Am I his mother or his girlfriend?

[Trytobegood]

been with my bf for several years and we are generally compatible except when it comes to $.

 

He has only a small amount of assets, I don't.

He only earns a modest salary, I don't.

I am an avid saver, he isn't.

 

but...we are compatible in many ways like

 

interests

family

personality

sex

 

I can't help myself, when I see him going off track financially and any financial obligations, I speak up and try to do so nicely but firmly. I feel like his mother and only say something when it really bothers me. He knows I know his bank account information thinking that would make me feel better but it doesn't.

 

He wants to live with me but all of this has put it on hold.

 

He sometimes compliments me "for helping him being a better person and being financially responsible" and other times carries a chip on his shoulder if I shame him (in a nice way). I am very moral and sometimes I just feel he is not, it's that simple.

 

I know we should love someone for who they are but what happens if you know what they are doing is just wrong under anyone's definition?

 

We do love each other and we are both beyond middle age....do I give up? I don't want to be his mother the rest of my life and want to know my SO is acting responsibly.

[nodramallama]

You again??

 

How many user names are you going to create to ask the same question over and over??

[Beendaredonedat]

You are your own worse enemy. You have tried to 'school' him many times on the kind of man you want him to be and he keeps reverting back to the guy you nag to distraction about YOUR expectations.

 

When do YOU think its time to give up?

[Lotsgoingon]

Wow, does he know you are so conflicted about him that you've posted a dozen times under different names on LS ... repeating the same question over and over?

[Ruby Slippers]

You need a man, not a boy.

 

I broke up with someone almost 2 months ago because of the same problem.

 

I'm getting more and more clear in my thinking, spending, and saving, planning a wonderful, financially secure rest of my life. Though he's 8 years older than me, he's nowhere near my level on this crucial point of adulting, so it just wasn't working. His presence was diminishing my peace of mind and sense of security.

 

Though I miss certain things about him, overall I feel a big weight off my shoulders.