How do I get my man to act more manly?

[Curiousroxy86]

TFOTY- you’ve just squashed my cyber crush on you. I thought you had a very good emotional (male) perspective on a lot of things.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man expressing emotion. And no alpha male it doesn’t make him gay/ bisexual. Emotional constipation is not dependant on sexuality.

 

Many will disagree with me but I don’t see a major issue in the op. My point being that we all have something that’s incredibly irritating to our partners and / or that our partner doesn’t like. In the ops shoes I would simply tell him to stop being ridiculous and that he’s irritating me if he was getting on my nerves (respectfully) Maybe he has got a fetish but I don’t think it is. I think it’s just an irritating quirk that he has. A quirk that is a bit weird but it wouldn’t cloud my overall opinion of him. From what the ops written he seems like a good guy.

 

I agree that no one should “settle”. However I think this is more a question of having unrealistic expectations about the perfect partner.

 

Hmmm it’s always a conundrum when you have someone on your hands that for the most part is a good person and possibly even a good partner but does things that is killing your attraction to them in a big way. And you wish you could feel differently because they have so many good qualities but you fact is you don’t feel differently. You can’t deny the feeling that you really wish they would change that one thing they do or how they are being that really is turning you off....

 

And it seems small to others because that’s something they could deal with. But op might be coming to the realization that she can’t deal...

 

I feel like people who accept their partners flaws accept them not because they are constantly gritting their teeth and constantly fighting the urge to cheat on them or constantly fighting consistent negative inner feelings towards their flaws. They accept them because it’s flaws that’s acceptable enough to them lol. They may not like it but it’s really not a big deal to them that’s why they choose to accept. And the attraction and love (for couples further along) is also great enough to deal. So to me there’s a big difference between a boyfriend who I love dearly who has flaws that Is annoying but I really don’t care about these annoying flaws and a boyfriend I literally want to change or leave if he doesn’t change. If it was just the former then it’s a no brainer you simply accept.

 

If somebody is at the point of I want to get away from him or want him to change or I am feeling negative all the time for it.....is it truly helpful to say just accept and stay with him all because you don’t see it as a big deal? Your not dealing with the source. You slapping a bandaid on an open wound. How can someone or how should some one deal with genuine feelings of “can’t deal”?

 

If there is flaws that a person feels really negative about then they can’t just snap their fingers and find it within themselves to accept it on the inside. The “want to” has to be there and if it’s not there it will lead to someone being in the relationship physically, going through the motions, but deep down genuinely want the person to be something they are not or deep down wanting out

 

So I don’t think it’s smart to tell someone who reaaaaaaallly have a problem with a flaw to just accept it when it’s something that really bothers them....it’s only going to hurt the partner in the long run

 

If you can’t truly accept your partners flaws the best thing to do for them and yourself is let them go.

[Sunlight72]

I know it must be hard. I don't know why there seems to be so many overly sensitive to the point of being feminine young men. What is going on? Is it that too many young men are being raised by single mothers? I'm sorry OP you won't be able to change him as that is just who he is. You'll probably have to find a more manly boyfriend.

I read a really interesting article about this recently (but can't remember which magazine it's from), and the author made a couple really good guesses I thought.

 

Before the 1900's, the historical structure of most western societies was that boys starting somewhere after age 9 or 10 would go out of the house to work in environments of men only. No (or almost no) women around, so the men saw how men interact without being polite to get along with women, and learned how to garner respect in a masculine atmosphere by emulating this.

 

Since the 1900's, and going further each decade, boys stay in school much longer. Most teachers are women and many boys learn to listen to and respect women and behave in ways that please them. There are also mannny more single moms raising boys now than earlier, and I have personally seen (a tiny sample set of) the results of that tending to make boys more sensitive, less decisive, and enjoying more nurturing relationships.

 

When they do go to work (not until high school for a few, and for many, not until after 2 to 6 years of co-ed students and co-ed faculty college), they've already formed a lot of their behaviors, which then carry on in the co-ed workplace. There really isn't a time when very many men (with exceptions - military, sports, construction, etc.) work in a male-only environment where they are rewarded for being 'more manly'.

 

Some guys have the social grace and strength to thread the needle, but many learn to stay on the more civilized side to keep jobs & fit the overriding social expectations of politeness and deferment.

 

Anyway, I hadn't thought of it like that, and I thought it was an interesting take.

----------------------

My advice to you OP follows what the other replies are saying. He is who he is. You can't change him. It would be cool of you to give him a loud, ringing wake up call because he might not realize what he's doing. Then just watch and decide if you want to be with this guy or not.

Edited June 17, 2019 by Sunlight72

[Foxhall]

Interesting article Sunlight,

 

OP, encourage him into sports, bring out his competitive side competing against other guys who will challenge him and bring out his manly side,

[Sunlight72]

It's not about being manly. He is putting on a baby act. Cooing sounds and all. He's acting because he's a comedian. Just tell him the baby act is not funny.

Good read on this Gretchen!

[todreaminblue]

if you want a man to be a man ...treat him as a man.....be honest and straight up..it works..tried and tested.....

 

 

..but in that honesty you give take it positive......instead of telling him what you dont like...tell him what you love about him...for example ...i love how rugged you look today...youre my ultimate man..so hot....you makin me sweat and say it with a grin ....and a laugh......or babe you make me wet when you take charge......you have mad skills honey...so organised what would i do without you......

 

well for my opinion and my experience with men.....its hard for a guy to be childish when you take it to that manly place..they grow a couple of foot and feel bullet proof..let him know straight up when he behaves in a way that turns you on not how he turns you off.....and maybe that might just work for you too....because honestly you dont want a guy to lose his sensitive side....you just want to motivate that good wholesome ruggedness to the surface.....more often./...sensitivity in a man also ....has a place......so you have this guy who listens to you...understands....and then can rock the manly stuff......its nurturing all good things to stay and be more obvious...rather than what you dont like to go.....deb

[Sunlight72]

^^^ I wholeheartedly agree Deb ^^^

[Kitty Tantrum]

Not too far into my relationship with my ex-husband, I realized that he had a habit of making "soft" and/or "feminine" sex noises. He also had some behaviors that could be described as infantile, though not quite on the same level as the OP.

 

In my case, I didn't really see it until it was too late (we were already married). He acted rather differently before he felt secure in the relationship. In his case, that ended up being just the tip of a gigantic iceberg of dysfunction and fetishism (not age play, so not a direct correlation, but any sort of obviously arrested or abnormal social development will often come with some less-conventional inclinations that are not so obvious as well).

 

I tried for YEARS to encourage him to be "more of a man" by treating him as though he already WAS... no effect. He'd latched onto me as some kind of weird incestuous-mother-figure (including expecting me to love and support him unconditionally while he floundered around and refused to take his own life seriously, as if he were literally my child and it was unreasonable to expect him to help support our family) and divorce was the only way out (coddling him the entire way and EVEN TO THIS DAY YEARS LATER, to head off his tantrums and volatile behavior).

 

After that experience, I would run away screaming from a man like the OP's boyfriend.

 

Bottom line: unless both partners have some kind of weird fetish, no man should be getting into any vagina if he wants to act like it's the one he came out of. Gross.

[gaius]

You could buy him some adult diapers, a pacifier and a rattle, maybe one of those baby bonnets too, then explain that's what you thought he must want since he's making baby noises all the time. If he's smart he'll take the hint.

 

Or maybe it will backfire and he'll come out in that getup when it's sexy time. Life's an adventure, see what happens!

[alphamale]

You could buy him some adult diapers, a pacifier and a rattle, maybe one of those baby bonnets too, then explain that's what you thought he must want since he's making baby noises all the time. If he's smart he'll take the hint.

 

Or maybe it will backfire and he'll come out in that getup when it's sexy time. Life's an adventure, see what happens!

 

or it could backfire even more when he comes out of the closet