Thoughts on money and women

[elaine567]

I mean, Trump is a celeb but never comes off as having TONs of friends. Famous yes, but not a huge extrovert and look at the woman he gets. Then again when you got billions I really don't think women take personality into a huge account.

 

For 73 he is not bad looking, he is a big tall guy too, he has oodles of personality, he has the gift of the gab. He is socially aware, and has plenty dollars, but the main thing he has is power.

 

Women tend to like power.

Any idiot can splash the cash but power and the assumed intelligence behind it, with drive, personality and wit are very attractive qualities to women.

[Logo]

I'd say the reverse is true. But both professions are in a grey unregulated area. The trick is to actually read the person's qualifications / education. If you are looking for a life coach to teach you soft skills, like navigating social situations, you want somebody with a background in sociology, psychology or a similar field & look for one who attended something like Coach U or another legitimate training school. When I hire business coaches I'm looking for somebody who was successful in their field. The social stuff is a bit harder to quantify but you also have to click with the person.

 

 

I’ll elaborate on my response with more nuance:

I haven’t hired any life coaches, but the ones I’ve heard about and interacted with in social settings did not strike me as the kind of people who could benefit a person with navigating life’s challenges.

 

 

But, if a life coach actually has a verifiable background in psychology and sociology I would be more inclined to trust their abilities.

 

 

As you wrote, though, both professions are in a [very] grey area and because they are unregulated, I can only imagine what shenanigans some self-professed “coaches” can engage in while claiming to be “experts” in their field.

 

 

Doing one’s research before hiring a coach is definitely a necessity in this case.

Edited June 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

Logo

 

I agree with you. The so called "coaches" I have met socially are generally fully of hot air & don't provide much value. The ones I have met in professional settings have been of a higher caliber.

 

I actually have a family member who is a high end business coach but he has a medical degree; after an accident caused him to lose his ability do to his job, he launched 2-3 other successful businesses then found his true calling teaching other people how to make money. Another dear friend of mine is a life coach but she has Masters' degree in labor relations then got some hard knocks life skills as the mother of a special needs, non verbal child, which lead her to advocacy positions.

 

The ones I have personally hired have been quite valuable to me in terms of the insights they have offered but again I have only spent money on the well qualified ones not the fly by night kind who call themselves coaches with no basis for doing do.

 

Like anything else worth doing, you have to do your research

[alphamale]

Like anything else worth doing, you have to do your research

 

you're so smart

[Eugeleh]

I mean, Trump is a celeb but never comes off as having TONs of friends. Famous yes, but not a huge extrovert and look at the woman he gets. Then again when you got billions I really don't think women take personality into a huge account. I mean, Trump is not attactive looking and is overweight and women throw themselves at them. Btw I'm not attacking the President. I voted for him and will vote again for him but just stating the obvious when using him as an example of a guy not really that good looking but still gets a really hot wife and even though he cheated likely, she still sticks with him $$

 

He's intensely unlikable---that's both my own perception of him but also that of people I know who know him (yes, it's only 1 degree of separation). FWIW, Trump was considered good looking when he was younger. He's aged poorly. He's fat and has likely had botched or incompletely successful aesthetic procedures. He attracts women who are interested in his wealth and lifestyle; no shock there.

 

My previous point was that one does well to sell their strengths without seeming like an insecure braggart or narcissist.

[Eugeleh]

Fhe has oodles of personality, he has the gift of the gab. He is socially aware

 

In a rapey sort of way.

[alphamale]

women are attracted to money and power....men are attracted to youth and beauty

[alphamale]

In a rapey sort of way.

 

i don't know what this means?

[Jexur]

women are attracted to money and power....men are attracted to youth and beauty

 

In my experience women are attracted to personality-- money and power get you laid as you can buy it, but I doubt women are sexually attracted to it.

[Highndry]

i don't know what this means?

 

 

Getting a whiff of Trump Derangement Syndrome.

[Jexur]

Hmmm. That sounds a bit like (here I go again) limerence to me.

 

OP, you sound like a smart guy, research the term above in case that what it is. Maybe it's just more normal, light infatuation instead.

.

 

Thanks.

 

I looked up limerence and read about it, and I can say for sure yes I am having this problem. This has never happened to me before, so this is the first time. I never get attached to people, especially not one person like that.

 

When I said I used to be happy and satisfied despite being a loner, I wasn't imagining it. I was genuinely happy, not depressed, suicidal or anything like that. This changed a couple of years ago when I obsessively started thinking about this new girl. And probably it's purely coincidental that I sold $10 million btc around the same time (late 2017).

 

I would like to cure "limerence" as it makes me miserable, but then on second thought, why would I want to cure it when I like thinking about her?

[guest569]

My goodness.. No, money does not sexually attract women.

 

Money doesn't buy happiness but it can buy time and freedom to do things that you love. It sounds like you need to find yourself again and figure out some goals and a purpose. The dating aspect is sort of a separate thing to money. Rich or poor, dating is challenging. Be very careful about throwing money at women. Be smart because some nasty woman will try to take everything. Be discreet about your finances and take time to build trust and make sure she is in it for You as a person.

[spiderowl]

Does this girl at work know about your wealth? If not, don't tell her, unless you only want a girlfriend for sex not love. Wealth attracts women, yes, as it does men, but the kind of women it attracts are not always very trustworthy.

 

The people I know with wealth don't show it off. In fact, one friend recently confided in me that he was a millionaire. I had no idea and it didn't make any difference. He is a friend. He chooses to drive an old, beat-up car and dress in clothes normal for the social event. He lives frugally, which is probably why he is wealthy now.

 

If you want this girl to like you, simply be a fun friend who is not always hanging around her. Because women do get hit-on a lot by men, especially pretty women, you would probably become a guy she could feel more at ease with if she knows you are not going to hit-on her all the time. You should show that you find her attractive though, but maybe in a fun, jokey kind of way.

 

For those guys who do online dating and who are financially well-off, please don't show off your wealth online. You will attract gold-diggers and then become one of the guys whose profile says 'I am very well off', shows his fancy car, and then says in another sentence 'no gold-diggers'. If you want to meet someone genuine, let it be just you not your wealth on display.

[bluesfan]

Does this girl at work know about your wealth? If not, don't tell her, unless you only want a girlfriend for sex not love. Wealth attracts women, yes, as it does men, but the kind of women it attracts are not always very trustworthy.

 

The people I know with wealth don't show it off. In fact, one friend recently confided in me that he was a millionaire. I had no idea and it didn't make any difference. He is a friend. He chooses to drive an old, beat-up car and dress in clothes normal for the social event. He lives frugally, which is probably why he is wealthy now.

 

If you want this girl to like you, simply be a fun friend who is not always hanging around her. Because women do get hit-on a lot by men, especially pretty women, you would probably become a guy she could feel more at ease with if she knows you are not going to hit-on her all the time. You should show that you find her attractive though, but maybe in a fun, jokey kind of way.

 

For those guys who do online dating and who are financially well-off, please don't show off your wealth online. You will attract gold-diggers and then become one of the guys whose profile says 'I am very well off', shows his fancy car, and then says in another sentence 'no gold-diggers'. If you want to meet someone genuine, let it be just you not your wealth on display.

 

 

yes, but on the websites, especially Match, the only decent looking women (assuming not fake profiles made by the site) all basically scream they want a wealthy man. They might not all say it directly but put simple codes out there showing it. Of course it's probably why they're stuck on using those sites and you see them on there daily for months.

[alphamale]

yes, but on the websites, especially Match, the only decent looking women (assuming not fake profiles made by the site) all basically scream they want a wealthy man. They might not all say it directly but put simple codes out there showing it. Of course it's probably why they're stuck on using those sites and you see them on there daily for months.

 

the term a lot of these women use is "financially secure"

[bluesfan]

the term a lot of these women use is "financially secure"

 

 

And a lot of the profiles say divorced too.

[Highndry]

I remember a quote, I don't know from who, and I don't know if this is accurate, but it goes something like this:

 

The game men play is money, the game women play is men.

[mark clemson]

I would like to cure "limerence" as it makes me miserable, but then on second thought, why would I want to cure it when I like thinking about her?

 

Heh. Yes, I've experienced that particular paradox as well.

 

There is no "cure" other than to wait it out. You can lessen the effect with distractions, socializing with friends (increases dopamine), time in nature (increases serotonin), and exercises (increases endogenous opiates). But that just makes it more bearable.

 

If you are able to make it IMPOSSIBLE to see/contact her that will probably also end it fairly quickly. It sounds like she's hanging around at work so you may have up to three years in total if you both stay. (And you leaving is unlikely to end it IMO, as you could theoretically return one day and your brain would probably cling to that.) Might be less than 3 years total time also.

 

I think your strategy of looking for another woman is as good as any if you can't have her. (If you can have her, consider trying as being with her may be one of the major "love" experiences of your life. It might also end badly though, esp. if she's doesn't feel strongly for you and just dates you for a while or similar. You'll probably be VERY bummed. So, consider all that as you try to decide.)

 

Hope you intend to keep us posted. Also hope you strongly consider the other points from the prior post as well.

[chillii]

yes, but on the websites, especially Match, the only decent looking women (assuming not fake profiles made by the site) all basically scream they want a wealthy man. They might not all say it directly but put simple codes out there showing it. Of course it's probably why they're stuck on using those sites and you see them on there daily for months.

 

 

 

 

Of course that type of person is on a date site demanding bs.

They can demand and over rate themselves what they want but l'll guarantee go back 10 yrs time and they're still there.

Many women think date sites are their own personal wish list supermarket but the real "reality" is all over LS and any other forum

ps, besides , why would you even want a woman that goes on date sites talking or suggesting like that and that rates money in such a way.

Edited June 23, 2019 by chillii
ps

[Curiousroxy86]

Hold up. You rich? And you just need a girl to intiate? Hey Jex Heeeeeeeey.....jk

 

So reading your posts I guess your inner self has decided you don’t want to be alone anymore

 

That’s normal. When you have an inner desire to not be alone anymore or being alone is not as desirable or tolerable then you may feel a push to do something about it. You may want a friend or a romantic partner. This is why people socialize. This is why people open themselves up to dating.

 

But you don’t initiate because your so afraid of rejection. I get that but assuming you want to connect with the opposite sex you already know most women don’t initiate either....

 

Sooooo maybe try getting involved in activities that your interested in but force/ encourages you to be social. Like recreational sports league for example. Utilize online dating/social media/forums where you can initiate messaging people. In real life Maybe practice looking women in the eye and smile then work your way up to initiating saying hello/good morning but that’s it. Then once your comfortable work your way up to striking conversation without trying to get her number (that alone may open doors because she may be inclined to ask for yours or give her yours without asking). And then when you get positive feed back and a girl seems receptive and easy to talk to and reciprocating interest by engaging in conversation and showing non verbal positive ques then the rejection risk bar is very low in your interaction with her making asking for her number a no brainer piece of cake. And heck If you really don’t want to do the leg work then hire a matchmaker lol.

 

What I don’t understand though about your fears is that there is a girl you are crushing on that if I’m not mistaken gave you positive feed back! She said sure when you asked her out to those outlandish places lol but still you made no plan? You going to have to get over that honey if you don’t want to be alone.

 

Unless the point of your post is that you want to go back to being happy alone and forget this girl or this desire to want to connect with people? well I can’t say how to get over not wanting to connect to people in general (personally I think that’s inhuman to truly desire to be alone for all of your life) but if you want help in getting over a particular girl that’s not going anywhere well the best way to decrease that desire is avoid seeing the person and avoid contact. Continually seeing them and them talking to you or you talking to them will be very hard to get over a person. I got over my exes faster by purposely avoid seeing them and talking to them. If I thought about them I redirect to wisdom and focus on whatever makes me happy. I may have thoughts about a good time and miss them. Well I also redirect to why we are broken up (I don’t want to be with a guy who did xyz). I don’t let thoughts of missing them go unchecked. I check it and go do something for myself. I don’t try to stop the thought from coming at all. Not sure if that’s even possible but I do redirect. It takes time. There is no fast pill to make you forget a person instantly unfortunately lol but rinse and repeat the steps and then one day you will have longer moments of not thinking about them at all.

 

But honestly...I don’t think you should train yourself to not want to think about a girl who seems to show promise (unless I missed something in this thread) nor do I think you should train yourself to want to be alone forever. I think you should explore the green light she already gave you and open up to meeting people. You should explore your new found desire imo. I can admit there is power in being happy alone. Loneliness can drive people to do stupid things like enter into clearly bad relationships and stay in bad relationships because they don’t want to be lonely. But I think it’s natural to have some sort of human connection and your new found loneliness and this crush could just be your body telling you “aye man I need connection. Go connect!”. I can be unapologetically anti social myself but I still love to be around my loved ones more than my tendencies and I do date simply because I have the desire to want to be in a long term relationship which is way greater than the desire to remain single. Do you not have loved ones Op like family? A really good best friend? If not I can imagine your inner self is long over due for human connection and is saying to you enough is enough of this lone wolf crap homeboy lol!

 

From the outside you can’t always tell people who got money unless they show it outwardly and look like they got money. I didn’t know my narc ex was well off until he invited me to his home. At work he wore the same hoody and sneakers paired with T-shirt and jeans of choice all the time and he drives a car with broken ac and he kept asking me for my water bottles when he came to my desk and looking inside my lunch box lol. So I think either is fine. If you want to connect with people who have better intentions and don’t take advantage of you then not showing you have money and focus on connecting is a great strategy. After getting to know the person and wanting a closer intimate relationship with them then you can reveal little by little your lifestyle to them on the condition they continue to treat you with respect and not try to take advantage of you. On the other hand If you want to show outwardly that you have money simply because you enjoy indulging in nicer things and don’t want to have to hide it and want someone to enjoy it with you but don’t want to get mooched off of then maybe you should connect with people who also have their own money themselves. No matter which approach you take you still have to read people and get to know them and have boundaries to ensure you keep around you only people who are good for you

 

Good luck!

[mark clemson]

BTW, I realize now I may have given some bad advice. You mention you work with the woman you have limerence for. It's probably a bad idea to date her unfortunately. Workplace relationships tend to turn into major problems, esp. if they're against policy in the first place, and then you get rumors and people prying, and it becomes obvious if it starts to go south.

 

So, for better or worse, my advice is to not try to start anything up with her while you work together. My apologies for the error.

[bluesfan]

Of course that type of person is on a date site demanding bs.

They can demand and over rate themselves what they want but l'll guarantee go back 10 yrs time and they're still there.

Many women think date sites are their own personal wish list supermarket but the real "reality" is all over LS and any other forum

ps, besides , why would you even want a woman that goes on date sites talking or suggesting like that and that rates money in such a way.

 

 

Yea. Plus, as I learned in college in one of my business classes how only just over 7 percent of the population makes above 100k a year. It might be a bit higher now due to the recession being over, but still maybe 9-10 percent of the population makes above 100k.

 

 

Where the hell do they think they're doing to just find all sorts of guys with that money? Only so many store managers, doctors, and lawyers and such.

 

 

Then again, I wonder how many of these women over inflate their careers as well and wealth too? You see some of these hot women really inflate their profiles with all sorts of fancy job titles.

 

 

I can't imagine what Miami is like or Los Angeles.

[alphamale]

the average American male makes around $45K per year. most women who are pretty and educated and smart want a man who makes at least a couple hundred thousand per year.

[bluesfan]

the average American male makes around $45K per year. most women who are pretty and educated and smart want a man who makes at least a couple hundred thousand per year.

 

 

With a degree I think it's a bit more than that. Heck my dad was 100 percent VA disabled and got social security retirement and made 62k a year from that alone.

 

 

Well I'm not an NHL hockey player or doctor. Hell even some family doctors can't even clear 200k a year.

 

 

Btw the St. Louis Blues players all have smoking hot wives.

 

 

But yea, for most of us, even with bachelors degrees don't make anywhere near what online dating women want us to make, especially older ones.

 

 

I noticed the ones 30 and under on the dating sites don't list money and such as a major thing and generally are not as picky on their requirements and not as big of egos as well or headcases. These women 30 and above are just totally different. Also younger ones tend to reply to me more often.

[Highndry]

the average American male makes around $45K per year. most women who are pretty and educated and smart want a man who makes at least a couple hundred thousand per year.

 

 

This is why it's always so funny to see how many women are looking for a guy with money. There aren't that many, so the competition is extremely fierce!

 

By the way, my ex-gf of 2 years never got to know anything about my finances, and she never will. That information is reserved for a woman who treats me right and who I will ultimately make the beneficiary of everything I have. I don't consider myself "wealthy," but I know I am doing better than most given the horror stories that are Americans' finances.

Edited June 24, 2019 by Highndry