Mayaiana Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 (edited) I get the feeling my coworker likes me since he's always extra nice with me, smiles a few times at least when talking to me, jokes around with me a lot, places a lot of importance on what i say, asks about my test prep is going and how he can write letter of rec for me for medical school and telling me to make sure I submit everything on time, and talking about what to do throughout the entire process like "okay submit your primaries asap" we've already talked about secondaries(a month ago and he still remembered) then giving me more advice about calling the medical school etc to have higher chance of getting interview. The other day I texted him about a patient then he added hoo it was so hot and humid in Houston where he flied to that day so continue convo about non-work stuff. Today he saw a patient then after she left he messaged me through work-messaging to say "all that smooth talking for $60 bucks" BUT my question is how does he become shy when talking to me but other times not at all and in conversation is non-chalant and calls me man/dude. Edited June 19, 2019 by Mayaiana
JEG88 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 You're reading way too much into this. From what you describe, he is just being a nice coworker. Have you hung out with him outside of work? Do you notice if he is as nice to other coworkers as he is to you? Do you know if he's single? Need more context.
Author Mayaiana Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 You're reading way too much into this. From what you describe, he is just being a nice coworker. Have you hung out with him outside of work? Do you notice if he is as nice to other coworkers as he is to you? Do you know if he's single? Need more context. Not reading too much into anything. No he isn't the same with others as he is with me, he's more careless when speaking to others than me, other have noticed he looks down when he talks to me. His behavior towards me is different and he values everything i say a lot. Yes he is single. Also if the things he did didn't stand out i wouldn't feel a difference. He offered to take us out to lunch one day, brings me my coffee when it's ready.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 If you know the answer to your question already, why are you here? I agree with the other poster, nothing about what you're describing indicates he's into you in any way beyond platonic friendship. 2
JEG88 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Not reading too much into anything. No he isn't the same with others as he is with me, he's more careless when speaking to others than me, other have noticed he looks down when he talks to me. His behavior towards me is different and he values everything i say a lot. Yes he is single. Also if the things he did didn't stand out i wouldn't feel a difference. He offered to take us out to lunch one day, brings me my coffee when it's ready. Yes you are, you are projecting what you want to believe and looking for validation rather than advice. Do you like him and are wondering if he likes you? What's the deal here? 1
Author Mayaiana Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 Yes you are, you are projecting what you want to believe and looking for validation rather than advice. Do you like him and are wondering if he likes you? What's the deal here? AGAINm your answer didn't help in this case.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 (edited) Listen, if YOU think he's attracted to you and you like him, grow a set and ask him out for a drink or two. In answer to your question "Is this normal". The answer is yes, it's normal behavior for a guy who is nice to people in general. That's all we can tell from what you wrote. PERIOD. My boss brings me coffee every once in while on his way in to the office. I don't think he's in love with me. It's never crossed my mind. He's just a very nice person and a great boss. Edited June 19, 2019 by Redhead14
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Despite the differences you point out in the way he is with you vs. others, I do not see romantic interest here. I see somebody who likes you as a person & is willing to mentor you. If a man liked you romantically he would ask you on a date. I also suspect that this guy is smart enough not to date the collegian who currently works in the office. He doesn't want to create the appearance of sexual harassment. Leave him be.
Gaeta Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 talking to me but other times not at all and in conversation is non-chalant and calls me man/dude. A man would NEVER call a lady man/dude if he had an interest in her. He sees you as a buddy that's all.
lurker74 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 A man would NEVER call a lady man/dude if he had an interest in her. He sees you as a buddy that's all. I don't agree with this, Gaeta. I would in some circumstances, for instance, when I am attracted to a subordinate and having trouble hiding it. I could envision using language like that to mask it. OP, three possible answers. One, you're reading too much into it and he is just being nice. Two, he is attracted to you and is testing the waters and trying to go friend to romantic partner (a weak approach but one we all use from time to time). Three, he gains value from the admiration and puppy love of young women. This last one deserves a bit more time. Some men - and I have been guilty of this in the past - treat women we work with differently in a way that is a lie. We say we're being helpful and a mentor to her because it's good but really we're attracted to her and we are projecting a "specialness" on her because that's how we justify it. "Oh, she needs help with primaries and secondaries because she's special and deserves more than others," we think, but in reality, we think they're special because we are attracted to them. It's actually very sexist, especially since if and when the special girl spurns our eventual pass, many men get vindictive. But then there are a whole group of men that won't ever push past the line but get value from that admiration. They like the attention and the drama of someone wondering about them and encourage it but will never act on it. That is a distinct possibility here. So ask him out for a drink if you like him and your workplace allows it. That should help you determine which one it is.
smackie9 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 Why not suggest going for lunch...it's not the 1950's....you can ask him out.
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