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i took a wrong job and i regret it badly it feels like a heart break

Venn

By Venn
in Business and Professional Relationships

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Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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it does matter because I live with him... if I don't follow his wishes, it will be a lifetime of scoldings and sleepless nights because I'm "not competitive enough" according to what he says...

 

Most of us have someone who disapproves of something we're doing. Rarely stops us from doing it...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Venn Established Member

Venn

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Then stop living with him. When you finally learn to stand up to your father & he sees you being a good teacher & happy in your life, he will respect you more. Right now part of the pressure he's putting on you is because he thinks you are weak & unable to make your own decisions; to date you haven't.

 

Where is your mother in all of this? Doesn't she want her child to be happy & fulfilled? Get her to lobby dad on your behalf.

 

You have CHOICES. When you actually act like that you will be in a better place.

 

Most of us have someone who disapproves of something we're doing. Rarely stops us from doing it...

Mr. Lucky

 

My father and I had a fight just right after my graveyard shift... and he mentioned he was okay about it all along... I told him the cadetship of the coal powerplant was just a means for giving me enough time for my web development career and at the same time gain some money along the way and how it feels to be inside of a coal power plant.

 

He was okay with it and even preferred me to be in the coal power plant anyways and was okay with the fact that I would only use my cadetship training in the coal powerplant to gain skills in my web development career without having to worry about money.

 

If I only realized he was okay with this, I would've chosen the coal powerplant job instead... this is how regret, pain and suffering altogether feels...

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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See your father loves you & wants you to be happy.

 

Now that you have figured that out, start making decisions that make you happy. Do keep calm at this job you don't like to avoid being fired but look to find something else.

 

When you live your life for yourself & not for others things will be better.

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Venn Established Member

Venn

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See your father loves you & wants you to be happy.

 

Now that you have figured that out, start making decisions that make you happy. Do keep calm at this job you don't like to avoid being fired but look to find something else.

 

When you live your life for yourself & not for others things will be better.

 

right now he doesn't want me to go out of the feedmill plant... he yelled at me saying it wouldn't be an embarassment if I left so early and not even lasting a month... I could have just taken my cadetship at the coal powerplant and if I didn't get hired in the coal powerplant for example (because they didn't give any assurance that even with good marks or scores) I wouldn't have to deal with the embarassment and still get a certificate... that way I still could still have a good record with a cadetship at the hydro powerplant for 2 years and a cadetship experience for 8 months...

 

during those 8 months, I wouldn't have to worry about real plant responsibilities as of yet. I could have used those 8 months as a means to study web development and at the same time earn money...

 

unlike my situation at the feedmill plant... its just the 1st day and immediately I don't like it already.

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Venn Established Member

Venn

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not sure if I have been having panic attacks... but my heart hurts, it keeps palpitating, and my hands start shaking all of a sudden even if I have eaten properly... I've had my blood pressure checked but it seemed normal...

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Those are panic attacks.

 

Your father is right about one thing: you can't leave the present job until you have another job lined up.

Commongoal123 Established Member

Commongoal123

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Hey Venn,

 

Sounds like you may be catastrophizing a bit.

 

I had to go through a lot of wrong jobs to find the right one.

 

You aren't stuck at this feedmill for the rest of your life.

 

And good on you for securing a job! There are a lot of people out there who struggle doing that, and many who have secured one at a McDonald's and the like.

 

Don't beat yourself up so bad, and remember that the universe has your back in all things, even when it seems like it doesn't. You'll look back at this experience some day and see how it was part of a story that brought you to a better place.

 

-Common

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Commongoal123 Established Member

Commongoal123

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I read further down your thread...

 

About your father:

 

It sounds like he is pushing you to do things with your life which you don't want to do, and which you are fully aware. It is really tough being constantly ridiculed be it from a parent, friend, co-worker, or lover.

 

That being said, it is possible he might also be pushing you and judging/ridiculing because he wants you to be happy, and this is just his really disfunctional and unhelpful way of trying to help you do that because it is all he knows, and was likely what he was taught/treated as a kid from his parents.

 

I've gone through similar things as to what you're explaining, and using that perspective has helped me tremendously.

 

Back to the job/career.

 

It took me over 10 years of different jobs in different industries to figure out what would make me happy, and am now going back to school and making a career change in my mid 30s to achieve that. And with great success. And you know what? I'm glad I experienced the **** jobs that I did. They gave me solid perspective and certainty on what I am moving towards now.

 

You sound like a smart and self-aware guy. I think you're gonna figure all this out and end up happy with your life.

 

-Common

Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

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I know very little about your field,

 

however as a teacher training people in the academics of a subject, I would say that all the theory learning can never be as good as the practical experience.

 

so if you are gaining practical experience that is a big plus, fair enough you might be making mistakes now but it is really the only way you will learn.

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Venn Established Member

Venn

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Those are panic attacks.

 

Your father is right about one thing: you can't leave the present job until you have another job lined up.

 

Hey Venn,

 

Sounds like you may be catastrophizing a bit.

 

I had to go through a lot of wrong jobs to find the right one.

 

You aren't stuck at this feedmill for the rest of your life.

 

And good on you for securing a job! There are a lot of people out there who struggle doing that, and many who have secured one at a McDonald's and the like.

 

Don't beat yourself up so bad, and remember that the universe has your back in all things, even when it seems like it doesn't. You'll look back at this experience some day and see how it was part of a story that brought you to a better place.

 

-Common

 

I read further down your thread...

 

About your father:

 

It sounds like he is pushing you to do things with your life which you don't want to do, and which you are fully aware. It is really tough being constantly ridiculed be it from a parent, friend, co-worker, or lover.

 

That being said, it is possible he might also be pushing you and judging/ridiculing because he wants you to be happy, and this is just his really disfunctional and unhelpful way of trying to help you do that because it is all he knows, and was likely what he was taught/treated as a kid from his parents.

 

I've gone through similar things as to what you're explaining, and using that perspective has helped me tremendously.

 

Back to the job/career.

 

It took me over 10 years of different jobs in different industries to figure out what would make me happy, and am now going back to school and making a career change in my mid 30s to achieve that. And with great success. And you know what? I'm glad I experienced the **** jobs that I did. They gave me solid perspective and certainty on what I am moving towards now.

 

You sound like a smart and self-aware guy. I think you're gonna figure all this out and end up happy with your life.

 

-Common

 

here is what's pressuring me right now:

-i always get scolded by my boss because he noticed that i don't get instructions very clearly most of the time because i keep asking things that have already been said where most people already noted and got it in just one saying where in my case it needs to be told 3 - 4 times... either its because i'm depressed and suffering of my regret about my decision or that i'm just really stupid at instructions... it's always been this way since i was a child... i don't know if games or cartoons were a factor like what my dad used to say.

 

-if i resign or get fired, the news will be all over the plant and i know some people there who have been my classmates in highschool, college, my childhood friends and even some uncles (not blood related)... they will think... "oh its that guy from highschool that already resigned/terminated? what a loser..." and they all know me already.

 

-my father keeps telling me to do exercises or daily routines... but what's the use if you are sad, unmotivated, in pain, unable to sleep 7 - 8 hrs a day (usually only 4 to 5) because I keep having dreams that I am falling off of a tall building, dreaming that I instead chose the coal powerplant job

 

-i have a colleague a cadet engineer in the hydro powerplant who also ended his 2 year cadet program... he was the one who convinced me to go into the coal power plant job instead of the feedmill plant because it was a CAREER BUILDING job... and he was right... he showed me pictures that they were having lectures, how they were taught to troubleshoot, there were lab facilities where cadets can practice all day and study all day with no limitations... and here I am stuck in a feedmill job, no career paths, no place for growth (even if the feedmill company promised to), no new learnings... nothing

 

at first my colleague kinda teased me about me choosing the feedmill plant over the coal power plant but after seeing my grief, how depressed i am and how i am suffering, he said sorry and promised to give me notes and books about what he has learned after his cadetship is over... but what good are notes if you haven't even done any HANDS on training?

 

the jealousy, the regret, the suffering and depression and the expectations of the family members is killing me... its eating me away inside day by day... my family keeps giving me vitamins and supplements all the time (using my money), my neighbors who know how i'm feeling invite me to groups, events and stuff... but what good are these if you are sad depressed and in pain?

 

i don't know how i can respond... i'm getting less and less sleep, eat day by day.. sometimes if my body cant take it, during my restdays i just sleep the whole day not doing anything but procrastination and my dad scolding me for being a lazy asf good for nothing son.

 

what should i do?? i need help, i need guidance... it's killing me inside... and there are times i want to shout out the pain and just cry it all and just let the pain fade away... but it won't... instead its destroying me slowly...

Foxhall Established Member

Foxhall

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A few things here,

 

well you have to deal with the present situation, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is unknown,

 

you have to start dealing with today, you are in the feedmill plant and you focus on how best to manage this situation and get through your day.

 

If you are unsure what to do, you need to ask more questions, with engagement brings clarity,

 

If you fail to engage and get overcome with all these negative thoughts, you will eventually just withdraw into yourself and become completely disillusioned,

 

need more engagement, be firm you want to be shown what to do, and **** them if you are annoying them by asking, you need to fight your corner get proper direction.

 

Also there is way too much going on in the background family and so on,

 

you are too much the centre of attention,

 

go out forget about yourself for a while, get out playing sports and doing fun things and get away from these stifling overbearing family influences,

on your day off do you need to be sitting around talking to your Father??

 

herbal remedies are quite good, perhaps book a herbalist appointment and go on a course of calming herbs for a period of time,

 

also people in this area are of a more relaxed easier going nature and it might be good for you to interact with that type of influence.

 

you will look back on this in a few years and say why did I have so much turmoil over all this,

 

but in order to get to this point , you need to start taking small steps to become your own person and building your own identity.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Your father is right. Do have a daily exercise routine. Exercise combats depression. Yes, it's tough to get motivated when you feel overwhelmed but it's a 1st step. As you master that you will clear your mind & make other things easier on yourself.

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Venn Established Member

Venn

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my parents are okay with my resignation.. and I've already made my resignation letter... now what do I do?

  • 3 weeks later...
Pastypop Established Member

Pastypop

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Call them back and see if you can still take the job. I’ve known two people who turned down jobs then called back a few days to few months later and get the job. The worst they can do is say no.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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If it's stressing you put this much for this amount of time, you should resign. Nothing is worth your health.

 

However, use this as a learning experience. Next time, either take jobs that you already know you can comfortably do or enquire about getting training upfront. Just know that the situation you are in is not unusual. It sounds like the beginning of my every job. Most jobs don't have much training by default and you are expected to be resourceful and resillient enough to find ways to still complete your tasks.

Edited by Eternal Sunshine
Highndry Established Member

Highndry

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I think everyone who has ever worked at a job can relate. I remember one time when I was working for a tech company during the dot-com bubble. I hated the place with a passion.

 

People were extremely rude when I got hired. There were cliques and nobody was really nice to the new guy. Having come from a different industry, I had never even worked on Microsoft Office. The manager of purchasing rolled his eyes and said something like "I can't believe she hired you," and then blew me off one day. It was a major dick move on his part, but he thought he was some sort of God.

 

The thing about me is I am a quick-learner and a perfectionist. In no time at all I was familiar with Office and working circles around my peers. This did not go unnoticed as one day I showed up at work to find out my boss, the director of purchasing, had been fired. This was an absolute shock of the highest order as this woman was one of the top people in the company. But the surprise quickly wore off and was replaced by anxiety and dread as I was informed by Human Resources that I'd be conducting interviews in her stead, THAT DAY. All that came out of my mouth was ****GULP****.

 

I had never conducted a job interview in my life, but there were 3 scheduled and I was considered the only person who could even pull it off. I realized I had no choice in the matter and did a cram session of notes to refer to during the interviews. It ended up being one of the most enjoyable experiences of my entire working career. I guess the moral of this story is, fear isn't always a good indicator of whether or not something will be difficult or worthwhile.

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