Trying online dating again. Waste of cash? Not working.

June 27, 2019

@bluesfan

Why don't you try to meet people in "real life"??

Any neighborhood bars/pubs?? Used book stores?? Sports/hobbies you enjoy??

I live in an old peoples town lol. Google Charlotte county fl lol. I think average age is one of the oldest in the state.

June 27, 2019

I've never been to that area of Florida, so I can't speak as to your challenges.

I just did a quick google search and found a Punta Gorda pub crawl, should I assume that was all older individuals??

There have got to be caretakers for these older people, I wonder where they hang out?? There has got to be someplace younger people gather.

June 27, 2019

I've never been to that area of Florida, so I can't speak as to your challenges.

I just did a quick google search and found a Punta Gorda pub crawl, should I assume that was all older individuals??

There have got to be caretakers for these older people, I wonder where they hang out?? There has got to be someplace younger people gather.

Not sure I still keep a part time job a couple nights a week at a local grocery store so I see the type of people. Still mostly older folks. The younger ones I do see usually have husbands or boyfriends. Walmart gas stations etc in public around town mostly older aged people everywhere I go. A couple times i do get replies they say I live far away because I'm like 35 miles away. Uh if there were many women to choose from in my area I wouldn't be messaging women 30 to 50 mile from me. Sometimes I only see one or 2 women recently online in my county when I go online. That's how bad lol.

June 27, 2019

A dose of brutal truth...

The harsh reality is OLD is an accurate reflection of your objective physical attractiveness. If you're writing 50 messages and getting only 1 reply, you're shooting above your physical looks capacity. Hate to say it, but it's true.

If all you're pulling on OLD is 4s and 5s, guess, what? You're a 4 or 5. OLD is the black pill of your looks. It's a tough pill to swallow because we tend to over inflate our physical looks. For example, a lot of people think they look younger than they actually look. When they get on OLD, they don't understand why people aren't writing them back, when they look so young!

The bad news is, they're not writing you back because they don't find you physically attractive. One caveat is distance. If you are hours apart, they might be interested, but won't try to set up a date. In my experience, however, these women will at least write you back and flirt with you a little, but will eventually say the distance is too far for them.

It also depends on which site you're using. If you are over 35 and going for younger women (early to late 20s), you have to be really physically attractive to attract younger women. You definitely have to have a lot to offer. Also, the write-up matters a lot if you're using match, for example.

The major difference from a dating success perspective (for guys at least), is factors a woman might overlook if you met in real life because you compensate in some way, are automatic no-goes in the online world.

Height, age, income, any of the superficial standards. In real life, you might approach a woman and you both find each other attractive. You have a great time and really hit it off. When she finds out you are 5'11" and not 6', she might overlook it because maybe she couldn't tell when you first met. But with OLD, if she puts 6 foot as her minimum height, you're automatically filtered out of her search. In Match, for example, if you're not in her Match filters your messages go into an "Other" folder, equivalent to a Junk folder.

Or if you look younger than you really are, let's say you're 45, but look early 30s, if you have a successful date with her before she finds out you're outside her standard age range, she might overlook it; whereas, online, you're going to get filtered out by age and not even considered, no matter how youthful you look.

The plus side is you know people online are looking to date and it's easier to put yourself out there. In real life, women barely ever approach a guy they're attracted to. But they will online. So, the rejection factor is easier to overcome with online.

But in general there's no difference in the quality of people online vs real life. The difference is the people rejecting you don't have to look at you in the eyes when they reject you, so what you're getting with OLD is the harsh truth of what the people you message think of you as a dating prospect. They can't use normal excuses like "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" because they're on a dating website. So, you'll see a lot of your messages are read, but not replied too. Those same people not replying, if you had approached in real life, you would have gotten a BS excuse. Same outcome, you can just mass message with OLD. Let's say you write 50 women a day. Even if you get one reply, that's probably better than real life if you're going for your looks match or a bit lower. Whereas in real life, how likely is it you even encounter, let alone ask out, 50 women a day? Heck, 50 women a year? The average PUA says you need to approach 300 women to even get one hit. So from a pure numbers perspective, the odds for OLD are better than average if you are going for your looks match or lower. If you're going for women above your looks level, your rejection rate will be the same as it is in real life.

June 27, 2019

A dose of brutal truth...

The harsh reality is OLD is an accurate reflection of your objective physical attractiveness. If you're writing 50 messages and getting only 1 reply, you're shooting above your physical looks capacity. Hate to say it, but it's true.

If all you're pulling on OLD is 4s and 5s, guess, what? You're a 4 or 5. OLD is the black pill of your looks. It's a tough pill to swallow because we tend to over inflate our physical looks. For example, a lot of people think they look younger than they actually look. When they get on OLD, they don't understand why people aren't writing them back, when they look so young!

The bad news is, they're not writing you back because they don't find you physically attractive. One caveat is distance. If you are hours apart, they might be interested, but won't try to set up a date. In my experience, however, these women will at least write you back and flirt with you a little, but will eventually say the distance is too far for them.

It also depends on which site you're using. If you are over 35 and going for younger women (early to late 20s), you have to be really physically attractive to attract younger women. You definitely have to have a lot to offer. Also, the write-up matters a lot if you're using match, for example.

The major difference from a dating success perspective (for guys at least), is factors a woman might overlook if you met in real life because you compensate in some way, are automatic no-goes in the online world.

Height, age, income, any of the superficial standards. In real life, you might approach a woman and you both find each other attractive. You have a great time and really hit it off. When she finds out you are 5'11" and not 6', she might overlook it because maybe she couldn't tell when you first met. But with OLD, if she puts 6 foot as her minimum height, you're automatically filtered out of her search. In Match, for example, if you're not in her Match filters your messages go into an "Other" folder, equivalent to a Junk folder.

Or if you look younger than you really are, let's say you're 45, but look early 30s, if you have a successful date with her before she finds out you're outside her standard age range, she might overlook it; whereas, online, you're going to get filtered out by age and not even considered, no matter how youthful you look.

The plus side is you know people online are looking to date and it's easier to put yourself out there. In real life, women barely ever approach a guy they're attracted to. But they will online. So, the rejection factor is easier to overcome with online.

But in general there's no difference in the quality of people online vs real life. The difference is the people rejecting you don't have to look at you in the eyes when they reject you, so what you're getting with OLD is the harsh truth of what the people you message think of you as a dating prospect. They can't use normal excuses like "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" because they're on a dating website. So, you'll see a lot of your messages are read, but not replied too. Those same people not replying, if you had approached in real life, you would have gotten a BS excuse. Same outcome, you can just mass message with OLD. Let's say you write 50 women a day. Even if you get one reply, that's probably better than real life if you're going for your looks match or a bit lower. Whereas in real life, how likely is it you even encounter, let alone ask out, 50 women a day? Heck, 50 women a year? The average PUA says you need to approach 300 women to even get one hit. So from a pure numbers perspective, the odds for OLD are better than average if you are going for your looks match or lower. If you're going for women above your looks level, your rejection rate will be the same as it is in real life.

300 women? Unless I wanna hit on 65 yr old women I don't even know I could find enough young ones in this area in an entire year to hit on lol.

For example my county has 260000 residents but only 3 high schools and two of them not very big. Just gives you an idea of youth. When they leave college they move to places like tampa.

The replies I get back on match I'd say were about in the 7 range. One was 35 miles away and talked back and forth and she wanted to meet up for dinner and gave some suggestions where but I didnt feel like driving in heavy traffic 30 miles away for her. Stupid lazy move on my part for ignoring her when she was cute. Another one was about the same maybe tad cuter and talked back and forth a couple nights but then I made a comment about hating to wake up in the morning and staying up late at night and she said she loves mornings and hates being up late and is a morning person and after that she sounded put off.

Do I maybe open my mouth too much and that shoots me? Like about saying that's too far and i dont like waking up? Maybe i should have told the woman to drive 35 miles to see me. Wouldn't she think you're a narssisit then?

Also the ones who reply back are like 4 to 11 years younger than me usually. I message age range 24 to 43 usually. Better luck getting responses from the 24 to 32 range when I'm 35. Only once has a woman my age or older replied.

June 27, 2019

If you are 35, you will have to be fairly attractive to pick up 24-27 year olds. You'll need some feature that stands out, like a great face, great clothes, muscle, height, something that stands out. Most of those women won't go past 30. I'm older than you, but you can see my avatar. I'm heavily muscled, 6 feet, and about a 6.5-7 face. If a younger woman likes athletic look, I can get a date with them. The maturity level of this age is another topic though...

It sounds like you are talking too much over messenger. Even if you say something wrong, you'll get more forgiveness if you're with them in person. If you're only talking online, it's easier for women to ghost you. Try to text a few times and then set up a date. Don't chit chat a bunch before the date. You might video chat once if it's a longer drive just so you know if you're wasting your time. I don't know how much OLD you've done, but a lot of women don't look like their pics.

Edited June 27, 2019 by TheFinalWord

June 27, 2019

If you are 35, you will have to be fairly attractive to pick up 24-27 year olds. You'll need some feature that stands out, like a great face, great clothes, muscle, height, something that stands out. Most of those women won't go past 30. I'm older than you, but you can see my avatar. I'm heavily muscled, 6 feet, and about a 6.5-7 face. If a younger woman likes athletic look, I can get a date with them. The maturity level of this age is another topic though...

It sounds like you are talking too much over messenger. Even if you say something wrong, you'll get more forgiveness if you're with them in person. If you're only talking online, it's easier for women to ghost you. Try to text a few times and then set up a date. Don't chit chat a bunch before the date. You might video chat once if it's a longer drive just so you know if you're wasting your time. I don't know how much OLD you've done, but a lot of women don't look like their pics.

Especially weight. They try and hide their weight a lot with camera angles.

June 27, 2019

That is $20 short of $500 for a year. There are a lot of bills I can pay with $500!!

Don't be a smartass, rodent. YOU have a woman. I could easily spend $5k per year ONLY doing dinners and movies if I was dating weekly. And, BTW, Match has plenty of 'deals'. I'm paying less than $20 a month and a quarter of that is the 'read notification' extra feature. User's can go even cheaper than me by committing to longer terms of service.

June 27, 2019

Don't be a smartass, rodent. YOU have a woman. I could easily spend $5k per year ONLY doing dinners and movies if I was dating weekly. And, BTW, Match has plenty of 'deals'. I'm paying less than $20 a month and a quarter of that is the 'read notification' extra feature. User's can go even cheaper than me by committing to longer terms of service.

I dont go longer terms. Since signing up in April I see the same profiles within a 60 miles radius. I dunno I will renew. Keep paying to see the same stuff.

June 27, 2019

It's a waste of money.

I'd guess most women on dating sites just want the attention. They don't really want to date. You have to remember women, generally are attention addicts.

Attention is like a drug to them. That's why you see so many on Facebook and Instagram etc. posting pictures and keeping track of the likes and comments.

They want to get together with their friends, pull out their phone and open the dating apps and show off how many "losers" want them. It boosts their egos.

I'd also guess all that attention acts as a substitute for actually having to have sex with a guy. They get their attention fix, then go home and satisfy themselves sexually instead of having to dress up and go on a date and getting pressured into having sex with the poor simp that paid for the dinner and the resultant guilt of fabricating an excuse to avoid being in a position with him for sex to occur. Dating sites/apps solve all that for women. Instant attention from thirsty guys.

You're better off going out and meeting women. Years ago I worked the dairy section part time in a grocery store. Women were very flirty with me. I got dates with quite a few women while at that job. Albeit, some were married. But I wasn't looking for a relationship either.

June 27, 2019

It's a waste of money.

I'd guess most women on dating sites just want the attention. They don't really want to date. You have to remember women, generally are attention addicts.

Attention is like a drug to them. That's why you see so many on Facebook and Instagram etc. posting pictures and keeping track of the likes and comments.

They want to get together with their friends, pull out their phone and open the dating apps and show off how many "losers" want them. It boosts their egos.

I'd also guess all that attention acts as a substitute for actually having to have sex with a guy. They get their attention fix, then go home and satisfy themselves sexually instead of having to dress up and go on a date and getting pressured into having sex with the poor simp that paid for the dinner and the resultant guilt of fabricating an excuse to avoid being in a position with him for sex to occur. Dating sites/apps solve all that for women. Instant attention from thirsty guys.

You're better off going out and meeting women. Years ago I worked the dairy section part time in a grocery store. Women were very flirty with me. I got dates with quite a few women while at that job. Albeit, some were married. But I wasn't looking for a relationship either.

I own a small business and work part time couple days a week at a grocery store at night for some extra cash. I hate girls seeing me in the grocery uniform. It screams like I'm a loser working a low end job. Maybe if you're in college it's fine but for us who are working adult age it screams loser or no education which I have a degree and other job. I'm not doing the job because it's all I can find. But being it's not a huge town and i dont want to go places and they see me as a guy who works a near min wage job. It's like herpes screams loser stay away.

My dating profile i dont say I work in a grocery store. I list business owner.

June 27, 2019

I refuse to pay for dating sites; I find that many women use free and paid sites. Plus, I found that paying for a site doesn't up the quality of individuals or dates. With that being said, I do understand your pain and I take frequent breaks from the OLD sites. I jumped back on recently after a nearly year long break and had one woman try to guilt me into giving her a ride and a place to stay (friggin creepy..). Also just had an scammer try to get my information by providing me with a link to "activate" my video chat on POF. They were good; their profile was solid, they held a good conversation and then asked me to video chat. I told them I didn't have the feature and then they sent me a link, lol.

June 27, 2019

I refuse to pay for dating sites; I find that many women use free and paid sites.

I've posted this before. Just like real estate: location, location, location. I've found all sites are okay to start. But they each have their 'stagnant crowds'. After I've met or dismissed all women in the crowd, the site is finished for me. That said, where I am the free sites, OKCupid and POF, are now useless. On the other hand, Match (paid of course) still attracts one or two 'new' women each week who are reasonably possible as dates.

June 27, 2019

@nospam99

I just did the math in my head and thought $500 will pay for 6 months of car insurance or a year's worth of Property Insurance.

So it does seem like a lot of money.

When I worked, I'd average about $400/month to date, so about $5K a year. Now that I'm retired I travel/adventure on the cheap (something my girlfriend does complain about).

And yes I have a long term girlfriend, but I met her in "real life" just like all the other women I've dated. Personally, I prefer "instant rejection" from a woman vs. this messaging back and forth, then the texting back and forth, etc. I approach, she either rejects or accepts and you have your answer right away. Unless, she has traveled to my location on vacation, odds are in my favor that we live close to one another.

June 27, 2019

@bluesfan

Nothing wrong with working at a grocery store... Honest days work for an honest paycheck. I've worked all kinds of side jobs.

If a woman wants to reject me because of my part time job, she wasn't worth dating or getting to know in the first place.

June 27, 2019

@bluesfan

Nothing wrong with working at a grocery store... Honest days work for an honest paycheck. I've worked all kinds of side jobs.

If a woman wants to reject me because of my part time job, she wasn't worth dating or getting to know in the first place.

I totally agree but the girls dont think that. That is probably why you see them online everyday of the week for months the same girls. They have such high standards for jobs they can't find anyone that meets it. I have a 25 year old cousin like this lol. Very pretty but never really gets a boyfriend because she only wants mr perfect so stuck up.

June 27, 2019

Oh, yeah, it's been on the news that these online dating sites use a lot of fake profiles to make people think there's hot people galore. It's not your imagination. They ARE bots.

June 27, 2019

Oh, yeah, it's been on the news that these online dating sites use a lot of fake profiles to make people think there's hot people galore. It's not your imagination. They ARE bots.

There are lawsuits regarding this.

It wouldn't be so bad if they charged like $15 a month for this stuff, but sites like Eharmony, Match with what they charge then match charges a la carte for basic extra features it all adds up.

For what you get it's absurd

June 27, 2019

My dating profile i dont say I work in a grocery store. I list business owner.

Bro, I have a high end job and it doesn't make much of a difference. You see women that chase after unemployed losers for years. I actually worked at a grocery store during college. The benefits are great and it's pretty secure job (people have to eat). I personally think having a few streams of income is highly intelligent in this day and age. I would highlight that in your profile if you're worried about it. But I'm telling you it doesn't make much difference in terms of attracting women. You just have to have ONE THING that separates you from the pack. Focus in on that and you can attract women. Maybe not all, but aim for the 80/20 rule. Focus on the 20% of women that will be interested in the special thing you bring to the table that's different. If it's personality that's the tough part for OLD because you can't show it. With OLD having something that stands out physically helps a lot...

June 27, 2019

I own a small business and work part time couple days a week at a grocery store at night for some extra cash. I hate girls seeing me in the grocery uniform. It screams like I'm a loser working a low end job. Maybe if you're in college it's fine but for us who are working adult age it screams loser or no education which I have a degree and other job. I'm not doing the job because it's all I can find. But being it's not a huge town and i dont want to go places and they see me as a guy who works a near min wage job. It's like herpes screams loser stay away.

My dating profile i dont say I work in a grocery store. I list business owner.

Dude, you have a confidence problem. If you are nice and helpful and don't forget to SMILE, and have a light and fun personality they won't notice your uniform. Use the grocery uniform and your part time gig there to meet women. Make the most of it.

You have to learn that YOU ARE ENOUGH. You don't have to lie or deceive women about your situation. YOU are the prize that they have to work for and prove themselves for. Not the other way around.

Come on dude! Fix your mindset. These women are lucky to find you there. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Keep that grocery uniform clean and washed and wear it with pride and a smile. This attracts women.

Also, get some good cologne.

Also, maybe you strike up a conversation with a woman who might be older than you prefer. Maybe she has an eligible daughter or niece. Maybe her friends daughter or niece is single..

Remember: You are good enough the way you are.

Use your situation to your advantage.

keep a fun, upbeat and positive attitude (smile at work even though you don't like the job).

Learn to flirt without it being creepy or too noticeable.

June 27, 2019

Bro, I have a high end job and it doesn't make much of a difference. You see women that chase after unemployed losers for years. I actually worked at a grocery store during college. The benefits are great and it's pretty secure job (people have to eat). I personally think having a few streams of income is highly intelligent in this day and age. I would highlight that in your profile if you're worried about it. But I'm telling you it doesn't make much difference in terms of attracting women. You just have to have ONE THING that separates you from the pack. Focus in on that and you can attract women. Maybe not all, but aim for the 80/20 rule. Focus on the 20% of women that will be interested in the special thing you bring to the table that's different. If it's personality that's the tough part for OLD because you can't show it. With OLD having something that stands out physically helps a lot...

Might be in other states and women under 30 but here in Floriduh the women list financial security and financial wealth in a partner as a major factor in their profiles. Under 30 not so much, but the women over 30 list financial security and good career as a requirement for their partner and they're pretty upfront and bold about it too in many cases.

Down here I see a lot of decent looking women with fat guys, balding guys and many cases years older than them as well. That tells me it's $$$$ because it's certainly not their beer bellies attracting them.

That's why I was saying I see these same women on the websites month after month. They have unrealistic expectations for income. Want a guy that makes over 100k a year.

June 27, 2019

Stop worrying about your store uniform! Jeez, I once wore a really ugly short wig and white uniform to waitress in. We all have to look different for work. Not a big deal.

June 27, 2019

Stop worrying about your store uniform! Jeez, I once wore a really ugly short wig and white uniform to waitress in. We all have to look different for work. Not a big deal.

But in my 30s I don't want someone to see me as a near min wage worker in a grocery store.

June 28, 2019

But in my 30s I don't want someone to see me as a near min wage worker in a grocery store.

At the end of the day... Did your rent/mortgage get paid?? Are your lights on?? Do you have food in your stomach?? Then you're doing better than a lot of people and you earned your money in an honest way.

You have your own business... it takes a while to get a new business off the ground and even then... sometimes you hit a "bump in the road".

Stop beating yourself up... I hit a rough spot and had a side job that paid minimum wage when I was 29. It seems my mortgage company didn't care what I did to pay them, as long as they got the check (by the 1st) and it didn't bounce.

June 28, 2019

It's absurd to expect that paying for a dating site will do anything more than increase the functionality of the service. You are paying for more swipes, increased access to your matches, longer distance, etc. Paying for the site doesn't make you more attractive, it cant force women to text you or want to meet up with you. If you want to pay to sleep with someone hot, pay an escort. Or better yet save up money and move out of bumf**k Florida to a place with a larger, younger, and more diverse population.

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Trying online dating again. Waste of cash? Not working.

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