Kelliousme Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 This weekend my boyfriend said a few things that got my head spinning. Same guy in my previous threads who screams when we argue and throws me out of his car (lol:lmao:). His parents has been urging him to get married. He told them that he wants to get married but that I'm not mature enough for it yet. So later that day I asked him what he meant by that. He started to say I'm too immature and emotional for marriage/a family. That I should never get upset over things so easily or make him do certain things when he's tired. He also made sure to say, "I'll give in now, but if we're married I'm not going to tolerate any of it. So unless you change then we'll be stuck in this stage." If I feel I'm actually too emotional and immature, sure I guess I'd like to work on changing myself and becoming a better person. But the problem is, I don't agree with him. Nowadays when something I say aggravates/annoys him and he immediately starts to scream at me, I respond with: "Ok, thank you for spending time with me. Let's cool off and talk another time." From MY perspective, I'm more mature than him at handling situations like this. I don't think I get upset easily. If I am, I VOICE it instead of holding it in. I don't bottle things up and I feel that's good for me. He never buys me gifts, he doesn't even have to take me out to eat. If he's tired and doesn't want to go somewhere I want to go, I say okay rest up. He acted sorta cold towards me this weekend also because I asked him to buy me this specific thing. He never said he's tired. I told him I REALLY wanted it. He knows it's much faster/convenient for him to go than for me to go (due to circumstances) so he said ok I'll go. I guess this is why he said I "forced" him to get something when he's tired. But this happened once in a blue moon. Besides this example, I don't remember the last time I asked him to do something for me.. Sorry if this is so long. I can't even talk to him or face him the past few days. I DON'T want to change myself. If these are the things that he can't even tolerate.. then I don't think we can go on.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 I’m not sure what it’s going to take to make you see that this relationship is horribly unhealthy and going nowhere, but I can’t really give you any advice but to leave. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 (edited) Sweetie, I don't know why you're still with this guy. You can't change him and he wants to change you. How's that gonna work??? It's not. He throws you out of his car and you're still with him???????(lol:lmao:) Paleeze. That would have happened only once if it were me!!!! Dump this jerk. He's as immature as and emotionally abusive they get! If you want to show him just how mature you are, tell him you're moving on because you deserve so much better than he's giving you. He doesn't respect you, so you need to respect yourself!!!!! A grown, mature, strong, independent woman would not tolerate this kind of treatment for even one minute. Edited June 20, 2019 by Redhead14 1
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Why are you dating this machoman? Screaming at you and throwing you out of the car during an argument ISN'T a laughing matter. This man is an abuser and it's a matter of time before he starts physically abusing you.
lurker74 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 I think he's right about the immature part. And that's ok, it's not your fault. But at some point in the future, hopefully not too long from now, you'll look back and think, wow, I was so immature for not recognizing I was being emotionally abused. And you will have learned that lesson and be the wiser for it. Just leave him. Right now, things are as GOOD as they'll ever be. Can you stand a life where this is what is defined as "best"? 1
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 They are both immature. His behavior is immature and she's immature for tolerating it. 1
Author Kelliousme Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Why I stayed? Because he's very nice to my friends and family. Treats them VERY well. When we don't argue, he listens to me when I am stressed from work and offers insights to my problems (as long as it's not related to him). No relationship is perfect. I thought his good qualities can outweigh the bad. But you guys are absolutely correct. What he said is pretty much the last straw. I'm immature for dealing with it. That's why I can't even talk to him nowadays. I can't imagine my life with someone who can't even tolerate such trivial things. My girlfriend is constantly throw tantrums and her husband not only tolerates it, he would still go to the ends of the earth for her. That's why I'm in SHOCK when I heard my boyfriend say what he did. I'm mature for my age and I'm HUMAN so I should have emotions. I'm not turning myself into a robot/slave for him. PERIOD. 2
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Why I stayed? Because he's very nice to my friends and family. Treats them VERY well. When we don't argue, he listens to me when I am stressed from work and offers insights to my problems (as long as it's not related to him). Not enough. Him treating your family and friends very well is only sand in their eyes. If your parents knew how he treats you you think they'd like him still? No relationship is perfect. I thought his good qualities can outweigh the bad. No no no, Good qualities never outweigh that kind of bad. Good qualities outweigh him leaving his work-clothes on the floor but never outweigh screaming and throwing you out of the car, n-e-v-e-r ! That is called abuse and NO good qualities outweigh that. My girlfriend is constantly throw tantrums and her husband not only tolerates it, he would still go to the ends of the earth for her. That is your example of a good relationship? That is a miserable and sad example! That is a highly dysfunctional marriage and your girlfriend is manipulative and abusive. .
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 It's time to go. I know he's not going to marry you....he's making it pretty clear he's keeping his options open. He's trying to make you dump him because he doesn't want the drama that will ensue if he does it.
kendahke Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 I think he's pretty much told you that he sees the expiration date on your relationship. Granted, everyone can stand to improve, but he's saying he expects for whoever he's married to to tow the line--and you aren't that one. You two are incompatible and it's best to realize this sooner than later.
olivetree Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Same guy in my previous threads who screams when we argue and throws me out of his car (lol:lmao:). As soon as you said this, I concluded you shouldn't be together. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 As soon as you said this, I concluded you shouldn't be together. My thoughts exactly.
preraph Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Well, if he's screaming at you, he's the one who's got problems. Let's just say you're both not right together to get married and probably neither of you is ready yet for marriage anyway. Marriage isn't much fun, so you definitely don't want to marry someone you already don't get along with who criticizes you and loses their crap and has warned you it's their way or the highway. Do NOT marry this idiot. And stop being in a hurry. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 You don't seem to have any clue what a good and healthy relationship looks like, OP. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 He also made sure to say, "I'll give in now, but if we're married I'm not going to tolerate any of it. So unless you change then we'll be stuck in this stage." An immature person has given you an ultimatum. Note: this guy defines mature as easy for him to be with. Mature for him is putting up with his b.s. without complaint, putting up with his abusiveness without complaint. Very smart to use that cooling off technique when he becomes angry and screams. The problem is ... that mature move on your part is completely wasted on this guy. And yes, as others have said, some of his actions call for you to exit and not speak to him for a week. That he's nice to your family and friends--uh ... that is absolutely NOT reason to date someone. Does he scream at your family and friends? ... They won't have to live with him, don't have to deal with his immaturity. They don't know what he's like in relationship. You want someone who treats YOU very well. You! And who can argue or disagree with maturity and gentleness--not abusiveness. Let him marry someone else to please his family or fit his immature sense of what a relationship is. He'll be as mean to that person as he is to you--and they'll have to learn the lesson you're learning. Dump him and leave. Might be a slight adjustment without him ... but in not too long you will be so blissful to be away from him. You'll be shocked at how good you'll feel. 1
Andy_K Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Why I stayed? Because he's very nice to my friends and family. Treats them VERY well. When we don't argue, he listens to me when I am stressed from work and offers insights to my problems (as long as it's not related to him). No relationship is perfect. I thought his good qualities can outweigh the bad. It doesn't work that way. You don't tolerate someone being an ass to you just because you feel differently about them when they're on their best behaviour. One thing you should learn is that if someone is a mix of great and terrible, they are not a great partner who sometimes acts out of sorts, they are a terrible partner who is sometimes able to hide it and put on a false front. People show you who they really are. Believe them. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Break up with him 1. I wouldn’t tolerate a man kicking me out of his car or home 2. I wouldn’t tolerate a man trying to gas light and project his own toxicity on me 3. I wouldn’t tolerate a man telling me he wouldn’t marry me as I am when I accept and love myself I recommend you do the same....like yesterday
basil67 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Sweetie, you put a LOL emoji after saying that he throws you out of his car. This makes me so sad for you. 3
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