Grey40 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 I’ve only known this girl for 3 weeks. But we’ve been hanging out pretty regular over that span, multiple times per week, having sex, cuddling for long periods etc. things moving quick. We never once had talked about exclusivity or anything like that. It just hadn’t got brought up yet. Just been enjoying out time. Well. I went to a concert with my ex this weekend, with whom I have no attraction to anymore and it’s 100% platonic. Tickets were bought way before me and the new girl met. Well I lied and said I was going to be doing a performance (I play music) that same night. Well unfortunately someone from social media tagged me being at the concert and she saw it on FB. Now she’s pissed and says she can’t trust me, and thinks I’m seeing my ex still. I understand why she feels that way, I’d feel the same Isn’t it a little soon for her to be so clingy and stalk my social media feed? Like I said never discussed bf/gf or terms at all. I admitted to her that I did lie and I’m sorry I did, I only did because I didn’t want to cause issues with us and that I felt things were moving quick and since we hadn’t discussed being together exclusivity that I didn’t think I had to reveal such details. Thoughts?
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 You think her looking at your social MEDIA feed is somehow more intimate and next-level than sex and cuddling? That's all kinds of backwards. You lied to her. It wasn't a non-reveal, it was a blatant untruth. You don't get to claim the moral high ground on the premise that it's not her business, after you've chosen to lie instead of telling her that it's not her business. You say you didn't want to "cause issues" - LOL, lying causes issues. Always. Be honest. All evidence points to you not having what it takes to pull off this whole lying thing effectively. Also, don't go on dates with your ex. Jesus. 7
chillii Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Yeah love that, pretty sad world when media's more intimate than sleeping with someone isn't it eh. Ya gonna have to come clean and ware it buddy. And yeah l second the ex thing too. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Ladies this is why I don’t recommend sex and focusing on a guy before he makes it known that he wants to be your exclusive boyfriend Op She more than likely wants exclusivity with you and thought it was going that way from all the sexing and cuddling and spending a lot of time together y’all were doing 3
Flame Aura Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Ladies this is why I don’t recommend sex and focusing on a guy before he makes it known that he wants to be your exclusive boyfriend Op She more than likely wants exclusivity with you and thought it was going that way from all the sexing and cuddling and spending a lot of time together y’all were doing So true. OP you basically came across as not giving one **** about this girl, firstly by lying and secondly by going to a concert with your ex, wtf who does this? Should have cancelled those tickets. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 IIsn’t it a little soon for her to be so clingy and stalk my social media feed? Thoughts? I don't know that she was stalking your social media feed. You told her a lie & you got caught. This lie wasn't just that you performing when you weren't but from her perspective it looks like you were cheating on her by dating your EX. I'd drop you like a hot potato too. Next time tell people the truth. If you just said I'm busy without details you would have been in a better position now. 1
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 We've seen you struggle through dating for how long now! It's been a difficult journey for you to find a woman to have that special bond with and when you finally have a positive connection with one what do you do? You LIE to her?? You think you lied to her to avoid drama but what you actually did is lie to her because you didn't think she was smart enough to understand you had pre-purchased ticket with an ex. You insulted her intelligence. If she's important to you than drop the excuses, take 100% of the blame, and make that apology real. 5
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Isn’t it a little soon for her to be so clingy and stalk my social media feed? It wasn't too early to be sleeping with her on a regular basis and cuddling for the last 3 weeks???? C'mon. Yeah, she was in this too, but you clearly understood she at least thought there was more to it and/or was hoping because you lied to her to avoid drama. I think you cared less about the drama and more about the risk of losing the regular sex you are having. Paleeze. And, doing something wrong to someone and then trying to figure out something to use against them in an attempt to negate what you've done wrong, is immature to a spectacular degree. You both have some growing up to do. She needs to learn not to be giving it up so soon and/or so much before she knows the guy wants to be her boyfriend. 4
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Too soon for her to be looking at your social media, but not sex....ok..... You were wrong. All you can do is apologize. 2
Inspire Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 If you felt really apprehensive about having that conversation, what you should have done was not go to the concert. Did you really need to go? Put yourself in her place and think how you'd feel if she had done that to you. You thought you wouldn't get caught but the reality is that the lie you thought would protect your relationship could be its undoing. Non exclusivity does not give you carte blanche to lie. 1
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 grey you don't get it...the early days is where a foundation is being built of trust, commitment, and loyalty. Think about it....what if she did this to you...you wouldn't be feeling all warm and fuzzy about her either. You blew it. I agree with the above post...you had other choices. You could have sold the tickets, taken your new gf, taken a buddy, gave them to your ex or just told the truth. We all know what the lying is about. You lie because you were doing something you knew you shouldn't be doing, and feel guilty for doing it. Not kool. 2
BaileyB Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 The first thing I do is check a man’s social media. I want to get a sense of the person. When I find photos of him with another woman, and learn that he lied to me about his intentions... that gives me a pretty good sense of the person. Sorry, it’s a hard lesson to learn. Better luck next time... 2
The Outlaw Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 She may think there's more to this than just sex, and that's why she doesn't trust you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Social media was a god-send when I was dating. So many liars got caught out early on. The way I see it, if a guy is taking it slow (meaning NO sex, getting to know each other slowly), then him withholding social media or not wanting me to see it is OK. But if a guy is all over me, sweet-talking me, having sex with me and giving me all the signs that he is really into me - then acting all private about social media, something is fishy. 1
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