SophieG Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I feel like the texts and going over to his place is a intense. When he didn’t reach out at the time you were suppose to meet, you should have just done something by yourself or gone out with friends. I’m sorry you were hurt in the past, but who hasn’t?! You can’t use that against every guy you’re going to date. My ex would tell me he’s on his way home, not text me for 2 days, come home and act like nothing happened. He would ignore me during important times and everything. In the beginning of my relationship with my actual boyfriend, something similar to what happened to you occurred, we were suppose to see each other but he wasn’t answering my text. I didn’t text back or anything, I made other plans. When he reached out the next day, I told him that not letting me know that something came up and just ignoring me is a dealbreaker. He hasn’t done it ever since, and it’s been a year. Yes this whole situation shows who he is, but it also shows how you react in certain situations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 (edited) I kinda wish she would have gave it the 24 hours though...initiating text after she already texted does nothing for her and as you can see he didn't text back any faster...if at all. I personally understand why she feels the way she feels. but her reactions does nothing for a self esteem to act crazy and the guy still ignores her. it only makes her feel worst. she would have did better just to send a breakup text the next day... But he didnt show up, how should she stay silence for 24 hours? Any reasonable person would ask what happened. He certainly shouldnt be surprised to receive her text. If he thinks shes " extreme", but him disappearing is ok, then he is the one who's cray cray And what difference would it make if she texts him tonight or tomorrow anyway because the result is the same: it's over. So if it helps her sanity to have her answer now, then she should do it. Edited June 18, 2019 by frus69 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I feel like the texts and going over to his place is a intense. When he didn’t reach out at the time you were suppose to meet, you should have just done something by yourself or gone out with friends. I’m sorry you were hurt in the past, but who hasn’t?! You can’t use that against every guy you’re going to date. My ex would tell me he’s on his way home, not text me for 2 days, come home and act like nothing happened. He would ignore me during important times and everything. In the beginning of my relationship with my actual boyfriend, something similar to what happened to you occurred, we were suppose to see each other but he wasn’t answering my text. I didn’t text back or anything, I made other plans. When he reached out the next day, I told him that not letting me know that something came up and just ignoring me is a dealbreaker. He hasn’t done it ever since, and it’s been a year. Yes this whole situation shows who he is, but it also shows how you react in certain situations. What? The guy ghosted but you are saying she did it all wrong? And she should not use her past against this guy as if he could be a good man?? What?? The reason so many people ghost these days is because of such enablers.. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 But he didnt show up, how should she stay silence for 24 hours? Any reasonable person would ask what happened. He certainly shouldnt be surprised to receive her text. If he thinks shes " extreme", but him disappearing is ok, then he is the one who's cray cray And what difference would it make if she texts him tonight or tomorrow anyway because the result is the same: it's over. So if it helps her sanity to have her answer now, then she should do it. did it help her sanity thouuuuuugh again he saw her texts the two times she sent it....he is not answering sending it again? does nothing for her except makes it worst...but thats just my opinion 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 did it help her sanity thouuuuuugh She said she'd rather a break up text than this struggle so I say yes. It did help her sanity. She isnt afraid of rejection, she just doesn't like the wonder and guess. I totally get it Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 What? The guy ghosted but you are saying she did it all wrong? And she should not use her past against this guy as if he could be a good man?? What?? The reason so many people ghost these days is because of such enablers.. people ghost because they can whether you cuss them out they are still going to ghost a good boyfriend would have just answered her text a bad boyfriend would have ignored her her going off on him wont help make a bad boyfriend become a good boyfriend the best thing to do with a bad boyfriend is demote his butt and ignore him and move on her best bet was to send a breakup text or block his number so that if he tries to reappear he will learn that disappearing was not smart to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 She said she'd rather a break up text than this struggle so I say yes. It did help her sanity. She isnt afraid of rejection, she just doesn't like the wonder and guess. I totally get it I am with yall on rather having a break up text. if he was an exclusive boyfriend I better get a breakup text then get ghosted BUT thats not up to us isnt it? like we rather have a breakup text. but its still up to the person to be man enough to actually send a text/respond which again it didnt help her sanity sending multiple texts he saw it the first time. if he wanted to respond he would have is all im saying. sending multiple texts and still not get a response wont make her feel any better Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 How you react/respond in situations like this is crucial to what happens next as it can speak volumes to the other person, who can interpret your actions as a major red flag. He ghosted, flat out stood her up, but she should let him judge her behavior and decide on her red flags??? No.She should be judging his behavior and red flags and write HIM off. Not the other way around Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I am with yall on rather having a break up text. if he was an exclusive boyfriend I better get a breakup text then get ghosted They did establish exclusivity though. So she totally deserve a breakup text Well if it did help her sanity, I see nothing wrong with what she did. I just dont agree with those who say " you shouldnt do it because he will think you are crazy" ..like he had any right to judge..lol Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Is he a good man? I have no freakin idea. Could he have a plausible explanation?? All I said was that in SOME cases, yes, people have good reasons not to be able to answer for a given period of time. This might not be the case, we don’t know. But she texted him once, then again, and again... at some point, you get the message and stop. You do not go by his house to see if his car was there. That is extreme. She’s pisse and doesn’t want to see or hear from him again... you blocks him and move on. No break up text, they’re not a couple or anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MABD Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you for all the replies! I agree with the majority of you! His bumble location now shows he’s at work, so we know he’s alive and breathing lol. Here’s the thing- if we didn’t have plans that night, I would’ve waited 24 hours or atleast just said you okay? . If we didn’t have plans to go away this weekend, I would’ve waited.... but when I texted earlier I’m the day expecting to get a reply like what time he expects me over, if we wanna go somewhere to eat, etc and I get radio silence since 7:30 am..... oh I’m gonna send you more than one text. I’m 35 years old- I have better things than to sit around and guess what’s going on. I expected him to pull away after sex, he did a little bit and I didn’t freak. I let him initiate conversations which he did, etc. he still made plans, still told me he missed me, just cooled off a bit, and I’m fine with that. I’ve went with his pace the ENTIRE time! Rejection is 100% than being left to wonder. I didn’t wanna end things, and if he would’ve told me he wanted to slow down or needed space- fine no problem. If he wanted to break up- it sucks but whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 They did establish exclusivity though. So she totally deserve a breakup text Well if it did help her sanity, I see nothing wrong with what she did. I just dont agree with those who say " you shouldnt do it because he will think you are crazy" ..like he had any right to judge..lol yeah I dont care what this guy thinks at this point but I do care about Ops well being in all this Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 I think I have been active in your other threads mabd is this the same dude for the past two threads before this one? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Two "wrongs" don't make a right IMO. Anxiety-driven behavior is a red flag to the other person. Just because she has been hurt in the past doesn't give her license to be all intense. I say that not to give the guy a pass for whatever he is doing only to let the OP know, her behavior isn't going to go over well with most people. I'm a little freaked out just reading it TBH lol. And i don't remember the other threads Curious might be referencing but people who feel "burned", i.e. the clue was in the first post of this thread as well and bring baggage and anxiety-driven behavior to new relationships, always seem to find some way to justify it--and often this site is not helpful at all with people making OP think she is acting normal and her behavior will get her what she wants when in fact it will drive others away from her. She really shouldn't care anymore about him due to the way she has acted but yet is stalking his bumble and waiting for an explanation. Call it a day and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MABD Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 Two "wrongs" don't make a right IMO. Anxiety-driven behavior is a red flag to the other person. Just because she has been hurt in the past doesn't give her license to be all intense. I say that not to give the guy a pass for whatever he is doing only to let the OP know, her behavior isn't going to go over well with most people. I'm a little freaked out just reading it TBH lol. And i don't remember the other threads Curious might be referencing but people who feel "burned", i.e. the clue was in the first post of this thread as well and bring baggage and anxiety-driven behavior to new relationships, always seem to find some way to justify it--and often this site is not helpful at all with people making OP think she is acting normal and her behavior will get her what she wants when in fact it will drive others away from her. She really shouldn't care anymore about him due to the way she has acted but yet is stalking his bumble and waiting for an explanation. Call it a day and move on. Could you please elaborate on “how I acted”, my “behavior” and how I was “intense”?! I have CLEARLY said that this guy came on VERY STRONG and that I’ve followed HIS pace! HE is the one that’s asked about MY past- he wanted to know! Also- this is the man from the last post, but not the one before it. The man I previously dated yes I admit, I possibly might’ve asked if he was “seeing anyone else” maybe a little too early in some peoples opinion, but IMO if we’re sleeping together- I have a right to ask. That’s not intense behavior- that’s part of being sexually responsible. Again- THIS man, lead the pace the entire way, not I. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Two "wrongs" don't make a right IMO. Anxiety-driven behavior is a red flag to the other person. Just because she has been hurt in the past doesn't give her license to be all intense. I say that not to give the guy a pass for whatever he is doing only to let the OP know, her behavior isn't going to go over well with most people. I'm a little freaked out just reading it TBH lol. And i don't remember the other threads Curious might be referencing but people who feel "burned", i.e. the clue was in the first post of this thread as well and bring baggage and anxiety-driven behavior to new relationships, always seem to find some way to justify it--and often this site is not helpful at all with people making OP think she is acting normal and her behavior will get her what she wants when in fact it will drive others away from her. She really shouldn't care anymore about him due to the way she has acted but yet is stalking his bumble and waiting for an explanation. Call it a day and move on. I don't think this is anxiety driven behavior. Your BF ghosted and any reasonable person would ask what happened. If she didn't say anything, THAT would be weird. If he just simply didn't text and she freaked out, that would be her fault. But he ghosted, she has every reason to wonder and every right to ask. What, you exchanged body fluid but you can't ask for a answer? Lol... I also don't agree her behavior isnt going to go well with most people. I think most people would ask what happened if they were being ghosted. Most people would be worried if the person they like and care disappeared. If you are totally calm and casual, that actually means you don't care. Now OP i know you guys were exclusive but how is he still on bumble if you were exclusive?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Could you please elaborate on “how I acted”, my “behavior” and how I was “intense”?! I have CLEARLY said that this guy came on VERY STRONG and that I’ve followed HIS pace! HE is the one that’s asked about MY past- he wanted to know! . Guys will always come on strong, blame their little brother. Its actually our job to slow them down and not always follow their pace. And also, someone who come on that strong will almost always disappear fast too. Well, you know about love bombing Link to post Share on other sites
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