Logo Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 (edited) its weird, girl #1 is actually very shy, demure and from what she's told me has been with some dudes who have treated her like crap. So gaslighting, orbiting, etc, would seem to be really out of character. But then again, I could be totally oblivious to the reality. My ex had that I’m a shy innocent girl act down pat all while lying and cheating behind my back. I agree with Smackie1 about #1 downplaying her motive, thought it was casual. Sure. Since she was the one who canceled on you, she needs to make it up to you. I couldn’t get invested in someone like her after what she pulled. Is the grass always going to be greener from where she sits? Just a thought, but how are you going to keep an emotional distance when she’s love-bombing you? People like her will lead you down a path where you’re going to start questioning yourself. If you are going to continue seeing her, guard your heart. Edited June 22, 2019 by Logo 1
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 I don't plan on getting too invested. . You already are... 3
guest569 Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 A few things which struck me.. 1. She went from love bombing to the "oops I thought it was just casual". That doesn't seem to add up. 2. However.. Making out and touchy feely on dates 1 and 2 seems intense to me. Maybe this is what gave her the casual vibe. Personally if I was seeking a relationship I would not rush into the physical. But that's just me (I'm shy and demure haha). 3. I'm fine with multidating. But in this case, she has actually put you on hold. I wouldn't be OK with this if I wanted a relationship.
Highndry Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 I'd pass, but that's just me. The whole situation doesn't sit well.
Author rightondude Posted June 23, 2019 Author Posted June 23, 2019 update: I went out with girl #1 tonight and the date itself was great. I never brought up the whole prior discussion. We had a bit to drink and a lot of fun, then went to her place and proceeded to get it on. We did a few things but when it came time to seal the deal I just wasn't into it. I know why I wasn't into it fully. I can't stop thinking about girl #2. The night we had was incredible. She actually texted me during this date to tell me she can't stop thinking about it. And as the days have passed, neither can I. It was fairy tale like and all (a great story on it's own), and if it had happened in any other context, and with distance no consideration, I would be all in. Today before I went on the date, I was considering cancelling, but went ahead with it thinking I was really into #1 and needed to let this happen. So long and short of it, #1 went to sleep. I slid out of bed, put her dog back inside, texted #2 and said I can't stop thinking about you, drove home, fixed a drink and now post to loveshack. I expect a text tomorrow to which I'll have to explain the situation. Talk about irony. Maybe 2 hours split 1/2 won't be too bad, because I am now going to go for #2 as hard as possible. I think it's worth trying to make the fairy tale real. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Depends on your situation ... energy ... logistics ... but 2 hours is not a deal killer for me. Not ideal by any means ... One thing I notice about distance relationships (I'm not calling this one "long" distance) is that it's easy for the traveling to make people tired, cranky. Doing this at 25 is one thing ... Doing it older is harder. Protect your energy ... relax ... but if you cannot stop thinking of her ... yeah, go pursue that relationship ... and see. 1
littleblackheart Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 So long and short of it, #1 went to sleep. I slid out of bed, put her dog back inside, texted #2 and said I can't stop thinking about you, drove home, fixed a drink and now post to loveshack. Yikes. That was a bit rogue OP, no? Go for it for sure, but maybe pace yourself a little, if all this is making you forget basic bedside manners?
preraph Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 It's to take her back you are in a little bit of a position to make some requests of your own, So point out her hypocrisy saying you don't talk more but then being afraid to talk on the phone. tell her you don't really see the point if she won't even take your phone call and if you wants to keep crying she'll need to pick up the phone when you call will call you back when she can. These babies and their fear of communication. Is there an age gap too big to be bridged here? I agree that this guy is either a crash of hers or an ex. I think you have the right to get an answer out of her about what that was about. tell her you appreciate her for honesty but that in order to start dating hurricane you will need to know if this is a guy she has a crush on or an ex. But yet her to pick up the phone so she can't calculate all her answers.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Two hours is nothing. I've handled much more challenging conditions than those to give love a shot. I'd go to almost any length (within reason) to give it a shot with a man who had real promise. It's pretty rare, and special - very much worth exerting a little extra effort. And when it's good, it doesn't even seem hard. You just roll with it. Good luck! 2
Author rightondude Posted June 23, 2019 Author Posted June 23, 2019 Yikes. That was a bit rogue OP, no? Go for it for sure, but maybe pace yourself a little, if all this is making you forget basic bedside manners? Not my proudest moment, but I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. 1
Author rightondude Posted June 23, 2019 Author Posted June 23, 2019 I love it. It's exactly what "#1" deserves. I don't agree. I really liked #1 and she doesn't deserve to be hurt any more than I did. Talking to her this morning was really hard but she understood as it was pretty much the same thing that had been done to me. She even said if it doesn't work out, let her know. I hate it for her, she's a great girl who really wants someone special in her life. I texted woman #2, told her I'd been on a date the night before but it just couldn't compare to the date we had and I wanted to pursue/further things with her. I asked if she felt the same and responded back saying she hasn't felt a connection like this in a long time either and she wants to go for it. So while I made someone pretty upset, which weighs on me heavily, I made someone else pretty happy and we're going to go for it. Of course she is at the beach for a week and that sucks (for me), but I can't wait to talk to her tonight. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 23, 2019 Posted June 23, 2019 Looks like i got here too late--I would have said don't tell #2 you were on a date. But it looks like you did and it still went ok The reason i was going to say don't tell #2 is what if she had the same debate going on in her head that went on in this thread or polled her friends and got a lot of "don't be second choice, or if he was really into you he wouldn't have gone on the other date". The irony is real on this whole thread. I think this goes to prove that with some people they don't take a rigid or fatalistic point of view and therefore with the right person will accept a date with the "second choice" feel to it--i think they understand that if a person is single there may be multi-dating and timing etc which truly doesn't make someone second choice it just is the way things sift out that can make it seem like that. You can't always know why things have sorted themselves out that way, so it's not necessary to assume that it's the worst or a bad reason. In OP's case, it's almost like another date with #1, clarified that he had more interest in #2, so that's a good thing. Good luck! 1
frus69 Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 (edited) Problem is not that you are the second choice, second choice is ok, SOMETIMES. Problem here is the love bombing part. If she is really love bombing, she probably just wants to fill a void, desperately, which also explains why she went back to you straight away after things didnt work out with one guy, rather than being on her own till she finds the next guy who genuinely excites her. It's almost like she just needs a guy, doesnt really matter who. She dropped you really quickly, after just 2 dates. That's an easy decision for her so she cant be really into you..but she went back to you straight away..hmm..I'd say very dodgy here. Usually I wouldnt go back to the guy whom Im not crazy for just because the one I am crazy for doesn't work out, unless I just want to use him as a rebound.. Edited June 24, 2019 by frus69
Highndry Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I don't agree. I really liked #1 and she doesn't deserve to be hurt any more than I did. Meh. Love-bombing somebody then turning around and doing what she did is BS. Period. That's not respect at all, that's selfishness.
Author rightondude Posted June 24, 2019 Author Posted June 24, 2019 Looks like i got here too late--I would have said don't tell #2 you were on a date. But it looks like you did and it still went ok The reason i was going to say don't tell #2 is what if she had the same debate going on in her head that went on in this thread or polled her friends and got a lot of "don't be second choice, or if he was really into you he wouldn't have gone on the other date". The irony is real on this whole thread. Oh wow. Now that would have been the ultimate irony. That would have been some O. Henry type stuff. Fortunately she was cool with it or at least didn't say anything. I think this goes to prove that with some people they don't take a rigid or fatalistic point of view and therefore with the right person will accept a date with the "second choice" feel to it--i think they understand that if a person is single there may be multi-dating and timing etc which truly doesn't make someone second choice it just is the way things sift out that can make it seem like that. You can't always know why things have sorted themselves out that way, so it's not necessary to assume that it's the worst or a bad reason. In OP's case, it's almost like another date with #1, clarified that he had more interest in #2, so that's a good thing. Good luck! That's exactly what happened. I enjoyed my time with #1, a time I've had with other women, but with #2 it's a feeling I haven't felt ever before. Now just have to restrain myself and not screw it up. But so far so good, conversation tonight lead to her planning to come stay with me Friday night...
Author rightondude Posted June 24, 2019 Author Posted June 24, 2019 Meh. Love-bombing somebody then turning around and doing what she did is BS. Period. That's not respect at all, that's selfishness. I hear you brother but I think she is just a bit naive, desperate for love and wants someone so bad she doesn't consider the result of statements made. I doubt she has any clue what love bombing entails and instead just says stuff without giving it the reverence it should have. Now why she hopped to the other guy and what happened there, I'll never know, but I don't think any of it was meant with an ultimate plan in mind. Sweet girl, just a bit misguided I think. Hope she figures it out and finds happiness. 2
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