him. OP needs to find a woman compatible with his life style. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 I’m not surprised at all... This is why I always talk about respecting a mans autonomy and how certain actions will eventually kill his desire on a subconscious level... Op she is who she is. It’s either you let her go or accept her. If you would like to attempt to accept her maybe have some boundaries. When she gets critical say “I like it this way”. Keep it short and matter of fact. Stand your ground without being combative. Just because her personality tends to attempt to run you over doesn’t mean you let her run you over. If she crosses a line then let her know. For example you told her what you are going to do and she keep on with her criticisms and it might be too much. Communicate in a sweet way. “babe I value your opinion but when I make a decision to do something concerning myself I need you to respect that. Can you do that for me babe?”. If she starts to get confrontational and disrespectful then you may have to cut her loose. Same for your time. If she is the type to make all kinds of plans proactively then politely redirect her so you can get some space. She say “babe we can go here on x day” and you didn’t even say you wanted to spend time with her on that day. “Babe I can see you on y day instead”....communicate. If all that is too much for you then let her go. Find someone less critical and bossy. Let her find someone that will allow her to be a firecracker.
chillii Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 (edited) She is the way she is, and he is the way he is. Some women are dominant and no, trying to over-dominate them will not change who they are at the core. She simply needs a man who enjoys the same life style and likes his gf to organize him. OP needs to find a woman compatible with his life style. Yep , exactly. It's just who she is what's she's like . You don't just tone a person like this down, or how ever you wanna tackle it. lt can't just go away, it'll just keep bouncing back, that's her. Not much you can do op, personality is everything between two people and when your as different as you two and that's only after a few weeks, well. Edited June 21, 2019 by chillii 1
JEG88 Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 I feel you OP. My GF is much the same way, opposite of me, and it took me almost 2 years to realize being with her isn't for me long-term. It can be hard to make the realization, so I applaud you on that step. It's best if you just move on and find someone more compatible.
Versacehottie Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 I think you should let her go. Your instincts are already guiding you to feel apprehensive about the difference in her approach to life vs yours instead of invigorating and excited by what new and fresh way that she is. I think ultimately you both will resent each other or live separate lives. Depending on how you are, some people find it harder to untangle the more time they invest into someone—so getting out sooner in this case is the good thing to do. It’s great when someone is into you but the tone from you already sounds like in a way you feel like you are settling. That’s not good. Ok good luck!
alphamale Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 she sound really bossy and pushy, if you don't like those traits you should dump her by text cause only been together a couple weeks
mortensorchid Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 You sound incompatible. You're probably in the infatuation stage now and things are still new and fresh, when it wears off ... You better like that person. Not love, just like them. And if you don't, you're in trouble. And it sounds like it's wearing off a bit quicker than you thought it was going to and ... You're not happy with things. So better to end things now rather than later.
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 You just like the sex I can just see that list: First, we'll make out for 2.3 mins, then we'll take 8 oz. of water, then we'll grope for 1.5 mins, then two sips water... Joking aside, moving way too quick in my opinion. Whole planned weekends together and already having sex with a girl you barely know. You haven't even had a chance to figure out if you like her or not. If she's that generous and that great of a communicator, why can't you tell her how you feel and ask her to be generous with your personality and have a spontaneous date? 1
alphamale Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 some people will just find fault(s) in everyone that comes along....news flash! last time i checked no one is perfect. give people a chance 2
TheFinalWord Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 some people will just find fault(s) in everyone that comes along....news flash! last time i checked no one is perfect. give people a chance Very true! To me, the real sign of compatibility is how the two people handle misunderstandings and miscommunications. Is the first reaction to run away? Or to forgive, try to understand where the other person is coming from and attempt to compromise? If the first reaction is to run away, fight and become unforgiving, then yes, you should leave. But give them a chance to demonstrate their conflict resolutions capabilities first. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 I agree with TheFinalWord on this one. You barely know this woman. Two weeks is not long enough to really know someone, and if you think you already do, you are moving way too fast! She may act a certain way to show off or even out a nerves, you don't really know yet. This is all so new. All you have to do is assert some boundaries, and see how she responds. She might be a lot more open and flexible than you give her credit for. You already seem to think she is a great communicator, so why not discuss your concerns with her? If you don't think she isn't even worth that bit of effort, then dump her like everyone else suggests.
norudder Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Consider being generous in your opinion of her until knowing her a little better. Maybe her planning, while domineering to you, is for her coming from her enthusiasm for wanting to spend time with you. What have your first dates been like? Who initiated, planned? I don't think too many women consider chilling in the living room with a book a romantic evening during the courtship phase. She wants to DO things, see what you're like in a variety of situations and experiences. How you two communicate through this stuff is more of an indication of compatability or not imo. Same with her strong opinions. Current events, fine, makes good conversation. You and how you live your life, if you can say please respect it's how I am and she listens to you and does, great. If not, it will be a resentment building power imbalance.
PRW Posted June 26, 2019 Posted June 26, 2019 She is the way she is, and he is the way he is. Some women are dominant and no, trying to over-dominate them will not change who they are at the core. She simply needs a man who enjoys the same life style and likes his gf to organize him. OP needs to find a woman compatible with his life style.It wouldn't matter even if he wanted it and thought he liked it that way. She would still lose respect for him and dump him, I don't think she respects him that much to begin with and is in part why she is the way she is,...she doesn't respect other people. What few people she does respect,...if there are any,...she doesn't treat like that,...I'll bank on it.
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