CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 It's never good form to accuse someone of being unreasonable simply because they see a situation differently than you do (especially if they do not even know you). So yes, you dodged a bullet. 4
Author Navybluegal Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 It's never good form to accuse someone of being unreasonable simply because they see a situation differently than you do (especially if they do not even know you). So yes, you dodged a bullet. Yes, I wasn’t being accusatory at all. Made a point to emphasize the fact that we just want different things. 1
Highndry Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 (edited) I don't get how "we want different things" equates to "not appreciated him canceling the first date." Seems there's more to this exchange with him than you're letting on. In fact, it seems there's some drama on both sides. Personally, I wouldn't have canceled like he did, but I think the appropriate response would have been honesty in the way of something like "I don't think our expectations or priorities match because I would not have done the same to you." Edited June 17, 2019 by Highndry 1
gaius Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I think sticking him with a subtle rejection after he asked you out and didn't follow through was incredibly appropriate. Since you work together you shouldn't be too nasty or confrontational, but you also can't just sit there and eat that poop sandwich he tried to feed you. So good job. 1
some_username1 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I think sticking him with a subtle rejection after he asked you out and didn't follow through was incredibly appropriate. Since you work together you shouldn't be too nasty or confrontational, but you also can't just sit there and eat that poop sandwich he tried to feed you. So good job. Yeah but e way you do that is by not responding at all. Most guys aren’t idiots and will see a try hard rejection attempt a mile off and it reflects worse on OP than it does on them because they then know they have got under OP’s skin. By not responding you aren’t even giving him your head space let alone bothered enough to actually compose a reply. You’ve already moved on. For someone you haven’t met you really shouldn’t be sat there wracking your brains for the perfect wording to tell them thanks but no thanks, I can’t even get my head round doing that 2
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I SO should have followed your all’s advice Not to respond! Send him a nice cordial text saying that we’re looking for different things and I feel like we should both keep looking and no hard feelings on my end. He was not cool with it, and accused me of being unreasonable and basically very ungentlemanly about the whole thing. I know it’s not about me at this point. Dodged that bullet!!! On the other hand, I’m glad that I told him that it was not appreciated him canceling the first date, as I feel that he will know that there will be some women like myself who will not put up with flaky behavior. I know it won’t change him but I’m glad that I interjected that boundary. I'm glad you responded & this time made it clear that you were not interested. When he cancelled the date initially & you responded "no worries" he got the message that you were OK with the cancellation. It's not surprising to me that he reached out again. You were polite & took the high road to now make your position clearer. I'm sorry that he was rude in his response. I suspect that he thought he was making the right choice to work rather than date & he really doesn't understand why you are so upset by that choice. I disagree with you that his choice was "flaky"; rather it was a matter of priorities & his are different from yours. Overall you two are fundamentally incompatible. It's best that you two not try to force a relationship. For all of those who encouraged you to not respond; that was the wrong approach. Ghosting is rude. Ghosting doesn't give people a real end point. People don't like to be ghosted so people shouldn't ghost others. If you are old enough to date, you should be old enough & mature enough to be definitive. 5
kendahke Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Again, not the case in this scenario. He is making 300K a year, and didn't need to be there tonight at all. . that is not your call and it never will be. You are only guessing what financial obligations he's got, and you clearly dont' know his financial goals. I get your pride is hurt, but don't let it make you reach for silliness. 5
Sunlight72 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Navybluegal, I'm glad you gave him a note calling it off. I am totally against ghosting. It's rude and callous. I'm sorry he was rude in reply (ugh). 1
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 You didn't like why he cancelled the date, and he didn't like being rejected....can't win all the time. IMO You did the right thing by letting him know you changed your mind. So many men come here to complain how a girl ghosted on them...well that is why....to avoid a ranting butt hurt guy. 1
oceanblue12 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 More than likely, you won't click with him in the long run given what transpired. IMO
alphamale Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I am totally against ghosting. It's rude and callous. i'm all for ghosting as long as I am the ghoster and not the ghostee 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 Before exclusivity I prefer he ghosts then announce a “break up”. I don’t need you telling me you don’t like me. Begone. After exclusivity I’m going to need you to announce it’s over. Oddly though I have never been ghosted by a guy that showed a lot of promise before exclusivity or by an exclusive boyfriend....yet.
Recommended Posts