A woman’s attraction level

[d0nnivain]

I’m going to make a move regardless and if she declines, she declined. This is the first woman I’ve been with/dated since I found out my wife was having an affair and we divorced. Little nerve wrecking to say the least

 

 

Making a move is fine, good even.

 

 

I suppose what I'm suggesting is that you have date 4 somewhere that is not your house & maybe save the home cooked meal for date 6+

[X1 anti]

Good. Do you feel like the kiss from her end was genuine like she wanted you? If so then by all means I encourage you to continue. If it feels like you pretty muched just kissed her then I remain worried for good reason.

 

It was mutual. I told her to kiss me and she moved in immediately and kissed me back

[Curiousroxy86]

good luck Op and do keep us posted please

[Highndry]

Making a move is fine, good even.

 

 

I suppose what I'm suggesting is that you have date 4 somewhere that is not your house & maybe save the home cooked meal for date 6+

 

 

It's 2019, not 1919.

[X1 anti]

good luck Op and do keep us posted please

 

She stood me up, vanished and no response

[d0nnivain]

She stood me up, vanished and no response

 

She most likely concluded that you were "only after one thing." After concluding that you were a cad, she decided she didn't owe you anything.

 

I believe you when you say your intentions were honorable but she didn't see it that way, got defense & ghosted.

[unevenXchange]

How attracted to a man do you have to be to accept an invitation to make dinner together at his home? It varies from woman to woman and frankly wondering about this is a waste of time.

 

She accepted the invitation, stop analyzing or it's going to ruin it. Relax and enjoy the date.

 

Yes this^^^ .

 

Keep calm and breathe.

[Curiousroxy86]

She stood me up, vanished and no response

 

im sorry Op

 

I disagree with donni...I doubt you asking her over your place prematurely was the reason.

 

the reason I think you should assume (because we really dont know why she ghosted) was simply she was not that into you. I got those vibes because of the kiss.....a woman can and will be a pleasant date and not rain on your parade but there are certain things you can tell. the way she kiss you back, touch you back, the way she let you kiss/touch her....facial expressions...for the most part says alot.

 

if a girl is into a guy..even if he asked her over his place prematurely..she wont ghost him. she would redirect him still giving him a chance to go out with her a few more times or go over his place anyway even if she prefer not to lol. to ghost a guy that we are into he would have to be overtly disrespectful like send a dick pick or tried to touch her sexually on the date or said something really raunchy and creepy lol.

 

keep on fishing my friend. you will catch one thats genuinely and consistently interested.

[X1 anti]

im sorry Op

 

I disagree with donni...I doubt you asking her over your place prematurely was the reason.

 

the reason I think you should assume (because we really dont know why she ghosted) was simply she was not that into you. I got those vibes because of the kiss.....a woman can and will be a pleasant date and not rain on your parade but there are certain things you can tell. the way she kiss you back, touch you back, the way she let you kiss/touch her....facial expressions...for the most part says alot.

 

if a girl is into a guy..even if he asked her over his place prematurely..she wont ghost him. she would redirect him still giving him a chance to go out with her a few more times or go over his place anyway even if she prefer not to lol. to ghost a guy that we are into he would have to be overtly disrespectful like send a dick pick or tried to touch her sexually on the date or said something really raunchy and creepy lol.

 

keep on fishing my friend. you will catch one thats genuinely and consistently interested.

 

Thanks Roxy. I just thought that we both respected each other enough not play mind games. I’m baffled by the fact that she called me a week prior, clearing her schedule and facilitating us getting together but then not showing up. She wanted to see me that same night she called. I was prepping all week for it. Cleaned my entire apartment, gathered all the ingredients for homemade pizzas. I had the entire table set up waiting for her arrival. The night ended with me making my own pizza and drinking 2 bottles of wine

[alphamale]

I was prepping all week for it. Cleaned my entire apartment, gathered all the ingredients for homemade pizzas. I had the entire table set up waiting for her arrival. The night ended with me making my own pizza and drinking 2 bottles of wine

 

dude, i'm revoking your Man Card

[Lotsgoingon]

Thanks Roxy. I just thought that we both respected each other enough not play mind games. I’m baffled by the fact that she called me a week prior, clearing her schedule and facilitating us getting together but then not showing up. She wanted to see me that same night she called. I was prepping all week for it. Cleaned my entire apartment, gathered all the ingredients for homemade pizzas. I had the entire table set up waiting for her arrival. The night ended with me making my own pizza and drinking 2 bottles of wine

 

You can learn from this experience. Sounds like you were using the dinner invitation as a way to get closer, to advance the relationship and the touching and so on.

 

That works in the movies--man with the bachelor pad and all that. In real life, I've seen little evidence that working hard for a week preparing a great meal for someone increases their attraction to you or interest in you.

 

Your date probably wanted to come over, but she sensed that something was up ... that you were using this dinner as a way to cement things with her. She probably would have gone out elsewhere with you (on the town), but the dinner scared her--as she's not THAT into you, at least not yet.

 

You really don't want to work all that hard for initial dates ... Either someone likes you and therefore can get happy holding your hand walking down the street or they don't. I would say by date 4, you really want to be in sync with the person. If after three dates, there isn't some fire, I tend to think there won't be.

 

Enjoy your neat and clean apartment. Don't feel too bad ... but lesson: working so hard doesn't advance the relationship. Share your interests and passions and keep meeting people. You'll encounter someone who's into you--and not because of a week of hard work.

[elaine567]

Escalating too fast. She was at the hug/awkward kiss stage and you went racing ahead to the sex at my place stage.

She probably thought OK, then reconsidered as the thought it may turn ugly if she turned you down once she got there.

YOU know you were not going to jump her, she didn't know that.

 

All things considered she decided it was best to just bail.

[Curiousroxy86]

xi the only thing you need to learn is to read a girls true interest and if she isn’t showing genuine true interest then You don’t pull out all the stops to try to get her to like you more instead you slow down the pace or pull back. And if she really act like she don’t care pull the plug lol. Only keep on pursuing when a girl shows true enthusiasm and interest. Not just verbally but nonverbally in her body language and level of affection with you. I don’t think all what you planned was a bad idea at all. Another girl who shows she is into you wouldn’t have issues with the plans and if she did she would do a counter offer but she wouldn’t ghost.

[Highndry]

She showed you her poor character. Be thankful this happened early, as she would have flaked on you in some way later on. A quality woman would never even dream of leaving you hanging like that. She's trash.

The night ended with me making my own pizza and drinking 2 bottles of wine

Please tell me you didn't try to contact her.

[X1 anti]

She showed you her poor character. Be thankful this happened early, as she would have flaked on you in some way later on. A quality woman would never even dream of leaving you hanging like that. She's trash.

 

Please tell me you didn't try to contact her.

 

I did not my friend. Just been back and forth with my emotions asking myself what I did wrong. She went from calling me, clearing her schedule, sounding excited about our date to vanishing. I never got any sense of flakiness from her. Setting dates with her has been easy from the start. As I got to know her I considered her a very genuine person. I would have never expected this fro. Her. We had such a great time on all of our dates and seemed like we had a great connection

[Curiousroxy86]

xi did you both really had a great time or was it just you. im not saying that to be harsh. im saying that in hopes this helps you going forward.

 

honestly I feel like guys (women do it too) when they are excited and attracted they can get caught up in the moment and on how they feel and miss how the girl or other person really feels. they miss those signs. like that kiss worried me for a reason. and deep down I think it worried you to probably along with other signs for you to ask us the question you asked at the beginning. when your into someone you want something to happen with well you tend to make excuses.

 

I been on dates with guys that I wasnt all that into on the date. I remain nice but I was not overly enthusiastic and they still tried to do the most and acted so into me speaking idealizations out of thin air despite the fact I clearly wasnt as into them yet or at all. I been with a guy whos behavior was indifferent when I was younger but because I liked him so much I didnt want to see at the time. I was naive, hopeful, and excited to see him.

 

so just try to really think back on the girl and how she reacted on the date and over the phone and just make sure your not seeing what you want to see. try to forget how you felt on the date and how you felt about her. most of the time its not a true blindside from the other person. we blind ourselves yes they dont say how they feel and they pretend but people for the most part if you really wanted to see you could have seen through the act.

 

if you were truly blindsided meaning she genuinely looked and acted like she really wanted you and you saw no signs of indifference...well not much you can do with that anyway. I just think the take-away for you is pay attention to glimpses of indifference and refrain from full on investment just because you like her. if she shows you she genuinely like you back theeeeen invest a bit more. remember what matters is what a girl shows you over time.

 

good luck

[X1 anti]

xi did you both really had a great time or was it just you. im not saying that to be harsh. im saying that in hopes this helps you going forward.

 

honestly I feel like guys (women do it too) when they are excited and attracted they can get caught up in the moment and on how they feel and miss how the girl or other person really feels. they miss those signs. like that kiss worried me for a reason. and deep down I think it worried you to probably along with other signs for you to ask us the question you asked at the beginning. when your into someone you want something to happen with well you tend to make excuses.

 

I been on dates with guys that I wasnt all that into on the date. I remain nice but I was not overly enthusiastic and they still tried to do the most and acted so into me speaking idealizations out of thin air despite the fact I clearly wasnt as into them yet or at all. I been with a guy whos behavior was indifferent when I was younger but because I liked him so much I didnt want to see at the time. I was naive, hopeful, and excited to see him.

 

so just try to really think back on the girl and how she reacted on the date and over the phone and just make sure your not seeing what you want to see. try to forget how you felt on the date and how you felt about her. most of the time its not a true blindside from the other person. we blind ourselves yes they dont say how they feel and they pretend but people for the most part if you really wanted to see you could have seen through the act.

 

if you were truly blindsided meaning she genuinely looked and acted like she really wanted you and you saw no signs of indifference...well not much you can do with that anyway. I just think the take-away for you is pay attention to glimpses of indifference and refrain from full on investment just because you like her. if she shows you she genuinely like you back theeeeen invest a bit more. remember what matters is what a girl shows you over time.

 

good luck

 

Based off previous emails, the only thing that had me scratching my head was lack of physical touch. We did have a good kiss on the picnic, she leaned in and kissed me back and it was genuine. Every time I reached out to her (once per week), she’d give me her entire schedule and I’d set dates consistently and get off the phone. Outside of physical touch, I felt like she showed a lot of interest. Strong eye contact, asking lots of questions, laughing and having a great time. The vibe just felt right. She’s shown up on time for all of our dates, never used her phone and lived in the moment. I never got the flakey vibe from her once. I think that’s why I’m over here baffled and wondering what happened. I’d be fine with her canceling on me or saying it wasn’t working out but blowing me off, I’m blown away by it. I honestly thought she was ready to progress things with me when she called me to check in and facilitate getting together. She sounded excited when I invited her over, set the date then poof. Maybe there was another guy in the picture and she was just using me for attention until he came around. I didn’t give her any attention, she drove the distance to our dates and made equal effort. I never texted her or was on the phone with her other than to set dates (1 per week) til she started reaching out which happened after the 3rd date

[Acacia98]

This is just me speculating:

 

I suspect there was another guy in the picture. And the minute she was able to get a date with him, she decided to flake out on OP. OP's attention probably flattered her, boosted her ego, hence she was welcoming of it initially. But she seems to be fundamentally a flaky kind of person.

[Curiousroxy86]

ok xi

 

im just one girl but if I like a suitor im touchy in a reciprocal way. like if we shared a first kiss and next time he cuddles up to me im cuddling up to him and rubbing the back of his head and running fingers through his hair (if he has hair lol) and rubbing on his back. I would only do that with a suitor I am attracted to who is touchy first or a boyfriend. when we kiss im not giving him a peck. we making out again assuming he didnt start the kiss with a peck from his end of course. if I am not that into him yet and he tries to kiss me he will get a peck and im not sticking my tongue in his mouth lol. if he sticks his tongue in my mouth the kiss will be short lol. im not as touchy either.

 

also if my suitor was MIA in between weekly/biweekly dates well if im multi dating and there is another suitor that does better as in he calls in between dates well I would like him more simply because he calls and we would probably have more of a connection and if that suitor blew the other one out the water by asking for exclusivity well then there could be the same exact scenario you experienced EXCEPT if I was on a few dates with previous suitor I would atleast let him know its not working out. I wouldnt ghost him. I only ghost men who are disrespectful or does any type of devaluing actions.

 

so just a perspective from ONE GIRL (I am not in anyway saying the way I am is how most girls are).

 

but again in dating we dont know each others rule book so try not to beat yourself up over this girl. keep on dating and the one for you will click my friend

[Highndry]

You did nothing wrong at all, X1. The gal turned out to be a total flake. They are out there. Sometimes you don't even find out until they're your gf. My ex comes to mind. I found out that she was an excellent actress early on, then the BPD came out. There were a couple very minor hints that something may be amiss, but alas true colors always come shining through.

 

This woman would have done something extremely flaky at some juncture. Be happy it was early on rather than wasting a couple years + like I did to figure out how rotten somebody really is.

[X1 anti]

Thanks guys. Onto the next

[rightondude]

I think that’s why I’m over here baffled and wondering what happened. I’d be fine with her canceling on me or saying it wasn’t working out but blowing me off, I’m blown away by it. I honestly thought she was ready to progress things with me when she called me to check in and facilitate getting together. She sounded excited when I invited her over, set the date then poof. Maybe there was another guy in the picture and she was just using me for attention until he came around. I didn’t give her any attention, she drove the distance to our dates and made equal effort. I never texted her or was on the phone with her other than to set dates (1 per week) til she started reaching out which happened after the 3rd date

 

man it sucks, I've been there a few times myself. What sucks worst is the not knowing, never knowing what happened.

 

I'd probably just give radio silence. It's happened before with me where I get contacted in a month or so with some semblance of an explanation/excuse, but you may just as likely never hear from her again.

[alphamale]

What sucks worst is the not knowing, never knowing what happened. ...

 

sometimes it's better not knowing, your mind can make up whatever explanation it wants

[X1 anti]

man it sucks, I've been there a few times myself. What sucks worst is the not knowing, never knowing what happened.

 

I'd probably just give radio silence. It's happened before with me where I get contacted in a month or so with some semblance of an explanation/excuse, but you may just as likely never hear from her again.

 

Lol she left me an extensive voicemail yesterday and apologized claiming that her phone got wet at the beach on Sunday and she had to order a new one and just got it and now it’s not making calls, only the internet works which is why she was calling me from work and she said she is going to try and call me

Again today (I’m not picking up). She said that she found my number via AT&T logs, which she could have done a long time ago without waiting to get

Back to me 5 days later. She posted a picture on her IG 3 days ago but she hasn’t had her phone?

 

My guess: she blew me off for another guy and he was a dud so trying to reel me back in with her fishing line. I won’t be responding to any form of contact she initiates. These types of people are sick and have no self respect

[Curiousroxy86]

Good for you xi!