Poke Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Was at work yesterday and one of my ex’s bowling teammates came in. Not unusual, he’s in there at least once a week, but he asked me out, and for my number. I was caught off guard and gave it to him. Today I’m wondering if I should go out with him? The ex and I no longer communicate and I’d prefer to keep it that way, so I can’t ask him if he’s okay with it. I don’t want to cause drama between friends, but this guy has always been polite and we have good conversation whenever we speak. I’m very tempted to go out with him, but if this takes off and then I get invited to watch him bowl, I’d run into the ex.
Happy Lemming Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 I’m very tempted to go out with him, but if this takes off and then I get invited to watch him bowl, I’d run into the ex. Go out with the guy... See what happens. I'm sure the guy knows you don't want to run into your ex, so he wouldn't invite or take you someplace that would expose you to your ex. And if he did, politely decline that particular invitation and explain "why".
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 How long ago the relationship with the ex ended? Has he moved on?
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 I just read he dump you by text in April and he went from boyfriend to friend with no difficulties. As the dumpee I understand he broke your heart and that's why you don't want to come across him. Are you ready to date?
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Hmmmm what would I do in this situation? If they are currently close friends I personally don’t see myself dating the ex friend because a) I don’t want to run into my ex again atleast increase chances past necessary b) if they are close friends I question the friends character and questionable character/remorse is a major red flag in dating. And the reason I question friends character is 1) if they are close friends why push up on your friends ex? I wouldn’t do that to my close friend. 2) if they are close friends could this be a scheme between two friends as some revenge I don’t see myself risking it If they are not close (because people use the term “friends” too loosely in my opinion) and they are really associates who speak in passing then I may consider it assuming he can respect that I don’t want any dealings or unnecessary run ins with my ex
Inspire Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Too close to home for my taste. Sounds like potential drama just waiting to happen. If you want to avoid contact with the ex, this is probably the worst way of going about it. You'd be dating someone from his inner circle. Even though he probably deserves the jab for breaking up with you by text, I'd just move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 This is a guy on his bowling team, not his lifelong childhood BFF of multiple decades. You are free to date each other
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Who said you had to show up and watch this guy bowl anyways. That can be a night where you go out and do your own thing. If your ex has any qualms about you two dating, that would be between him and this guy, not you. Obviously this guy doesn't have a problem with it.
Author Poke Posted June 16, 2019 Author Posted June 16, 2019 I just read he dump you by text in April and he went from boyfriend to friend with no difficulties. As the dumpee I understand he broke your heart and that's why you don't want to come across him. Are you ready to date? I’m over him, it stung for several weeks, I still have no clue how one day he could have strong feelings for me and the next day not. It doesn’t matter I don’t care how he feels anymore. I’m thinking positive and working out my mind and body. One thing though is I would feel awful to come between friends.
Author Poke Posted June 16, 2019 Author Posted June 16, 2019 Who said you had to show up and watch this guy bowl anyways. That can be a night where you go out and do your own thing. If your ex has any qualms about you two dating, that would be between him and this guy, not you. Obviously this guy doesn't have a problem with it. I have always loved going and watching/cheering guys on in whatever sport/hobby they do. I think it makes him feel happy and good about himself and only improves a relationship. Do I attend every time, no, I have a job, and a life that doesn’t revolve 100% around a guy.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Heck I chased after a woman my college roommate had dated. He was totally cool with it ... because he didn't want to date her anymore. And he had found the woman of his dreams ... who he went on on to marry. He liked his ex just didn't think romance with her was a good fit. He said he accidentally (funny) stumbled into romance. When I probed to find out if he'd be offended by me hanging with this woman, he was like, God no. He wasn't sure we would be a good fit either, but he encouraged me to ask her out ... He wasn't sure we'd be a good fit either (we weren't) ... but she and I did some making and had some fun. So do you like this guy?
Author Poke Posted June 16, 2019 Author Posted June 16, 2019 Heck I chased after a woman my college roommate had dated. He was totally cool with it ... because he didn't want to date her anymore. And he had found the woman of his dreams ... who he went on on to marry. He liked his ex just didn't think romance with her was a good fit. He said he accidentally (funny) stumbled into romance. When I probed to find out if he'd be offended by me hanging with this woman, he was like, God no. He wasn't sure we would be a good fit either, but he encouraged me to ask her out ... He wasn't sure we'd be a good fit either (we weren't) ... but she and I did some making and had some fun. So do you like this guy? I do like him as far as personality, charm, and wit. I think the potential for attraction is there, but I don’t know yet. I don’t care how good looking a guy is, his height, the size of his bank account, or how many toys he has. If the conversation is boring or I’m not treated good, than It’s a waste of time....
JEG88 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Is his circle of friends prone to drama around dating exes? Gossiping, etc.? If not and things seem civil, I don't see an issue going for it and seeing where it leads.
Inspire Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 This is a guy on his bowling team, not his lifelong childhood BFF of multiple decades. You are free to date each other Of course she is free to do so, but does that mean she should? I don't disagree with you entirely, I just think the opportunity is there for things to get messy. It isn't about owing anything to her ex, but rather avoiding a situation that could just lead to more drama. I may be in the minority here, but I'd also question this guy for approaching a friends ex g.f ... obviously, he doesn't seem to care how it may impact his relationship with her ex. If their acquaintances it's one thing if they're friends that's another matter altogether. Do you know what their relationship is OP?
Author Poke Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 Is his circle of friends prone to drama around dating exes? Gossiping, etc.? If not and things seem civil, I don't see an issue going for it and seeing where it leads. We are all above 45, majority of them are married or have girlfriends. While I was dating my ex he did tend to get jealous, even though it was just innocent chatting. I think he was just insecure about himself. He was always telling people how lucky he was to have me. As far as things being civil with no drama? That’s what I’m trying to avoid, lol. I have no clue why the ex broke up with me. I’ve moved on, and know where my head and heart are, and it’s not with him. Maybe I just need to break no contact and ask him? In the back of my mind however I wonder if he would wonder if I’m trying to make him jealous? I’m not, he’s emotionally unavailable, and in my eyes unfixable/damaged.
Author Poke Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 Of course she is free to do so, but does that mean she should? I don't disagree with you entirely, I just think the opportunity is there for things to get messy. It isn't about owing anything to her ex, but rather avoiding a situation that could just lead to more drama. I may be in the minority here, but I'd also question this guy for approaching a friends ex g.f ... obviously, he doesn't seem to care how it may impact his relationship with her ex. If their acquaintances it's one thing if they're friends that's another matter altogether. Do you know what their relationship is OP? I think they have known one another for several years. I’ve only known them to hang out with each other at the bowling alley, but I’m not 100% sure, if they’ve ever gone out of town with each other to bowling tournaments, or doing other things.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Don't break no contact yet ... first, put this question to the guy who is asking you out ... Ask him to explain himself and his relationship with your ex and all of that ... If this has any chance, his answer has to be one that convinces you and sounds reasonable. Ask all the skeptical questions you need to ask ... Those questions will get him to go deeper and you'll find what's behind his interest in you ... and how he thinks of approaching you while being friends with your ex. Express your concern that your ex might think you're spending time with him just to bother your ex. Put all that out there! ... Get it all into the light ... immediately ... If there is something real there with this guy, he will have persuasive and comforting answers. You want answers that aren't just logical but that make your heart relax, make you feel safe. My gut says save your ex for an emergency ... or for a far more serious point in the relationship--when you really need his perspective.
Author Poke Posted June 22, 2019 Author Posted June 22, 2019 Going on a date with the friend tonight. I did text the ex and asked if the friend had mentioned me. I guess the team isn’t bowling again until Autumn, they haven’t spoken in several weeks, so no mentioning. The ex told me to go out with him and have a good time, so that’s what I’m going to do! 1
Osho Posted June 22, 2019 Posted June 22, 2019 I’m very tempted to go out with him, Follow your instincts not your thoughts.. 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 I did text the ex and asked if the friend had mentioned me. You are either looking for an excuse to text your ex or you want to "rub his nose" in the fact that you are dating his friend. Why would you keep your ex's phone number?? Why haven't you deleted it from your phone?? I wouldn't expect this from a 45 year old adult. Maybe a teenager or early 20's, but not a middle aged adult. 1
The Outlaw Posted June 24, 2019 Posted June 24, 2019 Try it anyway. And try not worry what your ex thinks if/when he finds out if you decide to date this guy. If you decline, you may always wonder what could have been if you didn't try. Take a chance.
Author Poke Posted June 25, 2019 Author Posted June 25, 2019 You are either looking for an excuse to text your ex or you want to "rub his nose" in the fact that you are dating his friend. Why would you keep your ex's phone number?? Why haven't you deleted it from your phone?? I wouldn't expect this from a 45 year old adult. Maybe a teenager or early 20's, but not a middle aged adult. I don’t need an excuse to text my ex. If I want to do it I will! He’s the one who broke up with me and wanted to stay friends. Read my previous post before you comment, you will see he told me to go out with his friend and have a good time, lol. I did go and had a very nice time, but this guy is pushing 70 and I’m not even 50 yet, so as far as dating? No I can’t see it happening with him, but he’s interesting and we had great conversation, he’s probably lonely and I would be happy as friends, but that’s it.
stillafool Posted June 25, 2019 Posted June 25, 2019 I wouldn't date the friend of an ex because there's too many other men out there to date. I don't like being reminded of the past.
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