Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Not husband material, in my book. This is very basic stuff. A good man is protective of his woman first and foremost. A friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend for the exact same reason. He left her alone in a sketchy place late at night, didn't even bother to make sure she got home OK. She dumped him immediately, and I understood 100%. I would have done the same thing. 1
Foxhall Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 dont think anyone mentioned - different apartments- no sex on the table, he was in a huff so ****ed off and left you there, Not something that I would ever do, not something that a gentleman would ever do, "everyone has to allowed one or two mistakes"- I do agree with that though too actually. so I dont know- you have to be wary though now of him.
frus69 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 He told me that he wasn’t thinking straight because he was in a lot of pain, he just had an operation and is still in pain from that. He also said that he was feeling very anxious (he was showing signs of anxiety through out the day). He said all he wanted to do was to get home which is why he didn’t want to wait. And also he thought that the taxi that was approaching the train station was the one booked for me. First, was he in pain when travelling with you or just "suddenly felt the pain" waiting for the taxi? Second, even if he was in pain, a nice guy would still ask you "are you alright to wait yourself." and tell you" Im so sorry but im just really in pain". Third, even if he just forgot to say those things because he was really in pain and really effing clueless, he should have apologized to you when you told him how angry you were and promised to never do it again. Did he? No. He got angry and started shifting the blame to you. Last, if, according to d0nnivain, we are all allowed mistake once, then this should be the sole incident. But is it? NO. You feel he's taking you for granted so he must have done a lot of similar things. Stop finding excuses for him OP. P.S. I dont think d0nnivain's guy and your guy is the same thing. Her guy went to make sure everyone else was safe. Your guy only made sure himself is comfy. d0nnivain's guy is not selfish. Yours is.
frus69 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 but at that hour, he may have not have been thinking properly and in a rush to get home. He shouldnt need to think, it should be his primal reaction. But his primal reaction is all about himself. 3
mortensorchid Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 I don't buy that excuse, because this guy might have been lying about that (unless you can verify that he did have the surgery and it was, in fact, pain that was bothering him). Is this a first in self centered behavior? There will probably be more down the road if you haven't seen any already.
JEG88 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 This is very basic stuff. A good man is protective of his woman first and foremost. Pretty much this. There's really no excuse that legitimizes leaving a woman alone like that, regardless if you're only dating vs. being an SO. Need to leave for whatever reason or emergency? Take her with you and once you're where you need to be, get her an Uber/taxi home from there. Sort of like maintaining a "chain of custody" for lack of a better term, to make sure she's safe. 1
Author fixmyheart90 Posted June 20, 2019 Author Posted June 20, 2019 Thank you all for your replies, it’s been really nice to have support from you all. An update for everyone, he has apologized to me on several occasions. He said that he wasn’t feeling well at all and that his anxiety was really bad. He also said that as soon as he got in the taxi he realized what a huge mistake it was and he was gonna go back to his and get his car to cone to give me a lift. We’ve spoken about this so many times now and he has been really apologetic. I’m still not being 100% myself with him, but I am less angry. 1
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Thank you all for your replies, it’s been really nice to have support from you all. An update for everyone, he has apologized to me on several occasions. He said that he wasn’t feeling well at all and that his anxiety was really bad. He also said that as soon as he got in the taxi he realized what a huge mistake it was and he was gonna go back to his and get his car to cone to give me a lift. We’ve spoken about this so many times now and he has been really apologetic. I’m still not being 100% myself with him, but I am less angry. He was gonna............but he didn't. This man is a master manipulator. 1
kendahke Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 A guy who, on purpose, leaves you waiting by yourself in a bad neighborhood at 3am after being out all evening with you while he hopped in the cab in front of yours and took off doesn't really care about you or your well-being, no matter what he's saying now while doing damage control. The damage should not have been administered in the first place. Are you angry enough to break up with him, though---that's the question. It doesn't sound like you are if you're still dealing with him. He knows that while you'll complain and moan, you're not going anywhere, so by sticking around still, you've taught him that he can treat you any way he wants and give you any messed up excuse and you'll buy it--therefore, he has nothing to fear... 2
frus69 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Thank you all for your replies, it’s been really nice to have support from you all. An update for everyone, he has apologized to me on several occasions. He said that he wasn’t feeling well at all and that his anxiety was really bad. He also said that as soon as he got in the taxi he realized what a huge mistake it was and he was gonna go back to his and get his car to cone to give me a lift. We’ve spoken about this so many times now and he has been really apologetic. I’m still not being 100% myself with him, but I am less angry. He was going to, but why he didn't? He immediately regretted, but why didnt he immediately text/ call you and ask about your safety? He apologised now, but You said earlier when you first confronted him, he turned it to you and said you were over reacting. If he truly realised it was a mistake as soon as he got in the cab, why would he ever think you were overreacting ?? I'm sorry this guys excuses dont even add up lol But I see you are going to forgive him anyway. Well I guarantee things like this is going to happen again very soon. Hopefully you can make a better decision next time 1
Atwood Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 Personally, I think if he really understood and was a reasonable person he would have been apologetic as soon as you brought it up and it would not be an issue. Reasonable people are cooperative, calm and apologetic when they hurt you and they discuss and compromise with you. They don't lash out or become defensive. We're all flawed human beings and we all make mistakes, but in the end it's not often the mistakes that matter. It's how you make up for those mistakes. People who point the finger and can't accept they screwed up and want to do better next time aren't long-term material imo because the arguing will get worse and worse over time. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 20, 2019 Posted June 20, 2019 It’s funny normally I’m like dump him, leave him, break up with him, ignore him, blah blah blah and op you probably should depending on a few factors I will mention... But Men do tend to have inconsiderate/selfish moments and do stupid things. Op is this one moment or are there are many moments with him that you feel taken for granted and devalued? If it’s a pattern you do need to let him go If it’s one time then What he did hit a boundary no doubt but I think there are boundaries that can be resolved by communicating ONE TIME and boundaries that require flat out dump him instantly If I were in your shoes I would have handled it in two ways Scenario 1 (more than likely because I’m easily scared) as soon as he tried to say he was going to get a cab I would have called him out right then and there.cause I wouldn’t have wanted to be alone prideful or not lol. “So you are just going to leave me at this dark rapey train station at 3am?” And hopefully if he is a good boyfriend who just had an inconsiderate moment would just be like “your right” and stay by my side. If he left anyway or tried to turn it around on me like I’m the problem theeeeeeen I would breakup. Scenario 2 he decided to leave but I didn’t say anything. That would piss me off and I would have had a conversation “honey leaving me at the station at 3am in the morning all alone was not okay”. If he apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again I would forgive him. Even if he gave the little wack excuses the main point of his response needs to show remorse, understanding how I felt, and that it won’t happen again. Period. If so I can forgive wack excuse and all. However if he responded in way of minimizing what he did and made it seem like I’m making a big deal along with his wack excuses thats a breakup. So op for you my concern is his response. I hear the apologies. But what he is actually saying matters. “I’m sorry. I was in pain. I was anxious. I wasn’t thinking” yea yea yea but did you hear “I shouldn’t have done that” “it won’t happen again”??? If not then unfortunately his apologies are trash, he is not remorseful, and I would think you need to cut him loose because that inconsiderate moment will be reoccurring. 1
spiderowl Posted June 21, 2019 Posted June 21, 2019 No, you are not overreacting. He has just shown you he is a guy who does not care about your safety. It's a shame but if you want someone more protective, you might have to dump him.
JuneL Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 Remember your safety is the most important. You should have gotten into the cab with him and, and either stay the night at his place or take the cab from there to your place. Personally I would dump him.
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