Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Hello, A few weeks ago I matched with someone on a dating app. Our conversations were easy and flowing and really long. A few weeks later we met in person two weeks ago. And we clicked instantly, we talked and laughed so much. When we went to eat he already sat close beside me and we touched. The date went 8 hours long. At the end we made out and I knew he wanted to go inside with me but I didn’t let it happen. We met again the following weekend and had a great time again and this time it also ended in having sex several times. I didn’t regretted it, it felt natural and right and we both really enjoyed it. Afterwards he texted me if I got home save and our conversation online continued. Now I thought it‘s my turn to ask him if he wants to do smth because he asked the first two times. So I did and he said yeah we can do that, but that he probably only has time on the weekend. I said great, so I know we will see each other on the weekend but not when. Now comes the but. I know it‘s still early on and we are not exclusive! He does not need to text me everyday although he did until now on his own. I didn’t heard from him yesterday and also not today, he didn’t replied my last message and just ended the convo. To me he seems like someone who is not on his phone when he is with other people, which is a great trait. But somehow my mind wandered and my mind wandered what if he still has dates? I got anxious and I went on the app (Didn’t logged in there anymore since I met him) and I saw that he was active just yesterday. Now my crazy mind is running to conclusions that he probably had another date yesterday and maybe she even went home with him just as he tryed taking me home on the first date. My logical brain side is basically turned off. I don’t know what to do I just know that I feel horrible and that I have no right to feel like this, because we only met two times and are not exclusive or anything else. I think I needed to get it off my chest and could use some helpful advice about when is the time to ask someone for his intentions? Probably not on the third date... and if he would like me as I like him I guess I would not have to ask this right..?
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Ahhh dear! A man trying to invite himself in your place on a first date is only after 1 thing, and it's not getting to know you. If you are looking for a serious dater you should have dropped him after that very first date. Yes yes yes you had lots of chemistry blahblah, that means nothing. It's just chemical in the brain playing trick on you. Now, pick yourself up and move on, let this be a lesson learn the hard way. If he calls you back with a serious date (not a home date) then give it another try, if he doesn't call back then he wasn't worth your time. 4
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Ahhh dear! A man trying to invite himself in your place on a first date is only after 1 thing, and it's not getting to know you. If you are looking for a serious dater you should have dropped him after that very first date. Yes yes yes you had lots of chemistry blahblah, that means nothing. It's just chemical in the brain playing trick on you. Now, pick yourself up and move on, let this be a lesson learn the hard way. If he calls you back with a serious date (not a home date) then give it another try, if he doesn't call back then he wasn't worth your time. Yeah exactly. Chemistry was full on and he still texted regularly. I thought about doing that next time having a date outside again. Thanks for your opinion.
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 ah well at least you had a great time anyways. Just a tip: when the chemistry is good, could also mean he's a player....knows what to say, knows how to react to a woman's body language, etc. 3
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 ah well at least you had a great time anyways. Just a tip: when the chemistry is good, could also mean he's a player....knows what to say, knows how to react to a woman's body language, etc. Yeah, guess you are right. I am sad right now.
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 hey we have all been there... But we will meet up again and I am feeling like already starting to be to emotional to soon. It‘s what happens to me quickly when I like someone and it’s not good.
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 So I did and he said yeah we can do that, but that he probably only has time on the weekend. I said great, so I know we will see each other on the weekend but not when. Don't count too much on meeting him again. A man really interested in meeting you again would have booked a time and place to make sure you block your agenda for him. 2
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Don't count too much on meeting him again. A man really interested in meeting you again would have booked a time and place to make sure you block your agenda for him. I know we will, last time we also said we are going to meet on the weekend and then made plans a day before. I don’t know, it‘s just that I am scared it will end up with me wanting more than him. It‘s not a nice thing to feel.
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 I know we will, last time we also said we are going to meet on the weekend and then made plans a day before. I don’t know, it‘s just that I am scared it will end up with me wanting more than him. It‘s not a nice thing to feel. Yes but last time he was aiming at sex and he's got that. Also making plans 1 day ahead isn't very respectful of your time. How do you know ahead what time he'll be free? Will you plan nothing else for the weekend in case it falls on his time line? Scared of what? If this guy bails you've lost nothing, he's a stranger to you, you've seen him twice only. Put things back in perspective, if he disappears what have you lost? nothing
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Yes but last time he was aiming at sex and he's got that. Also making plans 1 day ahead isn't very respectful of your time. How do you know ahead what time he'll be free? Will you plan nothing else for the weekend in case it falls on his time line? Scared of what? If this guy bails you've lost nothing, he's a stranger to you, you've seen him twice only. Put things back in perspective, if he disappears what have you lost? nothing We talked about how we have to work and stuff, that’s how we knew when we will be free. Scared of ending up in a situation I guess where I have more feelings because that was basically my past relationship which made me this anxious. You are right 100% he‘s a stranger and I am overthinking badly. I don’t want to do it, it just happens
stillafool Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Yes he is more than likely still dating and seeking out other women. Like others have said you've only seen him twice. You guys don't really know each other well enough to be exclusive at this point despite having sex. Like Smackie said you may have felt chemistry because this guy's a Player and knows how to read women. Doesn't mean he was necessarily feeling the chemistry as you were but just his own need for sex. Don't be "scared" of losing a guy you barely even know. There are a lot more out there.
Gretchen12 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 I agree with the others that this guy is a player and you should forget about him. But if you really can't (ie don't want to), then you should demand exclusivity and ask him to remove the dating app. If you say it's crazy to demand exclusivity after two dates, I say it was crazy to sleep with him after one date, and crazier to not demand exclusivity from someone you're sleeping with. You said you don't regret sleeping with him. That's fine if you are a player yourself. But the fact is you got emotionally attached. There are people who develop serious relationships after sex early on. But they are also serious early on, they just move faster. So now you tell him you will not stand for him seeing other women and this is your way. Then either he agrees or he stops seeing you. These guys who are players can only get as far as women are willing to go along with it.
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 I agree with the others that this guy is a player and you should forget about him. But if you really can't (ie don't want to), then you should demand exclusivity and ask him to remove the dating app. If you say it's crazy to demand exclusivity after two dates, I say it was crazy to sleep with him after one date, and crazier to not demand exclusivity from someone you're sleeping with. You said you don't regret sleeping with him. That's fine if you are a player yourself. But the fact is you got emotionally attached. There are people who develop serious relationships after sex early on. But they are also serious early on, they just move faster. So now you tell him you will not stand for him seeing other women and this is your way. Then either he agrees or he stops seeing you. These guys who are players can only get as far as women are willing to go along with it. Yeah I don’t regret it, I wanted it and it was fun. But now I start to get attached as you said. That’s what I am scared off though. That it might be to fast for him (and me aswell) I mean, we don’t know each other that well yet and I don’t want to ruin it by wanting too much too soon. My friend suggested me to at least wait a month for it. And by telling him what you suggested I think that’s a save way to ruin the sparks and making me look like there’s only my way and nothing else.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Sorry, but he's obviously not that into you, and/or not serious in general. A man who's serious and into you will bring up deleting your profiles within a few dates, then do it. Please don't waste your time on a guy who considers you just another option. 1
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Sorry, but he's obviously not that into you, and/or not serious in general. A man who's serious and into you will bring up deleting your profiles within a few dates, then do it. Please don't waste your time on a guy who considers you just another option. We only had two dates!? It‘s not that we already met like six to ten times.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Yeah, and he's been inside you. If he keeps browsing for other chicks after that, he's obviously not into you and/or not serious. Go ahead and continue with a casual thing with him if that's cool with you. But I have a feeling if you do this, you'll only end up getting hurt more. 2
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Yeah, and he's been inside you. If he keeps browsing for other chicks after that, he's obviously not into you and/or not serious. Go ahead and continue with a casual thing with him if that's cool with you. But I have a feeling if you do this, you'll only end up getting hurt more. I don’t know what he does.
Gretchen12 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Now you seem to be ok with him meeting other women. You started off the thread with a problem. We told you the different options. And now you're ok with the situation as it was. It's fine now, don't think more of it. Carry on!
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Him still having a profile up isn't the issue here. The issue is his inviting himself to your place on a 1st date, him not responding to your message, and him not booking a specific time and place for next date. Sex does not make a relationship or establish exclusivity. ETA: Also the guy was online but we don't know if he was 'searching'. He may just have looked a his latest messages. .
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Now you seem to be ok with him meeting other women. You started off the thread with a problem. We told you the different options. And now you're ok with the situation as it was. It's fine now, don't think more of it. Carry on! I‘m not okay with it. I don’t know if he is meeting other girls from there or if he was „just“ online.
Author Sugarc Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Him still having a profile up isn't the issue here. The issue is his inviting himself to your place on a 1st date, him not responding to your message, and him not booking a specific time and place for next date. Sex does not make a relationship or establish exclusivity. ETA: Also the guy was online but we don't know if he was 'searching'. He may just have looked a his latest messages. . He didn’t actually invited himself to my place but I felt that he wanted to bring things further when we kissed it‘s not as if he said let me come inside now. But you feel when somebody wouldn’t say no if you would ask them. He now responded to my message but I don’t know why he disappeared for a day.
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 He didn’t actually invited himself to my place but I felt that he wanted to bring things further when we kissed it‘s not as if he said let me come inside now. But you feel when somebody wouldn’t say no if you would ask them. He now responded to my message but I don’t know why he disappeared for a day. You're not in a relationship, he doesn't have to message you every day. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 You like him. You enjoyed the time you spent together & you had sex. Logically you know that after 2 dates he owes you nothing, not even exclusivity. Problem is you got attached. Sex'll do that to you. Now you are hurt & confused. Unfortunately you are just some woman he had sex with & you don't mean anything to him. He's back on line, as you discovered, looking for somebody different. I would stop bothering with him & move along. You too a risk. You enjoyed the moment but that moment has passed. Next time you want a relationship, limit early dates to 3-4 hours not 8 & wait a while to have sex. Let the other person prove they are interested in sticking around & getting to know you as a person. 2
olivetree Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 If you get attached really fast and your emotions get out of control, I think you should really hold off on sex till later when you date. It probably just makes you more attached. I agree with Gaeta that if a man tries to move things to yours or his place, he's likely sex-driven. If you're relationship-driven it's not a match. Now that he's had sex with you he doesn't seem that interested.
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