oklahoma45 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 So I met this girl on a dating app about two and a half months ago and have been on about 5 dates with her since (most recently a few days ago). We usually text everyday and I really love being around her. She has amazing hobbies and is by far one of the most talented people I have ever met. However, she had been very unavailable to me over the past month and it took me about 10 invites for her to feel up to meeting with me again most recently. While I know she was very sick for about half that time and recently started a new job, part of me is concerned that I am far more invested in our relationship than she is. While we have never discussed exclusively dating, I believe she is aware that this is something that I would be very open to in the future. I am getting concerned because she is taking increasingly longer to respond to texts and that I now seem to be initiating most of our conversations. We have been intimate on most dates but have never had sex to this point. I am confused with how to proceed with this individual. While she is super complex emotionally, whenever I try to get her to open up about her feelings she doesn't seem to want to talk about them. I believe she has a past (or maybe current) history of depression and that she may have been sexually abused in the past so I am not sure if her fluctuating behavior is a result of this or a lack of interest in me. I really feel strongly about her and despite these characteristics think that she is everything I am looking for in a significant other. I don't want to lose her interest but it just seems like no amount of kind words and affection keeps her attention anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions?
frus69 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 part of me is concerned that I am far more invested in our relationship than she is. Well, you are. despite these characteristics think that she is everything I am looking for in a significant other Are you sure. Sounds like she has a huge baggage and will be a terrible partner (especially that she doesnt openly communicate) I don't want to lose her interest There is nothing you can do to prevent that. And some women prefer this, others prefer that. There is no universal way that can make a woman interested. Better just be yourself. You can keep chasing, but dont have any expectation.
Gretchen12 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Kind words and affection doesn't keep people interested. I am not saying nice guys are rejected. That's a common wrong interpretation. You hold someone's interest by being interesting (to that person). Kind words don't hurt but they also don't intrigue. And if you're not interesting to her then you're not. You're interesting to someone else. You may not be what she's looking for, that's all.
JEG88 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 If she is going through a depressive episode, that's a tough nut to crack. You're not her BF or an intimate friend to be in that circle of trust for her. Also don't try to insert yourself into any potential issues she may have, that will only make things worse. She's obviously losing interest for one reason or another, but it may be for the best as there seem to be a lot of issues to jump through. And you're not at the stage to really pry about them after 5 dates.
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 I and a lot of people I know have been battling a virulent strain of bronchitis over the past 2 months. I was out of commission for 3 weeks which put me behind at work. If she was that kind of sick on top of having a new job, cut her some slack 5 dates is too fast to be talking about exclusivity with a woman who is a very private person the way you describe. Just keep trying to go on actual dates with her. If you truly feel like you are doing all the work & she's only lukewarm, just walk away. You dont' have enough invested to waste time trying to force things.
Author oklahoma45 Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 I and a lot of people I know have been battling a virulent strain of bronchitis over the past 2 months. I was out of commission for 3 weeks which put me behind at work. If she was that kind of sick on top of having a new job, cut her some slack 5 dates is too fast to be talking about exclusivity with a woman who is a very private person the way you describe. Just keep trying to go on actual dates with her. If you truly feel like you are doing all the work & she's only lukewarm, just walk away. You dont' have enough invested to waste time trying to force things. Thanks for the advice. I definitely won’t try to force things on her as I know her well enough at this point to know that will not help. I think I’ll just be patient with her in the hopes that she may eventually open up to me. I suspect she may have another reason to be lukewarm that could have nothing to do with me. I mean I suppose that could be wishful thinking, but I do care about her so I would definitely be willing to wait it out.
Foxhall Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 well your passion for her is quite evident so on balance yes do not throw in the towel just yet, Sometimes it is not always about you either, the other party can have a lot of turmoil going on and they are too burdened by that to give you the right signals, I agree, closed off very private girls can be hard work, but hey patience is a virtue and if you can get her to trust you more and open up, I take the view that it is likely to be worth it long term. you have to be able to switch off from it too though, show her you are there as a support but also take a step back and give her time
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