VC1207 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Ok, Usually I don’t approach women too much - I’m gay by the way. I believe it’s from a lack of confidence/self esteem. This is something I’ve been working on through therapy and other means. Anyway I know this cute girl from work ( I know I know lol) and she is bi and single. We were friends, joking, talking ****, very comfy with each other so I definitely thought I had a good chance. I messaged her on insta - told her I liked her energy and asked if we could go out when she is done at the job (in about two weeks). She politely turns me down saying how our friendship is important to her and she doesn’t want to compromise it. I tell her I understand. The next time I saw her things seemed ok she was just quiet which I expected. I wasn’t upset and tried to be friendly/cordial ect. I ended up unfollowing her on Instagram (maybe I ****ed up right there?) not out of anger or anything - but only to help myself get over her faster - out of sight out of mind. The last few times I saw her she was still quiet, hardly speaking, no jokes all of that out the window. I really tried to be friendly and make small y’all but was met with short dry responses. I thought this was odd (because she said how important our friendship was to her). I wanted to reach out and see if she was ok, upset ect. Turns out she blocked me from not only one but two of my instagrams. I don’t understand why she acted this way. Any insight? Thanks.
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Hey it happens. She thought you were being friendly because you wanted be her friend...when she found out your motivation, and she's not comfortable with that. That compromising friendship thing is bull crap...the most typical excuse people use to reject someone. Oh well you took a chance (good on you), and now you need to just let it be.
Beendaredonedat Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Probably she doesn't want to stagnate you in your crush on her by being just a friend when she knows you want to be more than that with her. Look at it as a positive that she's unfollowed your social media and is keeping it professional at work... it will give you a chance to uncrush and then put your sights on someone who you don't work with. (bad idea dating someone you work with most times). In time she will probably start being more cordial at work. BTW: Kudos for you for having the confidence to approach her romantically. Next time though I would wait until you are getting clear vibes that who you have your sights on is feeling the same way. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I think she took it to that level once you unfollowed her. So many people consider that a diss so she was probably feeling uncomfortable because she just sees you as a friend, then you unfollowed (just use the mute option if you are not wanting someone's stories to intrude on your life and to help you get over them). Once you did that, she probably felt you were getting too emotionally-charged about it and couldn't handle that she just wanted to be friends so it gave her a reason to block you. I think you learned your lesson on that one. So good for being more bold to ask someone out Now you just need to refine it. Next time, I think you should have MORE lead-up flirting so that you are fairly sure the person will say yes (especially if you know them like this girl). And next time, you should do it in person or at least on phone or maybe even during a text conversation (not an out of the blue text). On social media is like you are scared to ask IMO and less personal. You want to be able to gauge the person and your combined energy and have it help you. Good luck. Oh not sure if you are asking what to do going forward with this girl specifically vs what happened with her. I think you have to leave it alone. It's her decision if she wants to re-open contact with you.
Author VC1207 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 I think she took it to that level once you unfollowed her. So many people consider that a diss so she was probably feeling uncomfortable because she just sees you as a friend, then you unfollowed (just use the mute option if you are not wanting someone's stories to intrude on your life and to help you get over them). Once you did that, she probably felt you were getting too emotionally-charged about it and couldn't handle that she just wanted to be friends so it gave her a reason to block you. I think you learned your lesson on that one. So good for being more bold to ask someone out Now you just need to refine it. Next time, I think you should have MORE lead-up flirting so that you are fairly sure the person will say yes (especially if you know them like this girl). And next time, you should do it in person or at least on phone or maybe even during a text conversation (not an out of the blue text). On social media is like you are scared to ask IMO and less personal. You want to be able to gauge the person and your combined energy and have it help you. Good luck. Oh not sure if you are asking what to do going forward with this girl specifically vs what happened with her. I think you have to leave it alone. It's her decision if she wants to re-open contact with you. Yes I really didn't want to ask on social media (****ing lame) but because of work I didn't want to ask there ect. I just feel so bad that she took my unfollow that way - I def didn't mean any harm, just wanted to help myself. Also I didn't even know about a mute option until this morning!! LOL 1
Versacehottie Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I get it and think it was the right thing to not ask at work. You don't want to put someone on the spot in a work environment. The only thing I think you could have done better regarding that part is try to go out in a group, socialize as friends more before you ask her out. Or at least have exchanged numbers and be texting or talking regularly. Especially in a work situation (even though she is leaving), you want to make sure that she really is flirting and is really interested in dating because there is more at stake for both of you if either now or later one person considers it unwanted attention. Even if she is leaving (maybe it's freelance also) she is concerned with preserving her ability to rely on you and others work-wise so doesn't want it to get messy. Anyway, you sound like you are making personal progress and that's a good thing. So just keep refining it and learning from what works and what doesn't. Good luck!
Beendaredonedat Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Yes I really didn't want to ask on social media (****ing lame) but because of work I didn't want to ask there ect. I just feel so bad that she took my unfollow that way - I def didn't mean any harm, just wanted to help myself. Also I didn't even know about a mute option until this morning!! LOL I wouldn't jump to conclusions. You have no idea if she took your unfollow "that way." In fact, anything you read here is just conjecture so if you actually want to find out whats up, you will need to ask her why she has distanced herself and no longer seems to want to be your friend. She is the only one who can give you the truth you seek. Even then, she may just lie so why not just do what you need to do to accept that it is what it is and just match her interest (or lack of it). You'll heal quicker if you stop trying to analyse the rejection. Plus, you certainly don't want to make it a lifestyle to be analysing every rejection you happen to get. Doing that is just cray cray making.
olivetree Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Since you're interested in her, there really is no way to be friends right away anyway. Give her the distance she seeks. If she sees your attention is elsewhere she may feel comfortable enough to be friends again.
Author VC1207 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 I get it and think it was the right thing to not ask at work. You don't want to put someone on the spot in a work environment. The only thing I think you could have done better regarding that part is try to go out in a group, socialize as friends more before you ask her out. Or at least have exchanged numbers and be texting or talking regularly. Especially in a work situation (even though she is leaving), you want to make sure that she really is flirting and is really interested in dating because there is more at stake for both of you if either now or later one person considers it unwanted attention. Even if she is leaving (maybe it's freelance also) she is concerned with preserving her ability to rely on you and others work-wise so doesn't want it to get messy. Anyway, you sound like you are making personal progress and that's a good thing. So just keep refining it and learning from what works and what doesn't. Good luck! That is solid - thank you so much. 1
Author VC1207 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 I wouldn't jump to conclusions. You have no idea if she took your unfollow "that way." In fact, anything you read here is just conjecture so if you actually want to find out whats up, you will need to ask her why she has distanced herself and no longer seems to want to be your friend. She is the only one who can give you the truth you seek. Even then, she may just lie so why not just do what you need to do to accept that it is what it is and just match her interest (or lack of it). You'll heal quicker if you stop trying to analyse the rejection. Plus, you certainly don't want to make it a lifestyle to be analysing every rejection you happen to get. Doing that is just cray cray making. Im super analytical so its hard LOL but yes you're right. Thank you! 1
Versacehottie Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I wouldn't jump to conclusions. You have no idea if she took your unfollow "that way." In fact, anything you read here is just conjecture so if you actually want to find out whats up, you will need to ask her why she has distanced herself and no longer seems to want to be your friend. She is the only one who can give you the truth you seek. Even then, she may just lie so why not just do what you need to do to accept that it is what it is and just match her interest (or lack of it). You'll heal quicker if you stop trying to analyse the rejection. Plus, you certainly don't want to make it a lifestyle to be analysing every rejection you happen to get. Doing that is just cray cray making. Good points and good lessons about overanalyzing. I stick by what I said that the most likely reason she is blocking the OP is because the OP unfollowed her, just common sense correlation. However, what you say above is the most important lesson. ^^ I don't think the OP should ask her until her crush is ready to and indicates she is open to contact from her though. So, in effect, it may remain an unanswered question, which is also fine. Most of us have those and most people will never give you the real answer anyway. I think to learn from her own behavior--that which she can change--is to not do aggressive, emotional, impulsive or alienating actions that one may regret (and cannot take back) such as an unfollow is a good lesson as well. Typically, people unfollow those who unfollow them. Everyone I know does if there is a situation or conflict going on, which is always the reason.
preraph Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Your friendship was important to her until she found out you have a thing for her. Now she's wise enough to know you can't just be friends and has cut you off, and it's for the best because you say you need to move on and seeing her isn't going to make you move on. Sorry it worked out that way. But you'll find somebody.
alphamale Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Op is a woman. perhaps the girl she's interested in isn't as bi as she thought? 1
Author VC1207 Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 @Versacehottie & @Beendaredonedat - On her last day of work I even tried writing her a quick light note - just asking if she was ok, and apologizing if I upset her or made her uncomfy. She read it, barely responded told me she was "good". So I tried, failed miserably and then apologized. Im fine with getting rejected - Im fine with even being friends after the fact - genuine friends. But the awkwardness and the switch up bothers me a bit. I guess I have to get used to it approaching women? Someone asked if maybe she really isn't bi... she def gives off queer vibes. We previously talked about some of the women/men that she has dated. I'm a little (alot) embarrassed that it went so left - when I really had good intentions. Thanks for the insight everyone.
Author VC1207 Posted June 22, 2019 Author Posted June 22, 2019 She suggested we meet up and clear the air. We are meeting up on Sunday. Im nervous and excited at the same time. 1
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