How do I get my man to act more manly?

[olivetree]

Before just breaking up, I'd try one more time to let him know the baby talk bothers you / turns you off.

I get what you mean about thinking it's not really him.

His reaction when you make it clear it's a turn off will tell you how important it is to him to be baby.

 

Can you do an impression of the cooing for us?

[Beendaredonedat]

She has already told him she doesn't like the baby talk and to stop it.

It makes no difference...

 

But her actions do not tell him that she wants it stopped. Her action have to match her resolve that she is not going to allow that for HERSELF again. She needs to tell him when he is doing it and then leave the situation if he pouts. This has to be the new routine and if after a set number of times having to keep doing that and he doesn't stop, then she can see that he won't change and she can decide to leave if she can't tolerate having a life with a man that does what she cannot tolerate.

 

She has to stop enabling it before he will stop doing it.

[Gaeta]

He’s the most sensitive guy ever. Cries a lot when he’s sad or when he’s happy

I don't see anything wrong with that. My boyfriend is a strong man and he'll cry watching movies and he cried when his immigration papers were accepted. All this doesn't change the way I see him meaning as a strong man I can count on.

 

He’ll completely change his voice to a baby’s and he’ll make cooing sounds and it was cute at first but now it’s just kinda weird I guess. .

Tell him to cut-it-out, simple, you've known each other for years, you're in an intimate relationship, so why hesitate to tell him this is annoying and to cut it ! If he tries it again just leave the room.

 

it’s just you know a girl wants to feel like her man is a MAN. Someone who’s gonna take care of her and wear the pants in the relationship you know?

No, I don't know, my relationship is an equal partnership between myself and my bf, we wear the pants each our turn depending on our weaknesses and our strength. He takes care of me in his way and I take care of him in my way, again it's an equal partnership.

 

If you want an old tradition relationship where the man is insensitive and makes all the decisions then you are not compatible.

 

I love the person that he is, but I’m scared if I tell him to stop doing it the wrong way, he’ll think I want him to pretend to be something he’s not and that I don’t love the true him. But that’s not the true him, right? Please help. Thanks.

Why that's not the true him? Don't we reveal who we really are within the security of an intimate relationship. He is showing you who he really is..

 

Ask him to drop the baby voice, as for the rest, the man is sensitive just accept this is who he is. It's not because a man is sensitive and cry that he won't kill a bear with his bare hands to protect you.

 

 

 

 

.

[preraph]

Tell him you are not his mother and that him acting like a baby with you is not at all sexy. Tell him to go to his mother what he needs to do that. The problem is he is viewing you more like his mother. Probably because you've known each other so long.

 

Tell him you feel like he's your son instead of a husband and that you need a strong husband. If he's sensitive and cheerful all the time he may need to go to a psychologist.

[preraph]

Do not ever reward him with sex and affection when he's doing that. if what some others have said is true about it being a fetish, just don't ever have sex with him or indulge him when he's doing that and let him know that it is very unsexy to you. This literally may not work out. the only one who would have sex with someone doing that if there's a fetish is a hooker.

[amaysngrace]

it is up to the mom/dad to teach him how to act like a male

 

Forget acting like a male, they should’ve taught him how to act like an adult.

[Redhead14]

Send him home to his mother so she can finish the job she started. It's not your job to raise anyone's son.

[Calmandfocused]

This post makes me sad.

 

Good partners are really really hard to find. You have one yet you want him to change. Why?

 

I’d love to meet a nice guy who can express himself openly and emotionally. What exactly is wrong with that? When you say manly do you mean someone who takes charge and is more alpha male? I married someone like that...he was an abuser!

 

We all have quirks about us that are weird. I think it’s great that he’s so comfortable with you that he can behave like a fool without fear of judgement (or so he thinks) from you. Would he protect you, support you and be kind to you when you need it? If so you already have a manly man. Does this silliness affect his capacity to work or any other area of his life? If not you’re worrying about nothing.

 

All of what your seeing is him. Just different sides to him. Accept him or don’t but he sounds like a good one to me.

 

Be careful what you wish for op

 

Good luck

[Beendaredonedat]

This post makes me sad.

 

Good partners are really really hard to find. You have one yet you want him to change. Why?

 

I’d love to meet a nice guy who can express himself openly and emotionally. What exactly is wrong with that? When you say manly do you mean someone who takes charge and is more alpha male? I married someone like that...he was an abuser!

 

We all have quirks about us that are weird. I think it’s great that he’s so comfortable with you that he can behave like a fool without fear of judgement (or so he thinks) from you. Would he protect you, support you and be kind to you when you need it? If so you already have a manly man. Does this silliness affect his capacity to work or any other area of his life? If not you’re worrying about nothing.

 

All of what your seeing is him. Just different sides to him. Accept him or don’t but he sounds like a good one to me.

 

Be careful what you wish for op

 

Good luck

Well, to each their own but no one should settle for or accept something that bothers them enough to start a thread asking for help to get it to stop. Too many people settle to the point that the divorce rate in North America is over 50%.

 

Being sensitive and crying when something emotional happens isn't the main problem here (as it looks anyway). The baby talk has a creepy factor to it and trying to settle for it and accept it is a mistake and doing so will just cause resentment and eventually a wedge in their emotional connection.

[thefooloftheyear]

This post makes me sad.

 

 

I’d love to meet a nice guy who can express himself openly and emotionally. What exactly is wrong with that?

 

Every woman says that.....til they have one of those girlyman types..

 

TFY

[alphamale]

I’d love to meet a nice guy who can express himself openly and emotionally....

 

why not go to some LBGTQ events? maybe you'll meet a man like that

[preraph]

Gay guys don't blubber like that. That's indicative of a bigger problem. if he's talking baby talk I think they're right that it's a fetish.

[Calmandfocused]

TFOTY- you’ve just squashed my cyber crush on you. I thought you had a very good emotional (male) perspective on a lot of things.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man expressing emotion. And no alpha male it doesn’t make him gay/ bisexual. Emotional constipation is not dependant on sexuality.

 

Many will disagree with me but I don’t see a major issue in the op. My point being that we all have something that’s incredibly irritating to our partners and / or that our partner doesn’t like. In the ops shoes I would simply tell him to stop being ridiculous and that he’s irritating me if he was getting on my nerves (respectfully) Maybe he has got a fetish but I don’t think it is. I think it’s just an irritating quirk that he has. A quirk that is a bit weird but it wouldn’t cloud my overall opinion of him. From what the ops written he seems like a good guy.

 

I agree that no one should “settle”. However I think this is more a question of having unrealistic expectations about the perfect partner.

[alphamale]

 

I agree that no one should “settle”. ...

 

if humans didn't "settle" the human race would have died out thousands of years ago

[GorillaTheater]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man expressing emotion.

 

Well, it's a broader discussion, but it may well depend on the other half of the couple. My wife has made it very clear over the years that she doesn't want to deal with the times I doubt myself, or am grieving, or pretty much anything that doesn't involve me being either funny or stoic.

 

She's otherwise a great person, and if I want to continue to make this marriage work, I don't have much choice other than to be emotionally constipated.

[alphamale]

emotionally constipated.

 

try some Dulcolax to get the ball rolling

[d0nnivain]

Every woman says that.....til they have one of those girlyman types..

 

There is a balance. My husband is so cut off from his emotions, it's ridiculous. I certainly don't want a blubbering wus but really I would have been OK to support him if he cried when his grandmother died. I saw him holding it all in & keeping a tight lid on all of his emotions. I could see the struggle he was having not to show emotion & that broke my heart for him. He'll tell you he had dust & sunlight in his eye, but I saw him shed 1 tear on our wedding day when he saw me as I stepped out of the limo.

 

Expressing emotion is fine. I would not be OK with a grown man who wanted to be babied all the time like the OPs BF. But somebody who has emotions when appropriate to have emotion is just fine.

[d0nnivain]

if I want to continue to make this marriage work, I don't have much choice other than to be emotionally constipated.

 

That's awful. But you always have Love Shack.

 

It can be unnerving for women to see their strong men cry. After my mother died, I think my father cried himself to sleep every night for the last 18 months of his life. I had no idea how to handle my Rock being so broken. Of course intellectually I understood but it was like the world upended.

[oceanblue12]

Maybe, he is just being silly? Being in touch with one's emotions

is never a bad thing whether you are male or female. A dude can

still be extremely "manly" and be in touch with his emotions and

sensitive

[alphamale]

A dude can

still be extremely "manly" and be in touch with his emotions and

sensitive

 

so true ob12

[preraph]

He's not in touch with his emotions. He's in touch with his inner infant. Not healthy.

[Ruby Slippers]

A strong man letting his guard down and being vulnerable enough to express fear, sadness, or uncertainty to his woman is great. Most women are pretty nurturing and deal with that well.

 

And I love babying my man when he's not overworked, not feeling well.

 

But THIS:

 

He’s the most sensitive guy ever. Cries a lot when he’s sad or when he’s happy and he loves being taken care of and being babied. He’ll completely change his voice to a baby’s and he’ll make cooing sounds and it was cute at first but now it’s just kinda weird I guess.

 

...is bizarre, and kinda nauseating.

[alphamale]

...is bizarre, and kinda nauseating.

 

agreed RS...

[preraph]

Yup, nauseating. Need to find out if it's a fetish or arrested development. If so, he had some big trauma as a baby. May not even know what it was. Sounds more fetish because he's a grown man and should know how creepy this is. Even if he had some arrested development from baby trauma, he's a lucid grown functioning man and should know to filter that.

[mark clemson]

Reposting link for awareness. It's easy to judge others' fetishes when one doesn't have them oneself (assuming this actually is at the level of a fetish).

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ageplay

 

That said, OP of course has the option to date or not date whomever she chooses and will have her.

 

I suspect that rather than being a true fetish, this is some sort of reflection of this guy's desiring for nurturing and her attention. I could certainly be wrong. Agree there's probably some sort of maternal element to the way he sees OP and GFs in general.

 

It's not pathological UNLESS it's causing problems in his life (driving away a GF, not wife is debatable, as dating is a trial period and OP is being assessed for her goodness of fit to him as well). It sounds like it's not pathological, but of course I only know the guy from a post.

 

This guy's "overly sensitive side" might or might not change/reduce over time (and might INCREASE too). Could certainly see it being off-putting to many women. There is also probably a certain small percentage who would actually love it.

 

IF Robin Williams is a good comparison, he was certainly an extremely successful person overall, albeit with his share of problems. His wife indicated his suicide was motivated by his diagnosis with a form of dementia.