Is it wrong wanting to tell how I feel even if I know he won’t come back?

[pinda]

We broke up 4 months ago amicably. It was a mutual break up, the kind that I can say that he pushed and pushed me until I gave in although I wanted to work on things. He told me he doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere but did not have the courage to initiate the break up so I started the conversion where we “mutually” ended it.

 

I have to return some of his stuff to my ex but I will not be in town so I asked from his cousin who is also my good friend to do it.

Next to his stuff, I want to add a small note saying how I feel. I want to say:

 

“Everything was beautiful when you were around but I know I can’t have everything I want. I am still learning that. Thank you the trust and love you gave me. I wish you happiness.”

 

I have no aim to try to make him come back to me because I know he wouldn’t. However, I want to express my feelings because I still love him and care about him, even if I am okay now to handle this by myself. Is sending this note to him a manipulative act? Should I send it at all?

 

Oddly, I wish he will not respond (I also didn’t write it to get a response in the first place) because I am so hurt that any reaction from him would mess me up. I just want him to know I love him but that’s all it is. I may sound confusing, it’s because I am confused too.

 

Thanks in advance for your opinions.

[elaine567]

He dumped you. He is the one who gets to reach out if he wants to, I guess he doesn't.

As the dumpee, your words are meaningless, he knows you still love him and frankly he doesn't care. He will likely see you as trying to guilt trip him with that note.

 

Leave it, do not send the note.

 

At best he will go "Aw cute" and at worst he will show it to his friends/new gf and they will laugh...

[The Outlaw]

You can always write the note/letter with no intention of sending it, and burn it. Or send it if you wish, and to hell with what he may think. If anything, it will give you some closure. It's just better to let it go rather than to hold onto it.

[niji]

You can do it if it makes you feel better.

Been there, done that. There were occasions where I knew my letter/note to someone would make 0 difference in how they feel, and that they weren't interested. I did it anyway, for myself. As long as you're acutely aware you're doing this to make yourself feel better, not to get the guy back, then there's no harm in doing it.

 

 

I also wrote a birthday card that was a little sobby (it was a few months after a friend turned me down as a romantic interest, yet still kept hanging around as a "close friend" - I actually do think he genuinely wants to be friends with me, but I just couldn't go back to being friends), and it got lost in the mail. And boy am I glad it was lost LOL. Knowing his tendency to be ambivalent about his feelings, if it had arrived, he might have kept it and remind me of it years later, which would be embarrassing.

[Veronica73]

If I were in your situation, I probably would write the note, just because I’m like that. But I really think it would be better not to. He doesn’t care.

[Poke]

I vote not to send. Either he gets a 5 second guilt trip that turns into anger at you for making him feel that way or he gets an ego boost that you still have feelings, bottom line he would still be with you if he wanted you.